3rd Trimester

Pregnancy thoughts normal??please read.

 Feel Off since gender scan

Feel something bad will happen during labor or before/after

Can't shake this nagging feeling in my head.

feel I'll wake up one day and she will be gone

when buying things for her I get a sick feeling in my stomach.

feel like getting sick/ anxious when people talk about her arrival and when people say her name.I'm convinced she won't be coming home  with me.

Can't picture her here like it's not going to happen.

When I think about labor and her coming out I can't even picture what she will look like.

I feel uneasy when setting things up for her like there isn't a point

I don't want to talk about pregnancy at all.

I didn't even want a baby shower.

This is my second pregnancy I never ever felt this way with my first.

I know I have posted this before but I'm really trying to work out my feelings and get through them.

it all started when I found out the gender, and when my friend  was posting all these pics of her babies who passed away, and then she posted pictures of the things she bought them and I remember thinking that it must have been hard seeing those things when you don't have a baby to put in them, and then idk what happened after that, sometimes I try thinking that it's a boy because that's comforting because I already had a boy. I'm dealing with depersonalizing as well, so idk that the bad feeling is because I don't feel comfortable.

 

I just wish I could find someone who has felt exactly the same way about everything as I do and everything turned out ok.

I have read some stories of moms who lost their babies who felt the same way, but I have also talked to other moms who dfelt this very same way and things turned out fine.

I did read about women feeling their babies one second and then not the next and they were gone, I also read of moms losing their babies in labor and delivery, I also read about moms knowing from the beginning that something wasn't right, and just chalked it up to anxiety.

 

So are there moms out there that have felt exactly the same way and how did it turn out? I want the good and bad. I need to work through these feelings, I can't tell the difference between anxiety/paranoia or intuition.

Re: Pregnancy thoughts normal??please read.

  • My first suggestion is to stop reading these stories.......some of what you are feeling is totally normal.  We had very close friends lose a baby late and it definitely was on my mind my whole pregnancy.  I think if you are not already seeking some counselling and support for these feelings, you might want to consider it.  It sounds like you need to talk it out and a professional could help you with this.  You say uou have posted this before, so you are clearly reaching out, however, we are strangers on the internet and I think someone in real life might be better for you......

    Karen - 36      DH - 39

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  • I'm pretty sure I responded to this exact post about a weeks ago..

     Edit: I didn't see where you said that, but even so you got a lot of good advice from a lot of people. I've felt the same way at times but there's nothing more to say other than what's already been said. You need to see a mental health professional and deal with this, the interwebz has helped you as much as it can.

  • I think you should seek the help of a mental health professional to cope with your incessant anxieties. Some anxiety is normal but these obsessive, morbid fixations are not. I'm also curious as to how the sex of the baby has influenced your worries and why that matters.

    You really need a trained professional to work through these fears. Wishing you the best. Good luck.
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  • image Jasmineeelizabeth:

    I'm pretty sure I responded to this exact post about a weeks ago..

     

    yes but I made it easier to read. and still would like others to comment, am I not aloud to post more than once about the same subject in a different group?

  • image PrimRoseMama:
    I think you should seek the help of a mental health professional to cope with your incessant anxieties. Some anxiety is normal but these obsessive, morbid fixations are not. I'm also curious as to how the sex of the baby has influenced your worries and why that matters. You really need a trained professional to work through these fears. Wishing you the best. Good luck.

     

    I guess it's because I have a boy and I have always wanted a boy first and then a girl.

  • aylacbwaylacbw
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    Like pp have said, you need a mental healthcare professional to work through these things. This is clearly not just normal anxiety that comes and goes, it's morbid fixation and obsession in my opinion. I hope you get the help you need as soon as possible.
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  • SagenSagen
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     I felt on a smaller scale that same way. I would get worried something was wrong, or my baby wouldn't make it. I always wondered if it was fear or intuition, even though I felt the same way with my other three children, and they were fine. So basically four babies, all fine even though I wondered if bad thoughts and feeling were intuition or anxiety. It sounds like you are having more of a problem with this if you are posting the same thing trying to calm your fears.

