September 2013 Moms

Not buying anything until after baby arrives

My husband's family is of a different culture and they strongly believe that it is bad luck to for the parent's to be to purchase anything for the baby before baby arrives. They believe that it is perfectly fine to receive gifts but my DH and I just can't buy anything ourselves. I know this is quite different than the norm here in the US.

I admit I was really disappointed when I found this out. I wanted to plan and organize and have everything ready to go before LO gets here but I'm trying not to stress too much about it. DH has been great about it and told me he would go to the store with a checklist while I'm in the hospital if he needs to and he will have everything put together before LO and I come home.

I was wondering, is anyone else doing the same thing and waiting to get anything for the baby? If so, how are you coping?

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Re: Not buying anything until after baby arrives

  • jjkayejjkaye
    250 Answers 1000 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary
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    Is this what YOU believe, too? Would they know if you bought stuff and just didn't talk about it?

    Seems like a lot of stress for someone else's beliefs...

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  • That would be really hard.  Not only because of the stress of not having it ready but because nesting is so much fun!  At least your DH has offered to run to the store before you guys go home. It should work out okay, I think the list that you mentioned is key.

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  • Not in this boat, but I have heard of the belief before.  Personally, I don't believe in that and would just buy stuff anyway.  Just don't talk about it before hand.  In fact, up until we ordered the cribs, I was having nightmares about the babies coming and not being prepared for them.  I am definitely a planner and can't stand to leave things until the last minute.

    Honestly, I would say at least get a couple of outfits and the car seat before hand.  The baby can't leave the hospital without it, and I don't think it's fair that your husband should have to spend time away from his new baby to go and shop for it.

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  • image jjkaye:

    Is this what YOU believe, too? Would they know if you bought stuff and just didn't talk about it?

    Seems like a lot of stress for someone else's beliefs...

    I don't neccesarily believe it myself but my husband does and it's important to him and I want to respect his family's wishes. My husband is a smidge put off by it too but he also doesn't want to risk bringing bad luck to the baby or the labor and delivery.

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  • is this important to your husband? I know I personally wouldn't be ok with that rule unless it was actually important to him, not just his family.

    that seems stressful. 

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  • I don't understand why you HAVE to prescribe to their beliefs.  I understand respecting what your IL's believe but if it makes you truly uncomfortable and anxious about not being ready, you don't have to follow along.  It sounds like you have already talked to YH about your worries but did you voice that you don't believe the same thing and would rather buy things in advance?  I would be buying things and if they ask about it, I would say it was a gift from your side of the family.  
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  • I've read that frequently on these boards.

    We buy before the baby comes, but we don't buy a lot.

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  • image Vkeo79:
    image jjkaye:

    Is this what YOU believe, too? Would they know if you bought stuff and just didn't talk about it?

    Seems like a lot of stress for someone else's beliefs...

    I don't neccesarily believe it myself but my husband does and it's important to him and I want to respect his family's wishes. My husband is a smidge put off by it too but he also doesn't want to risk bringing bad luck to the baby or the labor and delivery.

    Eh, technically my husband's family is the same way, but my philosophy is that THEY are free to not buy anything until the baby is born. My husband certainly doesn't subscribe to this idea, and I am not okay with it.

     


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  • image Vkeo79:
    image jjkaye:

    Is this what YOU believe, too? Would they know if you bought stuff and just didn't talk about it?

    Seems like a lot of stress for someone else's beliefs...

    I don't neccesarily believe it myself but my husband does and it's important to him and I want to respect his family's wishes. My husband is a smidge put off by it too but he also doesn't want to risk bringing bad luck to the baby or the labor and delivery.

    If it is important to your husband, I think you're doing the right thing by going along with it. Are there any big items (like crib) that you're really stressed about getting ahead of time? If so, I might give some money to my parents to help them gift that item to you.

     In all honesty, though, the baby won't need a ton of stuff right after birth anyway, so I wouldn't stress too much. Obviously you MUST have the car seat, something for them to sleep in, some onesies, diapers, etc... but everything else can wait until you and/or DH can get to the store after the first week or so.

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  • NNGnomeNNGnome
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
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    I think there is no reason to get anything before the baby is born if your DH wants to honor his family's wishes then it can be done without too much stress.

    If I were you I would get a gift registry (or two) going and put everything on it you need (including baby wash and diapers etc), then your DH doesn't have to be long, he can go get everything on the list without having to think about what you need and be back as quickly as possible.

    As for needing stuff as soon as you get home, if you have a bassinette and a car seat on your registry, there is not too much set up, this is all you really need straight away, that would need any assembly, I am sure you will get clothes as gifts anyway, so maybe you could ask people to give you newborn clothes just so you can wash them and get them ready (although your husbands family may already think of that if this is their tradition anyway)?

    HTH, at the end of the day babies are born early all the time to parents who haven't bought anything, just remember the shops don't shut when you have a baby and friends and family can always go and pick up anything you might need.

