Working Moms

Do you and your boss like each other?

I've been working for my boss for 11 years. Along the way, I've received several promotions, and he is now senior management for a large company. He has been a great boss - supportive of me in the workplace, seemed genuinely happy for me when I told him about my pregnancies (he has 5 kids), allows me (and others) to have flexible schedules because we are expected to be available a lot off hours. Just before maternity leave, he gave me a big raise, which I definitely earned. 

 But I've finally realized that he doesn't like me. He respects me, thinks I'm smart, knows I'm valuable to the organization... But he doesn't like me. 6 of his 7 direct reports are women.  Only 2 of us have kids, and he definitely shows his preference for the people that don't have kids.   I went in for a meeting with him yesterday, during my maternity leave.  I hadn't seen him for over 3 months because I had to work from home for a month before I had DD. He literally didn't even say hello to me.  There are lots of other slights that I've always written off as part of his quirky personality, but seeing him interact with the childless folks, I know now it's me...

I don't have a strong drive to get another promotion, but I plan to keep working as hard as I ever have. But I'm starting to wonder if it's sustainable for me to work for someone who clearly dislikes me personally, but respects me professionally. I like everyone on my staff, so I don't really have this issue. 

 Sorry for the book... Any thoughts?? 

Re: Do you and your boss like each other?

  • Netty_3Netty_3
    250 Answers 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its
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    I've had a boss that didn't like me for whatever reason...and chose that reason enough to try and ruin my life.  I think as long as you have respect and professional courtesy that 's a huge thing.

    Although, if it's a deal breaker, look elsewhere.

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  • kaimom2kaimom2
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    I am in a very similar situation.  My boss has very little personality to begin with and is quite quirky.  We would never associate with one another outside of the office.  That being said, we have a successful working relationship.  I have learned that I don't need to like him, nor do I need him to like me.  Mutual respect is enough.  I really like my current position and how it allows me the flexibility I need for my family right now while at the same time giving me a few opportunities to boost my resume.  In the future when I am not a mom to a very young baby, this issue, along with little advancement opportunities, may serve as motivation to search for other employment, but for now it works.

    I think it is really going to be up to you and how important it is for someone to like you personally. 

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  • Estwd2Estwd2
    5000 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its Third Anniversary
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    I am a firm believer that not everyone is meant to be friends. In an ideal world, I would enjoy talking to all of my coworkers as people, but I just don't. I have friends in the office, but I also have coworkers that I would actively avoid if I saw out in public. This isn't the time to join hands and sing kumbaya; it's work. As long as we can work together professionally, I have zero need to be friendly with them.
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  • Currently working on some diversity training for work. What you described reminded me of something called micro-inequities.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Microinequity

     Doesn't really help you, but just found it interesting. 

  • KisstyKissty
    250 Answers 250 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary
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    It sounds like he has treated you well.  If that's the case, I say stay.  I have had a bad boss before and it was horrible for 7 loooong years. 

    imageimage 

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  • LoCarbLoCarb
    5000 Comments 250 Answers Fifth Anniversary 100 Love Its
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    I had a boss who hated me but also made my career miserable. If he acknowledges you are a good worker and respects you-stay. There is no guarantee everyone will like you in life.
    Mommy of two girls: DD1 4/14/9 DD2 4/15/11
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  • It sounds like he's just less personable to you than the childless folks...and while that would annoy me, if he's still treating me equitably and I'm getting the promotions, raises, and performance evaluations I deserve, I would like it roll off my back.

    I've worked for people that I liked as people but didn't like as a boss.  I've worked with people I liked as a boss but didn't particularly care for as people.  I vastly prefer the second situation.

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    Lilypie - (vjFY)image

  • image bearsbearsbears:
    It sounds like he's just less personable to you than the childless folks...and while that would annoy me, if he's still treating me equitably and I'm getting the promotions, raises, and performance evaluations I deserve, I would like it roll off my back.I've worked for people that I liked as people but didn't like as a boss.nbsp; I've worked with people I liked as a boss but didn't particularly care for as people.nbsp; I vastly prefer the second situation.


    This. Definitely.
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  • My current boss really, really likes me.  We would totally be friends if it weren't for the fact he's my boss. 

    My previous boss was a bit of a stiff with no personality.  He definitely respected and trusted me, but our personalities didn't really click outside of a work relationship. 

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  • Yes I like my manager.  I have quit a job in the past because my relationship with my manager was unbearable.  It can definitely be a deal breaker IMO.
  • I have a new principal this year and we do not like each other.  I don't even really respect her because she has not supported her staff in many ways.  I'm not letting that get in the way of my job though.  Being as teacher, the politics in a school building are very different than they would be in another profession and it really helps if your principal likes you but, in reality, as long as you advocate for your students in a professional manner, a working relationship is all you can really ask for.
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  • I would stay where you are...at least you get the professional respect.  I worked for a boss that I loved!  It was awesome, he respected me thought of me as one to really move up in the company.  Then he retired! :(  Sucked for me because I got put with the B***H of the company!  She is one of those types of people that live to make everyone around her misreable because her life is misreable and she is just so unhappy with her life so she wants everyone else to be.  Well she will not make my life unhappy, after I leave here I have a great life.  I really enjoy most of the people I work with.  I know eventually I will either find another job or change positions in this company and can tell her to F off!  There are days I wish I could do it sooner than later but my family is more important to me than her baby b***hy ways!
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  • kmh2201kmh2201
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    I think respect and treating employees well goes a long way.  I feel very lucky to be in a situation where my boss respects me, goes to bat for me, and likes me as a person.  (I also respect her and like her as a person.)  At my last employer, my boss basically worked on setting me up to get fired after she found out I was PG with DS.  (Even told me in a performance review, when I was PG, that I needed to decide which was my priority - work or family.)  If it were me, I think I would stay for now, but be open to other opportunities.
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  • mbm1983mbm1983
    5000 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its Second Anniversary
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    yes we do. we treat each other with respect. But we keep the relationship professional and avoid moving to the "friend" category. I don't think you should be friends with your boss, or work for you friends. But that's just my personal opinion. I like to keep those two lives separate.
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  • image ferris0906:
    Yes I like my manager.  I have quit a job in the past because my relationship with my manager was unbearable.  It can definitely be a deal breaker IMO.

    This exactly. My current boss and I are very close and I consider her to be almost like a family member. But I have left a job before because my boss was so horrible that I couldn't deal with him for another minute. He was very outwardly rude to me though and made no secret of the fact that he disliked me. Some outrageous number of people quit because of him. He eventually got demoted.

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