February 2013 Moms

Do you still have a social life?

How are you ladies managing to have a social life, if at all?  I get so desperately lonely alone at home all day so I'm always jonesing for some adult conversation in the evenings and on the weekends, but I feel like every time I do something social I end up paying for it.  Last night I went to a wedding and even though I got home at 10:00 I was exhausted all day and my stash suffered because I couldn't pump from 5:00-10:00 (I EP). I was supposed to do dinner with a friend Tuesday at 6:00, but I realized I wouldn't get home in time to pump and wash bottles and then go to bed so I could get some sleep before DD wakes up (she gets up every 2 hours from 12 on).  I ended up canceling most of my social plans this week because I just can't do it and not be exhausted, but I miss my friends, barely see my husband, and am desperate to get out of the house.  DH is great about watching her and encouraging me to go out, but I just feel like I pay for it in the end.

How do you ladies manage? 

Re: Do you still have a social life?

  • ohlordyohlordy
    250 Answers 500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its
    member

    I pump on the road and where ever I can outside of the house. if it was a place with no outlets and i cant et to my car, i just wouldnt go.I also EP and found it to be tricky, but it's manageable. Friends are very understanding and never mind when I have to pump. 

     

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  • I'm always amazed by you ladies who EP.  I don't think I could do it.  If I go somewhere, it's with others who have kids, usually to a kid/family oriented place, so I just have the baby with me to feed.  I don't get out a lot though.  One tradition I've been doing for years is to have my friends with kids over for craft day every other month.  We dyed eggs at Easter and are making 4th of July shirts + water play and potluck at the end of this month.  It's always at my house, so I can do whatever I need to do.  

     

     

    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickersLilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • While I no longer EP, it's still tough to have a social life so I give you props at EPing. It's hard for us to go out with twins or ask someone to watch them because its a lot of work. We like to have friends at our house whenever we can. Yesterday we had a cookout for family during the day then had friends over at night. I will say that staying up until 1am was exhausting and I paid for it today lol. But it's worth it to have adult time! And knowing the babies are right upstairs makes it easier as well.
    We also try to have date nights when we can and every other week he gets a guys night out and I get a girls night out. This is usually on a week night so nothing crazy and we are home by 10 but I totally look forward to it!
  • I have no social life.  Going to the park with the baby is my big adventure most days.  

    I also EP and recently have been cutting way down on the number of pumps.  I'm doing this because I want to stop soon but am not willing to go cold turkey.  But I have to say I've been very fortunate in that as soon as I relaxed about my pumping schedule, my supply seemed to improve.. Like it takes less time to let down etc.  I think the first few days I lost like five ounces per day but then it bounced back up to my regular amount.  If you are willing to tryit, it might give you more freedom to do social things.  

  • I have very little social life. Although to be fair, I didn't really have much of one before. I'm a homebody and don't really handle spontaneous things well (I always have a schedule for my day).

    We go to church every week, so we see people there. We visit our families several times a week. And every once in awhile, like maybe every couple months, I'll get together with a good friend of mine who has a 7-month old. Other than that, DH and I take DD for walks and sometimes we go to the mall or something for a little bit. It doesn't help that DD tends to be on the fussy side and won't just fall asleep when she's tired. It makes us feel like we can't really go anywhere because we don't want to be inconsiderate to other people. 

    PCOS with long, irregular cycles
    First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013 
    BFP #2 in January 2014, DS born September 2014

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  • image pitterpatter129:

     If I go somewhere, it's with others who have kids, usually to a kid/family oriented place, so I just have the baby with me to feed. 

     

    Ditto.

    Overtime, we have developed a lot of friends who we hang out with as a family. So we do a lot of things on the weekend with that type of friends or dinners over at each other's house and let the kids play, etc.  

    I'm also really active on a local mommy board where we have organized Moms Night Outs, so I get out with my friends from there fairly regularly. 

