February 2013 Moms

At the end of my rope

DS is almost 4 months and needs to be held to sleep ALL THE TIME! Naps are always an upset... He cries himself to sleep in my arms and will wake up when I try to put him down. Bedtime is usually easier because by the end of the day, he is so exhausted he is easier to put down, but usually after an hour or more of holding him. One night took me over 4 hours to put him down and I tried to put him down close to 5 times before he finally went down... And then it only lasted a few hours. 

So it is official. We are sleep training him during DHs next set of days off. I have talked to friends who have been through the method we are choosing and their babes saw lots of improvement in learning how to fall asleep on their own. DS is more than ready for this, and so am I. At the end of every day, I am exhausted and frustrated with having spent my whole day just trying to get him to sleep and I feel like he's not getting the chance to enjoy his day and play properly.  

I know it is a tad early, but please wish us luck. I just want my little man to adapt quickly and get my arms back.   

Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers

Re: At the end of my rope

  • That sounds like DD1 to a T. She would never nap anywhere but in my arms, but at about 4.5 months adjusted (6 actual) it started becoming absolute torture to put her down at night. We would rock her until she seemed to be in a deep sleep (after about 20 min of her squirming and screaming in our arms), but the second she hit the mattress, her eyes popped back open and we had to start over. It would often take about 2 hours to get her to bed, and it was seriously straining our marriage. Plus then she started doing it in the night, too.

    We used a slightly modified Ferber (started at 1min / 3 min  / 5 min instead of his 3 min / 5 min / 7 min), and the first night she only cried for 6 minutes. It was seriously a miracle considering that she had been crying 20 min at a stretch 2-3 times every evening in our arms. After about 2 weeks of Ferber she had a slight setback which consisted of her crying for 10 minutes before falling asleep. Again, still nothing compared to what had been happening.

    We tried using Ferber on naps at the same time, but that didn't work. It wasn't until a month later when she was 7 months old that I tried Ferber again and it worked for naptime.

    So although I know it doesn't work for everyone (and his nighttime weaning plan didn't work for us at all, ever, despite several attempts), I can highly recommend it from our experience.


    BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP
    BFP2: 3/18/12, blighted ovum, natural m/c @ 7w4d
    BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence

  • I feel your pain and think your doing the right thing 100. Both you and him will be happier when he starts to get proper sleep. I personally can not wait to sleep train, I'm counting down the days
    BabyName Ticker BabyFetus Ticker
  • sbl0609sbl0609
    10 Comments First Anniversary
    member

    I feel you. We don't have the initial bed time issues but at 15.5 weeks DS was up 4 times last night. One of which he was awake for 90 minutes. I feel like he's a newborn again. 

    Does your method involve a pacifier? DS is easily soothed with it but I wonder if it's a good idea in the long run.  

  • Which method do you plan to use? I'm reading Sleep Easy Solution and we're so close to pulling the trigger. We're in the same exact boat as you! Naps are horrendous plus he refuses to sleep anywhere but my arms. I'm sure I created this pattern but now I can't get out of it. Please keep us updated on how it goes! GL!!
  • Good luck! I don't blame you for starting a little early. I think that if you're smart about it and use a good, proven method, it'll be just fine.
    PCOS with long, irregular cycles
    First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013 :)
    BFP #2 on 1/3/14, EDD 9/13/14- Team Blue! 

    image

    image


  • 101Mims101Mims
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary
    member

    I ?m sure you probably know this already, but I really belive that our state of mind, and stress levels, have a huge impact on how our LOs behave.

    I?m going by the tone I pick up in your post, but it seems that naptimes and bed times with you being exhausted and frustrated, have become a real battle ground area. Your soaring stress levels, and the acompanying changes in your hormones, may well have a direct impact on how your little guy feels. Consequently he could feel unsettled and unsafe and thus highly unlikely to settle.

    I don?t know if you and your DH might consider handing over the sleep training to DH at first? Just so you can take a step back and regroup as it were? Maybe having your DH there will break the association your DS may have with stressfull nap/sleep times?

    I?m not in any way placing blame here. It?s so easy to slip into these kind of things especially during these first few months when we would do anything just to get some sleep.

    Just my two cents anyway. Good luck!

    image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Babies go through a wakeful stage at this age (3-4 months).  It is completely normal.  Have you tried bedsharing?  During this stage babies think that when you leave the room you are abandoning them, so if they wake and see you next to them, they will generally fall right back asleep.

    I would not do the sleep training. 

    ETA: my post sounds unsympathetic.  I feel for you, really.  Just wanted to offer an idea for you if you aren't comfortable with the sleep training.  It's the only thing that works for my babies (none have wanted to STTN until they are closer to a year). 

        
  • That sounds so frustrating, I completely understand why you are upset.  Do you have anyone nearby who can help out with bedtime and naps for a few days?  A grandparent, friend, other relative?  When I reached the end of my rope with having to nurse DS1 to sleep around 9 months old, I had a mommy friend put him down for his nap for a couple of days.  I left the house and went for a walk, and she rocked him to sleep.  Since I wasn't there, he knew the boob was not an option and he went down for her like a dream.  Plus, it gave me a couple of days off from the naptime battle.  She was happy to help, and I repaid her by looking after her little guy while she went to the gym.  Just another idea :)
    Missed m/c discovered 3/15/12 at 8w2d: "Henry."

    imageView Full Size Image
    Jack 04/29/10 dairy peanut and seasonal allergies; Sensory Processing Disorder, Autism
    Rhys 01/25/13 Peanut and tree nut allergy, MSPI
    Lilypie - (cF7R) Lilypie - (Phka)

    "We are in Buckingham Palace, the very heart of the British nation.  Sherlock Holmes, put your trousers ON!"

