February 2013 Moms

Becoming a SAHM?

I started work on monday and it has been terrible, I hate being away. My contract ends on august 8th and DH and I are seriously considering me becoming a SAHM. LO has been at daycare, I always thought I was best for her but now I am wondering if I am. It is a hard decision to make after three painful years of law school and two bar exams, but this isn't working right now. Dh works 12 hour days so on top of working, the house and LO are completely my responsibility. I feel like I never see her because I am getting ready for work in the morning and at night I am packing for the next day and trying to make dinner and pack lunches. I guess I am just wondering if any SAHMs had to make this decision or if any working moms chose too stick it out. I would love advice from either side...
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Re: Becoming a SAHM?

  • I worked full-time before we had kids and wanted to SAH full-time after, but we couldn't swing it financially.  I tried to go back after I had #1 and just couldn't be away.  I wanted to quit, but  my employer offered to let me work part-time from home instead of completely quitting.  It's been such a blessing.  I now go in to the office twice a week because it's easier than trying to concentrate at home with all the chaos, but it's better than being full-time.

    If I had the option, I would be a full-time SAHM.  It fits my personality best and I have so much fun on my days home with my kids.  There is nowhere I would rather be, but unfortunately, we just aren't in a place where I can do it full-time yet.

          DS1 - 8/07           DD2 - 2/13           DD1 - 3/11          DS2 - 1/09 

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  • lbonga1lbonga1
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    I'm the one that's responsible for our house and the LO too. My fiance recently found a new job, but since he's still training he's only working part time. I don't have to go back until the end of June, but I always work at least 40 hours a week. I wish I could keep my job but work from home, but because of the nature of my job it'd be impossible. I recently earned a business degree, and I'm trying to start my own business, so hopefully soon I'll at least be able to work from home part time doing that and reduce my hours at my current job.
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  • I got a master's degree and PhD.  Then I realized if I moved for a post doc, which is pretty much what I would have to do to continue on the path I was on, I would probably not have children because I wouldn't meet someone new in time.  I didn't want to end my current relationship, but the person I was with had a job he liked that he couldn't just get anywhere.  So we got married and are continuing to live near his job.  I pick up teaching when I can.  I'm only 4 months in to mostly saying home, but I really, really like not stressing about grants and all that jazz.  All I want to do is have more LOs.  We would have more vacations and a bigger house if I worked, but I don't mind where we are.  
  • Well, yesterday was my first day back to work and my baby boy's first day in daycare and this morning I called work and quit and called his daycare and took him out. I cried before I left for work yesterday morning, and again when I was dropping him off at daycare and again when I got to work (2 mins away from the daycare) and again......basically all day. My baby is only 14 weeks old and I just feel like it is still too soon to leave him so that's my decision. Luckily, in my profession, I can find a job in the evenings doing home health care work part time and make my own schedule with my patients.  I'm lucky that my hubby fully supports me and any decisions I make and it sounds like yours does too so GL!!!!
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  • I decided to SAH because first I hated my job and second we had twins and the cost of daycare and gas would have been most of my paycheck. It just didn't make sense to go back to work for barely any money. We can swing it financially but I do not like not having my own money coming in. We are engaged and looking to have a wedding next year and I just don't want it to all fall on my SO's shoulders. I plan on going back to waitressing 2 or 3 times a week. I love my babies but I'm not sure that staying at home is for me, but I also don't want them in daycare yet. So for now a waitressing job where I can have flexible hours and bring in at least a little money for us is where I am at. Hopefully next year I can find a good part time job closer to our home and only put the boys in daycare a couple days a week.
  • I was a full time teacher for 9 years before I had my first baby.  I thought I would go back to work full time, but once I had my son I knew I just couldn't.  It is such a personal decision, but for me I knew I couldn't be away from my baby so I stayed home and got a part time job to help supplement DH's salary. I now have 4 kiddos and I have never regretted a single day. Sure I miss my job and sometimes want to pull my hair out taking care of four kids, but I wouldn't change a thing. The hardest thing for us was adjusting our lifestyle to a single income...we had to cut back on a lot of luxuries, but it has been well worth it.  That's what works for me though, everyone is different. Honestly, hats off to working moms, I will never know how you do it.....you're amazing! Only you know what is right for you...good luck! :)
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  • I'm a working mom who is sticking it out, and the main thing I think you need to ask yourself is whether you want to permanently be a stay-at-home-mom, or if it's just hard being away now, when your LO is so tiny.  What will you do when LO is in school?  When you're an empty-nester?  Are you ok with potentially not having a career at all? 

    At the moment I am working a reduced 24 hours/week at my full-time job and my regular 4-8 hours/week at my part-time job.  I don't go back to the former full-time until July 8.  Theoretically, I'd LOVE it if I had a better maternity leave, although this reduced-schedule thing is pretty awesome.  I'd do it longer if I could.  But I like both my jobs, and even if we could afford for me to stay home completely, I wouldn't be comfortable with it.  I love my daughter more than I can possibly say, but I am also well aware that she won't need me so intensely forever.  I go absolutely stir-crazy when I'm not busy, and I have no idea what I'd do with myself once she (and probably baby #2) start grade school, much less once she/they are off at college! 

    Now, granted my mom doesn't have the education you do, but she chose to stay home with me until I was 8 and even when she retired about 5 years ago, she was still making less than she did when she had me in 1982 and doesn't have much of a retirement fund (fortunately, she and my dad are still together, and between the two of them, they did manage to save enough, it's just that very little of it is in her name).  She told me that while she wouldn't trade those years with me for anything, she believes I'm making the right decision by continuing to work.

    Anyway, that's my .02, but it really has to be a decision that YOU are comfortable with, not what any of us tells you.  Like I said, I would urge you to think about the long term, all the way to when you're an empty nester, and consider whether you would be ok with the impact being a SAHM would have on you at that point.  And if you ARE ok with it, and you guys can swing it financially, go for it!  If not, I'd suggest that you at least consider continuing to work part-time, so it will be easier to get a full-time job when you LO isn't so little anymore. ;-)

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  • This is a very hard decision. Personally, I know I could never, ever work full time with kids. It's just not how I'm natured. Heck, I only worked 20 hours a week for a year before DD was even born! I'm not a career woman. I always wanted to be a full time SAHM, but financially things would be very tight. My current position as a nurse is what's considered "flex." Basically I can make my own schedule. The only thing that sucks is that the hours aren't guaranteed, so when we're not busy I could have times (like now) where I'm hardly bringing in any extra money at all.

    I have found that for me, a part time schedule is pretty much the best of both worlds. You still have more time with LO, but you also get adult interaction and keep up your professional skills.

    I will say that the only reason this works for us is because I have family available to watch DD for free (I was willing to pay them, but they refused to accept any money). If we had to put her in day care, that would pretty much eat up all my paycheck and not even be worth it. 

    Good luck with your decision. 

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  • I'm considering becoming a SAHM. I'm working part time just to keep my foot in the door right now. I'm going to try to give it until the end of the month. I am really struggling with the decision because I've worked at the company for over 8 years and it doesn't help that my sister I my boss. She would be devastated and if I left I would not be able to return. It's really hard. If I didn't like my job and didn't have so many personal ties I would have already quite.

    I guess I'm just saying, your not alone in your struggle.
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  • I never considered it until I had DD. I'm a teacher and LOVE my job, and luckily am off until September, but I am toying with the idea of not going back... Realistically I will go back at least for a year, but after that I might take off longer. I definitely want to work after the kids are in school though. Do you have the option of starting back in your field later on?

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  • I seem to be the minority... I work full time and don't ever plan to do otherwise. I have always been a career person.. I went to school and got a degree for a reason. I also grew up with 2 working parents who are both very successful so I think my drive comes from that. I love my LO and I cried the first day of daycare and I miss him and think of him all the time but he is doing well in daycare and I enjoy adult interaction on a daily basis. The evenings and weekends are so special to me now and I do the best I can to give him all my attention during that time. As PP mentioned, it's a personal decision you will need to make for yourself. Good Luck!

  • Just became a SAHM after DS was born. I worked 8 years before DS t the same company so it was a huge and tough decision to make. However I knew it was right for us. No doubt. I was supposed to go back this week but I resigned last week. My boss and coworkers were so great about it. I went to clean out my office yesterday. It's definitely hard not going back but I can't imagine spending my days without him. Do what's best for you all. There's a season for everything. Good luck!!
    "Sweat is my sanity". Sarah Palin "Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised". Proverbs 31:30 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • My advice: you just went back, don't decide too hastily. It is very hard at first, but it does get easier. DD loved daycare, and I am so glad she got to go for a year. My mom watches her and DS now, but she loved being in daycare with her friends. There are times when I would love to SAH and times when I enjoy having work. I wouldn't base your decision on one week back though. You need to give a little time for a routine to establish, life to normalize, etc...
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  • image beanersmommy:
    My advice: you just went back, don't decide too hastily. It is very hard at first, but it does get easier.

    This is really good advice.  The first week going back is tough, really tough.  I thought it would be easier with DS2 than it was with DS1; it wasn't.  But this time around, I know it will get better, and it already has a few weeks in.  I do get bummed when I miss out on some of the earlier months, but once DS2 gets a little older, I think he will thrive in daycare just like DS1 has.  

    Anyway, like others have said, it's such a personal decision with a lot of different factors for everyone. 

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  • I would like to be a SAHM with my children in daycare!  That's my fantasy.  Ok, I'm half joking but there are days... 
  • image beanersmommy:
    My advice: you just went back, don't decide too hastily. It is very hard at first, but it does get easier. DD loved daycare, and I am so glad she got to go for a year. My mom watches her and DS now, but she loved being in daycare with her friends. There are times when I would love to SAH and times when I enjoy having work. I wouldn't base your decision on one week back though. You need to give a little time for a routine to establish, life to normalize, etc...

    beanersmommy is wise! I would have to agree, you don't want to base your decision off of the first day back. It's so hard to leave them, but it gets easier. Like you OP, I also put a lot of time, effort, and money into my education, and I can't imagine just giving that up to SAH. My advice would be to give it a little time before making a huge decision like giving up your career.
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  • I worked FT throughout my whole pregnancy but DH and I decided after looking at our finances and factoring in everything, it would be best for me to stay home with our son for his first year. I am so happy we made this decision. I love being a SAHM. It certainly comes with it's own share of challenges and it's not for everyone but I feel like it's right for our family. You have to do what you feel is right for you. I am only planning to be home with him for his first year and then I will go back to work, as my MIL will be retiring and has offered to provide day care.
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  • LJM0521LJM0521
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    I'm a SAHM and love it.  I wouldn't trade it for the world.  Will I ever have an amazing career or lots of my "own" money?  No, but you couldn't pay me enough to be away from my children all day. DH and I have always viewed our money as ours, not his or hers.  We will homeschool our kids through elementary and then decide what's best for each child once they reach middle school.  All will go to private for high school.  At that point, I will volunteer at their school, or maybe work part time.  Even after they are all off to college and on their own, I doubt I will work full time.  My mom is an empty nester and because she doesn't work, she has the freedom to travel and help others at the drop of a hat.  My dad's mom broke both feet a couple years ago, my mom packed up the next day and flew from VA to CA to take care of her.  She often does things like that for family.  She also helps me out with my children.   I want to do the same for my family as we grow.

    Married to J since 5/05, Mommy to T (10/08), L (08/10) and C (02/13) who was born at home.

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