School-Aged Children

Sending siblings to seperate schools?

Hi.

I am wondering if anyone has sent their children to separate schools (for any reason) and how this has worked out for your children and your family?

My 4 yo is currently in an excellent Montessori Preschool, which will give her a full scholarship to an elite (and very expensive!) Montessori elementary school after successfully completing this program for two years. It's an excellent school and I want the same for my 18 month old once he is at the appropriate age. However, the Preschool does not allow non-immunized children to enroll, nor do they accept religious exemption forms. My daughter has received her full course of immunizations, as she is about 3 years older than her sibling and we were pro-vaccinations at the time. However, after having our second child, we made the informed decision to not vaccinate our children going forward.

This is great, but now, my 18 month old will not have the opportunity to attend. We will have to find another Preschool/Elementary school that is great for him .

I really detest the idea of sending my children to different schools. Do any parents have experience with this?

 Thanks in advance.

Re: Sending siblings to seperate schools?

  • hocushocus
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
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    Have you found any preschools that will take your son? I'd start with that and go forward. You might have this issue with many schools. I imagine that your daughter would be asked to get additional vaccines as she ages (they do not stop at age 4 though that main one seems to be Meningococcal Conjugate Vaccine) so overall it doesn't sound like this school is a good fit for your family.


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  • My kids are 5 grades apart, so they will mostly go to different schools anyway because of their age difference.  However, on top of this, my DD goes to a magnet program.  So even for the years when they would have been in school together, she was in a different school.  He may get into the magnet program as well, but she'll be in HS by that time.  Consequently they'll never attend the same school at the same time.

    I thought this would be a big deal, and I was a little concerned about it.  It's totally no biggie.  The downside: more school events, newsletters, PTA forms, to keep track of.  September is a pain because of all the BTS nights I have to attend, logistics can be hard with buses and carpools.

    The upside: the younger kid does not have to live in the constant shadow of the older kid.  He gets to have a relationship with his teachers and friends that is completely outside of his sister's influence. To me, this benefit to my youngest outweighs the hassles.

    Secondary English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

    DD, born 9/06/00 -- 9th grade
    DS, born 8/25/04 -- 4th grade
  • image FierceSymone:
    Hi.I am wondering if anyone has sent their children to separate schools for any reason and how this has worked out for your children and your family?My 4 yo is currently in an excellent Montessori Preschool, which will give her a fullnbsp;scholarship to an elite and very expensive! Montessori elementary school after successfully completing this program for two years. It's an excellent school and I want the same for my 18 month old once he is at the appropriate age. However, the Preschool does not allow nonimmunized children to enroll, nor do they accept religious exemption forms. My daughter has received her full course of immunizations, as she is about 3 years older than her sibling and we were provaccinations at the time. However, after having our second child, we made the informed decision to not vaccinate our children going forward.This is great, but now, my 18 month old will not have the opportunity to attend. We will have to find another Preschool/Elementary schoolnbsp;that is great for him . I really detest the idea of sending my children to different schools. Do any parents have experience with this?nbsp;Thanks in advance.

    Honestly I think it is BS that you are going to claim religious reasons for not vaccinating. That is lying. Do they require full vaccinations or can you do only some? Or can you do tr first round and do tithers? I am having a hand time replying to this though because honestly I think it is wrong to rely on herd immunization a from other people. If your child was unable to get the vaccines it would be different. I think it is fine to not send kids to the same school for legit reasons like Montessori is good only for one of them.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
  • image hocus:
    Have you found any preschools that will take your son? I'd start with that and go forward. You might have this issue with many schools. I imagine that your daughter would be asked to get additionalnbsp;vaccinesnbsp;as she ages they do not stop at age 4 though that main one seems to be Meningococcal Conjugate Vaccine so overall it doesn't sound like this school is a good fit for your family.


