Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Upset at Niece

Today is International Bereaved Mother's Day. I am doing pretty well after my MC back in February.

I saw a picture that said what today was so I posted it as my cover picture.

I know so many people who have had a loss and I feel people should be aware and that MC are more common than people know. Most people on FB do not know I had a MC. I thought the pic was so pretty and was nice to have a day for us mothers not just me.

I get an email this morning from my husbands niece.

heather, I want for you to move on, live in the present and look to the future. Don't dwell in the past. I'm not thrilled with you profile pic, to me it speaks volumes that your not okay. You shouldn't be feeling the need to announce your loss, but rather to focus on the positive and stay happy about being able to try again. I hope you take my words as love and positive reinforcement. Get up, get out, get on, life keeps going, keeps moving and changing. Stay strong, stay happy, stay positive. xoxox

I was kind of hurt by this email. I have not seen her in person since my MC I don't talk about in on fb. I just posted the picture never said snything about my mc. The thing that gets me is this person has had a MC and now had two kids.
How would you feel if you got this email? Am I upset for nothing or do you think I have the right to be a little hurt by it? I am not crying daily, I go to work, been in such a great mood and we are going to be TTC again.
Just would like some of your thoughts. Thanks!!
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Me (40) DH (42).......Married 7/1/11......TTC 12/2013.......BFP #1 12/30/12........EDD 9/8/13
Spotting,clot 2/15/13 all ok......2/21/13 no heartbeat 11 w 4 d missed miscarriage........2/22/13 DnC :(
BFP # 2 10.10.13...........EDD 6.19.14



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Re: Upset at Niece

  • Well to be honest her email hurt my feelings and I don't know her. I think you have every right to be upset. I'm sorry she felt that this email would help you. I wish there was something I could say to erase the pain this email caused you. Lots of HUGS to you. Which I feel your niece should have provided instead of that email. I apologize if I have spoken out of line. HUGS


    Me/DH: 37

    Married: 08/27/11 TTC: since 06/11

    I have a DS from a previous relationship born 06/96. 

    Me DX: DOR/Endometriosis. Surgery to remove endo 10/12/12. Blocked tubes/Lt tube hydro

    03/25/13: BFP (Natural) 04/16/13: Ectopic pregnancy removed surgically. Referred to RE.  

    10/08/13 – Retrieval: 11R 10F / 1 normal embie:: 11/05/13 - surgery to remove tubes:

    01/31/14 - FET 1 - Cancelled (due to lining) 

    04/04/14 - FET 1.2 - Transfer complete of 1 hatching embryo!! 

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  • image freakyfast:
    Well to be honest her email hurt my feelings and I don't know her. I think you have every right to be upset. I'm sorry she felt that this email would help you. I wish there was something I could say to erase the pain this email caused you. Lots of HUGS to you. Which I feel your niece should have provided instead of that email. I apologize if I have spoken out of line. HUGS

    Oh thank you. You have not spoken out of line at all. I was wondering if the email would be hurtful to someone else. I am in a good place right now so I am not crying about it. Just a bit hurt by her response. Thank you!!!
    image



    Me (40) DH (42).......Married 7/1/11......TTC 12/2013.......BFP #1 12/30/12........EDD 9/8/13
    Spotting,clot 2/15/13 all ok......2/21/13 no heartbeat 11 w 4 d missed miscarriage........2/22/13 DnC :(
    BFP # 2 10.10.13...........EDD 6.19.14



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  • It makes me smile that you are in a good place. Still I send you hugs!


    Me/DH: 37

    Married: 08/27/11 TTC: since 06/11

    I have a DS from a previous relationship born 06/96. 

    Me DX: DOR/Endometriosis. Surgery to remove endo 10/12/12. Blocked tubes/Lt tube hydro

    03/25/13: BFP (Natural) 04/16/13: Ectopic pregnancy removed surgically. Referred to RE.  

    10/08/13 – Retrieval: 11R 10F / 1 normal embie:: 11/05/13 - surgery to remove tubes:

    01/31/14 - FET 1 - Cancelled (due to lining) 

    04/04/14 - FET 1.2 - Transfer complete of 1 hatching embryo!! 

    BFP! EDD: 12/20/14


    Daisypath Anniversary tickersLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    BabyFruit Ticker


               image            image
            *Special Starfish*

    #TeamScienceBabies
  • I thought the email was insulting. You can be in a good place, but still celebrate the child/children you lost. I would never respond to anyone's comments on Facebook that were like "happy father's day to my dad in heaven" or "happy birthday to mom. She would have been ___ today" in the way that she responded to you.

