June 2013 Moms

Awkward family situation (warning: LONG)

I realize this is a sensitive topic with mommies-to-be on here who struggled to conceive, but I would appreciate insight from people who have been there.

My SIL (brother's wife) has been TTC for 2 years now and had two failed IUIs since January. I haven't seen her in person since we told her we were pregnant in October. She avoids all family functions I attend; she also did not come to my shower, but sent a gift and a couple of cards at other points. My brother told me months ago it was because it was just too difficult for her to be around me, which I understood given the circumstances, but slowly over the months, it started to feel more than that (some things happened I won't explain because this is long enough as it is). I asked my brother a couple of months ago what was going on and he admitted that it's not because I'm pregnant, but she's upset with me because she feels I haven't been supportive of her while she's been TTC (they shared the infertility issues with the family about 10 mos ago). I of course felt terrible and confused, because I thought I was doing the right thing by respecting her requests for space and not rubbing my pregnancy in her face. So I sent her a letter (my brother's idea, he said not to call because she was upset), apologizing for anything I'd done to offend her and asking if we could get together before the baby comes to talk. No response now after 2+ months.

So here's my question: today I'm sending another letter that says basically "I would love to see you before the baby comes. If you're willing, please call me so we can get together and talk." I've decided that if I don't hear back from her, I will let my brother know, gently and with love, that I won't be ready to see my SIL for a while after the baby is born. If she decides that's when she's ready to be around me/us, I feel like I'm going to be exhausted and not up to dealing with the awkwardness between us in those first few weeks. I love my SIL and want her back in my life (and in my daughter's) but I feel the need to protect my own emotions right after the birth. It's not vindictive or a punishment towards her at all.

FYI I brought this up months ago on the 2nd tri board and got flamed by lots of people and called selfish because I admitted my feelings were hurt over this. I know how lucky I am to have had this healthy pregnancy and I certainly don't understand everything my SIL is going through, not claiming otherwise. But I can't help it--when someone you love avoids you for 8 months, it really hurts, even when you're going through the incredible feelings of first time pregnancy.

Again, any insight from someone who's maybe been through this type of thing would be greatly appreciated. 
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Re: Awkward family situation (warning: LONG)

  • I've never really been in a situation like this, but here is what I would do:

    Send her another letter, and keep it short and simple like you stated above saying you would love to see her before the baby is born.  If she doesn't respond, I would just let it rest for awhile.  I would NOT saying anything to your brother.   I think by saying something to him will set him and your SIL off again and it would be best to just let the situation go from there.  Chances are she probably won't want to be around you and the baby either, but that would be up to her.  Plus, you might not be ready for ANY visitors, so purposely excluding her right now will only lead to drama.

    I can't imagine going through infertility like your SIL is going through, but I think sending the two letters is all you can really do right now.  I'm sure she just needs some time to deal with all that she is going through but sending something to your brother will probably stir the pot a bit.

    It's hard to keep in mind what other people are going through, but you have every right to be happy and excited about your pregnancy.  I think she just needs some time and unfortunately there is nothing you can do about that.

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  • It's really emotional when someone is TTC and haven't had any success, and someone close to them gets pregnant at the drop of a dime, with hardly any effort. I don't know fully how it feels TTC and have no success, however; I did have my own little issue as it took a little over a year to get pregnant. I remember having emotions of jealousy when a friend, (not even close with) got pregnant when they least expected it. It was like I was mad at her, and for no good reason. I can't imagine how it would feel for someone who went years trying to have something, and having no success with, to have someone really close and dear to them get what they are wanting too. I am sure it's hard on her, and maybe she is protecting herself from feeling anger or jealousy over your pregnancy.

    You mention there were other things that you didn't want to mention. Maybe whatever those things are that happened is the cause of her distancing her self from you. I don't know.

    On another note...I would say don't write a letter, or an e-mail. I would pick up the phone and call her, it's more personal, and IMO shows you are really trying to make an effort and get to the bottom of the issue, rather then writing a letter asking for her to call you.

    Another thing....I would keep the doors open, even after you had the baby. If she isn't ready now to reconcile, that's okay, but keep those doors open and don't shut her out if she doesn't respond right away.