    Just keep looking for some options that work for how things are now.  And keep in mind that this stage is not forever :) 


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  • image pitterpatter129:

    I'm always amazed by you ladies who EP.  I don't think I could do it.  If I go somewhere, it's with others who have kids, usually to a kid/family oriented place, so I just have the baby with me to feed.  I don't get out a lot though.  One tradition I've been doing for years is to have my friends with kids over for craft day every other month.  We dyed eggs at Easter and are making 4th of July shirts + water play and potluck at the end of this month.  It's always at my house, so I can do whatever I need to do.  

     

     

    This, for sure. I'm in awe, since I only have to pump twice a day, 5 days a week at work and hate every minute of it. 

    I would try to have people over to your house, pump before you have to meet anyone and as soon as you get home, and trust people to watch LO while you and YH are out. As for the lack of sleep, coffee and I are really good friends, and I'm getting used to living with less sleep, painful as it is on some days. It's worth it to feel human. And as cliche as it sounds, he won't be little forever, so I know sleep and adult social interactions will be back again someday on a more regular basis. 

    image
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    BFP#1: 12.27.11, EDD 9.6.12, M/C 1/6/12 at 5w
    BFP#2: 5.26.12, EDD 2.7.13, DS Born 2.1.13
    BFP#3: 9.4.14, EDD 5.16.15
  • I feel pretty lucky that our baby goes to bed around 8:30 and sleeps at least 5-6 hours, and my little brother lives around the corner and likes to come sit on our couch and watch TV, so we're actually able to get out a lot. We also own our own business and don't have to wake up early for work, so staying out late isn't an issue either. :)

    If we want to go out for dinner, we just bring the baby along. We leave right when he wakes up, I nurse him while we wait for our food, and he's content to sit on our laps during the meal. 

  • I feel ya. My social life has suffered drastically. This is one area were I do think that BFing, and especially EPing, are more difficult then FFing. If I want to go somewhere without the LO I have to worry about pumping and if I have enough milk for him while I'm away. It's easier to just take him with me but that's not always possible/appropriate. I figure that once he's older and it's easier to get out more I'll really know who my true friends are based on who's still around!
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  • First, I'd just like to applaud all you EP moms, you're amazing!! Second, the hubby and I vowed to take time for each other and alone time while I was pregnant. We always had very come and go lives, with or without each other, so a baby kind of changed all that. Since having one we have each kept our promise to go on a date on the third Saturday of each month. We have a babysitter reserved for that date in advance. We also each have one day out a week. He golfs and I usually run errands or spend time with girlfriends. During the day I am lucky enough to have SAHM friends so we have lots of play dates. I am one of those people whom needs adult interaction otherwise I get borderline depressed and become batty. It's been extremely important to both of us to have social lives, with and without our child, so we don't lose who we are. It's very hard at time, but our friends and families make sure to help us keep or promises!! I should add we do host lots of dinners at our house so its not like our child is with a sitter all the time!!
  • LolaJrLolaJr
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    member

    I have stayed in touch with moms from my childbirth class as well as women from my midwife clinic - we try to do something every week. I don't know what I'd do without them. I'm in Canada where we have a year mat leave, so a lot of friends are in different stages of leave, so i have many options of moms to hang out with, thankfully. I'm extremely social and NOT a homebody. We also have people over to our houses all the time. Last night we had a bunch of friends over for a bonfire in the backyard after DS went to bed. It's the first time I felt like my old self in a long time. I had a moment where I felt guilty, like I should be using that time to sleep, but the I reminded myself that I needed this - and I'm glad I didn't go to bed early, I would've missed all the fun!  

     I do often feel like I'd love to go out without DS, but I EBF and it's not really worth it for me right now. We haven't even tried giving a bottle yet. I figure there are many events this summer where we can leave DS with the grandparents and have some real time with friends! 

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  • I do a lot of meetups for the area.. Getting out and active with other moms in the same situation is a lifesaver, even if they aren't close friend material.

     

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  • SagenSagen
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
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    All my friends have kids, so we get together with them. My best friend has a baby one month older than me. I love that we have babies so close, they always seem to want to nurse at the same time, so we will go shopping, stop to nurse, then go to lunch ;)  DH and I still do dates with the baby, but w/o the other kids.

