I think more than anything this is just me needing to tell someone how I feel and them tell me I'm not crazy for feeling the way I do. I have recently decided that it is time to give up the dream of carrying my own child and just fight for the bigger picture. I am going to use a surrogate. DH is very uncomfortable with it and doesn't want to but is willing to go through with it because of how badly I want a child. I have a friend/co-worker who has volunteered to carry for us. She has been recently dx with rheumatoid arthritis, my RE is ok with her carrying but needs to have a clearance letter from her rheumatologist. She doesn't have any insurance so is having to go through the county system for a specialists. Those people don't get in any kind of hurry about anything. I would like to have everything worked out and ready for a transfer in late August early September. I still have thoughts of what if this last cycle would be the time I got pregnant but what if it doesn't and I have wasted my last 2 frosties and probably my last chance of having child. I wish there was a black and white answer here but unfortunately there just isn't. It doesn't help that there is a girl helping us out at work that is 7 months pregnant with her 3rd all under 4. She is 23, not married, on welfare, ect you get the picture. I have a monitor in my office and I can see her all day just rubbing her big belly. I would give my right arm to be able to rub my own pregnant belly. Funds are really getting low and I know we are down to our last chances here, I wish I knew what the right thing to do was. I think I know and just don't want to accept it. And it burns my that I have $2600 worth of bravelle and menopur that Im probably going to have to donate instead of being able to use that money towards attorney fees and the cycle. I think Im done spilling my guts now. Thanks for reading ladies. Hope everyone has a great weekend and holiday.
Together 6 years before marriage
Me 26 DH 28
TTC since 9/2011
Dx endo 2007 Sx laparoscopy
End bcp 9/2011
Dx annovulatory, DOR, Low AMH
Hysteroscopy due to polyp 2-1-12
IUI#1-3 Cancelled due to low response
IVF#1 8/30 Beta#1 256, 8/31 Beta#2 482 BFP!! M/C 5w3d
FET#1 Cancelled due to uterine fluid and thin lining
FET#1.2Cancelled due to abnormal bleeding
Hysteroscopy 12/28/12 All clear
FET#1.3 2/2013 Cancelled
FET #1.4 Start meds 2/19
Good Luck to All!!