February 2012 Moms

How would you nicely put it....(vent)

Morning all...haven't posted on here in a LONG time but still lurking around. Anyhow, do any of you out there have an SIL who you just can't stand (for whatever reason)?? I have a couple, but one i just can.not.stand. Back story, from the beginning when DH and I started dating she would be a real b to me ...saying petty comments to me, talk about my friends (e.g. why are your friends ugly??), would "playfully" push me aside to be next to DH, whisper to him things in front of me (thats reallly mature there), etc. DH was oblivious to all of this. So after we got married, I will admit she has calmed down (DH says he spoke to her on my behalf). It's pretty much like an unspoken agreement that we both know we don't like being around each much (though we will act "normal"to each other and chit chat when the whole family is together....but she hardly says hi or bye to me when everybody is together and there's little cues I catch that tells me how she feels). Years ago, I've told DH in so many words that I don't really like her but I never said the actual words, "i do not like your sister".. And I'm thinking now, maybe he doesn't know how much I really find her annoying. Should I say something to him so that he really knows? I guess what I want to get out of this is sometimes when I have planned to spend a day with DH and DD, he will invite her (with kids)along and I'm thinking in my head, you know I find her annoying and yet you still invite her. What would you do or say... Again, keep in mind this has been 10 years of annoyance and and rude comments from her that I have put up with and bit my tongue for sake of family.
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Re: How would you nicely put it....(vent)

  • Mar5195Mar5195
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    Your DH is oblivious. You need to tell him. You don't have to list every single way she's wronged you, just tell him you don't like her. Personally for me our family of 3 time is precious and limited (we both work). I wouldn't appreciate my DH inviting anyone without asking. Even people we enjoy when it's family time, it's family time.
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  • I wouldn't come out and say "I don't like your sister" to him...it is his sister after all. I would say something more along the lines of, "when we have family time can we keep it to just the three of us. Your sister and I don't get along well and I would love to spend more time with you and LO."

    Because you have put up with it for 10 years he may be a bit blindsided if you come out and say it bluntly, it may seem to him that you two are ok with each other now. Just start voicing your opinion on family time is the three of you, not the whole extended family too and hopefully that will work for those events. For bigger events, you just have to keep doing what you are doing since it is how it has been "working" for the last 10 years.

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  • lancyjolancyjo
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    Yep, just tell him. "Hon, please quit inviting your sister along to our little family days. I love how you're such a great brother to her, but I really don't like her. I know the feeling is mutual, and I really don't want to spend so much time with her."
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  • lancyjolancyjo
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    image MrMrsandBaby:

    I wouldn't come out and say "I don't like your sister" to him...it is his sister after all. I would say something more along the lines of, "when we have family time can we keep it to just the three of us. Your sister and I don't get along well and I would love to spend more time with you and LO."

    Because you have put up with it for 10 years he may be a bit blindsided if you come out and say it bluntly, it may seem to him that you two are ok with each other now. Just start voicing your opinion on family time is the three of you, not the whole extended family too and hopefully that will work for those events. For bigger events, you just have to keep doing what you are doing since it is how it has been "working" for the last 10 years.

    This is probably a better idea. I'm just not one to sugar coat things. Wink

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  • image MrMrsandBaby:

    I wouldn't come out and say "I don't like your sister" to him...it is his sister after all. I would say something more along the lines of, "when we have family time can we keep it to just the three of us. Your sister and I don't get along well and I would love to spend more time with you and LO."

    Because you have put up with it for 10 years he may be a bit blindsided if you come out and say it bluntly, it may seem to him that you two are ok with each other now. Just start voicing your opinion on family time is the three of you, not the whole extended family too and hopefully that will work for those events. For bigger events, you just have to keep doing what you are doing since it is how it has been "working" for the last 10 years.

    I agree with this 100% 

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  • joie12joie12
    100 Comments Second Anniversary
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    I definitely can see both sides, but ultimately I think if I were in that situation, I'd have to say that I just didn't like his sister. Well, maybe that I don't enjoy spending time with her. I really really really cannot stand my BIL (married in) and can only tolerate my SIL (H's sister) and after we were invited to vacation with them last year, I broke down and told my H that I just don't enjoy spending time around the them. 

    H was very receptive to it, and actually confessed that he doesn't really like him all that much either. 

    Good luck with the conversation, however it ends up going. You've got to voice some sort of concern, though, because there's no use in being miserable! 

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  • I think you need to say something.  He probably thinks after all these years that all "issues" have been resolved.  I agree that it probably needs to be something "light", something along the lines of I don't care for your sister too much, can we keep "family time" to just us...I don't mind your sister being at 'family functions' but I'd rather not spend 'our' time with her.

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  • Thanks girls for the advice.  I think he really is oblivious or he thinks everything is fine now since I haven't complained in a long time about her.  Well atleast now I know how to phrase it better rather than just being outright blunt about it.
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  • I've learned the hard way that if DH insults or complains about his family I can say, "Uh huh, I can see that."  but I can NOT be the one to openly complain... like someone said it IS his family after all.  Good luck!!



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