March 2013 Moms

Worried - Grandma babysitting time?

So my mom visited this weekend while DH was out of Town, and I will preface this by saying she is great with DS....however! In a nutshell: she DOES NOT listen to me when it comes to what the baby likes, needs, etc. He is her first grandchild and I know she is very excited about him, but it's like having a hurricane blow through and honestly really drives me nuts! 

I feel like I know when LO needs a bottle or nap, but she questions me in everything and will respond with "we'll maybe I'll just put him in his bouncy chair and see if he likes that" or "no, I think he's hungry" when I ask her to give him to me to be put down for a nap. It's frustrating bc I get tired of arguing with her and just let her do what she wants half the time, which just ended up wearing LO out. She tries something new every few minutes - now lets put him innhis bouncy chair! now lets have tummy time! look at this toy! look at that toy! - and I can see him getting overwhelmed. 

She also almost dropped DS during one of his squirmy fits because she wasn't holding onto him the way I showed her to do when he throws his head around. 

So she's coming back up to babysit next week while I'm at work, and I'm honestly worried about how things are going to go. I know she has raised two children, but I in charge of raising my baby, and I'm concerned that she won't listen to me even if I give her very specific instructions about how I want the day to go as far as naps, feedings, etc. 

 Anyone have any tips for dealing with this kind of situation? I love my mom and appreciate her help, but I do not want to come home from work to find an over-tired, cranky baby bc she decided to throw my routine out the window.  How can I communicate this to her without insulting her? 

TIA!  


Re: Worried - Grandma babysitting time?

  • Pick your battles, or you'll lose them all.
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  • egb+jafegb+jaf
    250 Answers 100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary
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    Idk what your relationship with your mom is like or what the dynamic is, but I will say if that were my mom I would tell her outright that if she doesn't start following my lead in parenting MY baby I wouldn't feel comfortable with her watching lo on a regular basis without you or your husband there.

    It may seem a bit harsh but you should explain that she gets to go home after over stimulating and exhausting your baby, you're the one that has to deal with a fussy and overtired baby for the rest if the night. Tell her she knew what was best for her babies and you know what's best for yours and she needs to respect that. GL!

  • mal922mal922
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
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    I have kind of been going through this with my mother. My LO is a squirmy guy and often fusses if he's not bounced or walked around the room for a change of scenery. Once he got past the age where he was asleep most of the time, my mother has interpreted this to mean he must be hungry or needs to have a paci shoved in his mouth. We aren't against using a paci, but I don't use one every hour of the day he is awake and it started to become annoying to me that my mother seems to think my LO should either be eating or asleep round the clock rather than want a little interaction every now and then. I haven't left him alone with her yet, but I started to envision her using up my entire BM stash the first time I do for a few hours. I was actually really overweight as an infant, which I thankfully outgrew, but I guess I can see why!

    We have a rocky history, which made it doubly hard to know how to politely suggest that perhaps LO is not being fussy simply because he doesn't want to quietly lay in her arms like he did in the hospital the day he was born. Over the past couple of visits, she seems to have started to catch on. When she immediately hands him to me to be fed as soon as he starts squirming, I do all the things I would normally do to entertain him in her presence and I have slipped a lot of comments into our conversations about how active he is and how much he enjoys being bounced or walked around the room between feedings. I also mentioned that I read in Wonder Weeks that moms of little boys sometimes get frustrated that they tend not to be as into sitting still to cuddle or play games and are always squirming around. I think when I said that it clicked for her for the first time that maybe THIS baby requires more interaction, without me having to imply that perhaps her baby soothing techniques aren't very versatile.
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  • MSW_721MSW_721
    Seventh Anniversary 100 Comments Combo Breaker
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    image Runaway22:
    Pick your battles, or you'll lose them all.

    This is how I approach grandparents. Both my mom and MIL watch DS from time to time while I'm at work and there are some things that I just learned to let go. I do write up a schedule for them and say something like "this is what helps me." Usually they're really good about following my instructions but I know there are times that they take DS out for the morning resulting in a later nap (or no nap) and there are times they feed him stuff that I never would. But they're grandparents and I let them have their fun.

    You say  that you know LO the best which is definitely true because you've been around him since he was born. You might have to accept that your mom will have to take her time to get to know him and what he needs. She'll soon figure out that playing with LO all day will just lead to an overtired baby that needs a nap. I would be firm about the safety stuff (like holding him properly) but with other things you just need to pick your battles. 


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