May 2013 Moms

DH's role in baby care

How are the rest of the May mamas splitting up baby time with their DHs? (Especially MOTN, if DH is working?)

For us, so far what seems to be working is for us to head to bed around 10 so I can sleep... And DH is on baby duty until he goes to sleep around 1. Since he is a night owl anyway, it doesn't affect his sleep. Then I take the 3am feeding and 5:30 feeding and wake DH up for work.

 Only thing is... What happens when I go back to work? Not sure exactly how things will change.  

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Re: DH's role in baby care

  • MrsJ723MrsJ723
    250 Answers 2500 Comments Combo Breaker First Anniversary
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    MH just went back to work this week, but we take turns at night. We both go to bed around 9:30 to 10 and then alternate getting up with DD for feeding and changing. We will continue this when I go back to work.
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  • KLJ3KLJ3
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    My DH went back to work yesterday, but has been such an angel when he's home. He washes bottles, preps new ones to put in the fridge, does the laundry that has suddenly become so abundant, and will swaddle, burp, feed, or change as needed. The only thing he can't do is pump for me!

    At night, it really helps when he does the feed and change while I pump. I may not be able to sleep through a feeding, but if we split it up, my job only takes 50 minutes instead of an hour and a half! [Using a single manual pump and desperately awaiting the double electric pump in the mail.]
  • I'm a SAHM, so during the work week, I do it all. On the weekends, DH gets up to change diapers and then hands the boy off to me to nurse and get back to sleep. Luckily, knock on wood, Andrew is a fantastic sleeper!

    If I were working, we would alternate nights so that one of us would get a good night's sleep. It's too much to expect a working Momma to do it all.
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  • With our first, I did 100 of MOTN because I was EBFing and DH was working. I would rather not listen to him whine about being tired plus I got plenty of naps during the day when the baby slept. With this baby I will be doing the majority if not all the care while DH takes care of bathing, putting to bed and getting up with our first child.


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  • image jesselayne8:
    With our first, I did 100 of MOTN because I was EBFing and DH was working. I would rather not listen to him whine about being tired plus I got plenty of naps during the day when the baby slept. With this baby I will be doing the majority if not all the care while DH takes care of bathing, putting to bed and getting up with our first child.

    We are similar to this. With our first, DH was great about getting me water, cleaning pump parts as needed, and doing diaper changes in the MOTN. Once I was able to stop pumping and EBF, his overnight role greatly decreased. There was frankly no point to him waking up with me. I was a little bitter at first, but it ended up being the best solution for both of us.

    This time around, I do 90% of care for DS2 and DH does 90% of care for DS1. He gets to sleep through the night, but has now taken on most of what I used to do for DS1.

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  • MrsRKJMrsRKJ
    1000 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
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    For the most part during the week, we stay up until about 10 and give DS his last feeding, diaper change and down for the night.  DS usually wakes up around 2, so I will get up and feed & diaper change, then DS gets up again around 5:30, when DH is up for work.  So it works out.  Then at least 1x a week for both of us (usually the weekend) one of us will stay in the living room (where DS sleeps) and the other will be in the bedroom, so at least 1x a week we get a full night of uninterrupted sleep! 

    When he gets home from work he'll take over diaper changes and feedings just to give me a break to go take a shower, or run out to the store, etc.  He's been great.  I'm very lucky! 

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  • LN1024LN1024
    250 Answers 1000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 250 Love Its
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    Right now my husband is not around, so it's all on me. When he comes back from training we usually do shifts in the night so we both get sleep. He's really helpful about changing diapers and getting him ready while I get around to nurse. 
  • image jesselayne8:
    With our first, I did 100 of MOTN because I was EBFing and DH was working. I would rather not listen to him whine about being tired plus I got plenty of naps during the day when the baby slept. With this baby I will be doing the majority if not all the care while DH takes care of bathing, putting to bed and getting up with our first child.

    This is us. H has been very helpful with DD1 and has taken on a lot more household chores. But, until he grows lactating boobs, there's not much he can do with the little one. I might be alone here, but I kind love the 1:1 nighttime baby love. 

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  • Since I am EBF I am doing all the night care for now, he is working and I would rather he get his sleep since I can sleep during the day.

    once I introduce a bottle ill probably give him the last feeding of the night. 