    This is what I would say to myself if I started to get too worried. First off causation doesn't equal correlation just because you thought things might go wrong and they did doesn't mean you had intuition. That person might just have anxiety and that anxiety lined up with a bad cirrcumstance, therefore someone having a bad feeling then having something bad happen doesn't mean that they had intuition, they may or may not have, but you don't know. If I feel something bad might happen that it is probably anxiety, and less likely intution. Secondly there is not one thing worrying will do, as hard as it is cross that bridge when you come to it, but chances are very, very likely you never will. Enjoy the moment. Try working out, watching a funny movie, doing something distracting when bad feeling crop up. If you manage to stop thinking about it, but you still have the physical feelings of anxiety tell yourself that it is your body's reaction to bad thoughts, and trust it will subside. Try reading a book about cognitive behavioral therapy, or see if you can talk to a therapist if it is getting too out of hand. Good luck!

     

    ETA: After reading the boy girl thing I have to say I relate to that as well. With my last I though it was too lucky too have 4 healthy children, and wondered when the other shoe would drop. Dealing with anxiety sucks, stay on top of rational thinking. Many people have a boy then a girl, many people have 4 kids, many people are blessed. I hope you can help and feel better soon. Anxiety sucks, I was on meds for it and hated them so I went off. It is a hard thing to deal with, I even have anxiety attacks sometimes. I have learned to disconnect with my brain so to speak, and question my thoughts.  Hang in there ((hugs))

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  • image PrimRoseMama:
    I think you should seek the help of a mental health professional to cope with your incessant anxieties. Some anxiety is normal but these obsessive, morbid fixations are not. I'm also curious as to how the sex of the baby has influenced your worries and why that matters. You really need a trained professional to work through these fears. Wishing you the best. Good luck.

    I don't know about OP but personally I felt a lot better and felt safer after they told me it was a boy. My Mom lost 2 girls due to preterm labor not that long ago, and a teacher I was close with lost her baby girl as well. It was so easy to picture myself going through what they went through. Logically I know that that was a coincidence and the sex of the baby has nothing to do with it, but it made me feel better because I wasn't easily able picturing losing a boy. As I type it out it seems silly, but sometimes our brains work in weird ways, and I can see that the opposite may happen for some people.

     

    One thing I didn't mention in the last post OP is that I've found comfort in some of the mantras that the PgAL ladies have posted, for example I repeat to myself "Today I am pregnant and I love my baby"  I've also read some article directed towards woman who have experienced a loss, and it really helped me change some of my thinking patterns. Although I can never understand how hard it would be to personally go through a loss, my Mom's late losses when I was 14 & 16 rewired my brain to be very weary and fearful of being pregnant, and it's made it really hard to enjoy being pregnant at all so I do understand what you're going through.

     

  • image CJDMOM12345:
    image Jasmineeelizabeth:

    I'm pretty sure I responded to this exact post about a weeks ago..

     

    yes but I made it easier to read. and still would like others to comment, am I not aloud to post more than once about the same subject in a different group?

     

    Go ahead. I was just saying that I read through your entire last post and I spent a lot of time writing out a response for you and I thought that you got some really good answers there, some of which helped me as well. I don't know what else you're looking for. 

  • I agree with PP. I almost wonder if you are trying to freak out other women. Everyone is suggesting getting professional help. JUST DO IT ALREADY.

    There is nothing we can do to convince you things will be ok.  

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  • image CJDMOM12345:
    image Jasmineeelizabeth:

    I'm pretty sure I responded to this exact post about a weeks ago..

     

    yes but I made it easier to read. and still would like others to comment, am I not aloud to post more than once about the same subject in a different group?