    She appears to now be claiming that her religion prevents her from continuing the vaccines.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
  • I have a lot of friends who send their children to different schools. Sometimes it's a function of a gap in ages. Some have a child who requires special services at a public school while his sibs attend a private school. Some have sibs at single gender schools. Some have kids who attend magnet schools for STEM or the arts. There are lots of ways this plays out.

    It does add an additional layer of paper work administration and planning on the part of the parent, but it's doable. One advantage is that separate BTSNs mean you don't have to divide your time between kids on a single night.

    I would imagine it will be difficult to find a quality private school, preschool or K-12, that will enroll a child who isn't up to date with the standard inoculation schedule. It's actually easier to get a religious or ethical exemption at public schools where I live. The schools here require a Tdap booster sometime around middle school as well as 2 doses of the MCV4 at 12 and 16.

  • image hocus:

    Have you found any preschools that will take your son? I'd start with that and go forward. You might have this issue with many schools. I imagine that your daughter would be asked to get additional vaccines as she ages (they do not stop at age 4 though that main one seems to be Meningococcal Conjugate Vaccine) so overall it doesn't sound like this school is a good fit for your family.


    No, I haven't started looking yet. We won't be enrolling him until he turns 3, however I have been really thinking about it because I am a huge planner.

    The Preschool she currently attends are the ones who require vaccinations. The elementary school she will be transferring to will accept the religious exemption form. However, the child has to first attend Preschool to be eligible for the elementary school.

  • image neverblushed:

    My kids are 5 grades apart, so they will mostly go to different schools anyway because of their age difference.  However, on top of this, my DD goes to a magnet program.  So even for the years when they would have been in school together, she was in a different school.  He may get into the magnet program as well, but she'll be in HS by that time.  Consequently they'll never attend the same school at the same time.

    I thought this would be a big deal, and I was a little concerned about it.  It's totally no biggie.  The downside: more school events, newsletters, PTA forms, to keep track of.  September is a pain because of all the BTS nights I have to attend, logistics can be hard with buses and carpools.

    The upside: the younger kid does not have to live in the constant shadow of the older kid.  He gets to have a relationship with his teachers and friends that is completely outside of his sister's influence. To me, this benefit to my youngest outweighs the hassles.

    Thank you for your reply! You've really provided me with some great insightful and feedback on your personal experience. I can definitely see how this can be a great experience overall. This reply certainly helps calm my nerves

  • image Littlejen22:
    image FierceSymone:
    Hi.I am wondering if anyone has sent their children to separate schools for any reason and how this has worked out for your children and your family?My 4 yo is currently in an excellent Montessori Preschool, which will give her a fullnbsp;scholarship to an elite and very expensive! Montessori elementary school after successfully completing this program for two years. It's an excellent school and I want the same for my 18 month old once he is at the appropriate age. However, the Preschool does not allow nonimmunized children to enroll, nor do they accept religious exemption forms. My daughter has received her full course of immunizations, as she is about 3 years older than her sibling and we were provaccinations at the time. However, after having our second child, we made the informed decision to not vaccinate our children going forward.This is great, but now, my 18 month old will not have the opportunity to attend. We will have to find another Preschool/Elementary schoolnbsp;that is great for him . I really detest the idea of sending my children to different schools. Do any parents have experience with this?nbsp;Thanks in advance

    .

    Honestly I think it is BS that you are going to claim religious reasons for not vaccinating. That is lying. Do they require full vaccinations or can you do only some? Or can you do tr first round and do tithers? I am having a hand time replying to this though because honestly I think it is wrong to rely on herd immunization a from other people. If your child was unable to get the vaccines it would be different. I think it is fine to not send kids to the same school for legit reasons like Montessori is good only for one of them.

    Excuse me? How is it lying by stating that I do not wish to have my children vaccinated due to my religion and beliefs? Do you know what I believe in? Do you know what my family and I practice?

    You are very wrong for coming out and saying that. Truly.

