I realize this is a sensitive topic with mommies-to-be on here who struggled to conceive, but I would appreciate insight from people who have been there.
My SIL (brother's wife) has been TTC for 2 years now and had two failed IUIs since January. I haven't seen her in person since we told her we were pregnant in October. She avoids all family functions I attend; she also did not come to my shower, but sent a gift and a couple of cards at other points. My brother told me months ago it was because it was just too difficult for her to be around me, which I understood given the circumstances, but slowly over the months, it started to feel more than that (some things happened I won't explain because this is long enough as it is). I asked my brother a couple of months ago what was going on and he admitted that it's not because I'm pregnant, but she's upset with me because she feels I haven't been supportive of her while she's been TTC (they shared the infertility issues with the family about 10 mos ago). I of course felt terrible and confused, because I thought I was doing the right thing by respecting her requests for space and not rubbing my pregnancy in her face. So I sent her a letter (my brother's idea, he said not to call because she was upset), apologizing for anything I'd done to offend her and asking if we could get together before the baby comes to talk. No response now after 2+ months.
So here's my question: today I'm sending another letter that says basically "I would love to see you before the baby comes. If you're willing, please call me so we can get together and talk." I've decided that if I don't hear back from her, I will let my brother know, gently and with love, that I won't be ready to see my SIL for a while after the baby is born. If she decides that's when she's ready to be around me/us, I feel like I'm going to be exhausted and not up to dealing with the awkwardness between us in those first few weeks. I love my SIL and want her back in my life (and in my daughter's) but I feel the need to protect my own emotions right after the birth. It's not vindictive or a punishment towards her at all.
FYI I brought this up months ago on the 2nd tri board and got flamed by lots of people and called selfish because I admitted my feelings were hurt over this. I know how lucky I am to have had this healthy pregnancy and I certainly don't understand everything my SIL is going through, not claiming otherwise. But I can't help it--when someone you love avoids you for 8 months, it really hurts, even when you're going through the incredible feelings of first time pregnancy.
Again, any insight from someone who's maybe been through this type of thing would be greatly appreciated.