April 2013 Moms

VENT (LONG)

This is a very long long vent and is over due (happened a few days ago but I cannot calm down and I have lost sleep... I needed to post!)

So when my LO was about 6 days old my FIL came to visit.  My DH was excited since my FIL had never been to our home (we have lived here for 2 years) and he got to introduce his daughter!  Well they got in town on a Sunday at noon and then decided they were going to go see other family members first then come over.  About 10pm we get a text that they just got to the hotel and will come over the next day.  The next day by 1:30pm we have not heard from them so I decide to take a nap.  As soon as I lay down they text that they are on their way (did not ask).  They came over and immediately my DH step mother (SM; who is the wicked witch) grabbed my LO? I nicely requested everyone wash their hands.  The SM says ?Here take her then because I am not going to wash my hands.? Which she never did, and my FIL kept trying to hand my LO to her.  They stayed for about 3 hours.  Now my DH and I are first time parents and at the time I was really struggling at BFing (If you remember I was in tears 24/7 and was feeing every 30 minutes).  We did our best to be friendly and host.  The next two days went the same, they came over unannounced stayed for three hours and then left.  I was the best hostess I could be for being exhausted and emotionally wrecked from all my struggles with BFing.  I offered beverages, I tried to give a tour of the house and nursery (SM declined to even see the nursery).  I was friendly as could be because I knew it was important to my DH.  We thought they were very insensitive and that the SM was a rude *** but that overall the visit went well. 

 

Well?. The other night my DH?s father calls and screams his head off at him about how inhospitable we were.  My FIL said that he felt awkward and uncomfortable while at our house and that it was our fault for being rude.  He also said that they did not need to wash their hands to hold the baby because they were not dirty people.  He stated that we should?ve had a BBQ or provided meals for them.  His FIL stated that he was going to yell at my DH the first night after they left but he decided to give it time, but after time he was still upset and had to share.  My DH responded that we were struggling as first time parents and that he felt uncomfortable about FIL?s wife (they have only been married 2 years and it has been hell since).  We are first time parents, struggling with a baby that could not BF properly and was needy at the time due to that.  My DH was very hurt but we tried to brush it off.

 

Well?. Last night my husband gets an e-mail from his father going off again! He said that he and his wife have open communication and he had to tell her that my DH felt uncomfortable around her and how much that hurt her feelings.  He went off again about how inhospitable we were and that we should?ve BBQ?d and had his favorite beer in stock for him, etc.  He then said that he wanted to give parenting advice but felt uncomfortable doing it while he was here so he was going to say it in the e-mail.  Then, he proceeded to say that we needed to give LO a bottle so she wouldn?t want to be with me and on my breast so frequently!!  The e-mail went on and on with rude stuff!  I was so heated I couldn?t even sleep! Let me clear things up for every one!  My husband (and I) so uncomfortable around his SM because she is a ***!  She is cold hearted!  Also, my FIL in law calls my husband all the time and complains how much he hates her and how cold she is.  He says he doesn?t want to be married to her but doesn?t want another failed marriage (this is his 5th).  He spends hours on the phone and via text complaining about her!  They have such open communication why doesn?t he tell her that!  Also, my DH?s father walked out on my DH?s mother when my DH was 2 weeks old and did not have a relationship with my DH until my DH was 10, and even then it was inconsistent.  So what does he know about being a parent and giving parenting advice?  And not only was he not around for his child but his current wife did not BF her children so who do they think they are to give me BFing advice!  Finally throughout the e-mail he referred to himself as ?Dad? and wrote in the third person!  Dad was upset to tell Dad?s wife you felt uncomfortable.  (He refers to himself as dad in person as well and ALWAYS calls my DH son; compensating much?).  I would LOVE to tell him Dad as well as Grandpa is an earned title which he has not earned so my LO will be calling him by his first name!

 

Uh I am so heated!!!! It is everything in my power not to give him a piece of my mind.  My DH is trying to play if off but I know he is so hurt.  He was so excited for his dad to come see our house (big accomplishment) and introduce his first born/his daughter.  They live in another state and we haven?t spoken since but I am trying my hardest to find something constructive to say back (so he hears me) but all I know is to go for his jugular!

 

Thank you for letting me vent!  Lol sorry if you made it through this whole thing!  I am open to advice of something constructive I could say. Also, for any typos or parts that don?t make sense I am typing fast and heated.


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Re: VENT (LONG)

  • In laws suck, you and your husband shouldn't have to take that abuse. You're kind and strong for hosting anyway, just know you're a better person!
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  • I would be so hurt and mad, too.  No way would I be catering to all their needs right after having a baby!

     I'd talk with dh and try to find a somewhat civilized way to say that while we love them (or at least fil), we feel that they acted inappropriately and are not welcome in our home if they are going to act like rude, inconsiderate little kids.

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  • That is just ridiculous. I don't really have any advice but hang in there. I'm honestly the type of person that if peoplr don't respect me I just cut them off until they do. Sucks because he is technically grandpa but he needs to straighten up his act! And leave that crazy B! Who doesn't wash their hands before holding a baby. Invite them over for a bbq and serve them on the floor then be like, "what? We're not dirty people!" : alright I'm done lol
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  • OMG!! I'm mad for you! How dare he tell you how to feed your baby, let alone tell you not to BF!!

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  • JSS1002JSS1002
    5000 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its Second Anniversary
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    I'd say he shoudl walk out again, just like he did when your DH was a baby, and don't let the door hit him in the azz on the way out.
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  • zzbbzzbb
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    All I could think was the correct etiquette would have been for them to bring you guys dinner as you have your hands full. Rude. Anything you say back won't matter they just want you to feel bad and apologize...don't do it just go about your life and let them fester in their own unhappiness as you owe them no such apology or recognition. Let them be mad that you have more important things and people to tend to rather than entertain their demands and put downs.
  • Yo are a much better person than me, I'm so sorry they are sucky D-Bag people

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  • Wow! I am appalled by your IL's behaviour, and I am really sorry for your husband. Talk about a slap in the face.
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  • Truly awful! I guess FIL having run out on his own child doesn't understand how hard it is with a new baby. Clearly he never dealt with being sleep deprived and throwing BBQs and getting beer for guests. This person should not be in your family's lives until he apologizes. 
  • image JSS1002:
    I'd say he shoudl walk out again, just like he did when your DH was a baby, and don't let the door hit him in the azz on the way out.

     

    THIS is exactly what I was thinking.

    My heart breaks for your DH. His "father" isnt really acting like one but sounds like he never did. You both are much better people and you just focus on that amazing little one of yours and dont let the negative infection of FIL and his wicked witch effect you to much. They will be the ones losing out because they are childish and immature. (((HUGS))

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  • Kate_CKate_C
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its
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    I would say you are more than entitled to be heated and vent about that experience. Clearly since FIL wasn't around as a parent of a newborn, he has no idea how to treat you as new parents. They should have brought you food and offered to help, not expected you to entertain them. What a turd. Kudos to you for having the strength to not just let loose in response to his self absorbed rants.
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