Babies: 0 - 3 Months

Awkward Questions - Newborn Edition

My mom ran into one of my friends' mom in my small hometown, yesterday.  Apparently, during their brief conversation, this woman flat-out asked her if I was nursing my LO.  Huh?!

Good ol' mom (who is very prim and proper and was surely uncomfortable being asked this question) was very vague and didn't give her the information she was after... but it leads me to ask, under what circumstances is that an okay question to ask someone (or about someone)?  

I suppose I find it to be a very personal question because I'm still so disappointed that breastfeeding didn't work out for us, and I was terribly torn when making the decision to formula feed.  I feel like that kind of probing question just raises those feelings of sadness and failure again. 

Not to mention, this woman's daughter (who I've known since Grade 4 and have been very close to since Grade 11 .. I'm 30 now) still has yet to visit and meet DD.  She lives a whopping 2-hr drive away.  It's too bad my mom didn't think to ask when this friend plans on visiting us!  Y'know, in the spirit of asking awkward questions and all, hah.

BabyFruit Ticker
«1

Re: Awkward Questions - Newborn Edition

  • smfdjosmfdjo
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its
    member

    I personally don't feel it is that big of deal for people to ask, I am sure you are also a little sensitive because you were unable to.

    I was in the same situation as you, I wanted to, I tried, I failed.  I hated when people asked because I feel like I had to put on the best defense ever or they would think less of me.

  • lkm2006lkm2006
    1000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    member
    I don't find it that weird or awkward at all.

    Whenever someone asks, it's always followed with them telling me some story about their own personal experience. I think it's just people's way of connecting or something like that.

    ETA: after reading other responses I see how it definitely could be an uncomfortable question. I've never asked anyone it and I wouldn't ask someone that, just because I honestly don't care how you feed your baby. I guess I'm just so used to people asking and I really do think the people asking have been harmless.

     

  • I'm actually with you but I'm a very private person.  It's also kind of a loaded, judgy question (from both sides of where someone stands on the issue).  It can also be an issue for some women with a lot of emotion and struggle, so to me it's really no one's business.  I would never ask anyone that.
  • Honestly that's usually the second or third question everyone asks me when first seeing LO. People think its as common as asking LO's name.

    I struggled in the beginning with supply and was having to supplement with formula so the question was always very awkward for me as well because I felt bad straight up saying yes, I always felt I had to explain the situation.

    image

  • I'm on team
    "I don't ask what you do with your boobs so don't ask me."
    BabyFetus Ticker
  • BFing didn't work out with me twice, for various reasons. The second time, it was my choice and I made peace with that decision. I'm not offended if someone asks. I think it's important that people have other perspectives, that while breast is best, you're not going to hell if you choose (or have to choose) formula. Maybe if women weren't so ashamed if they didn't breastfeed, it could make the decision easier and less full of guilt for others. I don't know.

    And does your friend have other issues going on? TTTC?  

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • JmeJmeJmeJme
    250 Answers 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fifth Anniversary
    member
    image jahjbmr:
    I'm on team
    "I don't ask what you do with your boobs so don't ask me."


    This. It's no one else's business!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    BabyFruit Ticker

    image 

  • image JmeJme:
    image jahjbmr:
    I'm on team "I don't ask what you do with your boobs so don't ask me."
    This. It's no one else's business!

    I third this!  People would ask me when I was pregnant if I planned on BFing. I would tell them that it was a personal question to ask someone.  I had a hard time with DS so I honestly didn't know what I'd be doing with DD. 

    image
    image
  • JSS1002JSS1002
    5000 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its Combo Breaker
    member

    I don't think the questions is that weird -- after all, it is two women talking about new motherhood... pretty common thing.

    However, I think it is a little weird that you expect somebody to driev 2 hours to meet your baby.  I barely expect people to drive 20 minutes to meet James -- we're all super busy, we're not going anywhere, and their worlds dont' revolve around me!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker   

    BabyFruit Ticker

    BabyFetus Ticker
  • CellisCellis
    250 Answers Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments Combo Breaker
    member
    image JSS1002:

    However, I think it is a little weird that you expect somebody to driev 2 hours to meet your baby.  I barely expect people to drive 20 minutes to meet James -- we're all super busy, we're not going anywhere, and their worlds dont' revolve around me!