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  • I would just say dont put your brother in the middle. Call her. Sometimes letters can be taken out of context. Maybe if she hears that you truely meant no harm from whatever went down, she would soften. I wouldnt ever stop including her in baby stuff. She can decide not to come or be included; but thats her decision. She'll come around, she just needs to be ok with her situation first.
  • We TTC for 4 years before we got pregnant and I can honestly say, right or wrong, there is not a lot you can do to make things better. If she's this sensitive about it, she's going to find fault in anything you do. If you give her space, you're not supportive; if you reach out, you are shoving your pregnancy down her throat. I've been there and it's a sh!tty feeling to know that you're that person who can't be happy for someone else's pregnancy and its VERY hard to verbalize. I'd just let sleeping dogs lie.
    L.M.
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  • image veronicamars747:

    Plus, you might not be ready for ANY visitors, so purposely excluding her right now will only lead to drama.

    This is really good point, and I didn't think about it like that at all (that by addressing the situation ahead of time, it might create more drama). I was just thinking that by letting my brother know how I was feeling, it would save me having to explain myself when I'm sleep deprived, recovering from delivery, learning to care for a newborn. But there's something to be said for crossing a bridge when you come to it too I suppose. 

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  • image BabyShanteau:
    If you give her space, you're not supportive; if you reach out, you are shoving your pregnancy down her throat.

    This seems to be exactly what is happening and it's truly awful on my end to feel so helpless to give her what she needs, so I can only imagine how difficult it is on her end. I've just basically had my fingers crossed month after month that she'd conceive, then things would just work themselves out gradually from there. But that hasn't happened so far and who knows when it will. My brother is my only sibling and we've always been close, so that makes things even worse. He's completely in the middle and unfortunately, I don't know how he can't be because he refuses to choose sides, nor should he have to.

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  • I know that a miscarriage isn't the same, but it's still grieving over what you wished you had.  After my miscarriage, the sight of pregnant women was challenging.  I was super happy for them, but seeing it made it all the more difficult for me to stay composed, missing what I "should have had". 

    The fact that she's sent you things is a good thing - she's not completely shut off to you.  I think what you're offering her though, is just more pain - to visually see you at your biggest will be even more difficult for her.

    I personally would suggest phone calls, e-mails and cards/letters instead of something face to face. 

    My CLOSEST friend is struggling to conceive, and when I got pregnant, she was COMPLETELY supportive, told me to tell her EVERY DETAIL no matter how long it took her.  Well, as time has went on, I've realized how difficult this has been for her - and now the discussions about baby are infrequent and awkward.  The bigger we get, and they have yet to conceive, is a knife in the heart.  In theory our friendship shouldn't skirt one topic all the time, especially when it's the biggest development in my life.  However, I've chosen to save my baby talk for others, knowing it's difficult for her now - and this is a phase of our friendship.  We have to be willing to give and take if the relationship is worth maintaining.  I'll just say what you won't hear from her - Thank you for not giving up on her, and doing your best to be sensitive to what she's going through.

  • mcbushmcbush
    2500 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its Second Anniversary
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    image justplanelove:

    I don't want this to come out as harsh, but no matter how many times I erase & rewrite, it just comes off that way, so I'll just say it.

    It isn't about you.

    Dealing with IF & baby showers, pregnancy, etc. is like living in Hell. Still to this day, I'd rather rip the skin off my own arm than relive the day my little sister told me she was pregnant. I wailed for hours until I was too exhausted & collapsed in bed.

    Given that she's had two failed IUI's, most likely they are probably saving up for more invasive treatments or have stopped treatments. Either way, she is mourning a loss & trying to grieve. She may not even understand what she's feeling, she just knows it hurts too much. If she hasn't contacted you from the first letter, she's probably not wanting confrontation, so most likely, she won't be coming around you after your baby is born. The part where you say that if she doesn't contact you before the baby is born, that she won't be welcome to meet your baby, that's the part that makes me feel that you aren't being supportive & making this about you, not her. Please don't punish her, infertility is already so cruel, she doesn't need people in her life being the same way.

    I don't think this came out harsh - I thought it was very articulate.

