Infertility Veterans

Update

I think more than anything this is just me needing to tell someone how I feel and them tell me I'm not crazy for feeling the way I do. I have recently decided that it is time to give up the dream of carrying my own child and just fight for the bigger picture. I am going to use a surrogate. DH is very uncomfortable with it and doesn't want to but is willing to go through with it because of how badly I want a child. I have a friend/co-worker who has volunteered to carry for us. She has been recently dx with rheumatoid arthritis, my RE is ok with her carrying but needs to have a clearance letter from her rheumatologist. She doesn't have any insurance so is having to go through the county system for a specialists. Those people don't get in any kind of hurry about anything. I would like to have everything worked out and ready for a transfer in late August early September. I still have thoughts of what if this last cycle would be the time I got pregnant but what if it doesn't and I have wasted my last 2 frosties and probably my last chance of having child. I wish there was a black and white answer here but unfortunately there just isn't. It doesn't help that there is a girl helping us out at work that is 7 months pregnant with her 3rd all under 4. She is 23, not married, on welfare, ect you get the picture. I have a monitor in my office and I can see her all day just rubbing her big belly. I would give my right arm to be able to rub my own pregnant belly. Funds are really getting low and I know we are down to our last chances here, I wish I knew what the right thing to do was. I think I know and just don't want to accept it. And it burns my that I have $2600 worth of bravelle and menopur that Im probably going to have to donate instead of being able to use that money towards attorney fees and the cycle. I think Im done spilling my guts now. Thanks for reading ladies. Hope everyone has a great weekend and holiday.
Married 9-10-11

Together 6 years before marriage

Me 26 DH 28

TTC since 9/2011

Dx endo 2007 Sx laparoscopy

End bcp 9/2011

Dx annovulatory, DOR, Low AMH

Hysteroscopy due to polyp 2-1-12

IUI#1-3 Cancelled due to low response

IUI#4 BFFN

IVF#1 8/30 Beta#1 256, 8/31 Beta#2 482 BFP!! M/C 5w3d

FET#1 Cancelled due to uterine fluid and thin lining

FET#1.2Cancelled due to abnormal bleeding

Hysteroscopy 12/28/12 All clear

FET#1.3 2/2013 Cancelled

FET #1.4 Start meds 2/19

Good Luck to All!!

Crystal

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Re: Update

  • Hey Crystal! I'm so sorry you find yourself at this crossroads, but I don't think you're crazy. Since my last failed IVF I've been doing a lot of soul searching, as well, trying to figure out what next and I wish I could be on any side of the fence rather than sitting on it. I know this has to have been a really tough decision for you, but if it gets you your take-home baby, then it will be worth it. FWIW, I've seen this scenario work out for a couple of patients.  We delivered a surrogate for a couple that had a few failed IVFs and they couldn't have been happier. Most recently, I have a patient that is the GC for her Aunt (also my patient). Aunt has severe endo and multiple failed IVF cycles under her belt. We ended up deciding to go with a hysterectomy on her because of her pain. Now they're going into their 2nd trimester with a healthy baby with the surrogate.  I know it isn't what we hope for, but we are already on the receiving end of the short stick, so going through everything and still no baby is the worse alternative.  You are a brave, brave lady! I hope you can get DH on board and all the pieces fall into place. Big hugs to you!

    Married 2007
    3 Clomid IUIs -- BFNs
    IVF #1 never made it to transfer
    On "egg health" cocktail DHEA/CoQ10/FRC/Pregnitude/Melatonin
    Starting IVF #2 for Feb 2013
    Follistim/Menopur/Ganirelix
    Cancelled mid-cycle due to high P4 levels early on.
    OCPs again for IVF 2.5 mid-March. IVF 2.5 transferred two "gorgeous" 5-day blasts and BFFN. Even REI is baffled
    On indefinite hold until a huge stroke of serendipity led me to IVF 3 May 2014
    Testing found positive cardiolipins/APS, now on lovenox and intralipid infusions
    Transfer of 2 5-day blasts and (FINALLY) BFFP!! 1st ultrasound shows two sacs and two HB, but one is sluggish, almost expecting vanishing twin Subsequent ultrasound confirmed vanishing twin, but my other Little critter looks fantastic!
    "You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it."
    -- Margaret Thatcher


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  • I don't think you're crazy.  I think you're very smart to consider all of your options and you ar strong for holding up to everything you've gone through so far.  I wish that things could be easier and that things around you were not so frustrating.  You are a much better woman than me for not throat punching the belly-rubber.  Huge ((hugs)). 

