So I had a pretty decent meltdown last night. A little background: DH works 2 jobs. One is his full time 3-11 job and then he has a second job that he has had for a while, but he dropped to one 12-8 shift a week. His boss is out for radiation treatments and so DH is picking up two additional shifts this week, so I have DD on my own more than normal.
I have been very limited in the housework I have done because DD does not nap for long or at all at night and does not actually get sleepy for bed until after 10. I keep making myself lists of things I would like to/need to do. I'm ok when I have to push the "want to do" items off, but I feel guilty if I don't do the "need to" items. It all culminated in a breakdown last night that had DH worried that I was getting too overwhelmed and that we might need to stop at one child (we want 4), which is completely not what I want.
Anyway, I have come to realize that I have very unrealistic standards in my head of what being a good wife/mother means and need to admit my humanity. I especially feel guilty since DH is able to get stuff done around the house and work two jobs, but I can't seem to work my job and then do anything but care for DD. I am lucky if I get an hour (split up in increments) to get stuff done and eat at night. I love DD and would not trade the time I spend with her for anything I just wish I could get other stuff done as well.
Also, I do have a baby carrier and DD can't stand to be in it for more than 5 minutes so that is not really an option to help me get stuff done. Sorry for being so erratic I just needed to vent to someone other than DH, someone who may be able to sympathize rather than trying to empathize with how I am feeling. Thanks for "listening"!