TTC After a Loss

# of future children?

I tried putting a poll together but TB isn't cooperating. Has your loss(es) changed the number of children you're hoping to have?

Unmedicated and medicated IUI's: all fail
IVF #1: Dec 2012 16m/15f 12/9: 5dt of 2 beautiful blasts and 5 frosties
TWINS!
15w4d:baby a-pProm
March 25: 18w...2 baby boys born sleeping
July 29: FET-BFN

Sept: TAC placed

Oct 27: FET #2-Cancelled-monster cyst producing insane amounts of estrogen

Nov 13: FET #2-take 2
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Re: # of future children?

  • I had always imagined having 2 kids. DH always wanted 4. We agreed that in a perfect world we would compromise and have 3. Well IVF and our second tri loss have changed everything for me. I know that more kids won't bring back my sons but I'm in the camp of having sometimes like 5 or 6 kids now. Crazy, I know and highly unlikely that we'll get there but that's where I'm at right now. 1 happy healthy baby would make me happy right now.

    Unmedicated and medicated IUI's: all fail
    IVF #1: Dec 2012 16m/15f 12/9: 5dt of 2 beautiful blasts and 5 frosties
    TWINS!
    15w4d:baby a-pProm
    March 25: 18w...2 baby boys born sleeping
    July 29: FET-BFN

    Sept: TAC placed

    Oct 27: FET #2-Cancelled-monster cyst producing insane amounts of estrogen

    Nov 13: FET #2-take 2
    imageimage

  • Not yet.
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  • SerenlaSerenla
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    Nope it hasn't changed, 2 kids. We are going to have our replacements and no more lol.



    mean_girls_35345Image and video hosting by TinyPic         PAL Sep challenge George Takei image
    Started dating in 5/9/05, Married 6/25/11
    Started TTC Feb 2013, BFP #1 3/4/13 EDD 11/10/13. MMC 4/9/13 D&C 4/22/13.
    BFP #2 7/17/13, EDD 3/29/14 ended in a CP on 7/22/13.
    BFP#3 8/19/13 EDD 5/3/14 Nerdling was born 4/29/14, welcome little one!
     All AL welcome.


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  • SerenlaSerenla
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    image WindyCity33:
    I had always imagined having 2 kids. DH always wanted 4. We agreed that in a perfect world we would compromise and have 3. Well IVF and our second tri loss have changed everything for me. I know that more kids won't bring back my sons but I'm in the camp of having sometimes like 5 or 6 kids now. Crazy, I know and highly unlikely that we'll get there but that's where I'm at right now. 1 happy healthy baby would make me happy right now.

    ::hugs::I hope you get them soon.




    mean_girls_35345Image and video hosting by TinyPic         PAL Sep challenge George Takei image
    Started dating in 5/9/05, Married 6/25/11
    Started TTC Feb 2013, BFP #1 3/4/13 EDD 11/10/13. MMC 4/9/13 D&C 4/22/13.
    BFP #2 7/17/13, EDD 3/29/14 ended in a CP on 7/22/13.
    BFP#3 8/19/13 EDD 5/3/14 Nerdling was born 4/29/14, welcome little one!
     All AL welcome.


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  • I've always wanted 4 and so does DH.  We would like to still have 4 but I'd be happy just to have one.  We are getting older and I'm starting to realize it isn't as easy as I thought to have kids.  I'm not sure we will get to 4 before we are too old now :(
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  • image Serenla:
    Nope it hasn't changed, 2 kids. We are going to have our replacements and no more lol.

    i know what you mean but I'm sure they aren't really 'replacements' 

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  • I've always wanted two, but if anything this journey make me want a bigger family and more children rather than less. One healthy baby would make me happy, but ideally? I don't know, 3 maybe 4? I'm also cool with adopting or a combination of biological children and adopted children. We've talked about it a bit, but I don't think my husband is quite there yet.
    imageimage
    BFP with #1 (twins!) 11/18/2011 - missed m/c at 8weeks3days; d&c 1/19/2012; myomectomy to remove 18cm+,10cm & 5cm fibroids 4/2012; TTC again 7/2012; BFP #2 (twins) 11/13/2012; missed m/c at 7weeks;
    BFP #3: baby girl born 3/5/2014

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  • We never had a set number in mind. We've always figured we'd have as many children as we felt comfortable with at the time. If that's 1, great.  If its 4 then the more the merrier. 

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  • Yes.

    DS mentioned

    Before the first pregnancy we'd thought 3. Now we would be thrilled with 2 and content [blessed beyond words, really] with the one we have. Having already had a loss before DS we've always been incredibly thankful for him. As each month goes on TTC after this loss we realize more and more what a miracle he is.

    ETA:My age is a big reason why it has changed our number. If I were 26 instead of 36 it probably wouldn't have changed.

    BFP#2 2.5.11 (EDD 10.15.11) DS born 9.28.11

    BFP#4 8.27.13 (EDD 5.6.14) DD born 4.23.14

     

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  • I'd still like 3 total.

    BFP #1 5.26.08 DD born 1.4.2009
    BFP #2 3.11.12 m/c 3.17.12
    BFP #3 10.7.12 m/c 10.27.12
    BFP #4 2.24.13 ectopic MTX 3.13.13 Right tube removed 3.29.13
    BFP #5 5.27.13 EDD 2.7.14 *stick baby stick*

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  • image Madisonpenny:

    image Serenla:
    Nope it hasn't changed, 2 kids. We are going to have our replacements and no more lol.

    i know what you mean but I'm sure they aren't really 'replacements' 

    I think she means population replacements for herself and her dh, not replacements in terms of lost angels.

    I'd also like two. I'd be happy with just one now, though.  

      

     

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    BFP #1 08/05/12. EDD 4/15/13 m/c 08/27/12
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  • We always talked about 3 or 4. I think it's made us worried that we won't get to the 4th. It's definetely made us reconsider the amount of time that we will wait between each child... I think now it will be a smaller gap.

    TTC since April 2012

    BFP #1, 10/03/2012 - EDD 6/15/2013 - MMC 11/15/2012 - D&C 01/04/2013

    BFP #2, 04/06/2013 - EDD 12/17/2013 - MC 04/19/2013

    6/12/2013 Diagnosed with Balanced Translocation (12 & 16)

    IVF #1 with PGS: 10/2013: Canceled 9/27/2013 for issues with genetic lab

    IVF #1.5 with PGS: 11/16/2013: Canceled. 11 eggs retrieved, 9 mature & 9 fertilized, all unhealthy embryos

    IVF #2: 1/22/14: Canceled. 16 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 7 fertilized, all unhealthy embryos

    IVF #3 with PGS: 5/10/2014: Switched to FET in July. 10 eggs retrieved, 9 mature, 8 fertilized, 2 healthy embryos!

    FET #1: 7/31/2014: Transferred 2 nearly perfect (6AA, 6BA) healthy embryos- BFFN


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  • image Junebug060609:
    Yes. DS mentioned Before the first pregnancy we'd thought 3. Now we would be thrilled with 2 and content [blessed beyond words, really] with the one we have. Having already had a loss before DS we've always been incredibly thankful for him. As each month goes on TTC after this loss we realize more and more what a miracle he is.

    This is similar to how I feel, except I know DD would not be content. She prays for a little sister every night.


    BFP #1 ended in MMC. Discovered Oct 2005 @10w5d, baby stopped growing around 6w. D&C.
    BFP#2 Nov 2005. Baby's heart stopped @ 8w3d. D&C Jan 2006. Trisomy 18
    BFP#3 Nov 2006. My "miracle baby" DD born 7/25/07
    BFP #4 11/6/12. EDD 7/16/13~my birthday! No sac found @ 5w1d, betas not increasing. Natural m/c started 11/20/12.

    BFP#5 11/9/13.  EDD 7/21/14  Our beautiful rainbow born on his due date!!

  • image JordyInIndy:
    I'd still like 3 total.

    Same here. DH, on the other hand, originally only wanted two. I think since the loss he is more open to having three.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------
    BFP #1   8.29.12   EDD 5.8.13   MC 10.9.12   GusGus
    BFP #2   7.12.13   EDD 3.24.14   MC 7.26.13   Muggle
    RE Consult 8.22.13 for RPL testing
    Diagnosed with Factor V Leiden and MTHFR 
    IUI #1 10.11.13 w/gonal-f and ovidrel   BFP #3 & CP 10.25.13   Dot
    IUI #2 12.9.13 w/gonal-f and ovidrel   BFP #4 12.18.13   EDD 9.1.14
    Our rainbow, Eleanor Margaret born 8.27.14
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------
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  • image jbasore1123:
    We always talked about 3 or 4. I think it's made us worried that we won't get to the 4th. It's definetely made us reconsider the amount of time that we will wait between each child... I think now it will be a smaller gap.

    I definitely think the TTCAL journey has made us reconsider the gap between each child.  My siblings and I are 3.5 years apart and I thought that was a good spacing but now I think I would try for them closer than that for two reasons, one we are getting older, and two it isn't a guarentee that things will work out as planned for.

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  • In a way.