     
    me 33/DH 36
    ttc since 10/2008; d/x: mild MFI, stageII endo
    ~~PAIF/SAIF Welcome~~
    11 IUI’s = 1 m/c (7w4d)
    IVF#1 January 2012 BFN, FET #1 April 2012 BFN
    Surprise BFP October 2012 m/c (7w), Surprise BFP April 2013 m/c (6w4d)
    IVF #2: July 2013, ET 1 embryo 7/18, beta 1 @ 14dp3dt - 757, beta 2 @ 16dp3dt - 1762
    U/S 1 @ 6w4d = 1 little frogger with HB of 118, U/S 2 @ 7w3d measuring right on track with HB of 160
    Stick Frogger Stick! Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!   It's a Girl, EDD April 7, 2014

    BabyFruit Ticker

  • hmz819hmz819
    Ninth Anniversary 250 Answers 1000 Comments 250 Love Its
    member
    I replied to you on IF. I hope everything works out for you.

    TTC#1 since April 2011
    IVF#1 July 2012 5R, 3 made it to blast, sET c/p
    FET#1 Aug 2012 2 blasts transferred BFN
    IVF#2 Oct 2012
    16R/6M/6F/2-8 cell grade 1 transfer
    Beta 1-237.9, Beta 2-566, Beta 3-8657
    US 6w3d shows one baby w/ HB 115
    US 7w1d no more heartbeat/ D&C 11/30/12 normal karyotype
    IVF#3 Mar 2013
    6R/4M/4F 1 compacting and 2-8 cell transfer
    ectopic pg MTX given 3 month break from TTC

    IVF#4 Sept 2013--BFN
    IVF#5-7 Apr 2014, Jun 2014 and Aug 2014 banking embryos for CCS testing. Praying for normals! Image and video hosting by TinyPic image image

    http://i61.tinypic.com/34zll06
  • rrdiva1rrdiva1
    5000 Comments 250 Answers 250 Love Its Second Anniversary
    member

    I Don't think your crazy, just trying to weigh out options, and no one blames you for that. You have to do what is right for you and hubbs.I wish you the best of luck sweetie, it sucks at crossroads, lots of hugs

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Married BF 6/29/2002/
    TTC Since Aug 2011/
    ME:34 all clear/DH:41 DX Severe MFI/
    IVF w/ICSI OCT 2012 Stims started 10/8/ER 10/19/12/ET 10/24/Beta#1 11/2=BFN (beta was 1.2)

    IVF 2.0-Baseline 11/7/12 beta 0/All Clear
    Stim start 11/7/12//ER 11/19 11M//10F
    ET 2 embies 11/24//Beta#1 28 Beta #2 23 Beta#3 29
    stop meds Beta#4 37/C/P 5W5D EDD:8/12/13/IVF#3 in Jan

    Ivf 3-frozen 3 poor 3day/fet=bfn

    Ivf#4 New dr. New protocol=beta1 197 beta#2 677 beta#3 1557
     u/s 8/13 =TWINS 2 strong hb
    Due Date 4/4/14

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    My Chart//>
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  • I don't know much about surrogacy, but I think it's good to carefully explore all of your options.  I just wanted to wish you luck and peace with your decision.
    Married 8/2008. IVF with PGD March 2013.
    3/22 ER: 25R, 20M, 15F. 9 genetically normal, and 3 survived to Day 5
    3/27 ET: transferred 1 embryo, beta 9dp5dt=163, 12dp5dt=639
    4/25 1st ultrasound at 7 weeks = identical twins with heartbeats?!!!
    PPROM at 31w, delivery at 32 weeks of two beautiful girls
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  • Thanks gurls! It's nice to know I'm not crazy and these feelings are to be expected with this hand I've been dealt. I know what I need to do its just not what I want to do. This wasn't the way it was supposed to be. I did everything the right way. But o'well no use crying over spilt milk.
    Married 9-10-11

    Together 6 years before marriage

    Me 26 DH 28

    TTC since 9/2011

    Dx endo 2007 Sx laparoscopy

    End bcp 9/2011

    Dx annovulatory, DOR, Low AMH

    Hysteroscopy due to polyp 2-1-12

    IUI#1-3 Cancelled due to low response

    IUI#4 BFFN

    IVF#1 8/30 Beta#1 256, 8/31 Beta#2 482 BFP!! M/C 5w3d

    FET#1 Cancelled due to uterine fluid and thin lining

    FET#1.2Cancelled due to abnormal bleeding

    Hysteroscopy 12/28/12 All clear

    FET#1.3 2/2013 Cancelled

    FET #1.4 Start meds 2/19

    Good Luck to All!!