    I think that PP hit the nail on the head - if you don't reach out you're not supportive; if you reach out you're shoving your pregnancy in her face. There's no right answer. I bet if you were even to get to a point where you could ask her "How can I be supportive to you?" she wouldn't necessarily be able to articulate it. My sister cannot have kids. Period. She asked me to be her surrogate when I was 17. I had to tell her no. Then I got pregnant without trying (at 27). Telling her was the worst day I could have imagined. I know I hurt her, and she knows what she responded with hurt me. It sucks. There's no right answer. Now she's just super excited to be an auntie. I'm sorry you're going through this but I'd continue to give her space. I do think she will come around eventually. I wouldn't write the second letter and I wouldn't put your brother in the middle. Just MHO. 

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  • image justplanelove:

    I don't want this to come out as harsh, but no matter how many times I erase & rewrite, it just comes off that way, so I'll just say it.

    It isn't about you.

    I appreciate your honest input, and yes, ouch, it feels a little harsh but that's what I asked for: hearing what it's like on the other side because I haven't been able to have that conversation with her. And you're right, I certainly don't want to punish her or seem vindictive in any way. It's not what's best for me, or her, or my baby. Ultimately my goal is to do what's best for MY child, and I truly believe that is for her to somehow have a relationship with her aunt in the future. I guess I'm just being impatient trying to figure out all this in advance. 

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  • image micabush:
    image justplanelove:

    I don't want this to come out as harsh, but no matter how many times I erase & rewrite, it just comes off that way, so I'll just say it.

    It isn't about you.

    Dealing with IF & baby showers, pregnancy, etc. is like living in Hell. Still to this day, I'd rather rip the skin off my own arm than relive the day my little sister told me she was pregnant. I wailed for hours until I was too exhausted & collapsed in bed.

    Given that she's had two failed IUI's, most likely they are probably saving up for more invasive treatments or have stopped treatments. Either way, she is mourning a loss & trying to grieve. She may not even understand what she's feeling, she just knows it hurts too much. If she hasn't contacted you from the first letter, she's probably not wanting confrontation, so most likely, she won't be coming around you after your baby is born. The part where you say that if she doesn't contact you before the baby is born, that she won't be welcome to meet your baby, that's the part that makes me feel that you aren't being supportive & making this about you, not her. Please don't punish her, infertility is already so cruel, she doesn't need people in her life being the same way.

    Telling her was the worst day I could have imagined.

    Um, yeah, same here--the day we told my brother and SIL totally sucked. Her face said it all and I felt AWFUL. 

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  • I would just ignore it and leave it at that, if she wants to punish you for being pregnant that's her fault and her loss.  Maybe she will come around. 
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  • image justplanelove:

    I don't want this to come out as harsh, but no matter how many times I erase & rewrite, it just comes off that way, so I'll just say it.

    It isn't about you.

    Dealing with IF & baby showers, pregnancy, etc. is like living in Hell. Still to this day, I'd rather rip the skin off my own arm than relive the day my little sister told me she was pregnant. I wailed for hours until I was too exhausted & collapsed in bed.

    Given that she's had two failed IUI's, most likely they are probably saving up for more invasive treatments or have stopped treatments. Either way, she is mourning a loss & trying to grieve. She may not even understand what she's feeling, she just knows it hurts too much. If she hasn't contacted you from the first letter, she's probably not wanting confrontation, so most likely, she won't be coming around you after your baby is born. The part where you say that if she doesn't contact you before the baby is born, that she won't be welcome to meet your baby, that's the part that makes me feel that you aren't being supportive & making this about you, not her. Please don't punish her, infertility is already so cruel, she doesn't need people in her life being the same way.

    I think you said it just right. OP, I totally see how in this situation you feel like you have done everything to reach out to her. I know you are trying your hardest too. But in reaching out, did you ever ask how she was doing? Or did you write a letter that wasn't about how you wanted to see her before your baby came or that didn't have anything to do with your baby? Did you ever just check in to say that you care about her and what she is going through? Before having DS I would leave every family function in tears. Not because anybody said or did anything hurtful outright. It just hurt me to the core to see firsthand exactly what I was missing out on. I felt so empty. It is a feeling I don't think you can truly understand unless you have been there. From a logical point of view is your SIL acting fair? Probably not. But there is nothing fair about infertility. It is horrible. It is something that stays with you. It is not always rational. I have skipped my fair share of baby showers just in the name of self preservation. Also, if she does make the gesture to ask to meet the baby just remember how very hard it will be for her. It will be heart wrenching. Try to be gracious and make it easier on her. I know it is hard to understand, but it really isn't about you or your daughter. I hope you can find it in your heart to try to be understanding and not take it personally.
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  • While I was able to conceive naturally it took us years. H and I thought we had fertility issues. So when my sister who has 6 children had two within 3 years of each other I was upset. I was angry and I cried a lot but I never avoided her. She was a pro by this point so she didn't need much support but I was still around. Not only was it important to be there as a sister, but as an aunt as well. Her fertility issues are not your fault. If she doesn't respond I'd stop trying and focus on you and LO.
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  • image justplanelove:

    I don't want this to come out as harsh, but no matter how many times I erase & rewrite, it just comes off that way, so I'll just say it.