     

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    TTC since April 2012

    BFP #1, 10/03/2012 - EDD 6/15/2013 - MMC 11/15/2012 - D&C 01/04/2013

    BFP #2, 04/06/2013 - EDD 12/17/2013 - MC 04/19/2013

    6/12/2013 Diagnosed with Balanced Translocation (12 & 16)

    IVF #1 with PGS: 10/2013: Cancelled 9/27/2013 for issues with genetic lab

    IVF #1.5 with PGS: 11/16/2013: Canceled. 11 eggs retrieved, 9 mature & 9 fertilized, all unhealthy embryos

    IVF #2: 1/22/14: Canceled. 16 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 7 fertilized, all unhealthy embryos

    IVF #3 with PGS: 5/10/2014: Switched to FET in July. 10 eggs retrieved, 9 mature, 8 fertilized, 2 healthy embryos!


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  • image jbasore1123:
    I thought the email was insulting. You can be in a good place, but still celebrate the child/children you lost. I would never respond to anyone's comments on Facebook that were like "happy father's day to my dad in heaven" or "happy birthday to mom. She would have been ___ today" in the way that she responded to you. nbsp;

    Thank you. Yeah I was totally shocked by her. She is the one that I would have thought would have said thinking of you or something to that nature.
    I am good and I know I am standing up for something good!!
    image



    Me (40) DH (42).......Married 7/1/11......TTC 12/2013.......BFP #1 12/30/12........EDD 9/8/13
    Spotting,clot 2/15/13 all ok......2/21/13 no heartbeat 11 w 4 d missed miscarriage........2/22/13 DnC :(
    BFP # 2 10.10.13...........EDD 6.19.14



      Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

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  • image freakyfast:
    It makes me smile that you are in a good place. Still I send you hugs!

    Thank you. Yes I am in a good place. Don't get me wrong I still think about it and have my days but for the most part I am in a good mood. Today I am great just cleaned the horses stalls and going to a cupcake festival with my mom!!!! Beautiful day!!!
    image



    Me (40) DH (42).......Married 7/1/11......TTC 12/2013.......BFP #1 12/30/12........EDD 9/8/13
    Spotting,clot 2/15/13 all ok......2/21/13 no heartbeat 11 w 4 d missed miscarriage........2/22/13 DnC :(
    BFP # 2 10.10.13...........EDD 6.19.14



      Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    image


  • I agree with PP. That email was totally out of line. And yes it did even hurt my feelings some though as PP said it was not meant for me nor do I know her. How awful of her. I think I would respond and let her know while to her, her email probably was meant to do good but it did no such thing and that she should either support you or keep her thoughts to herself.

    I am so sorry.
    ::HUGS:;
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers November 22, 2012: Went into ER with spotting to discover my babies had stopped developing at 10 wks 4 days and 11 wks 3 days. Their hearts no longer beat. EDD:05/27/2013 Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers April 22, 2013: Found out I was miscarrying May 3, 2013:Saw baby in Utero and in tubes diagnosed with Heterotopic pregnancy May 7, 2013: Taken into surgery for tubal pregnancy baby and right tube was removed Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • image Katie5295:
    I agree with PP. That email was totally out of line. And yes it did even hurt my feelings some though as PP said it was not meant for me nor do I know her. How awful of her. I think I would respond and let her know while to her, her email probably was meant to do good but it did no such thing and that she should either support you or keep her thoughts to herself.


    I am so sorry.
    ::HUGS:;

    Thanks. I actually just shrugged the email off. I responded by letting her know I am in a good place and that I feel that people should know about losses. I don't write about it on fb I just posted the pic. Most people on fb don't even know I MC so they might just think I am supporting others. Which I am as well.
    Funny the last person I would expect to get an email from was her. She has one and her one daughter is very allergic to any legumes and she is always posting about peanut free this and that. I get it since her daughter could die. I guess that is why I thought she would be the one that would be supportive.
    Thanks so much for your post. Have a great day!!!
    image



    Me (40) DH (42).......Married 7/1/11......TTC 12/2013.......BFP #1 12/30/12........EDD 9/8/13
    Spotting,clot 2/15/13 all ok......2/21/13 no heartbeat 11 w 4 d missed miscarriage........2/22/13 DnC :(
    BFP # 2 10.10.13...........EDD 6.19.14



      Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    image


  • image Katie5295:
    I agree with PP. That email was totally out of line. And yes it did even hurt my feelings some though as PP said it was not meant for me nor do I know her. How awful of her. I think I would respond and let her know while to her, her email probably was meant to do good but it did no such thing and that she should either support you or keep her thoughts to herself.

    Edit sorry I replied above.

    I am so sorry.
    ::HUGS:;

    Thanks I replied below w a long reply lol. Have a great day!!
    image



    Me (40) DH (42).......Married 7/1/11......TTC 12/2013.......BFP #1 12/30/12........EDD 9/8/13
    Spotting,clot 2/15/13 all ok......2/21/13 no heartbeat 11 w 4 d missed miscarriage........2/22/13 DnC :(
    BFP # 2 10.10.13...........EDD 6.19.14



      Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    image


  • image freakyfast:
    Well to be honest her email hurt my feelings and I don't know her. I think you have every right to be upset. I'm sorry she felt that this email would help you. I wish there was something I could say to erase the pain this email caused you. Lots of HUGS to you. Which I feel your niece should have provided instead of that email. I apologize if I have spoken out of line. HUGS

    Ditto! She deserves a TP! **Hugs** 

    MrS. tHeRiOt
  • image mjcharpe:

    image freakyfast:
    Well to be honest her email hurt my feelings and I don't know her. I think you have every right to be upset. I'm sorry she felt that this email would help you. I wish there was something I could say to erase the pain this email caused you. Lots of HUGS to you. Which I feel your niece should have provided instead of that email. I apologize if I have spoken out of line. HUGS

    Ditto! She deserves a TP! **Hugs** 



    Thank you!!!
    image



    Me (40) DH (42).......Married 7/1/11......TTC 12/2013.......BFP #1 12/30/12........EDD 9/8/13
    Spotting,clot 2/15/13 all ok......2/21/13 no heartbeat 11 w 4 d missed miscarriage........2/22/13 DnC :(
    BFP # 2 10.10.13...........EDD 6.19.14



      Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    image


  • image jbasore1123:

    I thought the email was insulting. You can be in a good place, but still celebrate the child/children you lost. I would never respond to anyone's comments on Facebook that were like "happy father's day to my dad in heaven" or "happy birthday to mom. She would have been ___ today" in the way that she responded to you.

     

    Exactly. Would you tell someone with a dead parent that it's time to move on and never mention the loss again? WTF.

    OP, I'm glad you're in a good place right now.


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  • I saw you mentioned this post on TTCAL...wow, that email was crazy hurtful :(

    *HUGS*

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    October 2013 - dx unexplained IF    November 2013 Cycle#1 w/Clomid = BFP 11/27/13!

    ♥ ♥ Baby Boy is here! ♥ ♥

  • image bandteacher:
    image jbasore1123:

    I thought the email was insulting. You can be in a good place, but still celebrate the child/children you lost. I would never respond to anyone's comments on Facebook that were like "happy father's day to my dad in heaven" or "happy birthday to mom. She would have been ___ today" in the way that she responded to you.

     

    Exactly. Would you tell someone with a dead parent that it's time to move on and never mention the loss again? WTF.

    OP, I'm glad you're in a good place right now.



    Yeah I know. My dad passed 9 yrs ago so I guess I should not think about him and not mention him on his bday or Father's Day. Every year since my dad passed I got the his grave o Memorial Day since he was buried in the Verans Section. My hubby always goes with me. I think it is a great way to remember my dad. Wonder what she would say about that.

    Thanks so much for your reply. I must be I a good place because I am hurt by the email but I am not super upset by it.
    image



    Me (40) DH (42).......Married 7/1/11......TTC 12/2013.......BFP #1 12/30/12........EDD 9/8/13
    Spotting,clot 2/15/13 all ok......2/21/13 no heartbeat 11 w 4 d missed miscarriage........2/22/13 DnC :(
    BFP # 2 10.10.13...........EDD 6.19.14



      Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    image


  • image Pink021:
    I saw you mentioned this post on TTCAL...wow, that email was crazy hurtful : HUGS


    Thanks for your reply. Yeah so took me off guard this morning Especially since she also had a lost. A few years ago.
    image



    Me (40) DH (42).......Married 7/1/11......TTC 12/2013.......BFP #1 12/30/12........EDD 9/8/13
    Spotting,clot 2/15/13 all ok......2/21/13 no heartbeat 11 w 4 d missed miscarriage........2/22/13 DnC :(
    BFP # 2 10.10.13...........EDD 6.19.14



      Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    image


  • image hercules03:
    What a jerk!! That's crazy rude. I'd be telling her off. Screw her. Nobody understands how hard it is. My first m/c was four years ago. Is till yearn for the baby and think about how old he or she may have been. :


    Yeah. I was totally shocked with her reply. She knows how it feels she had a MC. Plus she has not seen me or talked to me so she has no idea how I am doing.

    I have such a different view of her now.
    image



    Me (40) DH (42).......Married 7/1/11......TTC 12/2013.......BFP #1 12/30/12........EDD 9/8/13
    Spotting,clot 2/15/13 all ok......2/21/13 no heartbeat 11 w 4 d missed miscarriage........2/22/13 DnC :(
    BFP # 2 10.10.13...........EDD 6.19.14



      Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    image


  • Why don't you unfriend her on FB if she does not support you or does not want to see your posts.  She is an idiot.  Sorry for your loss.   
  • I also saw you mention this on TTCAL and I'm so sorry she wrote this to you.  I also find it a little insulting that instead of asking you how you were she just assumed you weren't doing good.  She has no right to tell you it's time for you to move on.  NO ONE can tell you when it is time to be healed.  Healing takes time and that amount of time is going to be different for everyone.  You have every right to grieve!! I'm so glad you are doing good!!  And YAY for TTC again!! 

