Adoption

Help me be positive...

We received our first call from our agency stating a couple is interested in us.  The lady at my agency also told us the birth mother has contacted another couple too. I was forwarded the message the birth mother wrote for us and the lady at my agency told me to email her back and forth and she will check back in with me this week to see how it is going.  I emailed her right away to let her know how happy we were that she contacted us and we then emailed her later that night to tell her about us and ask her about herself.  We have sent emails back and forth(about 5 of them).  She seems really nice and positive about her decision which is nice.

Here is my issue.  I was kinda scammed on the internet a month ago.  I say kinda because I am very internet savvy in terms of finding people's information such as facebook accounts, websites, location..ect.  People always say I should of been a private investigator.  So, it did not take me long to figure out this girl who contacted my agency and many couples at my agency(by use of their facebook page) that she was a big time adoption scam artist.  One of the red flags was her telling me she lived in one state, but her checking in at another state.  

Well the birth mother currently talking to us told us she is from one state.  It matches with there she told our agency she lives.  Well, her facebook says her hometown is where she told us she lives, but on facebook there is another area to put where you actually live and in that spot she has a state that is hours away from where she is "from."  Before even finding this info out, I checked out where her IP address is(from her email) and it said California which is not the state she told us she is living, but is the state she put down on facebook where she is currently living.  My husband told me you cant always trust the IP thing because sometimes it can be from where your internet base is.  So I then tested mine and it said a totally different state then where we live.  It is still odd though that for her it matches with where it says she is living though.

I belong to an adoption scam group on facebook that posts people and all their email addresses and alias so people do not get scammed.  I think it is important to be aware so I don't get attached to someone and then let down, but I also hate how aware I am that adoption scams go on all day long because now I can't even feel excitement about being considered. 

I want to be so excited because I may have a baby girl in 10 weeks!  I know there might be a whole story around why things don't match up like she did live in California for awhile but now moved back to her home state and didn't update her info..ect.  and I hope that it is the case.  I hope she calls me soon(she said she would) so I can get more comfortable.  I hate how I am feeling right now..my stomach will not stop hurting because I want this so bad, but I am so worried about scams.  Anyone have any advice?

I used to go by another name on here, but got a new computer and forgot my login information. I have been an active member on the TTC boards then moved to TTTC, then moved to the Infertility board, and now I am at the Adoption board. Crazy how life does not turn out how you expect it. I never thought I would join 4 different boards on The Bump before becoming a Mother! My husband I are pursing Domestic Newborn Adoption. Later in life we will attempt IVF again. We needed a mental break, but adoption is not much easier! The wait is very hard. We signed with our agency and then became home study approved in February of 2013. We are hoping to be matched soon!

Re: Help me be positive...

  • kgs0505kgs0505
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its
    member
    it's hard not to think everything is a scam once you've been scammed. but what does your agency do to prevent this sort of thing? Do they do background checks, skip trace their social security numbers, confirm the pregnancy by sending them to a lab for tests? this will weed out a lot of the scammers. but not the opportunists. sometimes you just have to take the risk and don't ignore your gut.

    TTC since May 2006. After 3 failed Clomid cycles, 2 failed Injectibles/IUIs, 2 failed IVFs and 1 failed FET, we moved on to adoption! 

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    Last ditch FET resulted in BFP, and identical twin girls!

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  • Right now it is between another couple and I.  We will know more as the days pass.  I think once she picks a couple, then the agency will get more involved and I think my social worker will then get a social worker assigned for her that is in her area from the same company.  This birth mother seems like she wants us involved like going to appointments and seeing the ultrasounds.  I guess it is just very early and I don't even know if we will be picked.  I just am trying not to get attached to the situation since I do not know a lot...just anxious.
    I used to go by another name on here, but got a new computer and forgot my login information. I have been an active member on the TTC boards then moved to TTTC, then moved to the Infertility board, and now I am at the Adoption board. Crazy how life does not turn out how you expect it. I never thought I would join 4 different boards on The Bump before becoming a Mother! My husband I are pursing Domestic Newborn Adoption. Later in life we will attempt IVF again. We needed a mental break, but adoption is not much easier! The wait is very hard. We signed with our agency and then became home study approved in February of 2013. We are hoping to be matched soon!
  • I don't blame you for being cautious at this point. I hope everything becomes more clear soon, and you can have peace. Good luck!
  • I can see why you'd be feeling uncertain---scams suck. I agree with what a PP said--- part of using an agency is that this is what you are paying an agency to do---to rule out scams. My agency doesn't seem to match folks until late in a pregnancy- giving women time to both understand their decision to make an adoption plan and I'm guessing also to do a little checking about things....they request medical records etc. As far as the descrepancies you're mentioning- in my case--- my Emom lives in a different state than where she is registered to vote because she is a college student. She identifies as having her "hometown" where she lives, but her FB page notes that she lives where she currently lives....so--- it's a normal discrepancy... Let your agency do their work- and hopefully you can take some comfort in that.
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