Breastfeeding

Anyone else dislike nursing, but will continue?

I am currently nursing one of my almost seven old twins (Twin B never learned to nurse due to extended NICU time), and I really am not enjoying the process. I feel so alone, and I wonder if anyone else is sticking with it, despite deep discomfort.

I feel so disappointed that this experience hasn't been more positive. I had hoped to nurse peacefully and for an extended time. My mother-in-law, a leche league leader sent me ton of books and described how bonded and close it made her feel with her nursling. This has just not been the case for me. My little guy thrashes and kicks manically, often hitting my other breast or still sore c-section. He also whips his head around constantly, pulling my nipple horribly. It is so painful and has led me to have thrush almost constantly since late November. I flinch when picking up either baby and the pain of brushing against them takes my breath away. Also, nursing one baby while trying to bottle feed or amuse another is the least relaxing thing I've ever done. It is just SO hard.

That said, both my little ones have bad reflux and while my bottle-fed babe is okay on Alimentum (an costly endeavour, but manageable), my breastfed guy needs to be on elecare - a deadly expensive formula. Frankly, after high-risk pregnancy, complication-ridden labor and copious NICU time, we are pinching pennies. I can't do much to help our family finances, but I can keep formula costs down. Also, the main ingredient in elecare is corn syrup - I hate to give my baby that when he is getting enough to eat from me and he is clearly thriving.

I've sought out help from lactation specialists, etc.They all tell me I'm doing it right. It is just hard for us. Is anyone else in the same boat?

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Re: Anyone else dislike nursing, but will continue?

  • I'm not in the same boat, but can you switch to pumping and bottle feeding both breast milk? This might be a better alternative than completely stopping bf. On this board, many of us believe some breast milk is better than none.

    Good luck!
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  • Wow, if I had thrush for that long, I would hate nursing too. And if baby gets thrush that could both him, too. Does your ob or midwife not have a plan of action to help get rid of the thrush? I think that would help.

    Sorry I don't have tips about the other stuff. It sounds like you are trying so hard and I hope things get better for you.
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  • Thanks. I was pumping for my bottle fed babe until recently. I just could not find adequate time to pump during the day - two refluxy, unhappy babies need pretty much constant attention and they don't nap at the same time, so pumping was no longer a real option.
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  • Yes, we tried treating the babies, and for me, nystatin, APNO cream, grapefruit seed extract, vinegar, diflucan, and any probiotics I could take (baby is also MSPI, and most probiotics contain milk or soy). I wash everything hot, set out in sun and sterilize everything as often as possible. But I had an incredibly hard delivery and received ten different antibiotics. My midwifes think that, coupled with lack of rest has just made me crazy susceptible to attackers.

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  • CLLDLLCLLDLL
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    I have no advice or experience, but just wanted to say that I'm in awe that you've made it this long.  Great work mama!  I hope things get MUCH better for you soon.
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  • I agree!!  Give yourself credit for making it this far!!!  Nice work!
  • Sorry to hear you're going through all of those things! You're an awesome mom for still trying to push through! I haven't had all of that but I did breastfeed my first and never liked it. I lasted 8 months. I am now breast feeding my second and still don't like it. I just wanted to let you know that not everyone gets that close bonding feeling with breast feeding and it's ok! I bond with my children other ways! I also firmly believe that if it gets to the point that the breast feeding is taking a serious toll on you then it's probably time to stop. Happy mom equals happy family :D good luck!
  • tjkdlhbtjkdlhb
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    Ditto PPs   Way to go on BFing this long!  That's a major accomplishment with the challenges you've had.   



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  • image tjkdlhb:
    Ditto PPs   Way to go on BFing this long!  That's a major accomplishment with the challenges you've had.   

    I couldn't have said it any better. I don't have any advice, just want to say that I am impressed you have persevered, great job!

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  • ME! FTM here with seemingly every issue from latch to supply to thrush and possibly the worst, total and complete exhaustion.

    My LC and I worked out a plan where I BF and pump so bottles can be subbed in a few times a day or supplement in the evenings when my supply is too low. Since starting that plan I feel so much better about BFing. It's manageable and while I didn't expect my 3wk old to be on a bottle already I am happy to know its my BM. We also still nurse more than nurse so she won't lose the "ability" to nurse should our nursing relationship improve with time.

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  • JSS1002JSS1002
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    Not QUITE the same situaiton, but similar -- only one baby, he latches pretty well, and I produce a lot of milk.  BUT, I had a c section and between that and my extremely large breasts, I can really only nurse him in the football position, and now that he is getting SO TALL, it is awkward - because his legs / feet bump up against the back of whatever chair or sofa I'm sitting in, which is uncomfortable for him, which means he starts getting thrashy / punchy.

    It is really hard, a lot harder than I thought it would be.  I have been pumping more lately so that DH can help, and that has made things a bit less stressful, but I'm having a hard time too.  And SOMETIMES it feels like it is good bonding time, but not always... in fact, a lot of the time, i feel like it is making me resentful of DH (because he can't be more involved), and irritated with LO when he wakes so often at night to feed (which is TOTALLY NOT HIS FAULT!)

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  • image brandi6102:
    Sorry to hear you're going through all of those things! You're an awesome mom for still trying to push through! I haven't had all of that but I did breastfeed my first and never liked it. I lasted 8 months. I am now breast feeding my second and still don't like it. I just wanted to let you know that not everyone gets that close bonding feeling with breast feeding and it's ok! I bond with my children other ways! I also firmly believe that if it gets to the point that the breast feeding is taking a serious toll on you then it's probably time to stop. Happy mom equals happy family :D good luck!

    Exactly! I think sometimes people don't understand that when its been a total bonding experience for them.  Some people an BF or EP(what I did with my 1st) and it works for them. I am doing a mix of pumping and BFing, and it works for me. But you need to do what works for you!

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  • I'm really concerned that your c-section scar is still so painful. I remember mine being sensitive but not brush up against and Im flinching sensitive.

    Some women never have an amazing bonding experience with nursing, but do it out of duty. There's nothing wrong with not "enjoying" it. Especially when you're so stressed, I would probably not enjoy it either.

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  • image SnoopyLuv:

    I'm really concerned that your c-section scar is still so painful. I remember mine being sensitive but not brush up against and Im flinching sensitive.

    I had the kind of c-section that everyone dreads - the baby's heartbeat has stopped, the need to put me under, and I felt them cut me, cause I wasn't quite out kind. It is a huge, violent, messy kind of cut. I think its just going to take time.

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  • I'm not a fan. I do it because I know how good it is for DS. I give you mad props for doing it this long with everything you've been through and having TWO to deal with on top of it all!! 
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  • Thanks everyone - its good to have support. This has been tough, partly because I feel so alone. So thanks!
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  • Have you looked into trying  have your insurance cover the formula? I have a few friends that have babies on special formula and their insurance covers most if not all of it. 

    Great work though, despite the hurdles, breast feeding is a job of its own! 

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  • You are a rockstar, mama. Holy cow. Keep up the good work. And ditto looking into insurance covering the formula. Hang in there!
  • image kaitaloon:

    Have you looked into trying  have your insurance cover the formula? I have a few friends that have babies on special formula and their insurance covers most if not all of it. 

    Great work though, despite the hurdles, breast feeding is a job of its own! 

    '

    Sigh - it was a no.

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