    PS I also posted a pic of this on fb and agree that people need to be aware of what today is!!  


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  • image docamy2011:
    I also saw you mention this on TTCAL and I'm so sorry she wrote this to you. nbsp;I also find it a little insulting that instead of asking you how you were she just assumed you weren't doing good. nbsp;She has no right to tell you it's time for you to move on. nbsp;NO ONE can tell you when it is time to be healed. nbsp;Healing takes time and that amount of time is going to be different for everyone. nbsp;You have every right to grieve!! I'm so glad you are doing good!! nbsp;And YAY for TTC again!!nbsp;PS I also posted a pic of this on fb and agree that people need to be aware of what today is!! nbsp;

    Oh thank you and I am glad you also posted a pic on fb. That was what my intent was to have people be aware and for others in our situation. Thanks again.
    image



    Me (40) DH (42).......Married 7/1/11......TTC 12/2013.......BFP #1 12/30/12........EDD 9/8/13
    Spotting,clot 2/15/13 all ok......2/21/13 no heartbeat 11 w 4 d missed miscarriage........2/22/13 DnC :(
    BFP # 2 10.10.13...........EDD 6.19.14



      Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    image


  • image Missy1206:
    Why don't you unfriend her on FB if she does not support you or does not want to see your posts.nbsp; She is an idiot.nbsp; Sorry for your loss.nbsp; nbsp;

    That thought has crossed my mind. Still thinking on what I want to do. Sad since her kids come over and ride the quads in our fields ect.
    image



    Me (40) DH (42).......Married 7/1/11......TTC 12/2013.......BFP #1 12/30/12........EDD 9/8/13
    Spotting,clot 2/15/13 all ok......2/21/13 no heartbeat 11 w 4 d missed miscarriage........2/22/13 DnC :(
    BFP # 2 10.10.13...........EDD 6.19.14



      Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    image


  • Wow. I would be so hurt by that email. It's only been 3 months since your miscarriage. I can't believe that someone who has been through having a miscarriage could be so insensitive. Big hugs.
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  • image AlwaysSunny08:
    Wow. I would be so hurt by that email. It's only been 3 months since your miscarriage. I can't believe that someone who has been through having a miscarriage could be so insensitive. Big hugs.


    Yeah and not even 3 months yet sice it was the end of Feb. I would have thought she would be the one to email me to support me. Guess I was wrong. Thanks for your post
    image



    Me (40) DH (42).......Married 7/1/11......TTC 12/2013.......BFP #1 12/30/12........EDD 9/8/13
    Spotting,clot 2/15/13 all ok......2/21/13 no heartbeat 11 w 4 d missed miscarriage........2/22/13 DnC :(
    BFP # 2 10.10.13...........EDD 6.19.14



      Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    image


  • I find that email to be so rude and out of line. Who the hell does she think she is? I would tell her that until she shows some respect and apologizes she can't come over. Also, if she cared at all she would have seen you since you lost your LO but she hasn't. You are a better woman than me...I think I would slap her! Actually, you could tell her the only way to get "over it" would be to slap her. haha
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  • image hotrodvixen61:
    I find that email to be so rude and out of line. Who the hell does she think she is? I would tell her that until she shows some respect and apologizes she can't come over. Also, if she cared at all she would have seen you since you lost your LO but she hasn't. You are a better woman than me...I think I would slap her! Actually, you could tell her the only way to get "over it" would be to slap her. haha

     Yeah, I know,  I did reply back to her email but I have not heard anything back to her.  I dont see her too often anyway and not sure how i will be when I do talk to her but I probably will say something.  I am not confrontational but have to admit this did hurt. 

    image



    Me (40) DH (42).......Married 7/1/11......TTC 12/2013.......BFP #1 12/30/12........EDD 9/8/13
    Spotting,clot 2/15/13 all ok......2/21/13 no heartbeat 11 w 4 d missed miscarriage........2/22/13 DnC :(
    BFP # 2 10.10.13...........EDD 6.19.14



      Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    image


  • Wow, I'm just in awe that someone could be so insensitive. And really, with ALL the crazy stuff that people post on facebook, THAT'S what she annoyed by? My real feeling is that she didn't like being reminded of her own loss and she took it out on you, but I could be completely off base. I would probably unfriend her also. You need support and love from your family in this time, not being told to hurry up and get over it.
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