Natural Birth

I want a doula!

I have been interested in having a doula with us hubby and I since I found out I was pregnant. Although we are going with a midwifery practice I plan on labouring at home as long as possible and so to me, as a FTM, a doula makes sense. My mum lives back in the UK and cannot travel so I think its an emotional thing also.

I have mentioned it several times but sitting down to talk about it with hubby last night, he doesnt understand why we would want a doula and not his mother. I dont want his mom there. I don't want her seeing me like that and I don't know how supportive she would be of my plan to try to avoid medication. She was in a tizz when I told her I was using a midwife not an OB, and is concerned that we'll deliver at a place called the Birthing Inn which is actually adjoined to the hospital and a NICU and not a place properly labelled as a hospital.

If you had to convince your SI that a doula was a good thing, what did you say? I have just borrowed a bunch of books from the library in thw hope of pulling out statistics and facts to substantiate my thoughts.

Sorry this is a long whine!!


Re: I want a doula!

  • Doulas themselves are pretty convincing, as is the husband of a woman than has used one. My DH could talk yours into in, no problem.
  • image tokenhoser:
    Doulas themselves are pretty convincing, as is the husband of a woman than has used one. My DH could talk yours into in, no problem.

    I completely agree.  My H was on the fence. He thought it was a lot of money and he could support me.  We met with a couple of doulas and they explained how they could help him support me.  We loved our doula and she was a wonderful asset to our birth.

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  • casey78casey78
    5000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 250 Answers 500 Love Its
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    My DH wasn't on board at first. I asked him to do some reading (The Birth Partner or one of the Bradley books) and to watch business of being born with me.  He did both - and then brought up the doula subject on his own.  He has been just as involved with our interview and first appt as I have - even brings the mot questions each time. 
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  • CelynCelyn
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 5 Love Its
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    One of the reasons I became a doula is because I couldn't get my husband on board to have one.  Watching him struggle to remember everything we were taught in our birthing class made me never want to see another dad not have someone to whisper in his ear and remind him how to help his partner have a great birth experience, or someone to give him a break when he needs one, or remind him to feed himself so he doesn't power through so much that he's exhausted when the baby comes.
  • Not sure how to convince but... With first birth, we looked into doulas but eventually decided not to bother with it. That birth experience was alright but not exactly what we wanted, and we were VERY frazzled throughout. My husband was pushing for a doula this time more than I was! 

    Maybe pitch it this way: A doula is like a birth assistant for him too. She can get coffee and snacks or just 'tag in' when he needs a break.

    If your MIL isn't on board with your birth plan/goals, I would definitely not allow her as a support person. Maybe she can be there along with the doula as a compromise? (Doula can also be the bad guy for you and kick MIL out if needed!)

    Honestly, I think it's weird when MILs feel they have to be at the birth itself. But then, I won't even allow my own mother to be there until right after the delivery! 

    Alternative Housewife - Mama style on a budget

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