    Crystal

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  • I think you are strong and brave to persevere and find the right path to parenthood for you both. I hope your husband can come around to the idea. 
    TTC #1 since 12/2010 DH: MFI, cancer survivor Me: Resected septate uterus, lap treated mild endo, tubes open, ovulate on own, autoimmune disease 3 Failed IUI's (2/2012, 4/2012, 6/2012) 
    IVF #1 August 2012. BFP! Beta #1 56.7 Beta #2 150 One baby, one heartbeat on 9/20/12! no h/b @7w6d. dandc @8w0d
    FET #1 December 2012, BFN
    FET #2 February 2013, no embies survived thaw
    IVF #2, BFP #2, Loss #2 March 2013, Scar tissue discovered, RPL testing,
    IVF #3, BFP #3, Loss #3 (twins) September 2013
    Hostile ute, moving onto Gestational Carrier!

    GC/FET #1 of 1 5AA blast and 1 compacted blast, February 2014, BFP #4 on 3/1/2014!
    6w u/s 1 bean with h/b of 145 bpm, 8w u/s 187 bpm
    EDD 11/7/14. Please, please, please stick little one!

    Praying unceasingly for a miracle. ALL welcome!

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  • JSM0801JSM0801
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    You have every right to feel the way you do. It is completely normal and understandable. It sucks and isn't fair. BUT, once you have that beautiful baby, YOUR baby, in your arms, it won't matter how he/she got here. Wishing you all the best on your new path! 
             

            

    *****Siggy/Ticker Warning*****

     Me (34)- no issues found MH (36)- MFI due to Vericocele. Straight to IVF w/ICSI 9/12, Antagonist. 9R, 7M, 5F = BFN c/p,  New RE for IVF #2- 1/13., Long Lupron. ER on 1/22 -10R, 9M, 9F. Transfer on hold due to overstimming. FET in Feb. 2 frozen blasts. Another BFN & another c/p. RPL testing all negative besides MTHFR gene, vericocle repair surgery 4/12/13-Bilateral Grade 3 Vericocele found & fixed, IVF #3 with PGS  4/13- 11R, 9M, 9F. Transferred 2 normal=BFN, 3 normal on ice. CCRM-here we come! ODWU-All test results normal. EPP in August. 21R, 20M, 19F. 12 blasts biopsied & frozen for CCS testing. Results showed 11 normal! FET Oct. 30. 2 5d 4AA blasts transferred. First ever BFP!!! Beta 1=216, Beta 2=870 1st U/S=It's TWINS!!! It's a BOY and a GIRL!! Everyone Welcome!!! 
                                       Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic

                         Pregnancy Ticker
  • image rrdiva1:

    I Don't think your crazy, just trying to weigh out options, and no one blames you for that. You have to do what is right for you and hubbs.I wish you the best of luck sweetie, it sucks at crossroads, lots of hugs

    Yes

    Wishing you lots of peace in your decision!

    Unmedicated and medicated IUI's: all fail
    IVF #1: Dec 2012 16m/15f 12/9: 5dt of 2 beautiful blasts and 5 frosties
    TWINS!
    15w4d:baby a-pProm
    March 25: 18w...2 baby boys born sleeping
    July 29: FET-BFN

    Sept: TAC placed

    Oct 27: FET #2-Cancelled-monster cyst producing insane amounts of estrogen

    Nov 13: FET #2-take 2
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  • Some of the hardest parts of IF involve big decisions like this. I hope you are able to find peace in the one you choose.

    ************ Signature/Ticker Warning ************
    Me (32) DH (36) - Finding our way to baby #1
    Me: POF/DOR - AMH <0.16, heterozygous c677t MTHFR, insulin resistant and gluten intolerant
    DH: Severe MFI

    12/2/11 - IUI #1- BFN 
    8/1/12 - IVF #1 - Zero response from max stims (600iu intramuscularly)

    My ovaries are just for decoration

    12/6/12 - Adopted five embryos that had been frozen for over ten years!
    2/11/13 - DEmbryo FET #1 Thawed four, sadly two didn't survive. Transferred two beautiful blasts. 
    2/16/13 - First BFP of my life @ 6dp5dt! EDD 10/30/13
    3/27/13 - After beta and u/s hell, no heartbeat ever detected. D&C at 9w1d.

    6/5/13 - Adopted four new embryos that had been frozen for seven years!
     
    9/12/13 - DEmbryo FET #2. Thawed and transferred two beautiful blasts
    9/17/13 - BFP @ 5dp6dt! EDD 05/31/14
    9/29/13 - m/c @ 5w1d. :(

    11/19/13 - DEmbryo FET #3. Thawed and transferred one blast from each batch. Wow!
    11/23/13 - BFP @ 4dp6dt! EDD 8/7/13
    Beta #1 @ 13dp6dt - 522  Beta #2 @ 16dp6dt - 1373 
    6w5d ultrasound showed one perfect baby with a beautiful heartbeat of 134bpm!

    Snowflake baby is a girl! 
    Our beautiful Snowflake girl arrived on July 22, 2014!   
    My embryo adoption blog: Wishing on a Snowflake
     
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