    It isn't about you.

     

    The day my best friend told me she was pregnant, I started to sob right there, outside a restaurant around 10 strangers.  It's not about you....It never will be about you.  I had 4 failed IUI's each one sucking more then last.  I found that when I was home with DH, we were stronger in dealing with other people's happy news.  When I found out about another pregnancy by myself, I was a ticking time bomb of emotion.  I know that you are impatient in wanting her to be a part of you LO's life but that's not your problem.  She'll come around if/once she's ready.  

    Are you a big facebook poster regarding your pregnancy?  I became a big resenter of people on FB who put up a million ultrasound and bump photos when I was going through my struggle.  It's another constant reminder of something that your body can't do.  For what's its worth, I never did a FB announcement and don't intend on putting my kids picture on that site once he gets here.   Infertility is something I don't wish on my worst enemy.   Be patient and remember that it isn't about you!

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  • I don't think you are being selfish at all. I wouldn't send the second letter though. You reached out, you tried and you've let her know you want to have a relationship. Now it's time to let it go and when she's ready, she'll let you know.

    ive been through infertility and everyone handles it differently. I always tried hard to remember that my struggle had nothing to do with anyone else and their ability to get (and stay) pregnant.  She obviously can't look past her own situation to support you so the best thing to do is just give her space.

    I understand being hurt but I think you've done all you can.


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  • I had trouble TTC and it was hard to see friends get pregnant and for awhile it seemed like everyone on FB was even getting pregnant. When my nephew was born however I was so excited and so happy for my brother and my attention quickly focused to them, I couldn't believe I could love a little baby so much. We did not let our family know that we were having difficulties, mainly because I really didn't want the questions and we did not want people to tip toe around us. It sounds like you are a caring person, and I hope the best for your brother and SIL and that maybe they can experience what I did with my nephew.

     

     

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  • image Dragonfly1226:
    image justplanelove:

    I don't want this to come out as harsh, but no matter how many times I erase & rewrite, it just comes off that way, so I'll just say it.

    It isn't about you.

    Dealing with IF & baby showers, pregnancy, etc. is like living in Hell. Still to this day, I'd rather rip the skin off my own arm than relive the day my little sister told me she was pregnant. I wailed for hours until I was too exhausted & collapsed in bed.

    Given that she's had two failed IUI's, most likely they are probably saving up for more invasive treatments or have stopped treatments. Either way, she is mourning a loss & trying to grieve. She may not even understand what she's feeling, she just knows it hurts too much. If she hasn't contacted you from the first letter, she's probably not wanting confrontation, so most likely, she won't be coming around you after your baby is born. The part where you say that if she doesn't contact you before the baby is born, that she won't be welcome to meet your baby, that's the part that makes me feel that you aren't being supportive & making this about you, not her. Please don't punish her, infertility is already so cruel, she doesn't need people in her life being the same way.

    But in reaching out, did you ever ask how she was doing? Or did you write a letter that wasn't about how you wanted to see her before your baby came or that didn't have anything to do with your baby? Did you ever just check in to say that you care about her and what she is going through?

    Absolutely, all my notes have acknowledged briefly her gift/card/whatever it was I'd received from her (Christmas gift, shower gift, congrats card). Example: "Thank you for the book, I'm sure your niece is going to love when you read it to her" and then always "I hope you're feeling well, please let me know if there's anything I can do to help or make you more comfortable, I would love to see you at [upcoming family event/holiday], you're in my thoughts, etc etc". I've never referenced the pregnancy directly and in asking to see her, it was always phrased in a "I really miss spending time together and would love to get together soon" sort of way. 

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  • image phishgirl29:
    image justplanelove:

    I don't want this to come out as harsh, but no matter how many times I erase & rewrite, it just comes off that way, so I'll just say it.

