Dads & Dads-to-be

How should I approach this with DH?

DH is an amazing husband. Very loving, thoughtful, and romantic even though I'm not really the romantic type. But I'm not goin to lie, he drives me crazy as a dad. He isn't the most helpful. I have to pump BM so I have to wake up even when they're both asleep and if I hear my little boy cry he'll just keep crying. If I am cleaning bottles and DS is on his activity may or swing and crying, DH will let him cry until I ask him to pick him up or play with him. When he does, his playing involved looking at him and whenever he holds him he doesn't try to interact with him at all. I try getting him to talk to DS since he's becoming more alert and attentive and is interested and DH just says, "it feels weird" or "He's not really interested." Or things like that. But then he complains that DS has "daddy issues" since I'm the only one who can always calm him down although my mom and SIL are pretty good too when we're with them. I feel like telling him, "if you showed more interest he'd be more responsive." But DH is a sensitive guy and his feelings get hurt with the slightest amount of critiquing, even when meant with the best of intentions. To make it worse, he was to DTD often and while I have obliged recently, I'm just more and more frustrated with him to where I really don't even want to kiss him.
How do I approach this without hurting his feelings? I don't want to be one of those wives criticizing everything he does, and I try not to be. But this is getting really really frustrating.

Daisypath - (2EEx)

Lilypie - (CszI)

 

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Re: How should I approach this with DH?

  • WulfgarWulfgar
    250 Answers 500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    member
    You don't say how old  your LO is, but sounds like still in the totally helpless baby stage.  At this stage, there is no real playing with the kid.  That comes once the LO starts to become mobile.  Also, as for running to pick up the child every time the child cries is not the best thing to do.  We would let our LO who turns 2 in the beginning of June cry a couple of minutes before we would pick him up.
  • BkuhmanBkuhman
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    member
    Lurker here from the July board. With DD I would let her cry if I knew she was fine. Clean diaper, fed and whatnot. Holding the baby and pickin them up at each cry not only can and will spoil them but makes them more dependent on you. In return makes them not able to soothe themselves when it's bedtime later on.
  • image MBush4:
    .....his playing involved looking at him and whenever he holds him he doesn't try to interact with him at all. I try getting him to talk to DS since he's becoming more alert and attentive and is interested and DH just says, "it feels weird" or "He's not really interested." Or things like that. But then he complains that DS has "daddy issues" since I'm the only one who can always calm him down although my mom and SIL are pretty good too when we're with them. I feel like telling him, "if you showed more interest he'd be more responsive." But DH is a sensitive guy and his feelings get hurt with the slightest amount of critiquing, even when meant with the best of intentions...

    I never have understood this.  I am sensitive, and my wife knows this, but when two people are managing a houshold and raising kids, these are the EXACT types of conversations that need to be taking place.  My wife never hesitates to tell me what is on her mind, and what she expects from me, nor do I.  We don't do it with anger and selfisness.  We talk from love. We express how we feel with out tearing the other person down.  This seems like a perfect opportunity for that.

    Feelings get hurt in any relationship, from best buds to married couples.  Sitting on your feelings, and not communicating them to your partner, is a very dangerous slope to walk as a partner and a parent.

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  • image Bkuhman:
    Lurker here from the July board. With DD I would let her cry if I knew she was fine. Clean diaper, fed and whatnot. Holding the baby and pickin them up at each cry not only can and will spoil them but makes them more dependent on you. In return makes them not able to soothe themselves when it's bedtime later on.

     

    So you think you can spoil an infant?  

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  • image Bkuhman:
    Lurker here from the July board. With DD I would let her cry if I knew she was fine. Clean diaper, fed and whatnot. Holding the baby and pickin them up at each cry not only can and will spoil them but makes them more dependent on you. In return makes them not able to soothe themselves when it's bedtime later on.

    I am really glad that you are not anywhere near my child when he cries!!

    I can see that with a three year old during bedtime, but a baby???

    This is not a good idea, at all.

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