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  • With DS1 I stopped working and became a SAHM. I did all the MOTN feedings as DH worked. I really took to becoming a mom and didn't mind waking up at all, especially since DS1 was in the NICU the first 3 weeks of his life - I couldn't wait for those MOTN feedings at home! Obviously DH was more involved on the weekends and when we have DS2 in the next couple weeks it will be different and DH will need to be more involved.

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  • I take care of the feeding cries, but H is up for the others. Once he gets home from work and cleaned up he takes her and I am free to do house tasks or to nap. On the weekends he also takes her a majority of the time and only gives her to me when she is hungry. He has been amazing... but it's only been 7 days!
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  • I might get flamed for this, but my SO has only changed one diaper since our daughter was born.  He obviously can't feed her since I am nursing and he hasn't changed her clothes or gave her a sponge bath.  This is a personal choice.  I take care of all her needs as far as feeding, bathing, changing, etc and he gets to love on her.  He was only able to take two days off after her delivery.  He doesn't take my efforts for granted, but for now her basic needs are up to me.  I don't mind and I like that the time they get to spend together she is happy and content.  Once she is a little older we will start working on a better routine that includes him taking care of her personal needs, but for now the responsibility of the baby is on me.  With that being said, my DD seems very content.  If she wasn't I would probably get more help from him so that I don't go insane.  I will be going back to work in August, so there will definitely be a shift of responsibilities. 
  • KashyKashy
    Ninth Anniversary 250 Answers 500 Love Its 500 Comments
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    DH has been pretty awesome about getting up with LO at night for when he is just fussing or needs a change.  He will only wake me when it is feeding time.  But he is off this week so it is ok for him to be up a lot at night. 

    When he goes back to work I will take over all night time stuff.

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  • LO is breastfeeding, so at night, DH wakes up sometimes just to chat with me and be supportive, but I am usually feeding her. During the day DH is at work, so I hold it down from about 6am-4pm. 

    When we start bottle feeding, we will alternate nights.  

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  • blush64blush64
    2500 Comments 250 Answers Fifth Anniversary 250 Love Its
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    I will be breastfeeding and not using bottles so he can't do much as far as feeding. We aren't making a plan but we have talked abojt things. He is ready to do what's needed when it's needed. He'll be off a few extra days a week for the first while so be will help with changing and holding and bathing.

    It's his first so he's really nervous but glad I have been there before. I won't make him wake up with us at night since he can't feed her anyway.
  • I do all motn stuff. He doesn't have boobs so he can't help feed and I am up anyway so I change diapers. He has offered to do diaper changes, but I don't see a point in having us both be tired. He is on toddler duty though. He has to get up with DS at 6.
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  • The only time my H is involved in the night time stuff is to soothe the baby if I am dealing with our other child. DD1 has been waking in the middle of the night recently, so if I'm feeding DD2, he tends to DD1 and if I'm in DD1's room, and DD2 wakes up to eat, he will try to soothe her until I get back to our room.
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  • Until I worked with both kids, night time is my sole responsibility once I have "recovered"... He works and has to be able to function all day.  When I returned to work, I kept most responsibility since I was BF'ing, but he would try to help sooth when they were older.  It wasnt too bad by then because they were sleeping longer stretches.  i would get up 1-2x a night to feed them and get them back asleep.
  • image kmb6881:

    image jesselayne8:
    With our first, I did 100 of MOTN because I was EBFing and DH was working. I would rather not listen to him whine about being tired plus I got plenty of naps during the day when the baby slept. With this baby I will be doing the majority if not all the care while DH takes care of bathing, putting to bed and getting up with our first child.

    We are similar to this. With our first, DH was great about getting me water, cleaning pump parts as needed, and doing diaper changes in the MOTN. Once I was able to stop pumping and EBF, his overnight role greatly decreased. There was frankly no point to him waking up with me. I was a little bitter at first, but it ended up being the best solution for both of us.

    This time around, I do 90% of care for DS2 and DH does 90% of care for DS1. He gets to sleep through the night, but has now taken on most of what I used to do for DS1.



    This. Why should DH wake up, when it doesn't help me get more sleep?
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