Two Under 2

We wanna be baby bunchers!

Hi ladies. DH and I want to have 3-5 children and want them to be close in age. I have already talked to my Dr about it and he said it's best to wait a year in between each child, but I personally don't want to wait that long. I've read a few things online, this being one of them:

"The risk of preterm birth when there is less than six months between pregnancies is 41%, and lower between six and 12 months. In general, your body needs 12 months to recover from the previous pregnancy and birth.  Specifically, your pelvic floor remains weak right after birth.  There is an increased risk for female organ prolapse, where the uterus, bladder and/or rectum herniate or bulge into the vaginal canal, if there is not enough time between pregnancies for your body to completely heal."

So that scares me a lot. We already had a 2nd tri miscarriage while TTC DS and I do not want to imagine going through any of what's mentioned above..

Any advice, words of wisdom, or stories (sad or happy) is very appreciated. TIA  

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Re: We wanna be baby bunchers!

  • LC122LC122
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper First Answer
    member
    A couple thoughts.
    1 I'm sure you would prioritize having healthy children with a healthy mother over having children closer in age. So, that should make it worth the wait.
    2 The advice about letting your body heal and the statistics about risks are based in evidence, so you should really take that to heart.
    3 There are also steps you can take to help your chances of best outcomes. Exercising before, during, and after/between pregnancies can help your body prepare for pregnancy/labor and recover/bounce back and prevent un intended outcomes like the ones in your quote.
    4 Whatever you choose, always keep in mind what is best for the health and safety of your children and their mother.
    Good Luck.
  • What is the increased risk, would be my question. Like, is there a 1.5% chance of female organ prolapse if pregnancies are more than 12 months apart, vs. 3% if less than 12 months apart? 3% is still a small, small risk. Or is it more like 40%? Without more specific data, I find it hard to take it to heart.

    That said, I know a lot of women who have had children close together, and only one of whom had an issue (ruptured uterus - she had c/s) which could have happened whether her kids were close in age or not. The one mom I know who does have issues with prolapse, has three children, but the closest age gap is 5 years. So take that for what you will.

    Honestly, I think unless your dr has told you that there is a specific danger for you to have kids close in age, I wouldn't worry about the increased risk of this or that. Try to conceive when you and DH feel ready.

    If you're looking for personal experiences, my first two are 14 months apart and I had no problems with my second pregnancy, other than the scar from my c/s hurt a bit as it stretched. My second two are 18 months apart and I had the same pain from scar tissue stretching (which isn't that bad) and I had more pelvic pain since things are looser and baby was a bit lower. (That can happen with other moms on their third or fourth pregnancy regardless of how far apart their kids are.) I have no regrets about the spacing of my kids.

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  • Mine are 14mos apart. It was hard on me physically, but nothing extreme. I had to pay more attention to my nutrition and iron.

    postpartum I did develop a (relatively minor) prolapse issue. So it does happen. Uncomfortable and sometimes awkward, but manageable. I was surprised by how taboo the topic was, at least in my region. I feel certain it must happen more often than is "discussed".

    personally, I think there is something to be said for giving your body time to recover. But probably not the end of the world. I wouldn't do it again, though. 

    ETA: I did go full term with no preterm labor concerns 

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  • Hehe, "baby bunchers". I've never heard that before. Anyway, I have lots of kids close together. I have nine and my oldest is 10. I had 9i9, actually. But I have twins and trips so really it was "only" 6 pregnancies in <10 years. My closest bunching was having 4 in 32 months- twins then a single 14 months later, then a single 18 months later. Between my oldest and my twins there is 33 months, and then 2- 2.5 years between my 5, 6 and 7,8,9. 

    I haven't had any complications that have ever been explained by having too many/ too close together. My babies do tend to come a little early, but my oldest did as well, and my fourth was my latest and my triplets were a great gestation soooo I don't know if that's a 'lots of kids' thing or a me thing. I will tell you than by the time my fifth was born (5u5 and my fourth in less than 3 years) my body was extremely sore. That said, I had 2.5 years between her and #6 and that was a dreamy pregnancy so I just needed some time to rest. 

    We are now done, and I am happy with that. I LOVE having them close together and I am really glad that I don't have a wide age spread. I have a fellow large family Mom who is attending her sons college graduation today with a 2 year old in a stroller- the idea of this makes me want to hide and/ or throw up. I much much much prefer the relationships that my closer kids have- I have seen the hardest transitions for each child been when the next is born with a wider gap. JME, others may vary. Its even odd to me that I have a 10 year old and also babies. And although I am definitely not wishing away my babies infancy, I am looming forward to having everyone in the next "phase"- something I just couldn't do if I had a wide gap. So, it really works for us. 

    I wouldn't freak out too much about the stats. While of course they are real and important, there are risks to EVERYTHING. I would definitely not limit my family size based on something that might one day happen but you have no sign of yet.

     ETA because I feel the need to explain that last sentence. For example- prolapse. If you start having a signs of weak uterine tone, pelvic floor issues etc and you feel like the risk of UP is high enough  to stop, then stop. But don't think "gosh, everything looks fine now with #3 but I am too scared to have a much wanted #4 because I might get a UP". Hope that makes sense. 