    You can post whatever you want, wherever you want.  But you posted about this exact same thing on our birth month board last week and a lot of us responded to  you with slight variations on the same answer - you need to speak with a healthcare/mental health professional.  No one is going to say something here that will magically fix what you're experiencing because this isn't a simple problem.  Like I said in my other response, anxiety is very common but anxiety that takes over your life is not and there's no shame in that but it's not something you can just wish away by asking people on a message board to make you feel better.  It's serious and I hope you take our advice and get help so that you can enjoy your pregnancy. 

    Formerly known as elmoali :)

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  • We all have pregnancy anxieties. However, I agree with PP's I think you need to speak with a professional about your anxieties. This just doesn't seem healthy.

    GL OP.
  • image PrimRoseMama:
    I think you should seek the help of a mental health professional to cope with your incessant anxieties. Some anxiety is normal but these obsessive, morbid fixations are not. I'm also curious as to how the sex of the baby has influenced your worries and why that matters. You really need a trained professional to work through these fears. Wishing you the best. Good luck.

    This.  You need to talk to someone in real life.   

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  • I didn't see your post on the other board.

    I'm really sorry you are going through this.

    I was having a lot of stress that is interfering with this idea of 'enjoying' the pregnancy. It's not EXACTLY like yours. I am wondering if mine is more mood swings. But it is bad. 

    I was going to post here but people seem very unsympathetic here so maybe I'd better not. 

    I do think you should see a professional counselor. I understand why that is hard--because sometimes insurance doesn't cover it. And whom do you go to? And what will they do for you?   

    Anti-depressants are not good for the baby so it's sometimes hard to get treatment that way.

    Consider asking your OB. Just say you are finding that your worries are too much and go somewhat beyond normal and you would like to maybe see someone who specializes in pregnant women and their fears (or whatever).

     I would say some of these are on the edge of normal. One thing that happened with my first pregnancy was I wasn't all excited/making a nursery, etc. I was not 'bonding' with my fetus. And I would see moms who were very into being pregnant. But then later, after the baby came, for some reason I was a lot happier than those moms. Like I hadn't any expectations of some blissful maternal experience and I found the experience of being a mom pretty amazing and it was great---right from the start. When I saw the baby, I bonded with the baby.

    Maybe one problem is that you are putting too much pressure on yourself to feel things or not feel things. It's just feelings. It probably doesn't have any deep meaning.

    I do not find your fears all that terrible. I do not think your issue about the gender is a huge deal. Maybe it is just harder to imagine being a mom to a girl for you. Once you actually HAVE a girl this can all change. 

    One reason for seeing a counselor is that sometimes you can uncover some deeper reasons for your feelings--like maybe you have some unresolved issues about your relationship with your mother that you are afraid to repeat and this is why having a girl is an issue for you.

    Being pregnant can be emotional for sure. VERY weird thoughts can come up. Don't fixate on your thoughts. Accept that they are normal even if they could be eased with counseling. The more you fixate on them, the harder it will be to deal with them.  

     

     

      

  • I do memorial photography for babies who will never leave the hospital.  Many have already passed when I arrive, others die right in front of me.  Doing this while pregnant has been difficult especially when I'm working with a baby who is the same gestation as mine.  So in the beginning I kept seeing these babies and thinking "OK, I know what a 15 week baby looks like... I know what a 20 week baby looks like...".  So I completely understand 100% these thoughts and feelings.

    So what got me through and kept me from freaking out and giving in to anxiety?  Talking to a counselor.  I started seeing the grief counselor at the hospital I work at as soon as I hit 15 weeks and started having these connections to the babies I've worked with.  It wasn't really her job but we ran into each other and started chatting one day and she recommended I come talk to her, even as just a friend.  It helped a ton, just to be able to talk about it.  Because even my husband didn't really understand even though he tried hard.  So yes, what PP are telling you is the solution to your problem.  GET HELP.  It seems like you are experiencing a ton of anxiety and that can actually be very bad for you AND the baby who is in some ways affected by your state of mind.

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  • You need to go get help. Those aren't healthy thoughts. Someone should be able to help you through them. Good luck!
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