Help for disrupted adoption?

I posted a couple of weeks ago that we brought home a newborn baby girl in hopes of adopting her. Well, we've had her for 2 .5 weeks and found out her birthfather won't sign. To prevent him from getting custody, the birthmother is going to parent, even though she really wants us to adopt the baby. We are devastated, and don't know yet when we will be returning her to her birthmother. Has anyone experienced disruption? Advice for getting through? 

Re: Help for disrupted adoption?

  • This is not based on any experience---just what my agency has told me--- in my state---unless the birthfather has actively supported the mom throughout the pregnancy (in the last 6 months) then it's unlikely that he will be granted custody of the child...

    I'm so sorry, this must be agonizing. 

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  • Also- was it an agency adoption? Because if it was, according to: it's irrevocable upon surrender in NJ....
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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    OH I am sooo sorry.  I know how you are feeling and yet I know it must be even worse if you were able to bring the baby home for a few weeks.  We had a failed adoption after spending 3 full days taking care of the baby in the hospital.  We were devastated, angry, heart broken and overall not happy for an entire month.  Let your hearts heal a bit and decide your next steps.  There is nothing any of us can say to make this easier, but just know you are not alone, and many of us have been there.  Hoping for a happier ending if there is a way to have the fathers rights terminated in any other way.  ((((HUGS)))) 

    Failed Matches - December 2012, May 2013, December 2013

  • image IRR:
    Hoping for a happier ending if there is a way to have the fathers rights terminated in any other way.  ((((HUGS)))) 

    I agree with this. Hopefully your agency has experience to know criteria for termination and if his involvement/lack of involvement meets this or not. Either way, I am sorry you're going through this. I don't have any advice other than lean on whoever supports you and know we are here to listen! Hugs!

    November '11-January '12- Three IUIs with donor sperm- BFN x 3
    April '12-December '12- Foster to adopt- All inappropriate referrals
    January '13-December '13- Domestic Infant Adoption- Never had a match
    May '14- FET with 2 adopted embryos- BFN
    July '14- FET with 2 adopted embryos- BFP EDD: 4/5/15 / Miscarriage @ 8w4d


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  • I am so sorry. I was devastated by a failed adoption, but I never saw the baby, so nothing compared to what you are going through. I have no advice, just wanted to send my thoughts and prayers. You will get through this, no matter what the outcome.
  • I don't really have anything to add, other than to say I'm so sorry.  Be kind to yourself, and give yourself all the time you need to fully mourn this loss.
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