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  • image mummyofsix:

    Hehe, "baby bunchers". I've never heard that before. Anyway, I have lots of kids close together. I have nine and my oldest is 10. I had 9i9, actually. But I have twins and trips so really it was "only" 6 pregnancies in <10 years. My closest bunching was having 4 in 32 months- twins then a single 14 months later, then a single 18 months later. Between my oldest and my twins there is 33 months, and then 2- 2.5 years between my 5, 6 and 7,8,9. 

    I haven't had any complications that have ever been explained by having too many/ too close together. My babies do tend to come a little early, but my oldest did as well, and my fourth was my latest and my triplets were a great gestation soooo I don't know if that's a 'lots of kids' thing or a me thing. I will tell you than by the time my fifth was born (5u5 and my fourth in less than 3 years) my body was extremely sore. That said, I had 2.5 years between her and #6 and that was a dreamy pregnancy so I just needed some time to rest. 

    We are now done, and I am happy with that. I LOVE having them close together and I am really glad that I don't have a wide age spread. I have a fellow large family Mom who is attending her sons college graduation today with a 2 year old in a stroller- the idea of this makes me want to hide and/ or throw up. I much much much prefer the relationships that my closer kids have- I have seen the hardest transitions for each child been when the next is born with a wider gap. JME, others may vary. Its even odd to me that I have a 10 year old and also babies. And although I am definitely not wishing away my babies infancy, I am looming forward to having everyone in the next "phase"- something I just couldn't do if I had a wide gap. So, it really works for us. 

    I wouldn't freak out too much about the stats. While of course they are real and important, there are risks to EVERYTHING. I would definitely not limit my family size based on something that might one day happen but you have no sign of yet.

     ETA because I feel the need to explain that last sentence. For example- prolapse. If you start having a signs of weak uterine tone, pelvic floor issues etc and you feel like the risk of UP is high enough  to stop, then stop. But don't think "gosh, everything looks fine now with #3 but I am too scared to have a much wanted #4 because I might get a UP". Hope that makes sense. 

     

    You are my hero. I am being 100% serious. I adore large families, and although I am lucky that my hubby will let us have one more, I applaud you and your family. I wish I could have 9 babies.

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  • kagl08kagl08
    5000 Comments 250 Answers Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
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    I had 2 babies 13.5 months apart and I ended up having my 2nd prematurely. He had a host of issues because of being premature, and we almost lost him. Then because of being premature he had severe reflux and a milk-soy-protein intolerance, which caused him to be failure-to-thrive because he couldn't gain weight. Was he born early because we had them close? I am not sure, and I will never know. My 1st came at 37w0d on her own, so I do have a history of earlier deliveries. However, his issues were enough for us to say we were done having kids. 2 healthy kids was enough for me.

    I loved having my 2 close and if our 2nd didn't have the issues he had, we would have done 2u2 again for a 3rd. It was really great! I agree with PP not to let the "what-ifs" change your family plans, however if you experience an issue take that as your sign to stop. 


  • My three youngest are 32 months, 13 months and I am currently 27 weeks along with the last. I asked my ob about possible complications from having them so close together. I am on extra vitamins but other than that have had perfectly healthy pregnancies so far. I eat healthy and try to walk everyday. I also do a lot of kegels because I know they help with muscle tone and labor. In the end it is up to you an what you are comfortable with. Good luck
    Tara
  • bmerrbmerr
    250 Answers 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary
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    Thank you all for the great insight! When I brought those issues to DH, he basically said the same thing-- the chances are so low that why not take the risk? If I doesn't work out, there are plenty of other options to have a family.

    ETA: We had a nice, long chat last night about this and have decided to wait a few months (between Sept-Nov) to start TTC. I'm going to work on getting my body nice and ready and get my doc very involved. We also just renewed our lease on our 2 bedroom condo back in March. Being in a 3+ bedroom house before #2 arrives would be ideal. Thank you again for the help! This is why this site is awesome :) <3

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  • KC_13KC_13
    10000 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its Fifth Anniversary
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    image bmerr:

    Hi ladies. DH and I want to have 3-5 children and want them to be close in age. I have already talked to my Dr about it and he said it's best to wait a year in between each child, but I personally don't want to wait that long. I've read a few things online, this being one of them:

    "The risk of preterm birth when there is less than six months between pregnancies is 41%, and lower between six and 12 months. In general, your body needs 12 months to recover from the previous pregnancy and birth.  Specifically, your pelvic floor remains weak right after birth.  There is an increased risk for female organ prolapse, where the uterus, bladder and/or rectum herniate or bulge into the vaginal canal, if there is not enough time between pregnancies for your body to completely heal."

    So that scares me a lot. We already had a 2nd tri miscarriage while TTC DS and I do not want to imagine going through any of what's mentioned above..

