Babies: 0 - 3 Months

SAHM Come in!!

I need some advice. I am a FTM and I wanted to stay at home and take care of my child. I am getting married here soon and I wanted to know how it works when only one person is making money. I take care of our son, cook, and clean. I've never been in a position where I had to rely on someone for anything (well other than living with my parents). I've always had a job, walked to work, and had my own place. I am in the process of getting my license and we only have one car and my fianc?e works (it's only a 3-5 min drive from our home). So what I am asking is when it comes to finance or needing money during the day or wanting to go buy something for yourself, how does it work. Does your DH give you an allowance or do you guys share a joint account, or do you try to make money for yourself by babysitting or something? My SO has been upsetting me lately because I feel like when we get married (and now being a family) that we're supposed to share everything Nothing is just mine and nothing is just his. And he also has a car and he expects me to (even if I have my license) keep asking people for rides or wait until he has a day off to use the car until we can afford another car. What happens if I need to run to the store because we're out of diapers or milk or what if he forgot he had to work at a certain time and we have a doctor's appointment to go to? How did you and your DH work these things out?

Re: SAHM Come in!!

  • as far as finances go, hubs and i share an account.  i take it upon myself to withdrawal a weekly cash allowance, it helps me keep our budget balanced because i can see the money in front of me and know what i have to spend on groceries and toiletries. if i really needed/wanted something though, i'd just give my husband a heads up that i was going to make a purchase.  i was a little weirded out, too, at first when my husband had to explain to me that even though i wasn't bringing in an income, it was still "our money." maybe you'll feel better about it as time goes on.  my husband likes to tell me how he's relieved that he only has to go to work, and i essentially handle everything else lol (except spider killing... that's still his responsibility).
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  • SagenSagen
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
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    I am a SAHM and have been for almost 9 years. We have one bank account, and the money is ours. He doesn't give me allowance, I make a judgement on how I spend money, and if I am doing it wisely. I am sure if I went crazy and shopped us into the poor house it would be one thing, but I am pretty good with money. With large purchases we both talk to one another. If I want something that is more than say 20 I will tell him, and he will state his opinion. The same goes for him. He will say hey I want to buy this fishing pole is that ok with you. We have always respected each other and our money that way. We decide together what Christmas, and Birthday gifts the kids get. He doesn't view it as his money since I am at home watching the kids I enable him to work so we consider it common money, and I think that is a healthy way of doing it. We do have "our own" cars, but the title is in both names. He has a small car he drives to work and I drive the mini van. It is our cars though so I can drive his, and he can drive mine. When we go out together as a family we take the van. We use to have one car and I would drop him off at med school (he is a resident physician now), and then drive home, and pick him up at the end of the day. It was a small town, and short commute so it was no big deal. As far as the division of house and child care we both contribute though I do the lions share since I stay at home. On the weekend he will lend a hand more, through out the week it is mainly on me. He puts the kids to bed and takes care of the garbage all the time though, unless he is on call. Yard work we divide. We both like it so we almost fight for it haha! Now that I have the baby I don't mow as much, but if it gets too long he will usually get right on it on the week or a day off.

     
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  • I've been a SAHM for 2.5 years. I can't imagine not having my own car because we're always out and about. It might work if you could walk all sorts of places, but my kids have gymnastics, playdates, I do volunteer work (kids come too), I do grocery shopping during the day, etc. We actually only stay home about one day a week if that, haha.

    I handle all the finances for our family. DH works and the bulk of his paycheck is direct deposited into an account I manage for bills, savings, whatnot. This is also where i get whatever money i need, when i need it. The rest is deposited into an account for him to spend as he sees fit. We sit down a couple of times each year and decide on a budget that includes everything, savings, bills, fun money...everything.

    This may not work for everyone, but it does for us. I'm a bit more responsible with the money than DH Wink

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  • I've been a SAHM for 6 years now (we were raising our nephews for a few years).  DH and I each get a discretionary cash allowance.  If it's not a household expense then we are each supposed to use our cash.  For now we each get $50 per paycheck (every two weeks).  Since I'm pregnant right now if I am out and super hungry I can use the household debit for food but otherwise there is food at home so I would use my own cash if I just wanted a fast food item or a magazine or some other personal item.
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  • I'm also a SAHM of several years (4.5 and counting).

    Car: We've been a 1-car household since day 1. Currently, I take the car twice a week, drive him to work and pick him up at the end of the day. I schedule appointments and plan errands for those two days (Tuesday & Fridays) So if, on Tuesday, I think we might run out of milk or diapers before Friday, I pick some up. People know I'm available for whatever on those days in general. The only reason I don't take it more often is 1) gas cost to and from work 2x a day and 2) taking him to work involves getting the kids up at 5:30, no thanks. This is what works for us. We're hoping to have a second vehicle within a year before our oldest starts school.

    Finances: Once I quit working, we had a joint bank account (before I quit working, we kept separate accounts just because we already had everything with our work set-up that way). I do the budgeting and bill paying for our home and make my own judgement calls about what is spent, mostly for day to day things, but inform DH of any unusual purchases. For example, if I'm spending $30 on toilet paper, milk and diapers, I don't go out of my way to tell him. However, if I'm planning to spend $30 on something that isn't "basic" (even if it's for the house, for example I recently bought some new towels) I mention it to him. He does the same. He'll spend small amounts here and there, such as getting lunch on occasion while at work, but larger purchases he checks with me.

    DD- 11/17/08, DD- 11/16/09, DS- 3/20/13 
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  • heddy79heddy79
    First Anniversary
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    I just recently became a SAHM.  We've always had separate checking accts and we are keeping it that way.  Both accts are at the same bank and are joined by a savings acct.  DH has his direct deposit set-up to deposit $400 into my acct every payday (bi-weekly) and the rest goes into his acct.  He pays all of the bills and I take care of groceries and use the rest of my money for gas, beauty, clothes, etc.  In order to come up with our plan, we looked at all of our bills and created a budget.  

    I have a car, but if I'need something and know a few days ahead, I will sometimes order from amazon.  I've gotten all diapers and coffee from there. GL

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  • image Sagen:
    I am a SAHM and have been for almost 9 years. We have one bank account, and the money is ours. He doesn't give me allowance, I make a judgement on how I spend money, and if I am doing it wisely. I am sure if I went crazy and shopped us into the poor house it would be one thing, but I am pretty good with money. With large purchases we both talk to one another. If I want something that is more than say 20 I will tell him, and he will state his opinion. The same goes for him. He will say hey I want to buy this fishing pole is that ok with you. We have always respected each other and our money that way. We decide together what Christmas, and Birthday gifts the kids get. He doesn't view it as his money since I am at home watching the kids I enable him to work so we consider it common money, and I think that is a healthy way of doing it. We do have "our own" cars, but the title is in both names. He has a small car he drives to work and I drive the mini van. It is our cars though so I can drive his, and he can drive mine. When we go out together as a family we take the van. We use to have one car and I would drop him off at med school he is a resident physician now, and then drive home, and pick him up at the end of the day. It was a small town, and short commute so it was no big deal. As far as the division of house and child care we both contribute though I do the lions share since I stay at home. On the weekend he will lend a hand more, through out the week it is mainly on me. He puts the kids to bed and takes care of the garbage all the time though, unless he is on call. Yard work we divide. We both like it so we almost fight for it haha! Now that I have the baby I don't mow as much, but if it gets too long he will usually get right on it on the week or a day off.



    This exactly.
  • I work usually, but we are a one car family. I'm on maternity leave for a year. My hubs works a couple of minutes away, just like yours, so he walks so I have the car, or if he drives on the days he starts early he brings it home later. Worst case I can walk around and get it.
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  • image nicoleh55:
    image Sagen:
    I am a SAHM and have been for almost 9 years. We have one bank account, and the money is ours. He doesn't give me allowance, I make a judgement on how I spend money, and if I am doing it wisely. I am sure if I went crazy and shopped us into the poor house it would be one thing, but I am pretty good with money. With large purchases we both talk to one another. If I want something that is more than say 20 I will tell him, and he will state his opinion. The same goes for him. He will say hey I want to buy this fishing pole is that ok with you. We have always respected each other and our money that way. We decide together what Christmas, and Birthday gifts the kids get. He doesn't view it as his money since I am at home watching the kids I enable him to work so we consider it common money, and I think that is a healthy way of doing it. We do have "our own" cars, but the title is in both names. He has a small car he drives to work and I drive the mini van. It is our cars though so I can drive his, and he can drive mine. When we go out together as a family we take the van. We use to have one car and I would drop him off at med school he is a resident physician now, and then drive home, and pick him up at the end of the day. It was a small town, and short commute so it was no big deal. As far as the division of house and child care we both contribute though I do the lions share since I stay at home. On the weekend he will lend a hand more, through out the week it is mainly on me. He puts the kids to bed and takes care of the garbage all the time though, unless he is on call. Yard work we divide. We both like it so we almost fight for it haha! Now that I have the baby I don't mow as much, but if it gets too long he will usually get right on it on the week or a day off.
    This exactly.

     

    same here.  However, we are a 1 car family since hubs takes public transportation to work.  If its only a 3-5 min drive, that means it's what...a 20 minute walk or 10 mins bike ride? :). It may work for some, but if my SO insisted he got the car always b/c it was "his" - that's a big sticking point.

    When we got married, we gave up his leased car and drove my 10 year old car that was owned free and clear. 4 years later, we got a brand new car that is in his name.  They have both been "ours".  While the new car was bought  with money he earned, we saved a ton driving my "free" car for 4 years, helping with a down payment. That's sort of how we look at everything. It's all a trade off and a partnership. 


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  • JmeJmeJmeJme
    250 Answers 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fifth Anniversary
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    When I went back to grad school last year because DH got promoted and was then making more money than me, so I could only work part time and go back to school, it was really hard for me to give up that sense of freedom in relying on someone else for money. I've worked since I was 16 and babysat before then, so I've always been financially independent. That's when we started putting all of our money in our joint account, other than a set amount each of us puts in our own savings, which is 25 a week. If we want to make a really big purchase, we each have our own account for that, but we still give the other person a heads up. It was actually easier to adjust to than I had thought. As for the cars, we have 2, so I have no advice there.

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  • I guess we're oldfashioned but DH and I share everything. We have joint accounts that his paycheck goes into and all of our investments are in, as well as a joint credit card. I keep a small checking account and a credit card from before we were married, so I can presents if I want, and to contribute to my credit score. If I need cash I take it out of my checking account, if it gets low I let him know and he puts more money in.

    We had 2 cars when we got married but DH sold his sportscar when we had DSno point in having a 2seater when you have a kid! Now he either walks or takes public transportation to work. I need access to a car in case of emergency. If he has an offsite meeting he takes the car but that's rare. I also don't like the idea of being trapped at home without a car!

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  • I can't answer the car thing because we are a two car family. I highly, highly suggest some premarital counseling and getting a plan for your finances. For us, sharing an account has always been what's worked. I do not ask permission to buy anything as my husband as well as I believe this money belongs to both of us. You should not have to ask to buy necessities for your child. Also, your role as a sahm has value. Although your fianc may bring home a paycheck and you don't, you are doing a service that if you weren't there you'd be otherwise paying for. Please, please get on the same page so you don't end up in a terrible position.

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    Layne-May 6, 2013

    Callie-February 14, 2011

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