  • image -auntie-:

    I have a lot of friends who send their children to different schools. Sometimes it's a function of a gap in ages. Some have a child who requires special services at a public school while his sibs attend a private school. Some have sibs at single gender schools. Some have kids who attend magnet schools for STEM or the arts. There are lots of ways this plays out.

    It does add an additional layer of paper work administration and planning on the part of the parent, but it's doable. One advantage is that separate BTSNs mean you don't have to divide your time between kids on a single night.

    I would imagine it will be difficult to find a quality private school, preschool or K-12, that will enroll a child who isn't up to date with the standard inoculation schedule. It's actually easier to get a religious or ethical exemption at public schools where I live. The schools here require a Tdap booster sometime around middle school as well as 2 doses of the MCV4 at 12 and 16.

    Thank you for your reply! I appreciate it. I am definitely feeling more at ease about this and will continue doing my research to find the best school for my younger child.

    I definitely agree with you about the exemption for public schools. The public schools in my area accept the form, but the  quality of the education here is just horrible. They are closing schools left and right and it's just not any schools I'd feel 100% comfortable sending my children to that are public. I really pray that I find what I am looking for. Thank you again for your help!

  • You said after your second child you made an informed decision not to immunize them you did not say your religious beliefs changed and now you cannot immunize them.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
  • smsalatsmsalat
    500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
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    image Littlejen22:
    You said after your second child you made an informed decision not to immunize them you did not say your religious beliefs changed and now you cannot immunize them.

    This....you go from "informed decision" in your origional post to "religious beliefs." 

  • image smsalat:

    image Littlejen22:
    You said after your second child you made an informed decision not to immunize them you did not say your religious beliefs changed and now you cannot immunize them.

    This....you go from "informed decision" in your origional post to "religious beliefs." 

    Sorry, but I agree.  If your religious beliefs keep you from vaccinating that's fine, but in your OP it sounded as if it was based on research of safety and effectiveness.  If it's not for religious reasons, I don't think you should claim religious reasons.  


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  • capuletcapulet
    Ancient Membership 250 Answers 2500 Comments 500 Love Its
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    image -auntie-:

    I would imagine it will be difficult to find a quality private school, preschool or K-12, that will enroll a child who isn't up to date with the standard inoculation schedule. It's actually easier to get a religious or ethical exemption at public schools where I live. The schools here require a Tdap booster sometime around middle school as well as 2 doses of the MCV4 at 12 and 16.

    I agree with this, for two reasons.

    1. I made an informed decision *to* vaccinate.  I value my children's health at least as much as the quality of their education.  I won't go into the reasons because I'm sure you've heard them, but I'll be damned if I'm going to pay to send my children to school where their classmates are not vaccinated when I can send them to public school or homeschool for free, with the added bonus that I know the people who teach my children will share my beliefs on what I consider an important issue.

    2. As measles, pertussis, and other vaccine-preventable diseases make a comeback, I can't help but anticipate (I'm married to a lawyer, after all), that not requiring vaccinations will become a liability risk for schools.  If I were a school administrator, I would absolutely require vaccinations just to cover my butt lest some parent whose kid brought home whooping cough from an unvaccinated classmate and sickened or killed their infant sibling sue my school.  My impression, not knowing anything about torts except by osmosis, is that it would be difficult to sue a private individual under such circumstances, but it would be easier to sue a school with lax vaccination policies and at least expect a hefty settlement if the case didn't go to trial.

    I may be wrong.  Maybe you can find a private school that doesn't require vaccinations.  I've never tried.  But I think I've outlined two very good reasons they'll be hard to find.

