Multiples

Do you ever wish you just had one?

For mobile: Do you ever wish you just had one?

I feel terrible for thinking this all the time! I love both girls to pieces but I can't help but think how much easier my life would be if I only had one. It is so hard to take care if a two year old and the babies at the same time. I feel like we live in chaos and no one's needs are really being met.
Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Re: Do you ever wish you just had one?

  • I love my kids so much and can't imagine my life without them, but YES I think all the time how easy it would be with just one. I have a 4 year old so I know that it is SO much easier with just one. Perhaps if the twins were my first then I wouldn't really know any different.
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • harti09harti09
    250 Answers 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    member
    I think it's perfectly normal for a MoMs mind to wander in that direction. I love my two and I wouldn't change things, but I do think about how much easier it would be with just one...normally at night when someone won't sleep. 
    B/G TWINS born at 35wks 
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers

  • I can't say I ever wished for just one because I can't imagine life without both of them BUT I have definitely wondered what life would be like with only one.
  • If I could still have both of them.....yes. Last night DD and I took a long walk while DH and DS were gone for DS's piano lesson. It was so easy and fun. Her little personality just shined because she had my undivided attention. She talked all about school and we chatted about ideas for an upcoming assignment she has. It was nice to just it be her for that time.
    Miracle Twins after 2 years TTC thanks to IVF! 10*18*06
    Lilypie - (6EmG)


    image


    image



  • I think having the boys first I didn't really know any different since my experience from the get-go was with two babies...with that said, my biggest "guilt" (if you can call it that) is not having had the time to spend a lot of one on one time with each of them. 

    image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    image
  • I wouldn't say I wished I had only one, but I have wondered what life would be like in a parallel universe where the ultrasound only showed one baby. Like PP said, I do wish I could devote more one on one time for each of them, but that's about all.

     

  • I sometimes worry that I'm not able to focus on one or the other enough. Usually dd because her brother is much more "needy" in terms of how much attention he requires so I occasionally worry that I'm "missing" her babyhood a little. I sometimes wonder what it would be like to have had the two a few years apart.

    But then I think of all the amazing things we get with two little babies interacting with each other that most others don't get to experience. We're a lucky bunch!

    image
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • yes, quite a bit in the first year.  and not in a i didnt want one of them kind of way, because obviously I couldnt imagine not having them both.  when i thought about it it wasnt that i had only one of them but rather this imaginary 3rd baby in a parallel universe.

     

    I tried to remember that it was a different experience that I was having, it wasnt overall better or worse than having one, just different.  some things are harder, but on the other hand you get to experience some things you wouldnt with only one.  And most of all they get to have each other.

  • Yeah, there have been many times I wish that I had the same two kids but born 2 or 3 years apart. As they get older there are more advantages to them being the same age but I feel like I missed out on so much in the newborn stage and somewhat the toddler stage (like not being able to take them to the playground by myself till they were older, which I easily could have if I'd had a singleton). Mine also didn't have the magical twin bond a lot of other MoMs claim their twins have so there wasn't that to make up for the chaos and divided attention and never getting to experience what it's like to have one baby to focus on and bond with.

    I would be OK with it except that DH has changed his mind about having a third (something we had agreed to all during pregnancy and the first two years) so I'm sad that most likely I'll only ever have the one chance to experience pregnancy, babyhood, etc. I just wish I'd known going through it all that it was my only chance but instead I thought of it as the "first" time.

    fraternal twin boys born january 2009
  • image macschic:
    I love my kids so much and can't imagine my life without them, but YES I think all the time how easy it would be with just one. I have a 4 year old so I know that it is SO much easier with just one. Perhaps if the twins were my first then I wouldn't really know any different.

    I know some MoMs who had twins first say that, but I definitely "know different." And I don't really get it when MoMs with twins first say they don't; being surrounded by people with singletons (including people I'm close to and have spent a lot of time with), and having spent time with local mom friends who had their first (singletons) around the same time I had my twins, to me there are a lot of obvious differences in terms of what they experienced, how they were able to do things, options they had, etc. I think every combination and spacing of kiddos has its pros and cons, its challenges and blessings though.

    fraternal twin boys born january 2009
  • image macchiatto:

    image macschic:
    I love my kids so much and can't imagine my life without them, but YES I think all the time how easy it would be with just one. I have a 4 year old so I know that it is SO much easier with just one. Perhaps if the twins were my first then I wouldn't really know any different.

    I know some MoMs who had twins first say that, but I definitely "know different." And I don't really get it when MoMs with twins first say they don't; being surrounded by people with singletons (including people I'm close to and have spent a lot of time with), and having spent time with local mom friends who had their first (singletons) around the same time I had my twins, to me there are a lot of obvious differences in terms of what they experienced, how they were able to do things, options they had, etc. I think every combination and spacing of kiddos has its pros and cons, its challenges and blessings though.

     

    Totally agree with this, mine are my first and its very clear how its different.  They are also likely our only kids and I had to mourn the loss of having just one baby to focus on.  Obviously there are other challenges with having twins after other kids (like having the other ones to look after as well :P) but I will never get to have the experience of having that one first born you are singularly devoted to

  • I think it's normal to feel this way. Our oldest had just turned 2 when our babies were born and it was very overwhelming. I thought about how much easier EVERYTHING would be if we only had one baby. I'm sure things will get tough again at some point but right now, my babies are almost 2 and things have been surprisingly [dare I say it?!?] easy for a while. Hang in there!!  Those awesome moments are right around the corner and when you start experiencing them, this crazy overwhelming time will be but a distant memory. 
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Lilypie Fifth Birthday tickers Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
  • image macchiatto:

    I know some MoMs who had twins first say that, but I definitely "know different." And I don't really get it when MoMs with twins first say they don't; being surrounded by people with singletons (including people I'm close to and have spent a lot of time with), and having spent time with local mom friends who had their first (singletons) around the same time I had my twins, to me there are a lot of obvious differences in terms of what they experienced, how they were able to do things, options they had, etc. I think every combination and spacing of kiddos has its pros and cons, its challenges and blessings though.

