Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months

Etiquette for firing sitter

I can't believe I have to write this post.  But I may have to stop taking DS to his current daycare sitter.  He only goes 2x a week so I don't need to give her "notice" so to speak as with a full-time child, per her contract.  I've spoken with her several times about the issue at hand, yet it has continued.  He goes back tomorrow upon which time I was going to tell her if this happens again, we won't be returning.  Is that the proper way to handle this?  Or should I wait until after  he is home and then let her know?  I have to bring it up again to her, and feel that she should have some type of notice, but I just don't know how to properly handle this.  Any advice from someone who has been in this spot?

 

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Re: Etiquette for firing sitter

  • Personally I wouldn't say anything before dropping my child off because I wouldn't want any anger directed toward my child. Honestly I would skip an ultimatum and go straight to the firing if it happens again. Heck, I'd probably be firing her now if it's happened on numerous occasions...I wouldn't be waiting around for it to happen one more time. If it were me, I would just give her a call and say I was upset that the incident has happened so many times after you've spoken to her about the issue frequently and that you won't be returning because of it. Thank her for her time so far and just move on.

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  • fryratfryrat
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    I would definitely not say anything when dropping off, as PP said, because you don't want any bad feelings to be directed at LO. I would most definitely let her know at the end of the day that this incident has happened on X number of occasions and you don't feel that you can continue with her services.
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  • image fryrat:
    I would definitely not say anything when dropping off, as PP said, because you don't want any bad feelings to be directed at LO. I would most definitely let her know at the end of the day that this incident has happened on X number of occasions and you don't feel that you can continue with her services.

     DH is the one who picks him up so most likely it will be a phone call from me either tomorrow night or Saturday. Ugh this sucks. And to complicate the issue it isn't a clear cut "she did X and therefore Y happened."  All I know is when he's with us, we don't have diaper rash issues (and if there are, it's minor and clears quickly) and when he comes back from one day with her, his entire rear end is bright red and it takes us days to get it back to a nice pale color. It's happened too frequently on her watch for me to continue making excuses for her. I hope I'm not over reacting.  

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  • Hmmm, maybe give her in hand some Butt Paste or something and ask her to use it?  Maybe off handedly, like gee, sometimes LO comes home w/ some redness, can you please use this after you change him?

    OR - ask (again off handedly), "gee how many poops do you change a day?  Because blah blah blah just wondering!" 

    That sucks for your LO and I really hope for your sake this is just an oversight on her part and not a bigger issue!

    good luck! 

    I can't even believe I am the mom to a two year old...
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  • I'm sorry I am mobile and can't get below the quote.  Has she recorded when she changes him? I know we had to keep track of # of diaper changes and anything unusual with it when I did daycare.  To play devil advocate, could it be environmental? I.e. Something DS is eating at her house, but not a yours or eating in large quantities?  Do you supply the wipes (so they are the same both places)?  Does she have pets?  My DD had an awful ongoing rash that suddenly ceared up but suddenly acts up randomly and we haven't been able to pin point the cause, but I'm sure it is something I'; missing environmentally.
    image lisac1017:

    image fryrat:
    I would definitely not say anything when dropping off, as PP said, because you don't want any bad feelings to be directed at LO. I would most definitely let her know at the end of the day that this incident has happened on X number of occasions and you don't feel that you can continue with her services.

     DH is the one who picks him up so most likely it will be a phone call from me either tomorrow night or Saturday. Ugh this sucks. And to complicate the issue it isn't a clear cut "she did X and therefore Y happened."  All I know is when he's with us, we don't have diaper rash issues (and if there are, it's minor and clears quickly) and when he comes back from one day with her, his entire rear end is bright red and it takes us days to get it back to a nice pale color. It's happened too frequently on her watch for me to continue making excuses for her. I hope I'm not over reacting.  

     

     

     

     

     

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  • Is it actually diaper rash or is it where she is taking it upon herself to spank him. Either one is not ok my opinion. Diaper rash meaning she isn't changing him enough... the later meaning she is physically hitting your child. I would be super pissed and maybe look at your sons bottom before leaving her place to see if its red. If it is, ask her why, and then tell her you wont be coming back.
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  • How about sending him with a certain amount of diapers a day, and demanding his diaper is changed every 1.5-2 hours regardless of whether it's soiled or not. Then count the diapers left at the end of the day to make sure she's changing him as frequently as you requested. And I second buying a big tube of butt paste and tell her to use it every time, and check the tube to make sure it's getting used. To give her the benefit of the doubt, some people just suck at smelling poopey diapers, but that's no excuse for not physically checking often. Remember there are certain other factors that can cause a rashy bottom to pop up, like allergy to a certain food, brand of wipe, or teething or sickness. If it's only under her care though, I think it's definitely her causing it.

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  • image lisac1017:

    image fryrat:
    I would definitely not say anything when dropping off, as PP said, because you don't want any bad feelings to be directed at LO. I would most definitely let her know at the end of the day that this incident has happened on X number of occasions and you don't feel that you can continue with her services.

     DH is the one who picks him up so most likely it will be a phone call from me either tomorrow night or Saturday. Ugh this sucks. And to complicate the issue it isn't a clear cut "she did X and therefore Y happened."  All I know is when he's with us, we don't have diaper rash issues (and if there are, it's minor and clears quickly) and when he comes back from one day with her, his entire rear end is bright red and it takes us days to get it back to a nice pale color. It's happened too frequently on her watch for me to continue making excuses for her. I hope I'm not over reacting.  