    It isn't about you.

      

    Are you a big facebook poster regarding your pregnancy?

    A big NO on this one. I can imagine FB is like a landmine for women TTC. We did make a general pregnancy announcement just because it was the easiest way to get the news out to family and friends, but I specifically did NOT post anything else about my pregnancy out of sensitivity to her. Come to find out, she actually unfriended me and my husband anyway, I'm assuming in anticipation that she'd see things she didn't want to see in the future. Then my best friend and dad both saw some bitter things she'd posted about me after that. (I don't know exactly what was said bc I asked not to be told.) That was what triggered me asking my brother what exactly was going on a few months back bc it was very out of character for her to do that.

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  • This is just a difficult situation any way you slice it. 

    We had several losses over the course of a couple of years and I know the way I responded to hearing of other's pregnancies was way off base.  We had newlywed friends come to stay with us and one morning she asked me for something to eat quick before we went out to breakfast for her morning sickness.  SURPRISE- I was supposed to congratulate them!  I couldn't even speak to her.  I totally choked.  I turned to my husband (it was his fault, after all, for even inviting them) and said I hope the english muffins aren't moldy- can you get one for her?  Then went upstairs and cried, and put on my make-up and we never spoke a word about her pregnancy the rest of the weekend and I COULD NOT GET OVER IT.  Poor girl!  It had nothing to do with her- it was all me.  Believe it or not, I'm actually a pretty laid back person.

    It's not about you, she's just trying to get to the other side, where we all are.  It's frustrating, heart-breaking, expensive and unfair to have to go through infertility.  Just let her go through what she needs to go through. Call her, don't write it out in a letter.  Tell her you miss her and want to be there for whatever she needs.  You'd love to hear more about their experiences with IUI and whatever comes next.  If they are desperate for children- they will expand their family one way or another so it's not a permanent situation, but it might be tough for a while longer. 

  • image enuk2013:
    image phishgirl29:
    image justplanelove:

    I don't want this to come out as harsh, but no matter how many times I erase & rewrite, it just comes off that way, so I'll just say it.

    It isn't about you.

      

    Are you a big facebook poster regarding your pregnancy?

    A big NO on this one. I can imagine FB is like a landmine for women TTC. We did make a general pregnancy announcement just because it was the easiest way to get the news out to family and friends, but I specifically did NOT post anything else about my pregnancy out of sensitivity to her. Come to find out, she actually unfriended me and my husband anyway, I'm assuming in anticipation that she'd see things she didn't want to see in the future. Then my best friend and dad both saw some bitter things she'd posted about me after that. (I don't know exactly what was said bc I asked not to be told.) That was what triggered me asking my brother what exactly was going on a few months back bc it was very out of character for her to do that.

    Hmmmm... The fact that she publicly posted bitter things about you has me thinking a bit differently about the situation. No matter how much I was hurting and at times had to withdraw from certain situations in order to preserve my own sanity, I never lashed out in this way. I guess what I would do is send a note where you just say that you care about her and what she is going through and that you want to be there for her when she is ready. Don't mention her niece or the baby or your pregnancy in any way. And then I think I would just focus on yourself. When she is ready, she will come to you. GL. :)
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  • I feel for you and her. This sucks for both of you. I don't think you should contact her or your brother any more about it. Let it be for now. I don't think you should send a note about her not seeing you and the baby after she's born. You don't know how you will feel so why assume? I feel like that would be a little too dramatic. Like "If you can't see me now then don't even think of seeing me for months after my LO is born." That's how I'm hearing it. Its too much. Take it one day at a time. Let her come around when she is ready. When she is ready you are free to deal with it whatever way you feel at that moment. You say now that you miss her. You may feel the same way later. If you don't want to deal with the awkwardness or whatever at that time then don't. She has pushed you away for a long time. Its sad but to be expected that when she comes around, you may not be ready. Just don't assume it now. Just let it be and take it when it happens.
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  • BonjujuBonjuju
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    Everyone is different. I have 2 friends TTC for a few years now. One delivered early and lost her little girl after almost 2 weeks. She is over the moon that I'm having a baby and loves to call or stop by to see how I'm doing, she came to my shower and has truly showered me with gifts and attention.