    This has always been an area of debate for me and DH. I wanted 2 and he wanted 4 or more. He always imagined we could compromise and do 4. LOL. With the losses its kind of made us both appreciate what the other wanted. Like, he could be happy with 2. And me? Well I realized I wouldn't mind having a house full. At this point I am wondering though. I feel like a complete failure.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers November 22, 2012: Went into ER with spotting to discover my babies had stopped developing at 10 wks 4 days and 11 wks 3 days. Their hearts no longer beat. EDD:05/27/2013 Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers April 22, 2013: Found out I was miscarrying May 3, 2013:Saw baby in Utero and in tubes diagnosed with Heterotopic pregnancy May 7, 2013: Taken into surgery for tubal pregnancy baby and right tube was removed Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • image MamaWombat:
    image Madisonpenny:

    image Serenla:
    Nope it hasn't changed, 2 kids. We are going to have our replacements and no more lol.

    i know what you mean but I'm sure they aren't really 'replacements' 

    I think she means population replacements for herself and her dh, not replacements in terms of lost angels.

    I'd also like two. I'd be happy with just one now, though.  

      

     


    I think that's what she meant too.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------
    BFP #1   8.29.12   EDD 5.8.13   MC 10.9.12   GusGus
    BFP #2   7.12.13   EDD 3.24.14   MC 7.26.13   Muggle
    RE Consult 8.22.13 for RPL testing
    Diagnosed with Factor V Leiden and MTHFR 
    IUI #1 10.11.13 w/gonal-f and ovidrel   BFP #3 & CP 10.25.13   Dot
    IUI #2 12.9.13 w/gonal-f and ovidrel   BFP #4 12.18.13   EDD 9.1.14
    Our rainbow, Eleanor Margaret born 8.27.14
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------
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    formerly lindsayhilleary
  • Not really. I always wanted 4 and I still do.
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    BFP #2 01/14/11. EDD 09/25/11. Missed m/c 02/18/11. D&C 02/24/11. }Dustin{
    TTA for 18 months and then TTC for 12 months
    BFP #3 08/18/13. EDD 04/30/14. Missed m/c 09/25/13. D&C 09/26/13. }Daylin{
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  • SerenlaSerenla
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    image Madisonpenny:

    image Serenla:
    Nope it hasn't changed, 2 kids. We are going to have our replacements and no more lol.

    i know what you mean but I'm sure they aren't really 'replacements' 

     

    Oh jeeze I just reread that post. Sorry if I offended it was meant to be tounge in cheek in regards to our, meaning dh and meself, mortality. I probably should put a disclaimer when I'm being a bit snarky.




    mean_girls_35345Image and video hosting by TinyPic         PAL Sep challenge George Takei image
    Started dating in 5/9/05, Married 6/25/11
    Started TTC Feb 2013, BFP #1 3/4/13 EDD 11/10/13. MMC 4/9/13 D&C 4/22/13.
    BFP #2 7/17/13, EDD 3/29/14 ended in a CP on 7/22/13.
    BFP#3 8/19/13 EDD 5/3/14 Nerdling was born 4/29/14, welcome little one!
     All AL welcome.


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  • LLPtobeLLPtobe
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    We've always been in the 'one and done' crowd, and our loss hasn't changed that.

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  • *DD mentioned

    I always wanted two or three, ended up with my daughter from my previous marriage being an only child as her dad and I split when she was young.  She always wanted siblings, it's just sad that she's now moved out and in college so won't really get to enjoy sibs if they do happen.  I think hubby and I would still like two, I'd rather not have another 'only', although given my age and my one remaining tube I'm not sure we'll ever even get just one.  Blah! 

    ETA Sorry this turned into a pity party! lol


         

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  • We wanted to have 2 or 3. We haven't really talked about it since the mc. I still would like to have 2, but I just want to make it through getting 1 here safely.
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  • I'm still wanting the same amount. I think now I'll be happy with whatever I get. I realize now how long it takes to grow a baby and how dangerous it can be for my body. I know it's worth the risk. I'll probably still have 3 or 4. Depending on how the next pregnancy goes.

                                                      

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    DH always wanted two, and I wanted three. I don't think his feelings have changed, but I'm definitely the more pessimistic one in this regard. I haven't changed my mind, really, but I just try not to ever think about it. A few weeks ago, he showed me a list of names he had been making for "our future children." It was like a sucker punch to my gut. I used to make lists, but I stopped that after our first loss and haven't been able to think about it since. My philosophy is avoidance, because, as someone said, "Expectation is the root of all heartache." 

    I used to doodle the boys names on everything and make lists too. I've caught myself getting read to make a list and then stop. I just can't bring myself to go there.