    Have you actually talked with her about it? Requested more frequent changes, supplied diaper rash creams, vaseline, whatever supplies? If you haven't actually had a discussion with her about it, worked to find a resolution, and given a chance to implement whatever changes you discuss, then your not being fair. If you have discussed it and nothing had changed, then time to move on.

    FWIW, some kids are just way sensitive to diaper rash and need to be changed frequently. DD2 gets a rash if she's in a stinky diaper more than 30 seconds. It's nothing to do with how often I change her, as she gets changed immediately after a BM, she's just that sensitive. It's possible your DS is, too, and if she's busy changing another child, or making lunch, or any other number of things that have to be done she may have to wait longer than 30 seconds to change him. Even mom's have to wait sometimes.

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  • I wouldn't wait to talk to DC. Does your DS use certain diapers or wipes? I know my kids were sensitive to those things. I knew exactly when she wiped a butt with a different wipe or used a different diaper. Usually it's innocent, she didn't mean to hurt my kid but she maybe was changing a diaper right before and used the same box or something... Regardless, I'd bring it up to her as a "what can we do to fix this" not "If DS has a rash again we're outta here biotch!"

    Just talk to her. Tell her that DS has had this diaper rash and it's concerning to you. As a daycare provider, who I will assume has seen more baby butts than you, maybe she'll even have a trick or two (my daycare lady asked to use a certain cream I've never heard of, once she told me I looked it up and gave her the ok to try it... works great)

    Are there any other concerns or just diaper rash?
    If DH is picking him up... Do you think maybe DH isn't changing properly when they get home/before you get home. Just a thought.

    GL.

  • Hi Ladies -

    thanks for all the responses, but I was trying to figure out how to handle the process with the sitter which I think is why I didn't originally mention the actual issue in the OP.  I have addressed the diaper rash with her on numerous occasions.  I provide his diapers and wipes, I have showed her how we clean him at home, how we use a clean cloth to pat him dry and then let him air for a couple minutes before applying aquaphor and diaper.  I even provided her with butt paste upon her recommendation and that did not work either - he came home with some of the worst rash ever.  She claims the issue is because sometimes he poops during his nap.  Well, he poops during his naps at home sometimes and we never have this kind of reaction.  And yesterday specifically, he had a poopy diaper which she changed right before each of his 2 naps, and he still had a horrendously red hiney last night.  She has been instructed to, and does according to her sheet, change him at least every 2 hours or more if poopy.  DH is well aware of the situation and does a great job of changing and keeping him clean.  I also thought it might have been food-related at one point, but I send all his food with him and he eats the same diet there as he does here.  When he was younger and had very loose stools, I could understand.  But now as his stools are more solid, and with this history of trying to fix it, I just don't see how I can overlook it any longer. I've also wondered if it is a lotion or something that she uses on her hands, that he is reacting to. I have definitely taken the "what can we do to fix this" approach, yet here I am still with the same problem. It's getting to the point now where if it happens again, I am as much to blame as she is. I understand she has 2-3 other kids in diapers, but DS is pretty obvious about it when he poops and as long as you're within a foot of him, you'll smell it.  I just can't help but think either she isn't paying attention to him (or the kids) and doesn't catch it quickly enough, or she's not cleaning it properly.  Neither of which is acceptable.  Phew, OK - so there's the issue in a nutshell....LOL.

      

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  • I actually had something very similar happen to my son, too.  He was really well taken care of in the beginning of sending him to our DCP.  My work schedule changed and he only went once a week after a while.  When I'd drop him off he'd scream and cry, which never happened.  When I picked him up he'd be sobbing.  And we'd find a red red rash on his poor little bum every time!

    After the 2nd time this happened and I had addressed it with her, I picked him up, gave her money, and said "thanks."  I discussed it with my wife, called the sitter, and said that I was going to just stay home with him.  Poor little muffins! :[
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  • Since you've already spoken to her about it several times before, I would not give her a warning. At this point she would just be doing the thing requested to avoid being fired - instead of doing it because it is needed, or simply because its your child and you asked. 

    If it were me, I would have your husband to check his diaper when being picked up - if its rashy I would fire her on the spot and not feel badly about it at all.
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  • If it's a food issue, even if you send his food with him, do not assume that he actually does have exactly the same diet, he may sneak a cracker, or piece of cheese, or whatever the offending food is from another child. Cross contamination in food is super easy to have happen, and if you really do think it's food related, you should talk to her about her process for keeping him uncontaminated.
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  • I wouldn't bring him back.  I'm not sure what's going on (whether it's too infrequent diaper changes or spanking), but either way -- I wouldn't let her near little one again. 
  • image StacyJYay:
    I wouldn't bring him back.  I'm not sure what's going on (whether it's too infrequent diaper changes or spanking), but either way -- I wouldn't let her near little one again. 

    I'm so torn - I am in the process of finding alternate day care accommodations but I am just not prepared to have someone lined up as early as tomorrow. My husband has a deadline at work so we need him to be watched at least 3x in the next week.  This is how I feel though - I don't even want to take him back.   We weren't prepared financially to put him into the day care facility we have been hoping for, but it looks like we will have to bite the bullet and do it sooner rather than later.  

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