    Any advice, words of wisdom, or stories (sad or happy) is very appreciated. TIA  

    that article is incredibly misleading-statistics can be warped to make things look scary. Only one in nine babies are born premature-there's no way that 41% of all children who are born 9-15 months apart are preemies. Your risk may be 41% higher than the general population, but premature births aren't that common. Also, the majority of premature births are late term preemies which is a risk of course, but the risks are much lower than a baby born at 23 weeks gestation. 

    yes, there is a higher risk of uterine rupture and prolapse, but those complications happen in less than 1% of deliveries. Your personal risk may be higher than the general population but the overall chance of that happening is very low. 

    I would discuss with your doctor the risks/benefits. If you want a larger family, it might be safer to have them closer together than space them farther putting yourself into AMA with your younger children-im not sure really what's the lesser of two evils. My doctor approved my close pregnancies based on my personal health history- I was young, healthy, in good physical condition, and my delivery/recovery was smooth with my first and was for my second. The risks for someone else might be higher for someone who is obese, AMA and already had a history of premature birth-kwim? 

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  • bmerrbmerr
    250 Answers 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary
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    image KC_13:
    image bmerr:

    Hi ladies. DH and I want to have 3-5 children and want them to be close in age. I have already talked to my Dr about it and he said it's best to wait a year in between each child, but I personally don't want to wait that long. I've read a few things online, this being one of them:

    "The risk of preterm birth when there is less than six months between pregnancies is 41%, and lower between six and 12 months. In general, your body needs 12 months to recover from the previous pregnancy and birth.  Specifically, your pelvic floor remains weak right after birth.  There is an increased risk for female organ prolapse, where the uterus, bladder and/or rectum herniate or bulge into the vaginal canal, if there is not enough time between pregnancies for your body to completely heal."

    So that scares me a lot. We already had a 2nd tri miscarriage while TTC DS and I do not want to imagine going through any of what's mentioned above..

    Any advice, words of wisdom, or stories (sad or happy) is very appreciated. TIA  

    that article is incredibly misleading-statistics can be warped to make things look scary. Only one in nine babies are born premature-there's no way that 41% of all children who are born 9-15 months apart are preemies. Your risk may be 41% higher than the general population, but premature births aren't that common. Also, the majority of premature births are late term preemies which is a risk of course, but the risks are much lower than a baby born at 23 weeks gestation. 

    yes, there is a higher risk of uterine rupture and prolapse, but those complications happen in less than 1% of deliveries. Your personal risk may be higher than the general population but the overall chance of that happening is very low. 

    I would discuss with your doctor the risks/benefits. If you want a larger family, it might be safer to have them closer together than space them farther putting yourself into AMA with your younger children-im not sure really what's the lesser of two evils. My doctor approved my close pregnancies based on my personal health history- I was young, healthy, in good physical condition, and my delivery/recovery was smooth with my first and was for my second. The risks for someone else might be higher for someone who is obese, AMA and already had a history of premature birth-kwim? 

    Thank you!!! While reading a few articles and statistics, all I could think was, "I'm 23, never had a health issue in my life, and had an outstanding pregnancy, delivery (minus discovering I had pre-e at 39 weeks, thus having to be induced), and recovery.. can those stats really apply to me??" At my yearly a few weeks ago, I talked with my OB about having children close in age and he said that if that's what my DH and I want, then we should be fine. But he made sure to tell me that waiting a year is optimal. Thank you for help! :)

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  • I had my 2 kids 18months apart, and personally I think that was perfect.  I was also EBF so I didn't get my first period until 9 months postpartum.  Just because you want to get pregnant right away doesn't mean it will happen.  My pregnancy was easy, and at 18months DD was a good age for me to handle a 2nd LO.  Now that they are 15months and 2.5, they are both a bit of a handful haha.  I have decided to wait awhile before having a 3rd. I say go for a 2nd and then see how you are feeling- physically, mentally, emotionally and go from there. I think I would like to do 2u2 again, b/c I love how close my kids are, but I'd like to wait until DS is about 3yrs so my kids are a bit more independent. (Also I can't afford a 3rd in DC!)

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  • All of my kids are 16-20 months apart, except this last one (he/she will be 25 months younger than #5), so I obviously did not wait 12 months between pregnancies.  I did start on the "young" side (24) and I WAS pretty fit when I started, not so much anymore LOL!  My Dr never said anything to me about waiting, but if he did, I would take that under serious consideration.  Your dr knows your specific circumstances, I would talk to him/her about your future plans and see what they think.

    I haven't had any complications with my pregnancies, other than hyperemisis with my first three, but I'm also glad this is our last one and we are done.  I can't imagine doing this when I'm 35-40 years old.

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  • I'm not one to analyze it too much.  I figure whatever is meant to happen will happen if I let it.  We have used natural spacing.  With my pregnancies I have gotten pregnant on my first fertile cycle.  The first 2 were 15 months apart and the next one will be 20 months apart.  I wouldn't get your heart too set on any spacing.  You only have so much control over what happens.  I also don't worry about the bad things that can happen because freak things can happen no matter spacing and your health history.  This of course all changes if the doctor says it's not safe for me anymore for whatever reason.
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