    I agree, my twins are my only kids, and I definitely know different, especially when they were babies.  I knew a lot of people who had singletons around the same time so it was obvious how different things were for me.  It was tough!

    Miracle Twins after 2 years TTC thanks to IVF! 10*18*06
    Lilypie - (6EmG)


    image


    image



  • Sometimes, but usually not. We've really only made it by BECAUSE there are 2. When I got pregnant with them, I was in grad school and no where near graduation. Because it was twins, DH's grandmother moved near us to help us with child care. There's no way I would have made through school without her help and she wouldn't have moved here if we'd only had 1 baby. There have been a lot of breaks of good fortune we've had because of the twins that wouldn't have happened with only 1, so I can't say things would have truly been easier with 1. Rambling, I know, so sorry about that!

      Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    imageLilypie Third Birthday tickers BabyFetus Ticker
  • Jen0204Jen0204
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    member
    image macchiatto:

    image macschic:
    I love my kids so much and can't imagine my life without them, but YES I think all the time how easy it would be with just one. I have a 4 year old so I know that it is SO much easier with just one. Perhaps if the twins were my first then I wouldn't really know any different.

    I know some MoMs who had twins first say that, but I definitely "know different." And I don't really get it when MoMs with twins first say they don't; being surrounded by people with singletons (including people I'm close to and have spent a lot of time with), and having spent time with local mom friends who had their first (singletons) around the same time I had my twins, to me there are a lot of obvious differences in terms of what they experienced, how they were able to do things, options they had, etc. I think every combination and spacing of kiddos has its pros and cons, its challenges and blessings though.

    I have a nephew who is 5 months older then the girls and he's my sister's first child and they live very close so we spend a lot of time together.  Obviously I see how things are different but I think that's entirely different from experiencing it.  All we've ever known is having two to handle from day 1 and how to make it work.  My friend who had a singleton and then twins seemed to have a harder time adjusting in the beginning then we did and she kept saying "it's SO different".  I think not having any idea what we were getting into made it easier in some ways (though certainly more difficult in others!).

    I struggle with the same things others have mentioned, especially feeling like I haven't/can't give them each enough one on one time.  For the first 3 months there were many times when I thought how much easier life would be with one at a time.  I also feel sad that I'll never get to experience a "normal" pregnancy.  I was on bed rest from 26 weeks on, had a few complications, tons of appointments, and didn't get to really enjoy being pregnant.  I wonder a lot about what it would like to be pregnant with one and be able to dote on one baby.  But watching them together really makes me realize how fortunate and blessed we are.  I'm also happy that we don't have to stress about how our singleton will adjust to a sibling.  Like PP said, every combination of kids has it's pros and cons.

    image
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • jcathjcath
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    member

    I think about one more frequently in terms of money.  Like all of us - I can't imagine not having both of them but I sure can imagine and clearly quantify how much more money we'd have if we only had one child.  Forget diapers, clothes, food and equipment - just one in childcare would save us $1000 a month.  We're making it - I don't mean to complain but we're barely doing it and I'm stretched so thin having more disposable income could really make things easier. 

    image


    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers


  • Mine aren't even here yet and I still feel this way.  I feel like a horrible person but after the first ultrasound I was so overwhelmed and just, well, disappointed really that it showed two babies.  I'm disappointed that DH has to quit his full time job because we can't afford daycare for two babies.  And I'm worried about being a good mom to both.  I feel much better about things than I initially did but I still feel so apprehensive and worried all the time.  Lately I'm just worried about making it to full term and delivering healthy babies. 
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • I know I am forever the optimist, but I love every minute of having twins.  They are just too much fun!  I did start taking one to the grocery store with me, and I find that it's fun to spend time with the one.  I alternate who gets to go, so that I have the little bit of one on one time.  That gives Dad one on one time with the one that stays with him. 

    image Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • kiwi443kiwi443
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    member

    image Mrs.Greg:
    I think it's normal to feel this way. Our oldest had just turned 2 when our babies were born and it was very overwhelming. I thought about how much easier EVERYTHING would be if we only had one baby. I'm sure things will get tough again at some point but right now, my babies are almost 2 and things have been surprisingly [dare I say it?!?] easy for a while. Hang in there!!  Those awesome moments are right around the corner and when you start experiencing them, this crazy overwhelming time will be but a distant memory. 

    This, though things are starting to get a little harder for us as the girls fully transition into having toddler opinions and meltdowns ;).

    I thought about how much easier it would be with one quite often during the first 6 months. I felt like there was never enough of me to go around. That feeling as mostly subsided. My girls play together nicely, which is a benefit I know not every MoM experiences. 

    I don't know what it's like to have only 2 kids, but I can think of many instances where it would be easier (going to the park, shopping, just hanging out in my yard :), getting in and out of the van, etc.) I also think about the difference in terms of alone time with me. I was able to give my son lots of individual attention, read to him all the time, took him to library programs, etc. and most of those things do not happen as often for my daughters. 

     

    J - 9/6/09 L and A - 1/17/12
  • I think life would be easier if we had all singletons, but no, I never 1.  r wished I just had 1 no matter how much easier.  I do wish that my twins were born first.  DS1 had me all to himself for his first 27m and still has to be the center of attention, I think if the twins had come first and then DS1, everyone's behavior would be better.

    GSx1 - 05/13/2013
    babybaby
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards