Babies: 0 - 3 Months

Grandmama Drama

My baby boy is 3 months old.  I have gone back to work part time, and my MIL is watching him 2 times/week.  She is the nicest little Greek woman, but is very set in her ways.  I had told her my one request was she never puts a blanket in the crib when the baby is taking a nap. Yesterday I found a blanket in the crib, and asked my husband about it.  He said his mom asked him not to tell me that she was using a blanket on him because I wouldn't let her babysit anymore.  I didn't think it was that much of a request, but she thinks I am just being a paranoid first-time mom.  She put blankets on her kids, and they are still alive... blah blah (40 years ago!) I do not want to worry all day at work about this.  I am planning on buying a camera that connects to my phone today. I put a GIANT note in the baby's room that says- NO BLANKETS ALLOWED! Thank You.  I don't know what else I should do to help her understand that this is a worldwide rule- not just my rule.  Any suggestions?

  

Re: Grandmama Drama

  • Well, one thing is that it's not a worldwide rule. I live in India and it's still pretty common to see blankets on babies. Should there be? No. But it still happens.

    Print off something from one of the super-reputable websites and leave it for her to find, or ask her DH to explain why you guys are so serious about it.  

    ~Living in India since 2010. Obligatory blog. ~

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  • Thank you- I guess I shouldn't have said worldwide-  just a well known rule.  I was thinking about taking a class with her for childcare.  I don't want to insult her though, and I'm not even sure if she will understand what they are saying.  She speaks more Greek than English.
  • Im in the same situation as you. My LO goes to MIL while I'm at work. MIL is Italian and very set in her ways. I said the same thing...nothing in the PNP First week went to pick up LO and there are PILLOWS in the PNP!!!! MIL also watches DH two nephews. One is 4 and last week I went to pick up LO and the 4 yr old had a bottle! Um wtf? I asked her about it and her reply was he saw my LO and his little brother with a bottle and wanted one too...but don't tell his mom. Makes me nervous because if she's hiding stuff from SIL what is she hiding from me??? Luckily DH is very supportive when I vent my concerns to him a he gets on her about it. I think you just have to stay on the about it. 
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  • I asked her to swaddle him with the woombie, and put him in the crib.  I came home the other day and the baby was swaddled up- in a full set of clothes, and the room was 88 degrees on the monitor.  She was like- he's so sleepy- he's been sleeping since 1 pm.  I was like- ummmm it's 6pm- wtf????  I am very overprotective but I am a first time mom- I don't have a clue what I'm doing, but common sense plays a big role in raising a kid.
  • Maybe it's an older generation thing. My MIL always wants us to have LO bundled up. Have you talked to DH about it? Maybe he can get her to listen better. Sometimes I think grandmas think us new moms overreact when in reality things have changed over time. Does LO go to her house or does she come to yours? If it is your house can you set the temp and lock the thermostat? I would be worried about SIDS if LO gets overheated. Maybe the child care class wouldnt be a bad idea. But I know it's hard...my MIL speaks mostly Italian so sometimes she doesn't understand. Let me know how it goes I think we have the same MIL!!
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  • Ugh, this is so my MIL too! I could have written this post. She thinks the baby needs a blanket so she doesn't get cold- I am so nervous that she will use a blanket even though we have asked her not to.  The thought of going back to work soon is seriously stressing me out, mostly because I don't totally trust her not to do things we've asked her not to (she also had bumpers and stuffed animals in the crib!). 

    image BabyFetus Ticker
  • I'm not in the same situation because my DS is going to daycare, but when my mom watches him or comes over to hang out - she smokes.  I've asked her repeatedly to not smoke at all when she's going to be around him or to switch over to the smokeless/electric cig she has.  She still hasn't done that, but she changes clothes. 

    I think the best thing you can do is put your foot down.  This is your baby, you have every right to do what YOU think is best.  If she's worried about not being able to babysit, then it sounds like she'd be willing to listen to your concerns.  Our Pediatrician told us "your rules are your rules and if people won't follow them, you don't let those people watch the baby".  And he's right.  So much has changed since we grew up as kids (no cigs, no blankets, on their backs, etc) that people need to listen.  The statistics show these things seriously cut down on SIDS and it's not worth the risk.

    I'm sorry you have to be in this situation, but I hope you can work it out with her.  It might be an awkward conversation, but it's one you need to have.  You are already going to think about baby all day - you don't need to be stressed about it too.  Good luck!

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • This is my MIL. I feel bad because I prefer my own mother over my MIL for babysitting etc. but my mom listens and respects my requests on how I want my son to be handled...my MIL goes by "what goes on in grandmas house stays in grandmas house" Therefore, my child does not go to grandmas house...I don't want to have to worry about my son's well being, or being looked after in a different way than I have asked. I want him to have structure as much as I can control it....
  • kk1160kk1160
    Eighth Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    member

    I went over one day to pick up LO (usually DH does on his way home, but I was off early) and what's in the PNP you ask?? A thick crochet'd blanket that belonged to DS, unwashed, from 30 years ago; a travel-size pillow which LO was propped on; a small pillow with wind-up music box, also DH's from 30 years ago; TWO huge stuffed animals; the mobile that came with the PNP; an additional musical mobile; several grimy old rattles, you guessed it - DH's; and all of the diapering stuff - wipe box, stack of diapers, pee rag. Oh and my kid... he's 8 weeks now. I WAS SHOCKED!!! What part of NO SHIZ IN THE CRIB did you not get?!?! I also had sent a bag of new *clean* items for her to use and she seemed offended.It included a hang-on-the-OUTSIDE-of-the-PNP organizer. I set that thing up before I left that day!

    Seriously lady, this is not your son. Yours is 30, although he acts like he's 2, so please put his old grimy crap away and stop reliving the past.

    I discussed it with DH and he's on board, so I think he's been keeping her in check with all the crap like that... or at least I hope so... Gah, my chest hurts just writing this!

  • I know it makes you all mad when someone doesn't respect your wishes, but if you are going to keep having them watch your child they will always have their own way of doing things. If you do not like their ways, then find another person who will respect what you want done.

    Some things like your children playing with toys you consider dirty, TV on while they are there, etc... are just plain silly to get mad over, get over it...

    SIDS risks like things in the bed while they are sleeping, smoking, should be thoroughly talked about with the person watching.

     
     
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  • CougFanCougFan
    100 Comments First Anniversary
    member
    image eener525:

    Yesterday I found a blanket in the crib, and asked my husband about it.  He said his mom asked him not to tell me that she was using a blanket on him because I wouldn't let her babysit anymore. 

      

     

    Um, let's talk about your husband not telling you!!! That is a bigger problem.

    In regards to MIL, pack up the blankets! Put them where she shouldn't be looking, that way she can't use them! 

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • CougFanCougFan
    100 Comments First Anniversary
    member
    image eener525:

    Yesterday I found a blanket in the crib, and asked my husband about it.  He said his mom asked him not to tell me that she was using a blanket on him because I wouldn't let her babysit anymore. 

      

     

    Um, let's talk about your husband not telling you!!! That is a bigger problem.

    In regards to MIL, pack up the blankets! Put them where she shouldn't be looking, that way she can't use them! 

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • =Lee=B=Lee=B
    250 Answers 1000 Comments 250 Love Its First Anniversary
    member
    I agree with CougFan...hide all blankets...put them in your car when you go to work!

     

  • makeenemakeene
    First Anniversary
    member
    Pack away the blankets and have a serious talk with your DH. All the secrets around the childcare would have me furious. 
  • Jcat123Jcat123
    10 Comments First Anniversary
    member
    image eddy92482:
    This is my MIL. I feel bad because I prefer my own mother over my MIL for babysitting etc. but my mom listens and respects my requests on how I want my son to be handled...my MIL goes by "what goes on in grandmas house stays in grandmas house" Therefore, my child does not go to grandmas house...I don't want to have to worry about my son's well being, or being looked after in a different way than I have asked. I want him to have structure as much as I can control it....
  • Jcat123Jcat123
    10 Comments First Anniversary
    member
    image eddy92482:
    This is my MIL. I feel bad because I prefer my own mother over my MIL for babysitting etc. but my mom listens and respects my requests on how I want my son to be handled...my MIL goes by "what goes on in grandmas house stays in grandmas house" Therefore, my child does not go to grandmas house...I don't want to have to worry about my son's well being, or being looked after in a different way than I have asked. I want him to have structure as much as I can control it....
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