    If you're mature enough to make what you consider an informed decision, you'll be mature enough to understand that the people who think you are wrong (and I think you are very wrong, although I am trying to be kind) consider themselves equally informed, and will be very passionate in defending the health of their families.  I would not educate or send my child to school with the child of a parent who refused to provide an explanation for their decision.  If you made an informed decision, you can articulate the reasons for it, and don't think for a minute that you won't need to do it - if you don't owe it to us, you do owe it to the people whom you are expecting to be your child's classmates and educators.

    image  image

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  • The way the schools work in my town is k&1st in one school 2nd&3rd , 4th&5th, 6th by themselves and then on to jr.high and highschool. So no matter what my children will always be in different schools. On the vaccinations,I'm in New Mexico and I teach at a private preschool, however to get licensed by the state to stay open all of our children must be up to date with their vaccinations or we could lose our license, as with all other preschools, day care and private and public schools in our area. So depending on the state it may be a challenge. We do not take religious exemption forms either.
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  • You're likely going to back yourself into a homeschool situation if you're really that steadfast in preventing your child from receiving his vaccinations. Private schools are just very unlikely to take on the risk of an unvaccinated child when it would concern their other parents- and in my state, they have to follow state regulations in regards to vaccines (but they do NOT have to accept religious exemption, at least not to my knowledge).

    I know all states are different, but, here you have to fill out a form for each vaccine you want to skip with your religious justifications for each- and they can turn you down. 

    It seems awfully cruel to keep one child from an educational path that's as good as the one you chose for your older child, simply due to your own personal issues. 

    image image

  • image cmeon_the_water:

    You're likely going to back yourself into a homeschool situation if you're really that steadfast in preventing your child from receiving his vaccinations. Private schools are just very unlikely to take on the risk of an unvaccinated child when it would concern their other parents- and in my state, they have to follow state regulations in regards to vaccines (but they do NOT have to accept religious exemption, at least not to my knowledge). 

    All but 2 states have religious exemptions available. Florida allows a religious but not philosophical exemption.

     http://www.ncsl.org/issues-research/health/school-immunization-exemption-state-laws.aspx

     

     

  • image -auntie-:
    image cmeon_the_water:

    You're likely going to back yourself into a homeschool situation if you're really that steadfast in preventing your child from receiving his vaccinations. Private schools are just very unlikely to take on the risk of an unvaccinated child when it would concern their other parents- and in my state, they have to follow state regulations in regards to vaccines (but they do NOT have to accept religious exemption, at least not to my knowledge). 

    All but 2 states have religious exemptions available. Florida allows a religious but not philosophical exemption.

     http://www.ncsl.org/issues-research/health/school-immunization-exemption-state-laws.aspx

     

     

    Thanks- I am a little surprised that our law dictates that private schools allow for religious exemptions. The murky "We've thought about this and have done our research and don't like vaccines anymore"=> "Religious exemption!" is gross, though.

    image image

  • If you are choosing not to vaccinate your child please also choose to homeschool. Your choice here could hurt or kill other children who are unable to be vaccinated or could carry diseases home to siblings who are too young to be vaccinated or relatives who are immunocompromised due to chemo therapy or other conditions. You are unfortunately within your rights to not vaccinate but please stay far away from those of us who are doing the right thing by protecting our children and other people.
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  • image penguingrrl:
    If you are choosing not to vaccinate your child please also choose to homeschool. Your choice here could hurt or kill other children who are unable to be vaccinated or could carry diseases home to siblings who are too young to be vaccinated or relatives who are immunocompromised due to chemo therapy or other conditions. You are unfortunately within your rights to not vaccinate but please stay far away from those of us who are doing the right thing by protecting our children and other people.
    That would be my ds. He is home again today because some asshat had a pox party (these kids are from before it was part of the routine schedule). Not sure when he gets to go back. He has just as much right to be there and cant because someone else made the decision for him. He isn't immune to the virus and cant be, hes had chicken pox several times, and as he gets older it will present as shingles. The last time he caught chicken pox he was in reverse isolation for 5 months because he couldn't fight the virus off and was on watch for necrotizing faciitis.  