    My other friend told me in the beginning that she is thrilled for me but unfortunately can't around me right now. She said she was jealous and it hurts to be jealous of someone she cares about so much and it makes her feel like a bad person. We send each other simple thinking of you cards that don't mention anything about babies. She sent a gift for my shower with her husband well before my shower and asked that she not be invited.

    I am sad that I haven't actually seen or spoken to her in months and at times I don't want to be understanding but I've never had to go through something like this so I try not to judge her. I know it's not forever and after the baby is here she will gradually come back into my life ..... but it still hurts a bit.

    I would not send a second letter......maybe instead of a letter asking her to meet up you can just send a thinking of you card and just say you miss her.

    Please don't be offended by this ..but.....I personally wouldn't say I don't want to see her after the baby is born for those reasons as I think it's a bit mean. However,  in this way too everyone is different and understand how you feel and you must do what you think you need to do in order to protect your own feelings... and if she's entitled to a communication haitus then surely you are as well.

    Do what you must.... I hope it all works out.

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  • I really, really appreciate all the input. I actually yanked the note from the mailbox right before it was picked up this afternoon after reading through all the responses. Decided to just let it be for a while longer and not stir things up unnecessarily. If she decides to reach out after the baby is born, I'll deal with that when the time comes. Being less than 6 weeks until my due date is just bringing out all my anxieties about being a new mom I guess. I want everything to be perfect for my baby when she comes, but obviously that's not realistic even in the best of circumstances.

    Thanks again, ladies. 
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  • I don't think I would write another letter, but I wouldn't cut her off or tell your brother you don't want to see her after baby is born. The baby might bring you all back together. Good luck.
  • image Dragonfly1226:
    image enuk2013:
    image phishgirl29:
    image justplanelove:

    I don't want this to come out as harsh, but no matter how many times I erase & rewrite, it just comes off that way, so I'll just say it.

    It isn't about you.

      

    Are you a big facebook poster regarding your pregnancy?

    A big NO on this one. I can imagine FB is like a landmine for women TTC. We did make a general pregnancy announcement just because it was the easiest way to get the news out to family and friends, but I specifically did NOT post anything else about my pregnancy out of sensitivity to her. Come to find out, she actually unfriended me and my husband anyway, I'm assuming in anticipation that she'd see things she didn't want to see in the future. Then my best friend and dad both saw some bitter things she'd posted about me after that. (I don't know exactly what was said bc I asked not to be told.) That was what triggered me asking my brother what exactly was going on a few months back bc it was very out of character for her to do that.

    Hmmmm... The fact that she publicly posted bitter things about you has me thinking a bit differently about the situation. No matter how much I was hurting and at times had to withdraw from certain situations in order to preserve my own sanity, I never lashed out in this way. I guess what I would do is send a note where you just say that you care about her and what she is going through and that you want to be there for her when she is ready. Don't mention her niece or the baby or your pregnancy in any way. And then I think I would just focus on yourself. When she is ready, she will come to you. GL. :)

    After getting a glimpse into the situation, I get the feeling that her infertility is not at the heart of why she's being distant.  I never lashed out either to my pregnant friends just like dragonfly, but I tried my hardest not to be put in a situation where I would feel uncomfortable.  I have a friend whose been with her boyfriend for 8 years and they're still not engaged.  When I got engaged, she asked that I didn't talk about the wedding around her.  I never did, and almost 6 years later, she's still not engaged.  It was easier with a wedding, but harder to hide a bump when hanging out.  Could there be any other reason as to why she'd be angry with you?  Sometimes a little thing can be exponentially worse once you throw in a pregnancy on top of it.  I'm sorry that you're hurting, she's hurting, and the stress that its causing your family.   Take care of your LO and yourself for the time being :)

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    IVF #1 September 2012, beta #1: 213; beta #2: 580. Expecting Twins! 
    EDD 6/9 lost one angel at 9w3d :( 
    Baby boy arrived 6/1/13
    FET #1 10/14, BFP -Chemical Pregnancy :(
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  • If you love her and do not want to lose her, then send another letter. Keep the conversations about ANYTHING BUT pregnancies, babies, TTC struggles unless she is open to talk about it first.

    And it would be a little harsh to cut her out of LO's life because she could not be there during your  pregnancy.

    "What are you having?" "Well the radiologist says its a healthy little human baby. I'm a little disappointed, because I really wanted a puppy." LOL
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