    Ohh another thought is that you could buy gift certificates for the stores you have registered with then another family member could go get the stuff on your registry if you wanted your DH to stay with you..just and idea?

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  • I am a big planner so it would be difficult for me.Plus I just love buying baby stuff!

    However like PP said you do not need that much when the baby is newborn.

    Car seat for sure- the hospital wont even let you leave without one.  Some where for the baby to sleep, clothes and diapers.

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  • Just a suggestion....my local stores are frequently out of stock of the items I want, and I would have been pissed if my husband left me in the hospital for an afternoon to go shopping....especially if you have a vaginal delivery, you could get discharged very quickly.  I would make a wish list or registry on amazon or diapers.com of items that can be shipped next day, and then just hit the "buy" button on your phone after delivery.  You could arrive home with everything you'll need on your doorstep.  I would ask a good friend to bring you your car seat and a going home outfit to the hospital.
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  • My BF's parents feel the same way. Personally, I don't and either does my BF. After my BF had went to show something he had just purchased,( a couple Marvel onsie) his mother critisized our ways. I say do what you think is best. I do not want to stress about what the baby needs once he is already here. I just want to enjoy the first moments without a worry.
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  • image Happy_Yahoo_Personaler:

    Honestly, I would say at least get a couple of outfits and the car seat before hand.  The baby can't leave the hospital without it, and I don't think it's fair that your husband should have to spend time away from his new baby to go and shop for it.

    Not to mention that I know I'm really specific about the large items I want, specifically car seat. What if he goes to buy them once the baby is born and they are out of stock? That is a very common occurance and in a normal situation, no big deal, you can order it online. But if you need it right away you'd have to settle for something you might not be as comfortable putting your baby in.

    Waiting for small stuff, sure. Big stuff? Too much of a gamble, in my opinion. 

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  • AnjaOAnjaO
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    I would want the car seat installed and checked by a certified tech before you go to the hospital.  If no one buys it for you, could you ask someone to get it and pay them back?  Or would that be too weird?  Otherwise, I wouldn't worry too much about anything else.  You probably wouldn't want DH gone from the hospital long enough to go on a shopping spree and putting together furniture, but he could grab a pack n play, diapers, and some clothes if you don't get all those as gifts. 


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  • You don't need a whole lot for a newborn. As a STM I realize I stressed out way too much the first time. Your husband needs to make sure to get a carseat, a place for the baby to sleep and a few clothes, formula too if you are going that route. Everything else can be purchased later.

    Since it is important to him I would try to relax and go w the flow. You could also see if your family could help out by getting a few of the big items just so you know you have them. Good luck!
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  • I'm Jewish so we're not supposed to put together the nursery or really do anything for the baby (no shower, etc).  BUT we are going to register.  We'll probably have the stuff delivered to my ILs or something if people buy stuff before the baby is born, but we don't actually get anything for the baby until after it's born.

    Thankfully we're getting a bunch of stuff from friends who have had kids in the past few years, so we know that we have the bassinet, car seat etc that we will need right away.  We're just not keeping anything at our house until the baby arrives.

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  • I have never had to wait on getting baby stuff.  I did want to say how sweet it is that you are honoring your husband and his family's tradition despite what you are wanting.  I think that says a lot about a person.
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  • image 1026pumpkin:
    ...I would make a wish list or registry on amazon or diapers.com of items that can be shipped next day, and then just hit the "buy" button on your phone after delivery.  You could arrive home with everything you'll need on your doorstep.  I would ask a good friend to bring you your car seat and a going home outfit to the hospital.
    This is exactly what i was going to suggest.  You can sign up with amazon prime (i keep hearing about a free "mom's" membership) and have it there, for free, when you get home (or very soon after), with just a few clicks.
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  • I wouldn't be able to do it.  I am a shopaholic (more of a window shopper these days), but I couldn't wait til baby was born to buy things.  If you're going to do this, then I suggest having a baby shower and talking to friends/family about gifting you newborn onesies (spelling?), some receiving/regular blankets, a pack n play or bassinette, and a car seat.  You can't take a kid home without a car seat.  And I feel your husband deserves to be with you and baby while in the hospital as well as you deserving to have him there.  Maybe some friends/family could go in on gifts together for some of the bigger items.
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  • Ditto to the other posters.  If it's not your belief I wouldn't follow it.  You will need a crib and a carseat, diapers (cloth or disposal) and stuff for feeding (whether breastfeeding or bottle feeding).  Are your family members who believe this all planning on buying all of these major items for you?  If not, its not fair that your family should be imposing this inconvenient restriction on you.  Its fun to prep the nursery and go shopping for some things you need for the baby and all part of the experience.  If you want to cater to their belief, maybe limit it to stuff like the carseat. crib, breast-pump, bottles, diapers, but don't buy things like toys or decorations or clothes?  I really don't think you or your hubby should have to worry about going shopping in the first few days of baby's life.  You will want that bonding time.  It will be inevitable that he will have to run to the store for you at one point in those early days but do you really want him to have to finish buying the rest of the items from the registry when he could be home with you and baby?
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