Its been a really long time since I have been on but I needed to go some where. I have a 50/50 custody with Connor's (my son) father which was some thing that was agreed apon with out any kinda fight because his father is a great father and he deserves it. We have had it now for about 6 months and Connor is doing fantastic with it. It was such a smooth transition for him...me on the other hand...not so much.
After the first month of having just a lota too much vodka on the nights I didn't have Connor I cut back quite a bit. I do have a tendency to go to the bottle though the first night after my 5 night stretch(once every 2 weeks).
Tonight I did not...its really hard. I miss him so much and I just want to hold him. I can barely sleep when he's not in the house. Waking up is miserable...with out his smiling face and bright blue eyes..."Morning Mommy. We had a good day yesterday!" and then he tells me all about it. Then he always asks if we can have a good day today.
I know this is best for him and I am not looking for advice or judgement. This is just really hard and there is not a lot of people I know who understand. Most moms just look at me horrified that I would even allow 50/50 to happen (but most moms my age in my town have crack head fathers for their babies). I just needed a safe place to speak my peace. Thank you.