September 2013 Moms

Have I got a Whopper for you

Ok this is going to be long (sorry if you were misled to think I had a cheeseburger for you), but I thought I would share so that I could get this off my chest and see what ya'll thought.

On Wednesday my husband broke his leg in a softball accident with another player. It's been a long and exhausting week, but he's remained in good spirits and I've been working through my fatigue to help him in any way I can. His mom and stepfather have also been helping out a lot which is greatly appreciated even though we insist that they don't need to. Every week I do a blog post about my pregnancy. The blog was created to updated friends and family about events in our life and milestones with the pregnancy. I finally got to post my Week 21 entry last night and when I finish I always post a link to Facebook so everyone knows there's a new entry to check out. 

Sooo... I wake up this morning to quite a lengthy comment on my Facebook post from my husband's grandmother (MIL's mom). She couldn't understand why I didn't thank DH's mom and stepfather in my blog post for all that they have done and goes on to say that our son should know the sacrifices MIL is making. I was just dumbfounded after reading it. I politely commented back that my blog wasn't made to recognize all of the people that helped us on the way, but it is about the events that happen during my pregnancy. Then I get another comment from her saying, "Since the best part of your week mentioned the fun with your mom and sis.. I thought that the worse part of the week would be brightened to know that Jace's Mom and Charlie helped to brighten up that worst part because there was help." Don't know exactly what she was trying to say, but apparently because I mentioned the fun I had with my mom on mother's day, I was supposed to mention a worse part that was made better by them helping us? 

So I've resorted to turning her into an acquaintance on Facebook and posting things form here on out for friends except acquaintances. I am starting to hate Facebook more and more. It was so convenient to be able to keep in contact with friends and family (like her) that are far away, but apparently what I'm supposed to be doing is making public shout outs and recognizing everyone for their help constantly so that it's "official". Thanks for sticking it out and making it through that lengthy post.  

DH and I are both 25
Married 8/18/12
Baby Jack's EDD is 9/18/13
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Re: Have I got a Whopper for you

  • I recently dropped my own grandma on FB for ridiculous posting offenses. She has no clue how to use it properly and it drove me nuts. 

    You're probably nicer than me to just make her an acquaintence, but I was at my wits end and having a bad day when I did it :) 

    BFP #1 - Mango - 6/11/12, EDD 2/22/12 Natural MC 7/15/12
    BFP #2 - Nacho - 10/14/12, EDD 6/20/13, MMC 8 weeks, D&C 11/16/12
    All testing shows both H and I are perfectly normal. Baby Nacho had triploidy. 
    Back to normal business December 2012
    BFP #3 - Froggy - 1/15/13, EDD 9/27/13 TEAM GREEN
    It's a girl! Alice - Born 9/20/13, 8lbs 2oz

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  • kje120kje120
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    I would have just unfriended her so you were way nicer than me.
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  • Hmmm.  It sounds like there must be more feelings that have been left unsaid.  It seems like an overreaction to a simple blog post.  Have you been thankful for the help from your inlaws or is this a pattern of them helping you without adequate thanks?  I would just take this as a chance to reflect on any truth there may be in her comments. On the other hand, this is not her business and she should let MIL say something if she's feeling unappreciated. 
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  • image kestock120:
    I would have just unfriended her so you were way nicer than me.

    Me too.

    I unfriended my dad because he kept making random (and often passive aggressive) comments on all of my posts and pictures. He knows I unfriended him and had something to say about it but I was honest and told him I got tired of all the unpleasant comments. No big deal, it's just Facebook. 

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  • AbbyMMMAbbyMMM
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    The most obnoxious part of her comment is that she made it public and did not confront you in person or by private message. All you can do is continue to be grateful. Anything else seems not worth even worrying about. This will be far down your wall in less than a week
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  • It almost makes me wonder if someone isn't coming to her with the complaint that they feel unrecognized for the help they give you, and she's decided on her own to be in their corner, whether that was their intention or not. I'd probably call them up and in a very kind and sincere way let them know that if you unintentionally hurt them you are very sorry and explain to them what their help has meant to you, then I'd delete all of grandma's comments off of Facebook so it doesn't stir up any more drama from people rereading over things you've posted.
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  • You can't please everyone. Just ignore her and move on with your day.

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  • Facebook is so evil. People always think that a bad status must be about them or they take sheet to personally. That is why I am rarely on there anymore and even then the in-laws think it must be because of them. I just recently had to say that "No I just have not had time or energy to post. I feel sick all the time and there is nothing glamorous in my life that I need to discuss right now"

     

     

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  • My mom does *** like this. I think you handled it well and I'm sorry you have to stress over it. 

  • Old ladies on Facebook are the worst.  They have nothing better to do than sit on there and nitpick and criticize.  Give her a polite what-for and hide her.  

    I also hide certain posts and pics from family for the same reason.  And when I've had the rude comments like that, I delete the comment, then message the person to say that I don't appreciate them using a social forum to scold or embarass me in front of the rest of my friends, family and coworkers.  That usually shuts them up. 

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  • image CutieBean79:
    Hmmm.  It sounds like there must be more feelings that have been left unsaid.  It seems like an overreaction to a simple blog post.  Have you been thankful for the help from your inlaws or is this a pattern of them helping you without adequate thanks?  I would just take this as a chance to reflect on any truth there may be in her comments. On the other hand, this is not her business and she should let MIL say something if she's feeling unappreciated. 

    I always make sure to say thank you for the help we receive. I gave a card to MIL yesterday for Mother's Day and thanked her again and expressed my appreciation. I can't know what she tells her mother. MIL spent the day after my husband's injury publicly thanking every person on Facebook for any help they offered when DH got hurt. I don't see why a thank you has to be public if it is done in private, but I'm starting to think that this is what they want. But other posters are right in that I can't please everyone. 

    DH and I are both 25
    Married 8/18/12
    Baby Jack's EDD is 9/18/13
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  • I hate Facebook drama and don't participate in it or put up with it. I would either unfriend her or change your settings so she can't post or comment on your Facebook. I only keep my account active to stay in touch with old friends and share pictures, if someone wants to pick a fight with me they can do it in person, I wouldn't put up with passive aggressive jabs like that.
  • Ugh Facebook can really make people say stuff they would never say in real life. So annoying!

    TTC since April 2012
    BFP #1 9/26/12 EDD 6/7/13 MC at 5w2d on 10/6/12
    BFP #2 1/18/13 Baby Boy born 10/2/13!

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  • Unrelated: I keep reading the title of this and then fighting an urge to run out and get a Whopper.
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  • I unfriended my dad, and I have been dying to unfriend my inlaws but you just gave me a great idea and I can turn them into an aquaintence.  That means they will see less of what I post and vice versa, right?  Sorry your GMIL is a ***.

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  • This is EXACTLY why I don't believe in inter-generational relationships on fb.  I generally won't friend my parents or their friends, or friends' parents or my cousins' kids.  It just gets too weird and complicated.   If I make an exception, I limit what they can see. 
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    Me: 36, slightly elevated FSH. Everything else (hysterescopy, HSG, b/w) normal.
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    BFP #1 - May 2011 - m/c @ 8weeks
    IUI #1 - July 26 2012 - Femara = BFN
    Suprise BFP Jan 15 2013. Hope this one sticks!
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  • I think there might be a way to edit your settings for each post so that friends cannot comment on the post itself.  I've re-structured my facebook in such a way that photos that people take and try to tag me in don't even show up unless I "ok" it first.  My settings are close to the most extreme.  People can't even write on my wall or "timeline" or whatever the heck they call it now....
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    12 weeks 3 days


    TTC since Oct 2011
    Me: 33, hypothyroidism since 14, cleared all HSG, US, Pre-pregnancy panel tests.
    Hubby: 36, testicular Ca, chemo April-May 2012.
    Natural cycle IUI #1 with trigger and Progesterone Suppositories (Jun 2012) Neg
    Natural Cycle IUI #2 with trigger and Progesterone Suppositories (Jul 2012) NEG
    Aug 2012 - break due to needing a girls' weekend in Cape Cod
    Natural Cycle IUI #3 with trigger and prednisone (Sep 2012) NEGATIVE
    Switched fertility clinics - forced break Oct 2012
    Natural Cycle IUI #4 (Nov 2012) no trigger, no progesterone, no prednisone (Nov 2012) - Neg
    1st round Clomid Cycle IUI #5 (Dec 2012) - POS
  • After my big mess with my SIL on FB I am considering just not using it much anymore. Her comment was stupid. It is your blog. You can write about what you want. I would let her know that it bothered you that she made such a stink. And let her know just because you don't put your every thought in your blog doesn't mean you are not grateful.

    Maybe just let people you are really close too know when you have a new blog post instead of letting everyone know on FB.

     

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  • image michelle7482:
    I unfriended my dad, and I have been dying to unfriend my inlaws but you just gave me a great idea and I can turn them into an aquaintence.  That means they will see less of what I post and vice versa, right?  Sorry your GMIL is a ***.


    Same! I was thinking, "Wow...I didn't even realize that you could change their "status" to acquaintance." My mother-in-law is horrible to me in real life but posts on my FB like we are one big happy family. I post photos of my child for friends or family who don't live close and she steals them and posts them on her own page and writes some cute saying like "Nana's angel doing such and such.." but doesn't even call to check on my daughter or DH but maybe once a month.  Grrr...Anyway. She is going to become an "Acquaintance" today!!! haha
    That's annoying. I would probably go to my MIL and be sure that she realized how grateful you are for her and FIL's help. And I would mention that her mother had left you an off putting message on FB and you wanted to clear the air to be sure there were no hard feelings. Maybe she has some unspoken feelings about not feeling appreciated or maybe grandma is just overstepping.
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  • Good move. Can't take responsibility for wacky things thought or said by other people. I've done similar things in the past with fb. It took me a long time one night to make some groups, but I now have a "smaller" group who sees everything I post, and every now and then, I post something for all friends, so the people I have put in the margin occasionally see stuff from me and don't think they're being shut out.
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  • Lol I have flat out deleted many a family member from FB...turns out they don't need that much access to my life haha!!
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