  • image +adamwife+:

    Babies go through a wakeful stage at this age (3-4 months).  It is completely normal.  Have you tried bedsharing?  During this stage babies think that when you leave the room you are abandoning them, so if they wake and see you next to them, they will generally fall right back asleep.

    I would not do the sleep training. 

    From what I remember about OP's other posts, this has been going on for a long time, before the 3-4 month wakeful stage. If done correctly (i.e., not letting the baby cry for long periods of time), I don't think there's anything wrong with trying modified sleep training at this point. 

    ETA: Haha, just saw your edit. I agree that if she's truly not comfortable with sleep training, there may be other options to consider. 

    PCOS with long, irregular cycles
    First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013 :)
    BFP #2 on 1/3/14, EDD 9/13/14- Team Blue! 

    image

    image


  • p; Have you tried bedsharing?nbsp; During this stage babies think that when you leave the room you are abandoning them, so if they wake and see you next to them, they will generally fall right back asleep.Inbsp;would not donbsp;the sleep training.nbsp; ETA: my post sounds unsympathetic.nbsp; I feel for you, really.nbsp; Just wanted to offer an idea for you if you aren't comfortable with the sleep training.nbsp; It's the only thing that works for my babies none have wanted to STTN until they are closer to a year.nbsp;

    bedsharing for naps is not feasible, at least not for me anyway. i'm stuck on the couch all day since ds won't nap anywhere but in my arms. at least on the couch, i can have visitors, read, watch tv, etc. ds will take naps in his swing for like 20 to 30 minutes at a time but we all know thats not enough sleep at this age. if i had to bedshare for naps, i might as well shut myself off from the world. bedtime is obviously a different story. glad it works for you but i totally understand where op is coming from.
  • I know you and I shared very similar problems with sleeping and napping b/c I always made a mental note of those who were in the same boat as me.  So I too have been at the end of my rope and while I respect the pp's opinions, you are probably way past the point of just walking away for a few minutes. I know I was.

    I posted last week about the sleep training we did, the Sleep Sense Training Program. It was the best decision I ever made. It's very similar to the Ferber program, CIO with period checks. We saw immediate results.  The naps start out short but they will get longer once they learn how to put themselves to sleep.

    Good luck to you!

    Feel free to PM me if you want to hear more details.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BabyFetus Ticker
  • image +adamwife+:

    Babies go through a wakeful stage at this age (3-4 months).  It is completely normal.  Have you tried bedsharing?  During this stage babies think that when you leave the room you are abandoning them, so if they wake and see you next to them, they will generally fall right back asleep.

    I would not do the sleep training. 

    ETA: my post sounds unsympathetic.  I feel for you, really.  Just wanted to offer an idea for you if you aren't comfortable with the sleep training.  It's the only thing that works for my babies (none have wanted to STTN until they are closer to a year). 

    the problem is he STTN just fine. He has been for over a month now. He has also been a crappy napper and developed that bad habit before his 2 month appointment when initially he had been napping really well. My issue stems from him not being able to put himself to sleep, and as a result spends hours being held. We do let him come into our bed when he wakes up in the morning, but that is all just so we can get him back to sleep for his last hour or so before his day starts. Amazingly, he will sleep just fine in our bed for that one sleep, but we cannot for the life of us recreate it for any other naps or bedtime. 

    We are considering Ferber. Some close friends used it and highly recommended it. I have been talking to them about their personal experiences and it sounds like although we are starting a tad early, it really is only by a week or so. And as I read the book, he starts as early as 3 months, so I am not going outside his suggested age. 

    Of course as I type this I am on the sofa with him napping in my arms....sigh... 

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • image sbl0609:

    I feel you. We don't have the initial bed time issues but at 15.5 weeks DS was up 4 times last night. One of which he was awake for 90 minutes. I feel like he's a newborn again. 

    Does your method involve a pacifier? DS is easily soothed with it but I wonder if it's a good idea in the long run.  

     Ouch! DS did the same to me earlier this week, but a couple days of it and he was back STTN. Hang in there!  

    he does use a soother, but spits it out way too easily to bother using it when we train. Ferber suggests only using easy items for sleep associating: like a blanket or a stuffie. I am going to do what a pp suggested in her post a few days ago and use a stuffie/blankie bear and shove it between the crib slats until he is old enough for it to be in the bed with him.  

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • SagenSagen
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    I know most people recommend not swaddling after 3-4 months, but it was a life saver for me. I could not get my second son to nap, and he was around 5 months so I had stop swaddling. He slept good at night, but would only sleep for 10 minutes at the most in the day. Finally I gave in and swaddled, and he slept great. Not sure if you can try that. Also if naps are just not happening with my newest LO I will nurse in the middle of the bed with no pillows or blankets around, and then slip away when he falls asleep. Again a big no no to have them sleep on the bed alone, but I put him in the middle with his head and feet facing the outside, and his side facing the foot and head of the bed. That way he would have to roll like 7 times to hit the head of the bed, and likely not to fall of since he is facing the wrong way. Good luck!
    Sept Sig, favorite movie
     
    Mom to 4 cute kids! 10 yo girl 8 yo boy 6 yo boy and a 1.5 yo boy!
    image
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards