Baby Showers

HELP! Shower for a 3rd baby Is it appropriate?

I am pregnant with my 3rd child. I have a 9 year old and a 5 year old. This baby was a complete and unexpected surprise. My husband and I were not planning on any more children. My mom threw me a baby shower for my 1st child almost 10 years ago. I did not have a shower for my 2nd because we still had many things leftover even though there is 5 years between them. We kept everything between baby 1 and 2 because we knew that we were going to have a second child.
About a year ago we gave EVERYTHING away. I mean evvvverything. My Mom now wants to have a shower for me.
Is it appropriate?? Do people do this?? She wants to invite all of my friends a large shower. She thinks it's fine and I'm torn.

Help!!!!

Re: HELP! Shower for a 3rd baby Is it appropriate?

  • Politely decline. A third isn't necessary - or, from what I can tell from most posts! - appropriate.

    I would think that if you decide to create a registry for your own reference/completion discount (which some people do), if people INSIST, you can say 'Well, I made a registry at X' and they can pursue it from there. 

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  • Since you're asking if people do this, I'm going to go ahead and assume that your family and friends don't do this. It's common in some circles, but in others it's considered very, very tacky. If it's not common practice for your family, then don't do it. They will likely think it's tacky. Politely tell your mom that you are perfectly capable of buying everything you need for this child. "I need stuff" should not be the deciding factor in whether or not to have a shower. It will make you look greedy.
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  • image Estwd2:
    Since you're asking if people do this, I'm going to go ahead and assume that your family and friends don't do this. It's common in some circles, but in others it's considered very, very tacky. If it's not common practice for your family, then don't do it. They will likely think it's tacky. Politely tell your mom that you are perfectly capable of buying everything you need for this child. "I need stuff" should not be the deciding factor in whether or not to have a shower. It will make you look greedy.
    agree. You getting rid of everything doesn't make it your friends responsibility to restock you.

    I will say, though, that if anything is done, it needs to be SMALL. This isny a time to have a huge shower.
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  • FemShepFemShep
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    Nope, not appropriate, sorry.  It's nice of your mom to want to host a shower, but your friends aren't responsible for providing for your surprise baby.  And a large shower with all of your friends would be especially inappropriate.

    People will still give you gifts without a shower, and you'll look a lot less gift-grabby. 

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  • JenniD2JenniD2
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    image EastCoastBride:
    image Estwd2:
    Since you're asking if people do this, I'm going to go ahead and assume that your family and friends don't do this. It's common in some circles, but in others it's considered very, very tacky. If it's not common practice for your family, then don't do it. They will likely think it's tacky. Politely tell your mom that you are perfectly capable of buying everything you need for this child. "I need stuff" should not be the deciding factor in whether or not to have a shower. It will make you look greedy.
    agree. You getting rid of everything doesn't make it your friends responsibility to restock you. I will say, though, that if anything is done, it needs to be SMALL. This isny a time to have a huge shower.

    All of this. A good rule of thumb is that if you have to ask if something is appropriate, then it probably is not a good idea.


  • My DS will be 5 two months after this baby is born. We have nothing left over. His crib was recalled and one of my DHs cousins became a single mother last year and we gave her what we had left.

    We will not be having a shower. We have purchased all the big stuff ourselves. My best friend wanted to throw a shower, but I have convinced her to do a greet the baby party instead.

    The only people I would invite to a shower would be my close friends and family. They would be the people that would buy gifts regardless of a shower. So why have shower and make them feel like they have to provide for my child. I will let them buy whatever they want to, if they want to.


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  • Is it appropriate?  No, it is not.

  • Well I think it depends on your circle. In my family we have showers for all babies including additional babies.

    If your mom wants to throw you one I would accept it. If you are concerned then you do not have to invite your friends.

    I would not decline a shower just because the person had kids already. Everyone is different though. 

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  • image Estwd2:
    Since you're asking if people do this, I'm going to go ahead and assume that your family and friends don't do this. It's common in some circles, but in others it's considered very, very tacky. If it's not common practice for your family, then don't do it. They will likely think it's tacky. Politely tell your mom that you are perfectly capable of buying everything you need for this child. "I need stuff" should not be the deciding factor in whether or not to have a shower. It will make you look greedy.

    This.  You being surprised with another child and "needing" things should not be a reason for another shower.  If you want to celebrate the new baby (which it doesn't sound like you do since you only mention needing baby things), I'd have a Meet the Baby part after the baby is born.  

     


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  • ehnastoehnasto
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    I agree that a 3rd shower is not appropraite.

    If your mom is insisting on hosting something to honor you and the baby maybe you could suggest she host a meet the baby bbq since those are usually present free.  By then you will have all the stuff you need.

  • I think showers for a second or more child are tacky regardless of the circumstance. The purpose of a shower is not that its your friends job to supply you with baby stuff, so having no baby stuff isn't a reason to hold one IMO.

    I would definitely advise against it. You can make a registry for your own shopping list though and if anyone asks tell them where you're registered. Dont just go informing everyone where you registered as if you expect a gift though. Make it publicly searchable also so anyone who goes looking for it will find it.
  • image EastCoastBride:
    image Estwd2:
    Since you're asking if people do this, I'm going to go ahead and assume that your family and friends don't do this. It's common in some circles, but in others it's considered very, very tacky. If it's not common practice for your family, then don't do it. They will likely think it's tacky. Politely tell your mom that you are perfectly capable of buying everything you need for this child. "I need stuff" should not be the deciding factor in whether or not to have a shower. It will make you look greedy.
    agree. You getting rid of everything doesn't make it your friends responsibility to restock you. I will say, though, that if anything is done, it needs to be SMALL. This isny a time to have a huge shower.

    I agree with both of these. I've gone to  a couple of  "2nd showers" and they were very small (like 8-9 people).  The only people that should be invited are those that did not go to your first shower plus grandparents-to-be.  I will tell you that at 2nd shower...most gifts are small and not really things you NEED...although you say you need everything so hopefully you'll need everything you get.

    It sounds like people in your "circle of family/friends" do not have 2nd showers (regardless of years between kids) or you wouldn't be asking here.  Most people (friends and family) will probably get something for baby once he/she is born anyway.

  • I don't think so. I vote inappropriate. 
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  • Inappropriate. Go buy what you need yourself.
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  • It seems to me that everyone has a shower no matter how many kids they have.  I'm pregnant with a 2nd boy and plan to have a shower after he is born.  More of a meet the baby shower.  Less about gifts and more about a celebration of life.  If you got rid of everything, there are things you'll need.  Family and friends will buy gifts regardless of you having a shower or not.  Make it a celebration!  I don't thing there's anything wrong with it.
  • image JNL$LSM:

    It depends on your friends and family. My family we celebrate EVERY baby even my sister who gave birth to each a year a part for real and the baby were the same sex crazy. Huh?Confused

    However, if it is common among your friends and family it is common. If you want the shower have the shower and if not do not.

    There are definitely ways to 'celebrate a baby' without making it a full-out shower.  

    I agree with your comments though. 

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  • I would say no.. On the other hand you can always have like a family BBQ, no gifts necessary, just to enjoy the company before baby arrives! Or a meet and greet after the baby is born, people may bring gifts but you can mention its just a gathering to meet the new baby
  • No.  I think a shower is only appropriate for a first baby, not with a second or later one.  Showers are meant to welcome you to motherhood.  You've already been there twice before.  Needing things doesn't entitle you to a shower - it just means you need to go out and buy what you need.

    Now, I WOULD make a registry, just to get the completion codes from the stores.

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  • I've been to many second and third showers among my friends, and they all have kids close together. In my circle it is more about celebrating a pregnancy, and the showers are typically small and gifts are also on a lower budget. If you want to have a shower then go for it, but plan on buying everything you need yourself.
  • I think it is perfectly fine. Who is to say the first baby gets all the fun.  I think each child is a blessing and deserves a celebration.  
  • There's nothing wrong with it. If you don't have any baby items why not? It's when your children are back to back then just have a get together to talk about the new baby! Get some scrapbook paper and let everyone make a page so you can make a baby book for the new baby!
  • GobsGobs
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    I was raised in the south and there it is considered very tacky to have a shower for any baby other than the first. My hubs is from Southern California and since moving here I have been invited to several showers for younger siblings. I think you should just put your feelers out and see how people in your area feel about multiple showers
  • image BeckyTheEngineer:
    I've been to many second and third showers among my friends, and they all have kids close together. In my circle it is more about celebrating a pregnancy, and the showers are typically small and gifts are also on a lower budget. If you want to have a shower then go for it, but plan on buying everything you need yourself.

    This.  I have a group of girls I am really close with and we always have showers for every baby (live in the Northwest, don't know if it's regional).  We call the later showers "sprinklings" and just get them smaller gifts.  It's basically just for fun and we're all really close so it's like a saturday hang out with fancier food and small gifts.   

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  • Well it depends on what youre having if you had two girls and now a boy then yes or if you have two boys and having a girl then yes. but if you have two boys and a third on the way then no. and if you have two girls and another girl on the way then no. Most people will want to give you stuff with out having to have another shower
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