July 2012 Moms

FFFC update and aw

Hey girls,

Thanks to everyone who offered support after my anxiety attack on Friday morning, and my H's inappropriate reaction, to say the least. A talk led us to the conclusion that he thinks I'm simply not organized enough and that I should be able to manage the baby, the housework and all the rest, and me to the conclusion that my H is a douche bag.

I've realized that I'm not supposed to be able to do everything by myself and not feel overwhelmed. It was completely normal for me to reach a breaking point after busting my for nine months and barely sleeping. I'm not super woman, and I've decided I'm done taking care of H and our couple, until he steps it up as a partner.

So today, I did the dishes and the laundry while LO took her first nap, instead of doing the deed. When her second nap came around, the apartment was sufficiently clean for me to also nap. I fed LO her lunch, and had cereal myself. DH waited around till he finally realized I wasn't cooking him a meal, and made himself a can of soup. It was glorious. We had hot dogs on the BBQ for supper (not LO, don't worry), so no fuss there either. And after I put LO to bed tonight, I went for a run and let H entertain himself.

The best part of my day? When my friend invited me to try Bikram tomorrow, I said "sure" instead of my usual "I can't, the class is during LO's waking hours", and told H he was baby-sitting because I had plans!

I'm feeling way too good for someone who just realized she had a dead-weight partner, but I think it's just such a relief to feel as though I'm not the one that's failing. 

 Finally, here's a pic of LO at the park Friday afternoon. Not her best pic, but I'm just happy that the afternoon was all smiles and giggles for both of us.

Thanks again everyone for all your support!  

http://tinypic.com/r/33ng312/5

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Re: FFFC update and aw

  • The pic didn't work.  :(  

    I guess I don't know how to post a picture after all. I'll try to post the pic tomorrow, I need to get to bed, I'm going to yoga tomorrow!!! 

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  • I hope you enjoy your yoga session tomorrow. I'm sorry you and H are having issues. It's unfortunate that he's not understanding what your trying to express to him. Hopefully you guys can talk again and work it out. It sounds like he's not giving you the emotional support you need and deserve. Hugs! It can get better. I hope he takes what you're telling him to heart.

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  • I am sorry that your H is being like this right now, but I'm so glad that you are feeling better!  I hope that he will come around.  I used to wonder how women in the '50's did it (mothering, housework, looking pretty, etc.), until I finally realized that in those days, women didn't actually parent - they let their kid sit in the playpen all day or sent them outside to play.  I don't know if it is possible to have a happy/well-adjusted/advanced kid AND a clean house AND be well dressed AND have a reasonable sex life AND have dinner on the table all in one day.  It's just a matter of picking your battles and what you can and can't handle. 
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  • I'm glad you are doing things for yourself! I hope you have a good time at yoga and you should let us know how DH does watching LO. Maybe a few days of change will wake him up and let him see how much you do.

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  • I am hoping he will have time to really rethink things and understand where you are coming from.  It is good you are taking control and giving back to yourself.  I think we will all face moments where we feel completely overwhelmed.  Somehow we will figure out ho to get thru it.  I hope he comes around soon.
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  • Good for you! I'm so glad you are feeling better. I hope your H will realize he is being a jackass and start giving you the support you need. 
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  • I'm so glad that you are finally taking some much needed time out for yourself.  Hopefully your DH will come around.  If not, get him on here and we'll set him straight!  Wink

    Enjoy your yoga!

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  • Thanks girls.

    I also hope that by not doing the work I usually do, H will realize I was doing it. I'm obviously going to keep taking care of LO and of the home, but I'm giving up on all the extras I used to do for him. He can do his own laundry, make his own plate at dinner, and if it's something he doesn't feel like eating, make his own dinner, and mostly, he can stir his own soup, because I know that's what I'll be doing for a while. 

    I know that for LO's sake we have to try to get back to a happy place as a couple, but I'll focus on that when I feel more rested and less overwhelmed.  

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  • I am glad that you're getting some much deserved "me time." It really stinks that your H is having a hard time understanding your perspective and isn't giving you the support you need. Trying to do it all is hard for anyone, but add a baby into the mix and it becomes a whole new level of difficult!

    Once I started back up working on Saturdays and my husband took care of DS all day, he told me that taking care of a baby is hard work and that he couldn't do it all day everyday. So maybe your husband needs to experience it for himself as well.

    Enjoy yoga!
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    little bee boy 7.2012
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  • Good for you!! It took me a long time too, to get to that point with my H but you gotta do what you gotta do.  Enjoy the yoga!
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  • I didn't read the FFFC this week so missed your post. Anyway, I am sorry you and your husband are going through a rough patch. Hopefully he gets his act together and things get better.

    Enjoy your yoga! I love yoga. It is so relaxing.
  • You go girl, you take that time for yourself!
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  • I am so proud of you! Somedays my H needs a taste of reality. I hope he starts to step up. You NEED the me time. Once when H got home I handed Gage to him and left and had a sit down dinner alone. I had never ate alone and use to feel sorry for people doing it. But it was glorious!
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                                "They can never have yesterday"
  • I'm so glad your getting your much deserved and long over due me time!

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  • I realized early that I needed to ask DH to do things for Patrick because he just doesn't think to do things on his own. There are still times when he gets irrated when I ask him to do things but for the most part he does them anyways. Hopefully your H will get the memo that he needs to do things for his child and you.
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  • Good for you! Everyone needs some time to themselves or we'd all go mad! I hope your dh gets the rod out of his aas soon. :P good luck, momma!

    PS, here's your pic...
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  • Those baby legs are too much! Looks like a fun day at the park.
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    little bee boy 7.2012
    baby bee girl coming 12.2014

  • I am glad you feel better.  I know the talk did not go exactly as you planned but you put your feelings out there and that is the most important thing.  You can not do everything all the time.  As a mom and a women it is easy to put ourselves last.  We are so busy taking care of everyone else.  I am glad that you are going to make yourself a priority and take time to do the things you need. I hope that your H will realize how good he has it and make some changes.  A wise women told me once that relationships are give and take.  As women we tend to give more.  When we stop giving as much we learn a lot about our partner.  I hope your H will step up and start contributing more.
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  • image traceyt07:
    Good for you! Everyone needs some time to themselves or we'd all go mad! I hope your dh gets the rod out of his aas soon. :P good luck, momma! PS, here's your pic... image

    Thanks for the pic! Yoga was awesome. It felt really good to get away, and good to come back and see my little one.

    I still don't know how H and I are going to find a way to mend things, but all in good time I guess...

     Thanks laides! 

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  • elizdgelizdg
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    Hugs! Glad you're getting some you time! I hope things get better for you guys soon!
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