Baby Names

Baby Name Dilema

Hoping you ladies can help me figure this one out ... My husband is Greek and we are having a boy by Greek traditions the first son is named after the fathers father which would mean his name would be Anthony. I love my FIL and in no way want to hurt his feelings but I just don't like that name it's too common for me and besides the fact I really want my son to have his OWN identity. DH spoke to his mom about it and she said it would absolutely break his heart if we didn't name him Anthony I'm trying to get DH to speak to my FIL about it directly because my MIL can be dramatic sometimes ... Anyway this puts me in a horrible situation on one hand I don't want to offend anyone or break a tradition that's a big deal but on the other I feel it's not fair to us because we can't even decide what our sons name will be the decision is already made. Not to mention I really love the name Lucas and so does DH and we really want to use that name but we feel hopeless in this situation.... What would you guys do? Obviously we need to make this decision on our own I just want to get opinions and see how awful of a person I would be if I broke their tradition and went with a name I loved .... I should add I offered to make Anthony his middle name and that didn't go over we'll either ... Help :

Re: Baby Name Dilema

  • So we either go with

    Anthony Lucas
    Or Lucas Antonios

    Which do you like better?? I'm trying to compromise but I feel like this kid is a Lucas and nothing else ... I'm in trouble lol
  • Meery82Meery82
    2500 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its Fifth Anniversary
    member
    Well crap, my suggestion would've been to use it as a middle name, until I read the end of the post. That's a tough situation. But when it comes down to it, it's your child, you name him what you want. Lucas Anthony does sounds good. I would at least use it as the mn if you decide not to go for the fn.
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • That's a tough one.

    Personally, I absolutely 100% would not go along with a tradition I did not feel comfortable following, hurt feelings and all.  I would not discuss names with my MIL and leave it to your H to explain to her that they do not get to pick out the name of your LO.  I think putting Anthony in the MN spot is more that a fair compromise.

    Did you and DH discuss what you would do in this situation prior to actually being in the situation?

     

    Married 11/23/07 BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12

    image

     

  • I think it's really unfair for your inlaws to put you in this all or nothing position. Part of the fun in having a child is finding the perfect name! I was going to suggest Lucas Anthony but then read that did not go over well. If you name your son Anthony I feel like you'll resent your inlaws an maybe even H for a long time. Best bet would be do what makes you and H happy and if your inlaw can't accept it then that's that.
  • If you and your H both love Lucas, it is completely reasonable to make Anthony/Antonios the middle name. Your in-laws will just have to get over it.

    My family is Italian and my grandmother was very, very angry when my parents gave two of my brothers non-Italian names (even though my oldest brother was named for my grandfather). For years and years, she called them by other names (the names of the saints whose days were close to their birthdays). My parents did not back down and we all realized from a young age that my grandma was acting like a brat.

    Which is to say that even if you give in and use Anthony as a first name, they may still hassle you with later kids. Stand your ground and use Anthony as a middle name.

    Or, you could troll them and say you're naming the kid Anthony, but using your surname/maiden name or inventing a new surname by combining your surnames. Plenty of people really do that (and you should consider it!), but it tends to make traditionalist in-laws freak out.

  • I have a friend who had the same dilema, they ended up naming the baby by the FIL's first name and used the middle name they liked and call the baby by his middle name. Example, Anthony Lucas who goes by Lucas.Big Smile Goodluck! They will love him no matter what his name is.

  • image Meery82:
    Well crap, my suggestion would've been to use it as a middle name, until I read the end of the post. That's a tough situation. But when it comes down to it, it's your child, you name him what you want. Lucas Anthony does sounds good. I would at least use it as the mn if you decide not to go for the fn.


    I agree!
    Carly

    First month TTCing #2 7/12

    My DX: Lupus, PCOS, LPD and LP/DH's DX: LM
    m/c 10/04, m/c 7/05
    Pregnant with DD, after 3 rounds of Clomid, 8/06, loss of her twin 11/06
    m/c 1/09, mc 2/13, c/p 5/13
    1st round of Clomid this time (50 mg) 10/13- BFN
    2nd round of Clomid (100 mg) 11/13- BFN
    Cycle #18: 12/13- Break from meds for yet another HSG for me and yet another SA for DH. We're on our own this month! 

    image
                                                     
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    image
    Potato Launcher


  • April!April!
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments
    member
    image cady03:

    I have a friend who had the same dilema, they ended up naming the baby by the FIL's first name and used the middle name they liked and call the baby by his middle name. Example, Anthony Lucas who goes by Lucas.Big Smile Goodluck! They will love him no matter what his name is.

    This is what I was going to suggest too. Of course then you run the risk of you calling him Lucas and them calling him Anthony!  

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    BFP #2 9/5/2012 -- Born 5/20/2013 -- Welcome, rainbow baby!
    BFP #1 1/24/12 -- No HB 2/16/12 -- Misoprostol 3/10/12
    image image image
  • wklj875wklj875 member

    I know a few people who switched the first name to the middle name for tradition reason but the in laws were still upset and called the baby by the name they liked. I wouldn't use it at all, that way if they still want to call your LO Anthony, they might say well it is his middle name. If you don't use it at all, the in laws would look stupid and petty if they tried calling your LO Anthony. 

    I had a name for my daughter that I was in love with but my own mother hated it so we decided to change it and  7 years later I still regret changing it and wish we would have told my mother to deal with it, she decided what to caller children and I will decide what to name mine. 

    There are times to make nice but if this is how it will be for the rest of your lives, the it's best to put your foot down in the beginning. 

    image
  • Honestly, this is not a decision that your in-laws should have any input with.  At the end of the day, it is your child and you should give him a name that YOU want.  If that is the tradition they wanted to follow, more power to them.  But that doesn't mean you should be forced or feel guilty and give into it.  

    I think naming him Lucas Anthony is a great compromise.  If they don't like, tough.  It's not their child and they will get over it.

    And for what it's worth, I'd stop having conversations with them about it.  By doing so, you are getting it into their heads that they have a say in baby's name when they don't.  

    Name the baby what you and your DH want to name him and don't feel guilty about breaking traditions.  Seriously. 

    image

      9.14.11

    "Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever the fuck you were gonna do anyway." - RDJ
  • Thanks ladies I just wanted confirmation that I'm not a horrible person for not following THEIR tradition. I did not have this conversation with my ILs my DH was talking about it with his mom she brought it up and wanted to make sure we named him the "right name" I'm not going to talk to them about it my DH needs to talk to them it's his parents but he is also the kind of son who is afriad of making them angry or upset so it's something he needs to work on I feel like even if we give in for this one time they are going to expect it all the time and they can't always get their way especially when it comes to our child I want acknowledgement that I am his mom and I have a say too ok vent over lol
  • image April!:
    image cady03:

    I have a friend who had the same dilema, they ended up naming the baby by the FIL's first name and used the middle name they liked and call the baby by his middle name. Example, Anthony Lucas who goes by Lucas.Big Smile Goodluck! They will love him no matter what his name is.

    This is what I was going to suggest too. Of course then you run the risk of you calling him Lucas and them calling him Anthony!  


    This, I go by my middle name, and nobody even really knows my first name. I was named after my grandmothers but my name flowed better with Victoria as the mn. My parents never even thought about calling me by my fn.
  • To me, it depends on the tradition. There are not a whole lot of traditions left in American culture, and I try to respect and pass on any that I find.

    If it is a long standing tradition, going back multiple generations, I would name the baby Anthony Lucas and just have him go by Lucas. He would still be an individual, with a great story to go behind it.

    On the flip side, if the tradition only goes back two generations or so, then it isn't really a "tradition" and I would ignore it.

    It is definitely a tough one, though. I hope you all can work it out.

    Just as a thought... If it is a name tradition, it might mean a lot to your MIL. She didn't get to choose the name of her firstborn, it was chosen for her. It might be something she stuck with because it was expected. And now you are telling her it's no big deal and ignoring it. So give her some time to process, and it might go down in importance to her. Good luck!
    image

    "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to be over, it's about learning how to dance in the rain." -Unknown

    Married 3-1-08  |  Nathan 11-24-08  |  Kaelyn 11-30-10  |  Alicia  8-17-13


  • image cady03:

    I have a friend who had the same dilema, they ended up naming the baby by the FIL's first name and used the middle name they liked and call the baby by his middle name. Example, Anthony Lucas who goes by Lucas.Big Smile Goodluck! They will love him no matter what his name is.

    This...I actually really love the name Anthony Lucas and yeah you could call him Lucas or Luke!  I love family names for the most part, however my husband really wants to "create" a name if its a boy....I think I may be in more trouble than you..lol!

     

    BabyName TickerImage and video hosting by TinyPic
    Pregnancy Ticker
    image""> image
  • lalala8lalala8
    Ninth Anniversary 250 Answers 2500 Comments 500 Love Its
    member

    You are in a tough spot.

    I think Anthony Lucas is a very nice name and you can definitely call him Lucas.  I know lots of people that go by their middle names and it's not a big deal.  

    That being said, if I were in your shoes, the in-law-butting-in would p*ss me off so much that I think I'd have to go with Lucas Anthony. 

    I wouldn't entertain any further discussions with the in laws, whichever way you go. 

       Image and video hosting by TinyPicimageImage and video hosting by TinyPic    
                BabyFruit Ticker


                Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

  • Name him Anthony Lucas and call him Lucas. Done.

    And your son will have his own identity. Someone is always named after someone else (unless you make it up entirely), and they still manage to forge their own path

    I'm with the pp who feels tradition should be followed in a lot of cases (and her reasoning about your MIL not getting to choose her children's names), and this is a STRONG Greek tradition. Some families are a little more lenient about it, some not so much. For example, I dated a Greek guy. His parents didn't want their sons to have the same names as half the family so they tweaked them (Dan became Dean, Mary Catherine became Catherine Marie).

    I'm actually shocked that you didn't know this tradition going into it.

    image
    Our little Irish rose came to us on March 5, 2010
    Don't drink the water.
    Disclaimer: I am not an MD. Please don't PM me with pregnancy-related questions. Ask your doctor.
  • Tradition is wonderful but it also has to be something you are on board with or you will end up resenting them. I say name him Lucas Anthony as a way of honoring the father and they will just have to get over it.
    Mother to 6 year old Sydney Mae and 3 year old Paige Alexis. Expecting baby number three in September!

    image
  • Lucas Anthony

    Don't stress yourselves out over it,or you will lose all the fun of choosing a name & being pregnant. Once they see that sweet little face they will love him & get over it. Don't discuss it with them, it will just cause more opinions to come into play. Decide & make peace for yourself, your baby & your marriage :)

    I regret my DD's middle name to this day because it was my first pregnancy & I felt in-law pressure. Life is to short. 

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Image   and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards