May 2013 Moms

labor room support?

Anyone here have to settle with just the dr and nurses for support during delivery? I am a very private person and my family and in laws are all local but I am uncomfortable having them in the delivery room and now I am worried that dh won't be able to get out of work to be with me.
Anyone have any similar concerns or already dealt with a similar situation?

And btw I am firm on the idea of no family in the room I won't budge on that but I think ill be lost w/o dh.
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Re: labor room support?

  • Unless your DH is president of the world, I don't understand why he couldn't get out of work for the delivery of his baby.

    Edit: If you're uncomfortable w/ family and your DH can't be there, you could hire a doula. 

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  • kasabbykasabby
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    image botanicalbliss:

    Unless your DH is president of the world, I don't understand why he couldn't get out of work for the delivery of his baby.

    Edit: If you're uncomfortable w/ family and your DH can't be there, you could hire a doula. 

    Yea, I don't get it. Why can't he get out of work? 

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  • He has no more call off days and and used fmla already and his bosses said he will only get one day so if I don't know the symptoms and he calls off and I am wrong they won't let him miss anymore time or leave early
  • Jeez what a hole bosses. I am only having DH in delivery with me as well but I never really thought about what I would do if for some reason he couldn't be there. I think I would be ok with just the on shift nurses but a doula is a great idea.
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  • There aren't a lot of doula/midwife options where I live. Plus my obgyn made it clear to me from day one he works alone. Which I was ok with at the time I figured I'd have my delivery room support w my husband and my family waiting out in the waiting room. I just want to cry. I can't believe he might have to miss his first child being born.
  • vic1011vic1011
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    How did he use up his FMLA already?  Was someone in the family super sick? I thought it was yearly?  
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  • image ajfetterly:
    There aren't a lot of doula/midwife options where I live. Plus my obgyn made it clear to me from day one he works alone. Which I was ok with at the time I figured I'd have my delivery room support w my husband and my family waiting out in the waiting room. I just want to cry. I can't believe he might have to miss his first child being born.

    Your OB sounds like a douche.  You are entitled to have anyone in the room with you that you want, including a doula who is not a medical professional - just labor support.

    Tell your DH to tell his work he is going to be at the birth.  They'll just have to suck it. 

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  • image mishy2006:
    Jeez what a hole bosses. I am only having DH in delivery with me as well but I never really thought about what I would do if for some reason he couldn't be there. I think I would be ok with just the on shift nurses but a doula is a great idea.

    This. I would have preferred to just have the nurse be my support if my DH wasn't able to be there. My nurse and my OB for my first labor/delivery were very calm and encouraging. 

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  • Personally I could've done it without dh! He was so obsessed with the baby which is fabulous and I am not complaining! however, he was no support to me! The nurses did a great job with that!!
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  • His work does fmla in a rolling year not starting from 2013. And yes his one parent had a massive heart attack last year and he had two surgeries himself.
  • LN1024LN1024
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    image ajfetterly:
    There aren't a lot of doula/midwife options where I live. Plus my obgyn made it clear to me from day one he works alone. Which I was ok with at the time I figured I'd have my delivery room support w my husband and my family waiting out in the waiting room. I just want to cry. I can't believe he might have to miss his first child being born.

    Your OB works alone? What the heck does he mean by that? You would be hiring a doula, which is support to you. This does not mean you would be hiring someone else to deliver your child. The OB's biggest concern is getting the baby out healthy. Your doula is there to provide you the support in order to do that. Tell your OB to efffffff off. 

  • I think its wrong that your husband's boss is being a jerk. I understand not wanting family in the room. I don't either. If your DH can't make it do you have a girlfriend that can maybe be there or a sister or sister in law? I know its family but if I had to I would be ok with my sis in law if my DH couldn't make it.
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  • image botanicalbliss:

    image ajfetterly:
    There aren't a lot of doula/midwife options where I live. Plus my obgyn made it clear to me from day one he works alone. Which I was ok with at the time I figured I'd have my delivery room support w my husband and my family waiting out in the waiting room. I just want to cry. I can't believe he might have to miss his first child being born.

    Your OB sounds like a douche.  You are entitled to have anyone in the room with you that you want, including a doula who is not a medical professional - just labor support.

    Tell your DH to tell his work he is going to be at the birth.  They'll just have to suck it. 

    A doula does not work with the doctor, the doula is there as support person/advocate FOR YOU. If you want support and don't want a family member, I highly recommend a doula. Just look into it, there may be resources you haven't tapped into yet.

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  • I'm not in the same situation but I just wanted to say that the nurses will know some good techniques so you won't be alone. Women sometimes choose to make the whole labouring process private so it's whatever works for you.

    It's a shame your DH may not be able to be there so just make sure you can be your own advocate when you're there. I understand you're a private person but you may want to reconsider. Having someone there even to get you a drink can be a real help to you.
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  • image ajfetterly:
    Anyone here have to settle with just the dr and nurses for support during delivery? I am a very private person and my family and in laws are all local but I am uncomfortable having them in the delivery room and now I am worried that dh won't be able to get out of work to be with me. Anyone have any similar concerns or already dealt with a similar situation? And btw I am firm on the idea of no family in the room I won't budge on that but I think ill be lost w/o dh.

     I'm sorry but this sounds like BS. I can't imagine any company or manager that would not allow a man to be with his wife when she gives birth, regardless. If you are lucky maybe you will give birth on a weekend or on his day off. I cant imagine he works 7 days a week/24 hours a day. 

  • Not exactly the same but my husband can't take fmla or vacation when we have the baby. He just switched jobs and hasn't even been there 3 months. They told him he could take as much time as he wanted but he wouldn't get paid for it. We decided to have him take off the day of the RCS and the day I'll come home. He will only lose 1 day that way since his work is closed every Sunday. It sucks but sometimes you have to do what you have to.

    I would strongly encourage you to find someone else that can be in the room
    With you if your husband can't be there. Whether its your mom, sister, friend someone who can just help incase you need it.

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  • I appreciate everyone who has posted makes me feel better that so many of you are concerned and angery and hurt with me, thank you.
    As far as the doula I am 37 weeks and I think there is only one or two local women who practice here. So I'm not sure if it will be beneficial to add one at this point.
    As for a friend or sister in law with me I think both my mom and my mother in law would be hurt they weren't thrilled when I originally said husband only.
    I was so excited to be getting close and making it full term and now I am so depressed. But its nice to know I have backing and I'm not the only one upset.Thank you
  • image mamatobec:

    image ajfetterly:
    Anyone here have to settle with just the dr and nurses for support during delivery? I am a very private person and my family and in laws are all local but I am uncomfortable having them in the delivery room and now I am worried that dh won't be able to get out of work to be with me. Anyone have any similar concerns or already dealt with a similar situation? And btw I am firm on the idea of no family in the room I won't budge on that but I think ill be lost w/o dh.

     I'm sorry but this sounds like BS. I can't imagine any company or manager that would not allow a man to be with his wife when she gives birth, regardless. If you are lucky maybe you will give birth on a weekend or on his day off. I cant imagine he works 7 days a week/24 hours a day. 

    This. Or they should at least allow him to take it unpaid. 

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  • He has 5 day weeks and 6 day weeks they can force him to stay another shift too. And at this point he would gladly take unpaid leave to be there we have our own business too he mainly just works this job for the insurance.
  • image ajfetterly:
    He has 5 day weeks and 6 day weeks they can force him to stay another shift too. And at this point he would gladly take unpaid leave to be there we have our own business too he mainly just works this job for the insurance.

    They can't force him to do anything.  It's up to you two how you want to handle it.  He can take unpaid time off and risk being fired or he can try to work out something with his boss.  If you both really are OK with him not being there, then that's an option, too.  I just can't imagine giving birth to my kid w/o my DH. 

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  • I really wouldn't mind doing it alone. I had family and SO in the room and really all they did was sit around until it was time to push and one person held my leg while the nurse held the other. You'll be fine with just a nurse. Also how about you go to the hospital once they say yes you are in labor your DH could meet you there.
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  • I'm hoping if I call his work if I am in labor they will let him leave early w/o a penalty. Then I just have to hope he makes it in time. I think this is my best bet!
  • emmy236emmy236
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    Unless you live hours from a hospital you can probably make it through the day until he's done with work. You'll start to feel the symptoms and your doctor will make you stay home until contractions are at least 5 mins apart. I'm in the same boat with my husband who started a new job. My mom is with me while hubby is at work and I plan to suck it up for as long as I can until he can get home. Labor takes hours and I'd rather deal with those first hours in my comfy house with my DVR than in a hospital bed. If you have to go to the hospital before he can get there, you'll be there for hours with some great nurses. I really doubt your husband will miss it.
  • How far away is your hospital? I would just plan on calling DH when your water breaks or your contractions are so far apart. Im willing to bet a nurse would make that phone call for you if you couldn't as well.
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  • I would say wait until you are admitted and you are sure that you are in labor before DH takes the day off, that way he is sure to be there for the birth.

    Also, you are entitled to a support person.   Your doctor can work alone, but the doula is there for you.   The doula isn't going to interfere with the doctor, she won't be delivering the baby, she is just there to support you.  So if you need a doula get one, they won't turn her away.

    And, if by chance, you are alone, I still think you will be ok.   Some people are able to relax the most when they are by themselves which makes for an easier labor, so you might find being alone not so bad.  Also the nurses will be there for you too!

     Anyway, hope hubby gets to be there in any case.

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  • rsage53rsage53
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    image ajfetterly:
    He has 5 day weeks and 6 day weeks they can force him to stay another shift too. And at this point he would gladly take unpaid leave to be there we have our own business too he mainly just works this job for the insurance.

    Your story is confusing! 

    Sorry that you are dealing with the stress.  People have given you some options to think about, but it seems like you don't actually want a solution, just to b!tch. Which is fine, but if you really want to fix the problem--take some advice from others.

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  • You mentioned in a post the other day how wonderful your family and support system are.  I am just curious why they are not wonderful enough that one of them can be your backup labor support in case your H can't make it?  I understand not wanting to offend anyone, but any reasonable (and truly supportive) person would understand your desire to have either your mom, MIL, SIL, etc there to help you until your H arrives, and would not be offended/feel left out if you choose only one.

  • image bowman958:
    You mentioned in a post the other day how wonderful your family and support system are.  I am just curious why they are not wonderful enough that one of them can be your backup labor support in case your H can't make it?  I understand not wanting to offend anyone, but any reasonable (and truly supportive) person would understand your desire to have either your mom, MIL, SIL, etc there to help you until your H arrives, and would not be offended/feel left out if you choose only one.

    Stop being so logical! 

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  • I understand what you guys are thinking. I don't mean to seem like I am just bitching I am just hurt that his bosses would do that to us. As for having someone else in the room, I just don't think I can do it. My husband and I made the baby and I am very uncomfortable with my body, I know medical professionals see that kinda ofthing all day every day. I just can't wrap my head around having family watching his head come out of "there" its my weird quirk. Again I am not bitching I am probably going to put all my eggs in one basket and pray that one way or another my husband can find a way to get there.
    I also started this topic because I assumed I wasn't the only with this problem and sometimes you just need to support from someone in a similar situation.
    Also yes I did post the other day that I have an amazing support system and I absolutely do. I just know the grandma'sto be would love to be in the room with me and they would never say it but I know I would hurt their feelings letting someone other then them or my husband in with me.
    I am so sorry if I came across wrong and a lot of people had amazing helpful ideas thank you.
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