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  • image gimmietimmies:

    That would be my ds. He is home again today because some asshat had a pox party (these kids are from before it was part of the routine schedule). Not sure when he gets to go back. He has just as much right to be there and cant because someone else made the decision for him. He isn't immune to the virus and cant be, hes had chicken pox several times, and as he gets older it will present as shingles. The last time he caught chicken pox he was in reverse isolation for 5 months because he couldn't fight the virus off and was on watch for necrotizing faciitis.  

    How frustrating. Are his presentations getting worse with age as they do for kids as they approach puberty or does it being a subsequent infection somehow blunt the symptoms a bit?

    My younger niece was 12 when she gave DS chicken pox the month before the vaccine was available here. She was very sick, even with acyclovir. She was back in school in 2 weeks, but it was still difficult to catch up on all she missed. I can't imagine.

    DS did OK with his shingles outbreak, he was hardly bothered by it which is fairly typical of preteens. 

  • image FierceSymone:
    image hocus:

    Have you found any preschools that will take your son? I'd start with that and go forward. You might have this issue with many schools. I imagine that your daughter would be asked to get additional vaccines as she ages (they do not stop at age 4 though that main one seems to be Meningococcal Conjugate Vaccine) so overall it doesn't sound like this school is a good fit for your family.


    No, I haven't started looking yet. We won't be enrolling him until he turns 3, however I have been really thinking about it because I am a huge planner.

    The Preschool she currently attends are the ones who require vaccinations. The elementary school she will be transferring to will accept the religious exemption form. However, the child has to first attend Preschool to be eligible for the elementary school.

    Are you planning on trying to use a religious exemption? Have you heard about the case in Brooklyn that didn't go so well for the parents who tried to do that? 


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  • image KateMW:
    image FierceSymone:
    image hocus:

    Have you found any preschools that will take your son? I'd start with that and go forward. You might have this issue with many schools. I imagine that your daughter would be asked to get additional vaccines as she ages (they do not stop at age 4 though that main one seems to be Meningococcal Conjugate Vaccine) so overall it doesn't sound like this school is a good fit for your family.


    No, I haven't started looking yet. We won't be enrolling him until he turns 3, however I have been really thinking about it because I am a huge planner.

    The Preschool she currently attends are the ones who require vaccinations. The elementary school she will be transferring to will accept the religious exemption form. However, the child has to first attend Preschool to be eligible for the elementary school.

    Are you planning on trying to use a religious exemption? Have you heard about the case in Brooklyn that didn't go so well for the parents who tried to do that? 

    Do share.

    I'm curious how this works. Do you have to state which religion you follow? Provide a note from your clergy?

    I'm in PA; thanks to our Quaker founders we can opt out for ethical or philosophical reasons as well. Since it's pretty easy to opt out, I expect a fair number of people do.

    We had a measles outbreak a few years back when some exchange students from France turned up in the prodrome phase of the disease and infected a few people in their host families. There was a lot of drama as the schools banned any child with an exemption from attending school or school activities. Some kids missed the PIAA spring sports playoffs and prom at the high school; some littler kids missed out on field day and the end of year fun stuff. The kids who were not vaccinated were out for 14 days after the last day attended by a student in their school who became ill.

    I wouldn't do it for vaccines, but the same exemption can be used for NCLB testing by saying the questions might violate your religious or philosophical beliefs.

  • My kids were in separate schools/daycare for 2 years.  DD#2 was in daycare and DD#1 was in PreK at the elementary (she ended doing the program for 2 years as we held her back a year for kindy) and I hated it and I didn't even have to deal with different school vacations or any of that type of stuff.  No way would I do this if I had the choice for the next 18+ years. 

    I know a few people that have kids in the Spanish Immersion program in the district and a sibling is in the regular program but they are the same school district so they get bussing and all vacation are the same and all that jazz so it makes it easier.

    In your shoes, if revisiting the vax thing is not on the table for you (and I won't go into that but not a decision I agree with at all) then I would be looking at different schools for your kids that all can go to.

     

    Jenni Mom to DD#1 - 6-16-06 DD#2 - 3-13-08 
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