Preemies

Adjusted age

Forgive me if this has been asked recently; I haven't had my Wheaties yet.
How do you handle the whole actual age vs adjusted age with your preemie? For doctors appointments I assumed I'd give both ages unless they just want adjusted. But for preschools, friends, family, etc...do you give the actual or adjusted? Or am I doomed to telling my whole life story whenever someone asks? :]

There's probably no right answer, but I was wondering what all of you do. Thanks!!!
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Re: Adjusted age

  • MrsRKJMrsRKJ
    1000 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
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    I give actual age
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  • Well, it all depends on the situation.  If a stranger asks now, I say actual age because the rude commentary about his size and development bugs me less now, but his first year, I often just gave his adjusted age because he was small and developmentally behind for his actual age.  If I know the person, I usually just say his actual age and then respond with his prematurity if they comment on size or development.  His doctors usually use his actual age, but EI uses adjusted.  I don't know that there is ever a straight answer for this one.  Sorry!
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  • BLPL101BLPL101
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    I use actual age, but will comment that she is a preemie if they mention how small she is. Plus she has bad reflux so she has been gaining weight slowly so that doesn't help!
  • image BLPL101:
    I use actual age, but will comment that she is a preemie if they mention how small she is. Plus she has bad reflux so she has been gaining weight slowly so that doesn't help!

    I've been lurking on this board since my best friend had her twins 10 weeks early to help me understand what she is going through.  I am just shocked and horrified by the things people say!  I'm so sorry that in addition to all the obnoxious pregnancy comments people give (my favorite was "are you OK with that" when I told people I was having a boy) that you also have to deal with them after your babies are born.  My friend gets "well at least you didn't have to deal with the awful third trimester!"  Seriously!  I'm just shocked by how insensitive people are.   You mammas all rock and your babies are lucky to have you.  Sorry to but in; I just had to express my outrage on your behalf!

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  • I use actual age unless they say something about "my kid did this by then.." Or something like that. I always gave actual and adjusted at first. Now that we are getting closer to one I've moved to just actual.


    There is no right answer. My son has caught up pretty well and has no ongoing concerns that we know of so if I give adjusted I tend to get more comments about it being time to get over it. So it's easier for me to avoid it.
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  • Thanks for the replies. I was just curious. I'll be lucky if I can remember even one of the ages...maybe I should just pass out pamphlets explaining when someone asks.
    And the rivalry begins

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  • image BLPL101:
    I use actual age, but will comment that she is a preemie if they mention how small she is. Plus she has bad reflux so she has been gaining weight slowly so that doesn't help!


    Same with my guy! His reflux is making it hard for him to gain weight. All the cool kids have reflux.
    And the rivalry begins

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  • image flerlgirl:
    Thanks for the replies. I was just curious. I'll be lucky if I can remember even one of the ages...maybe I should just pass out pamphlets explaining when someone asks.

    The idea of passing out pamphlets made me LOL!!! Sometimes it feels like that would be easier.  I tend to follow the same line as pretty much everyone else. I go with actual age, but then mention she was 2 months early when the size/development comments start rolling in. 

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  • I used to give his actual then the "but he was a preemie".  I am finally comfortable with just his actual age.  He is turning one on Friday.  With complete strangers when he was younger we would just give adjusted to avoid the life story.  My husband and I used to just look at eachother at some of the remarks we would get.

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  • When strangers ask our relpy always begins...well he is actually 4.5 months old. Since he is so small I get the...oh, he is too knew to have him out and about...comment a lot. I say well he was born in December and his doc has cleared us for public places...I typicalky wear him...

    I only mention adjusted ig there is a comment about his development but most of those comments are usually positive like...he is so alert...or...look at him hold his head up.
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  • Now that he's almost 3 I use actual but sometimes mention that he was a preemie and that he has short parents because he's the size of an 18 month old.

    I think developmentally most preemies catch up by 18 months or 2 so you can stop adjusting for milestones at that point. 

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  • I was at the park and this old lady comes over and is like, how old is she?  I was distracted and said 2 months (which is adjusted).  Then she goes on to have this conversation with me about having her, etc., and I start feeling all guilty, so I have to be like, oh, but she's really 4 months, but she was 2 months early.  And she looks at me like I am really confused about counting or something. And I felt like a liar who didn't want to tell people my child's age.  So now I go with actual.  But when I'm at the mom's group, where everyone has little babies, I always say, "she's 4 months, but she was 2 months early."  But I say that so often I think they probably all think I'm obsessed with her being a preemie.  Plus, compared to the 2 month olds, she looks huge and old (but "floppy" compared to 4 month olds), so I should probably just start going with actual...
  • When DS was younger, I went by actual age. But then I always got weird looks from strangers and I felt like I had to defend myself by saying he was a preemie. I got tired of telling the story so I just started going by adjusted. Now, I don't care what people think. He is still little for his age, but I always go by actual.

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  • I always gave actual age, and her docs always adjusted when taking things into account.  My family was pretty good at remembering to adjust for milestones on their own, so we never used adjusted age in conversation unless discussing milestones.

    I still gave actual age with random people who asked, and if the conversation evolved from there (usually through comments about her size) I just said she was a preemie born 11 weeks early and that was usually enough of an explanation to satisfy people. 

  • Pips09Pips09
    2500 Comments 250 Answers Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
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    In the beginning, it depended who asked. If it was someone in passing, out in public, etc ,I would give her adjusted age, to pre-empt size/development comments. If it was someone who I knew, or I was more comfortable with, I'd give both. Since about a year old, I've only given her actual age. Her doctors will stop adjusting at 2 years old, so we will, too.
  • image flerlgirl:
    image BLPL101:
    I use actual age, but will comment that she is a preemie if they mention how small she is. Plus she has bad reflux so she has been gaining weight slowly so that doesn't help!
    Same with my guy! His reflux is making it hard for him to gain weight. All the cool kids have reflux.

    Reflux here too and issues with weight gain, which is why I use both. Because otherwise people look at me strange given her size.  

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