Natural Birth

Getting DH on board

Tonight we went to our first Bradley class. I'm very excited to finally start classes! Ill be 37 weeks at the end so it's kind Of my "last phase" for preparing for my first birthing experience.
I'm wondering if any if you have advice for getting DH to see and fully believe in the benefits of med free birth.
My DH is definitely not AGAINST my wishes, but he has a very analytical mindset and tends to lean toward traditional medical approaches in most aspects, not just birthing. In his words "I don't necessarily want you to have meds, but I don't want to see you in pain. If I know meds can relieve that pain they naturally make sense to me."

Please understand he is actively going to Bradley classes with me and preparing to coach and respect my wishes to go med free. I guess I'm asking if anyone has advise on helping him see natural birth as a better option for mom and baby as an overall experience, especially postpartum vs him seeing having meds and following traditional medical routines as a better "crisis management" option for just the labor and delivery.
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Re: Getting DH on board

  • Hi there,

    my DH was the same. He was supportive of whatever I wanted because I was the one doing the work, but he couldn't really understand why you wouldn't take the drugs to alleviate the pain.

    The turning point for DH was when our antenatal class (a very general one with no bias towards any kind of birthing approach) showed us a DVD about the different pain relief options (well all the medical one), and it outlined the risks of an epidural. It only touch on the medical risks to the mother eg risk of paralysis, it didn't go into how it can interfere with the birth process. And suddenly DH was all about me going medfree.

    With DD1 I was pretty unaware of the idea of things like a cascade of interventions, and was just of the mindset that I don't really like taking drugs for anything so why would birth be different.

    DH and I never really spoke in depth about the birth experience with DD1, but when I jokingly suggested I was thinking about the epi for DD2 and met with a startled, "whaaaat!!!???" from DH I realised how supportive of a natural birth he was. 

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  • The Bradley class is the best thing!  My H was like yours.  He did not really get why I wanted a natural birth.  He felt like meds were OK and doctors know everything all the time.  My Bradley instructor was amazing.  He learned so much through the class and realized that birth is a natural safe process.  I think getting information and education on child birth helped change his mind.  Plus it was even better that it was coming from someone else who was competent in the field. Several ladies on this board have mention that watching the business of being born is helpful.  Maybe something like that will help him as well. GL!

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  • AmyRIAmyRI
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    image KateLouise:

    Hi there,

    my DH was the same. He was supportive of whatever I wanted because I was the one doing the work, but he couldn't really understand why you wouldn't take the drugs to alleviate the pain.

    The turning point for DH was when our antenatal class (a very general one with no bias towards any kind of birthing approach) showed us a DVD about the different pain relief options (well all the medical one), and it outlined the risks of an epidural. It only touch on the medical risks to the mother eg risk of paralysis, it didn't go into how it can interfere with the birth process. And suddenly DH was all about me going medfree.

    With DD1 I was pretty unaware of the idea of things like a cascade of interventions, and was just of the mindset that I don't really like taking drugs for anything so why would birth be different.

    DH and I never really spoke in depth about the birth experience with DD1, but when I jokingly suggested I was thinking about the epi for DD2 and met with a startled, "whaaaat!!!???" from DH I realised how supportive of a natural birth he was. 

    We had a very, very similar experience. But, I'll say that my motivation was also that I hate hate hate hate hate needles. DH isn't a fan either, so when he saw the needle for the epi, it sealed it even more than the risk of complications. Not wanting a needle in my back was absolutely my #1 reason for going med-free the first time.

    After delivery, we both immediately said it wasn't as bad as we were expecting. We were a really great team and it was never too much to handle. DH was very proud of me, and has made many comments since then that he doesn't get why more people don't go med-free. I was fully in control of my body, got out of bed immediately, didn't have to deal with any bad side effects. And honestly, he could tell how great my mood was from the hormone high that came with it.

    I know that "just show him how it's done" isn't a helpful answer since you're trying to get him to be more excited about it now, but my DH just wasn't excited about birth before it happened.

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  • I would add a doula or other support system. My DH was on board w natural birth completely but I still ended up with the epidural because seeing me in pain freaked him out so much. Get someone in your corner who has experience with med-free birthing, who can help suggest things you guys might not think of in the intense moment.
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