August 2011 Moms

ExMIL won't let me be.

Ex's mom calls and texts me every time she's off of work all day to tell me she can do things for me. It seemed like a nice thought at first, but now I'm just annoyed. She seems to think I'm in over my head and there's no way I can successfully handle 3 at once. Actually, I'm doing pretty well now that I've started getting into a groove. It's actually harder to coordinate sh!t with exMIL because I don't have time, money, or gas for that. But when I don't answer she assumes I missed her text or call and offers again and again. Argh!

ETA: I've told her no as well, she simply offers again a few days later, or asks me if I'm sure over and over again.

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Re: ExMIL won't let me be.

  • Can you just give her a day?  Like, if her day off falls on a Tuesday (or whatever day you guys agree upon) she can have 'em?

    How much notice are you getting

    I totally understand what you mean about the groove being disrupted.  

    I'm glad she's offering, that is nice of her.  I hope you're getting some breaks every now and again.  I know you CAN handle it, but you also need a break!! :)   

    Prudence
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  • The thing about exMIL is that she doesn't actually watch the kids, nor does she pay attention to my wishes and tips about how the kids should be cared for to keep them happy and sane, she just lets them run about in her unchildproofed house, and then when they flip sh!,t as kids sometimes do, she'll call and say they need their mama. I hate dealing with that. I'd totally accept if it were someone who would actually make things easier.

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  • I told her not this week, but to let me know next time she is off so we can do lunch and she can hang with the kids. A decent compromise, yes?

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  • image NativeFloridian:
    The thing about exMIL is that she doesn't actually watch the kids, nor does she pay attention to my wishes and tips about how the kids should be cared for to keep them happy and sane, she just lets them run about in her unchildproofed house, and then when they flip sh!,t as kids sometimes do, she'll call and say they need their mama. I hate dealing with that. I'd totally accept if it were someone who would actually make things easier.

    I got plenty of offers for unhelpful help as well. It sucks. Sorry mama.
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  • Oh no, I'm sorry.  There is nothing worse than the person who insists on "helping" a new mom, but actually creates more work, hassle, and headache for her.  Ugh!
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  • image NativeFloridian:
    I told her not this week, but to let me know next time she is off so we can do lunch and she can hang with the kids. A decent compromise, yes?

    Agreed.  Excellent compromise.

    I didn't get that she-doesn't-actually-watch-after-them vibe from your OP, so I'm totally picking up what you're puttin' down now. 

    Prudence
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  • image NativeFloridian:
    I told her not this week, but to let me know next time she is off so we can do lunch and she can hang with the kids. A decent compromise, yes?

    I was going to suggest going to lunch, but you already thought of that. I think it's a good compromise.

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  • She probably feels bad for what an asshat her darling son is. Maybe this is her way of making up for it?

    Not that is makes it any less annoying, but maybe you can find a way for her to actually help you out without disrupting your routine.

    Oh and I really don't like when someone keeps calling after you don't pickup or respond right away.... that is just obnoxious!

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  • Very obnoxious. It sounds like you came up with a good compromise though.

    Don't you wish people would ask if they could drop off a meal, do some loads of laundry, put some toys away, or swish the toilet for you? That seems more helpful than anything.
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  • image Rachey1082:
    Very obnoxious. It sounds like you came up with a good compromise though. Don't you wish people would ask if they could drop off a meal, do some loads of laundry, put some toys away, or swish the toilet for you? That seems more helpful than anything.

     

    YES!!!! This ^^ 

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  • image homediva:

    image Rachey1082:
    Very obnoxious. It sounds like you came up with a good compromise though. Don't you wish people would ask if they could drop off a meal, do some loads of laundry, put some toys away, or swish the toilet for you? That seems more helpful than anything.

     

    YES!!!! This ^^ 

    I'm the exact opposite.  I'd like someone to take the kids off my hands (within my own walls) so that *I* can do laundry, put stuff away and clean toilets.  None of these things scream at me when I don't do it correctly, nor do they bite or require diaper changes.  

    That being said, I'm not in NF's situation; that's just how I feel about my post-partum visits from friends and family.   

    Prudence
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  • She's probably terrified you're going to cut her off so she thinks the squeaky wheel gets the grease. I think you're well within your rights to say you need some space. 
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