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  • Social life? What is that? lol. I EP as well and when I know we will be gone for 4-6 hours and I don't want/are able to pump in the time, I plan for it by making up for the lost pump(s) before I leave. So for example, I pump at 6am, 9am, noon, 3pm, 6pm, 9pm, and midnight. But if I know I will be gone from noon to 6pm, I pump at 6am, 8am, 10am, and noon (right before I leave) then pick up my pumps on schedule at 6 or 7. From what I have read and discussed with a few lactation consultants, its not so much about when you pump, but how many times/minutes you get in within a 24 hour period and making sure your breasts are totally empty during your pumps. I pump out 50+ ozs a day with this schedule, double what my son needs and I end up having to make up pumps ALL the time. But I always try to make them up BEFORE I leave rather than after I get home when I'm bone tired.

    As for the social aspects, for now, I make sure I'm only gone 4-6 hours at a shot if I do ever get out. I really can't go longer than a 6 hour stretch just because my breasts will seriously hurt and have let down after painful let down until I pump them. I will do a happy dance the day I put this pump away for good. 

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  • My social life has definitely taken a dive, but I try to do what I can to see my friends.  I invited a few close friends (none of them have kids) over to my house for brunch. And sometimes DH will watch DS for a couple hours while I go meet up with friends for dinner.  My mom is nearby, so she'll watch DS if we need a date night.  Overall, I think it's easier to invite people over to our house nowadays.  But my social life is definitely not what it used to be, that's for sure. I need to make more mom friends! 

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Well, it has changed, for sure. I take the kids to kid-friendly stuff during the day to meet other moms and then plan play dates from there. For evenings with non-parent friends I invite them to my place for dinner/games/drinks so that it's easier to manage kid bedtimes.

     

    And, I enlist my DH's help for night times on nights when he doesn't have to commute in the morning. I BF but on weekend nights DH stays with DD while I sleep in another room. He brings her to me to nurse, then I bring her back and her gets her to sleep and deals with any fussiness so I can catch up on sleep. I highly recommend you at least try a few nights where your DH sleeps with the baby and does all the feedings while you just sleep and wake up for  your regular pumps (and maybe even skip one- sleep is important for supply, too!)

  • I'm also EPing and have been super blessed to have very understanding friends and family!  I'm back to work now, but while on leave we would GTG with various friends, particularly those who just had babies themselves.  We went to the zoo (pumped just before and then in the car between the zoo and lunch).  I haven't had any trouble with suction from using the battery pack.  I do think it's better with the plug, but the batteries work well enough.  Just last night some of the girls in our local moms group had a favorite things party (so fun!) and I basically moved into my friend's house for the evening.  I had DD in her carseat, diaper bag, pump back, cooler with pump parts + bottle, extra bag of CDs to show to a couple of people plus my 5 fav things and my snack contribution.  It was a little ridiculous but whatever. :P  I had to pump in the middle of the party and just sat down behind the couch (close to an outlet) popped a cover on and pumped away.  I think pretty much everyone there either was BFing or had tried and they all totally understood.  I'm super lucky. :)  

    We had a play date last week on my day off with one of them whose baby boy was born a week before my girl (yes, they're currently betrothed) about an hour from my house.  I pumped a little while before I left, twice while at her house and again in the car after stopping for groceries. I just do my best to schedule my 8+ pumps in around what we've got going on. 

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  • I work full-time, so that is pretty much my social life. Other than that, if we go out with friends, baby comes with us. She is pretty portable so it's not so bad. We are doing a mix of BFing and FFing, which helps with our mobility sometimes. We did go on one date, which was a wedding of an acquaintance. We ended up leaving really early and going out somewhere else, just the two of us. It was nice to get a chance to talk to eachother alone and uninterrupted. We have another few weddings coming up, so those events seem to be our big nights out. I think once we can find a nighttime baby sitter that we trust we might go out more often. Right now, I don't want to leave her more than I have to for work.
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