Friday we spent all day with the expectant mom. It was a sweet though long day. We met at the ultrasound- and got to see the baby again.This time he gave us two full face shots. In 3-D I can already say he's a beauty who looks like his birth mom. Then, we went to a local diner for breakfast before heading back to our house. We stopped for Italian ices for after dinner and hung out and talked a lot about all kinds of things. Birth Parent had asked us before if they could nap while here and of course we said yes. So while napping we prepared homemade pizzas and stuff. It was a long nap, as 7 month pregnant people take and we made pizza when she woke up and then had my mom and dad drop by (with her permission) so they could meet her. Then, we drove EM back to her place.
This was all from 9am-10:30pm. It was great. And nerve wrecking. We really like her, and she really likes us, we think. The day, after we texted her a brief thank you, she texted us back that she had a really great time, feels great about the placement and can really see it. So, I hope that's true. Given all the failed matches we read about, I have a hard time being gung-ho-ahead positive about it all.
In other news, the agency continues to make me pull my hair out. We'd asked them last week if this is considered an "at-risk" adoption because of the undisclosed ef. (we'd recalled that it would be based on what the homestudy classes taught us), our family advocate (FA) said no. I went over the weekend to dig out the Homestudy book, read over the legal draft and I think it still counts as one, so I checked in again with FA today and even after reading a paragraph of the document to her she says she doesn't think so but she'll check. (Pretty sure the answer is yes---and she should know this).
Then, the expectant parent coordinator was supposed to call our EP on Friday to "check in on how the day was going" but she didn't- so I brought that up--- turns out she was out doing a placement- which is great, but...not an awesome way to build trust.
Finally, I asked for some clarity around what happens at placement ---- when we'd been talking at dinner on Friday night, the three of us, me, my DH, and EM realized we had only minimal information about how placement occurs at the hospital (should it actually occur). So, I asked my FA about that. And she was totally vague. I understand that it's the EM's decision- about how and when it happens--- but a "what usually happens" scenario might be helpful to us all as we think through this...
We have what the agency is calling an uncommonly open adoption. They clearly have no idea how to handle this level of openess--- although I'm pretty sure their assistant director has an adoption this level of open with their birth mom.
Anyway, I guess things are going very well? I just wish I could shake my uncertainties-even though I think they are healthy to have.