Adoption

Awkward Mother's Day, WWYD?

Yesterday, DH and I invited my adoptive parents and my MIL over for a Mother's day lunch.  I'm a new mother with a 9 week old baby, so visits are currently more about seeing him.  I let DH talk me out of inviting my BM, and now I feel very guilty.  

I reunited with BM about 4 years ago, and the relationship has worked out fairly well for the most part.  She lives about an hour away and we see each other every month or two.  And she has formed a relationship with my adoptive parents.  We have invited her to different holiday/birthday get-togethers at my house before, and she has come to some but declined others. 

DH didn't want to invite her this time because he felt it would be awkward for his mom (this was a new reason for me) because it would be just her and I would have basically 2 moms.  DH also thinks there might be some hard feelings between his mom and my BM with a mix-up that happened at my baby shower that the 3 grandmas co-hosted for me.  BM's boyfriend would also come, and the last 2 times he has been at our house, he was in a bad mood which made things uncomfortable.  Not to mention he eats as much as everyone else combined.

So here I am the day after Mother's Day, feeling guilty that we didn't invite her.  I sent her an email wishing her a happy Mother's Day.  But I'm not sure what to tell her when she asks what we did.  And she'll know we didn't invite her.  Advice?  And how do we handle future get-togethers?  

    

   

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Re: Awkward Mother's Day, WWYD?

  • I can't imagine she would be upset.....If you're concerned though I would let her know that you celebrated with your mom and MIL and then just be open and ask her how she feels about that. That will help put your mind at ease and then you will know what to do next year. Maybe in the future you could celebrate with your BM the day before or the day after. It might be a tough conversation, but then she will know you care and you can not have to worry about if she was hurt or not. 

    I receive a Mother's Day card and/or gift every year from my birthson, but I would never expect to see him on Mother's Day. Although I GREATLY appreciate him thinking of me on Mother's Day, i'm not his mom. I'm his birthmom. I am not the one who is raising him and I have not cared for him day and night so I feel like I am not the one who should be celebrated on Mother's Day - his mom is. I would never want to make her share a day that should be about her and her relationship with him. 

    And Happy (belated) First Mother's Day! Congrats on your LO! :) 

     

     

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