    Unmedicated and medicated IUI's: all fail
    IVF #1: Dec 2012 16m/15f 12/9: 5dt of 2 beautiful blasts and 5 frosties
    TWINS!
    15w4d:baby a-pProm
    March 25: 18w...2 baby boys born sleeping
    July 29: FET-BFN

    Sept: TAC placed

    Oct 27: FET #2-Cancelled-monster cyst producing insane amounts of estrogen

    Nov 13: FET #2-take 2
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  • I agree with several of you guys - this journey is making me lean toward the high side.  We always wanted at least two, maybe three.  I am an only and knew I wanted our kids to have siblings.  Now, I would really like to have three.  I think what has really happened is that everything is put into perspective about timing.  I was planning to try to time them out every two years and God has taught me that his timing has nothing to do with my plan!  If we don't get to three, that would be ok, but I sure hope we get to one soon!

    married my best friend 10/04/08, TTC since July 2012
    BFP#1 Thanksgiving 11/22/12, mo-mo twins(one sac), traditional EDD 7/27/13, EDD due to risk 6/15/13
    mmc Angel 2/7/13 @ 15w3d, mmc Aubrey 2/13/13 @ 16w2d, D&E 2/16/13

    BFP#2 9/21/13, EDD 6/2/14, DD born 5/17/14 

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  • L&amp;C2010L&C2010
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    We still want 2 but will be happy with 1.  As others have said, we are planning on shortening the gap between the 2 and will probably start trying within a year after our first.  But if we only have 1, we will be greatful.  DH and I are both only children and I think we turned out ok Smile

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  • DH and I want to have two to three of our own and then want to adopt one or two in addition. That hasn't changed yet.
                               
                  
                 BFP#1  9/5/12, MMC, MC confirmed 10/9/12,          
                D&C 12/12/12
    BFP#2 7/30/13, EDD 4/12/14, DS born 4/14/14
                                                                             
                                                                            
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  • I've been thinking about this a lot recently, and I think it may have. DH and I started at three. Before we had any losses, we did a reality check on our ages and realized that maybe two was more realistic. At this point, though, we've been trying for more than a year and I'm feeling like if we can have one, that would be enough.

     image image
     DS born 1.7.03. DD born 2.5.14
    .

     TTC #2: 2.2012. Three Early Losses (7.25.12 | 12.17.12 | 2.14.13). 
     TTC the final: 9.2014. BFP 11.2014. EDD: 7.20.14 






  • DD Ment. 

     .

     .

    Growing up I always said I wanted four children.  I was a middle child and hated it so I knew I didn't want there to be a middle person.  When DH and I were starting to get serious about dating we talked about kids and he has always wanted two so we decided to stick with two.  After our third loss, the first after DD was born, DH said he would be ok with not having any more kids...  I took the loss so hard DH never wanted to see me that way again.  Now with having four losses and trying for so long I'm not sure we will have another one.  It absolutely BREAKS my heart to think we might never have a sibling for DD because she frequently talks about her "brother" and asks for a sister.  (We don't know what any of our losses are and have not talked openly to our DD about them so it always makes me tear up hearing her say "her brother".)

    Sorry, that got long and kind of turned into a Pity Party for me...  Just been a tough week and emotions are high...  Sad 

    BFP #1 October 2008 | m/c Thanksgiving weekend | November 2008 | 7 weeks 2 days

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    Testing on mom and dad for possible reasons all came back normal.
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  • SerenlaSerenla
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    image WindyCity33:
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    DH always wanted two, and I wanted three. I don't think his feelings have changed, but I'm definitely the more pessimistic one in this regard. I haven't changed my mind, really, but I just try not to ever think about it. A few weeks ago, he showed me a list of names he had been making for "our future children." It was like a sucker punch to my gut. I used to make lists, but I stopped that after our first loss and haven't been able to think about it since. My philosophy is avoidance, because, as someone said, "Expectation is the root of all heartache." 

    I used to doodle the boys names on everything and make lists too. I've caught myself getting read to make a list and then stop. I just can't bring myself to go there.

     I had kept file on my computer at work, I still come up with names every once in a while but I cannot bring myself to add them. 




    mean_girls_35345Image and video hosting by TinyPic         PAL Sep challenge George Takei image
    Started dating in 5/9/05, Married 6/25/11
    Started TTC Feb 2013, BFP #1 3/4/13 EDD 11/10/13. MMC 4/9/13 D&C 4/22/13.
    BFP #2 7/17/13, EDD 3/29/14 ended in a CP on 7/22/13.
    BFP#3 8/19/13 EDD 5/3/14 Nerdling was born 4/29/14, welcome little one!
     All AL welcome.


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