    I agree. I didn't expect (or really want) anyone coming over to meet DS. 

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic 
    image
  • JSS1002JSS1002
    5000 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its Combo Breaker
    member
    image Cellis:
    image JSS1002:

    However, I think it is a little weird that you expect somebody to driev 2 hours to meet your baby.  I barely expect people to drive 20 minutes to meet James -- we're all super busy, we're not going anywhere, and their worlds dont' revolve around me!

    I agree. I didn't expect (or really want) anyone coming over to meet DS. 

    Immediate family and best friends, absolutely, but after that I got super burned out and annoyed by the parade of visitors... I thought I'd want people here nonstop since that is normally how I am. FTM and now I know better! :-)
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker   

    BabyFruit Ticker

    BabyFetus Ticker
  • hjoy_06hjoy_06
    Fifth Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    member

    I literally get asked that same exact question every single time I go out...my waitress at Applebee's asked me the other weekend. I have twins so I'm not sure if people are just curious as to whether you can nurse 2 babies or what the deal is but I'm always surprised at who as the nerve to ask. I would NEVER have thought about asking someone that and probably never will!!!

    image

  • I was with you until this:

    "Not to mention, this woman's daughter (who I've known since Grade 4 and have been very close to since Grade 11 .. I'm 30 now) still has yet to visit and meet DD. She lives a whopping 2-hr drive away. It's too bad my mom didn't think to ask when this friend plans on visiting us! Y'know, in the spirit of asking awkward questions and all, hah."

    I'm sorry, I'm not driving 2 hours to intrude on someone who just had a baby.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • image jahjbmr:
    I'm on team "I don't ask what you do with your boobs so don't ask me."

    Nice, lol.

    I feel that it's common knowledge that breastfeeding is tough - and if that's not enough - everyone seems to have an opinion on it!  So in my mind, bringing it up in conversation is akin to discussing politics, hah.

    I'm impressed that so many of you are cool with being asked about breastfeeding (really).  I'll probably be less sensitive about it when DD is no longer on formula, and I can speak about my experience without it feeling so raw.


    BabyFruit Ticker
  • adl3399adl3399
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary
    member

    image jahjbmr:
    I'm on team "I don't ask what you do with your boobs so don't ask me."

     THIS.   Absolutely none of anyone's business.  I don't ask them what they fed their children that morning, and honestly don't care.  Why should they ask/care what I fed mine?

  • image JSS1002:

    However, I think it is a little weird that you expect somebody to driev 2 hours to meet your baby.  I barely expect people to drive 20 minutes to meet James -- we're all super busy, we're not going anywhere, and their worlds dont' revolve around me!

    This exactly. While my baby has become all I think about 24/7 and he's the best thing in the whole world, I realize people have their own lives. Expecting someone to drive four hours round trip seems unrealistic.  

    He's my fairytale, a dream when I'm not sleeping.

    <a href="http://s279.photobucket.com/albums/kk121/behapybride/?action=view
  • I had an 80 year old woman while on a walk with LO ask me this as I walked by her porch. I too thought it was a bit ridiculous and just kept walking
    BabyName Ticker BabyFetus Ticker
  • When I teared up at Subway after a woman told me that I cant get onions on my sub when my baby was tiny- she totally deserved to feel as bad as she did.

    ETA- I felt immense guilt about this forever- I know it's ridiculous to get that upset about it, but it was hard for me at first. 

    I dont think it's that personal of a questions, especially between moms, but because of the guilt that can come with not doing it, I never ask. Ever. 

    image
  • rcantorrcantor
    500 Comments Third Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    member
    I don't think a question about an activity that is regularly done in public is personal or awkward.
    BabyFetus Ticker Anniversary
  • image rcantor:
    I don't think a question about an activity that is regularly done in public is personal or awkward.

    i agree. I mean, people who spend any time with you can quickly see for themselves whether you are breastfeeding or formula feeding. However, I do understand that someone who really wanted to breastfeed and couldn't might not want to talk about it with people they don't know that well.

    Amanda

    ******************************

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

  • Nicb13Nicb13
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers Second Anniversary
    member
    It wouldn't be weird if she asked YOU, but asking your mom when you aren't even there is weird to me.

    image DS born 3/10/12

    BabyFetus Ticker

  • I think you are way overreacting here.  It's a fairly common question.  I certainly wouldn't be bothered by it.  Then again, I NIP and don't have any hang-ups about my boobs either.  I certainly wouldn't expect someone to drive 2 hours to come visit me either.

    Reign in those hormones. 

     

     

    BabyName Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    imageimage
  • I'm going to comment on the fact that your friend hasn't come to visit yet: one of my very best friends in the whole world has been completely absent through my pregnancy and birth of my daughter. I think I've talked to her twice since she's been born. Her husband has MS, so they're probably not going to try to have a child. I think she's purposely distancing herself because it's hard for her. It hurts my feelings, but it is what it is. Maybe your friend's going through something similar.

     

  • I'm in the same situation, and I've just learned people ask. The only people who ask though are parents, and people with medical backgrounds. What I think is that other parents are aware that breastfeeding is a struggle, so they ask because they either have insight, or know it's something that people spend ALOT of time one.
    BabyFetus Ticker Little Riley-our first little girl coming March 1st, 2013 (or sometime around there;)
  • Next time someone asks just say "He eats."  Or "He's a good eater."  Nunya bizness!

    image

  • Shel79Shel79
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments
    member
    image JSS1002:

    I don't think the questions is that weird -- after all, it is two women talking about new motherhood... pretty common thing.

    However, I think it is a little weird that you expect somebody to driev 2 hours to meet your baby.  I barely expect people to drive 20 minutes to meet James -- we're all super busy, we're not going anywhere, and their worlds dont' revolve around me!

     

    All of this.  My twins are 9 weeks today, and my dad just came to meet them this past weekend (he lives 3 hours away).  A 2 or 3 hour drive plus a visit basically kills an entire day- other people are busy in their own lives!   

    image BabyFruit Ticker Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • I hate when people ask this. To me it is such a loaded question. I agree with PP who compared it to discussing politics. I don't get why people care, unless it is to judge or lecture someone who doesn't BF. It has nothing to do with being uncomfortable about breasts or breastfeeding. If I had been able to BF DD 5 years ago and if I was having more success with BFing my twins now, I probably wouldn't mind answering the question. It is just very difficult when you already feel such a sense of guilt and then feel you have to defend yourself to everyone who asks.

    As for your friend not visiting, I guess it all depends on your relationship with her now. If you have been close for 13 years I can understand you being upset if she hasn't mentioned that she plans on visiting. But if she said she plans on visiting and she's waiting, she just might want to give you a little more time to get adjusted to life at home with baby. Maybe she's waiting for an invitation? Just let her know that she is welcome to visit.

    6 year old daughter

    Fraternal boys born on May 11, 2013 at 36 weeks 4 days

  • Lurker in::::

    I'm already getting asked if I plan to breastfeed (26 weeks pregnant) and I also find it a very loaded and personal question. I usually just answer, "the baby will definitely be fed." smile and give a little laugh. My plan (so far) is when a question makes me uncomfortable just to be as vague as possible.

    :::Lurker out

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic BabyFruit Ticker
    Married May 24, 2008
    TTC- Feb 2010
    BFP #1- Dec 28, 2011 EDD- Aug 29, 2012 Miscarriage at 12 weeks.
    BFP #2- Dec 17, 2012 EDD- Aug 26, 2013
  • I do not think asking about breastfeeding is awkward...then again I am disturbingly public and like to make people who ask silly questions/loaded question feel awkward. Just like a lady who asked how my delivery went, so I told her every detail...the good, the bad, and tne gory. Needless to say she probably won't be asking that question again anytime soon.
     
     
    image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • image JSS1002:
    I don't think the questions is that weird after all, it is two women talking about new motherhood... pretty common thing.However, I think it is a little weird that you expect somebody to driev 2 hours to meet your baby.nbsp; I barely expect people to drive 20 minutes to meet James we're all super busy, we're not going anywhere, and their worlds dont' revolve around me!


    This, totally this.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Pregnancy Ticker
«1
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards