February 2013 Moms

Worried about going back to work

I feel very lucky and appreciative to have had such a long time off work to spend with my LO. I don't have to go back to work until June 26th and DD will be just over 4 months old. I am EBF, so I have been the one to take care of her most of the time. My fiance loves her to death, but he gets very overwhelmed and stressed when he has a screaming baby in his face. But since nobody else has really been taking care of her, she starts screaming when anyone else does try to take care of her, including my fiance. So he thinks that she hates him.

I'm really worried that he's not going to be able to handle watching her on his days off when I'm at work, but we don't have much money to be spending on child care either. His mom is willing to watch her once a week, but if DD is screaming all the time, I don't know how she'll be able to handle it either. Does anyone have any suggestions? I wish being a SAHM or WAHM was an option for me, but it's not right now. 

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Re: Worried about going back to work

  • The number one thing I had to accept was that I can't control how my baby acts when I am gone. If she cries, she cries. That is up to the caregivers to respond to, not me. It's hard to give up some mommy control, but you will soon realize as long as you have caregivers you trust, that they will develop their own ways of soothing and interacting with your LO. And as someone who also has a DH who doesn't have the patience for screaming babies, he will want to pass her off to you as soon as you walk in the door. Let him know that that is ok, but then he is responsible for getting dinner on the table and chores done while you tend to the baby. Mine used to think he deserved time to just relax in front of the tv when he passed baby off to me, and it did not work well for our relationship for me to be balancing a fussy baby while trying to make dinner while still in my work clothes and heels lol!
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  • Give him time and opportunities with the baby before you go back. Short periods of time, when you might run out and things like that, so he get more accustomed to being alone with the baby. Once a month, I go out to dinner with 4 other mommy friends (we all teach together) to eat, drink, and chat. One friend is super paranoid about leaving LO with DH, so we remind her that LO is his baby, too. He is capable of taking care of the baby just as much as she is. I am sure it will be fine! Going back to work is such a balancing act as it is...focus on the positive-- like SO gets time with his baby!

  • I agree with all PPs.  And two months vs. 4 months is a big difference, at least it has been for my two sons.  At 2 months, they only wanted mommy, and they would lose their schmidt when DH held them.  Now we are almost at 4 months, and DH and DS2 are great buddies.  Sometimes the babes just need to work out their mommy fixation!  It's hard especially when you BF. 

    Don't worry, it will work out!

          DS1: Quinn - 10.22.10 and DS2: Cole - 01.18.13



  • What about part time? Is that an option? Don't get me wrong, part time is tough because you rush around at work trying to get things done on very limited time and then you still have all the responsibility of SAHM but you do he to see LO more.
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  • Try to spend time together with the baby with your fiance watching how you do things.  I know sometimes my husband gets on the computer and doesn't really pay attention to exactly what I am doing.  When my husband first started watching the baby while I took a shower and such it was rough.  I nicely pointed out that he wasn't using the techniques that I had developed to quiet the baby he was trying to white knuckle it with all these other things.  Have your husband really shadow you for a day or an afternoon and point out what you do differently.  In a nice non bitchy way.  Also, remind him that the baby can smell you and your milk so that he doesn't feel bad.  Don't worry he just needs time with her like all us of needed.  He will get the hang of it.
  • a13049a13049
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    Before I went back to work DH couldn't soothe LO. He tried his best but she would just cry and cry. He would mimic what I would do but it didn't work. When I went back to work e now stay home with LO until summer vacation, When we bth have off. He is now better than I am at soothing her, his techniques work for him and I am pretty sure he's her favorite now. Give it sometime and DH will bond with LO and find out what works for them.




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