Pregnant after a Loss

Petra and Pebbles (XP)

This started as a quick update, but things keep changing before I can hit send, so now it's a cumulative update. 

Thursday morning: 

Hi all, this is a really brief update, just so you don't start thinking the worst about my silence. 

I did much better than a 43 year old FTM with a battle-scarred ute, and gestational HBP has any right to hope to do, and some 3 days and 4 hours after the c-section, I've been discharged today with a clean bill of health. Pebbles is gorgeous, and not just in an 'I'm her mom and I'm biased' kind of way. However, I didn't even get to check her fingers and toes before she was whisked away with Mr Petra during the c-section. As early as she is, tight swaddling is a must, and although her lungs were thankfully functional, she has more in common with late-stage preemies, than with full term babies.

She was able to suckle, but lost 10% of her body weight in just the first 24 hours and then continued to drop. We are working very hard to get my breasts to cooperate, but I didn't make colostrum for the first two days, and finally got a few drops after manual expression and pumping combined on Wednesday. And finally was able to feed her first 0.36 mL and then 0.75 mL of colostrum this morning. Things are looking up, but she is confined to a bili-bed for a few hours and I might need to room-in with her for one night before bringing them home.

 

Thursday Evening:

The sh!t hit the fan. They canceled my discharge and are keeping me here. I have been spending 2.5-2.75 hours each feeding first nursing Pebbles, then pumping colostrum, then placing her back on the breast and using a syringe, thin catheter, and nipple shield to try and preserve her ability to nurse, while trying to stave off more weight loss, climbing bili levels, and dehydration so bad that her skin all over her body is cracking and bleeding. I have to repeat the 'feeding' process every 3 hours. So, that leaves me with 15-30 minutes to eat, sleep, use the restroom, and deal with the constant influx of nurses checking vitals, hospital staff working on birth certificates, and random people working for the hospital who think that 'do not disturb new family, check in with nurse's station first' signs do not apply to them. Pebbles outright failed her first hearing test on Tuesday, because in the 20 minutes it took, there were 10 different people came in the room and she wasn't falling into a deep enough sleep. Wednesday we finally had 15 minutes uninterrupted, and she passed 100% in both ears. My meals get ordered from Nutrition and it's about 12 hours before I can even get to part of them. 

So, after an edema episode well beyond the expected 6 week c-section bloat and has me in the sexy tet hose, but is getting worse and straining the fabric, and having the horrifying realization that our daughter was losing a battle that she HAS to win, everyone threw in the towel. The nurses canceled my discharge completely so that they could continue trying to take care of me. Mr Petra and I decided to stop breastfeeding and SNS attempts in favor of not only exclusively pumping and supplementing formula, but doing so with a bottle. And, the lactation consultants pulling out all the stops and getting some special angled flanges for our pump that covers about 50% of my engorged J-cups all at once during pumping for a remote chance at making enough breast milk to keep up with a 50:50 with formula demands. We finally have one small victory. This evening, not only has the well-since-past 10% of body weight losses stopped, but we regained a precious 2.2 ounces back.

 

Friday early morning:

I am focusing solely on waking up, massaging down engorged breast tissue, pumping, consolidating milk and prepping the breast milk bottle, eating, peeing, drinking a liter of water, and falling back to sleep until next feed. Mr Petra does the dishes to prep for next pump, keeps Pebbles from stripping off her protective eye cover and soothing her when she panics, preps the formula bottle, tracking the quantities and times of all feedings and diaper changes, changes the diapers, swaddles, monitors the in-room bili-bed, makes sure I have food and water waiting, works with the nurses, and basically not sleeping at all.

Mr Petra and I are utterly exhausted, but we are hopeful that if her biliruben levels come down low enough that an expected rebound won't be catastrophic, we will actually be home by Friday night.

 

Side note: The hospital chaplain who came to visit with us during the pre-op wait for the D&C of our lost twins last year came in to offer us support and Pebbles a blessing to grow stronger. She was the one I told to be prepared that if she was going to tell us that losing the twins was God's Plan, she could plan on me tossing me out on her ear out of pre-op. Instead she closed the gap between us and put her hand on my foot and exclaimed that it certainly was not God's Plan, and that it just sucked. It was exactly what I wanted to and needed to hear at that time and I have always remembered her for that. Well, when I saw her coming to help us last night, queue distraught post-partum hormonal melt-down. Good woman remembered us.

More later, hopefully from home. 

AMA over 40
Massive uterine fibroids removed 3/06
BFP 1/11; MM/C discovered @ 10w, loss at 6w; Cytotec
B/W 7/11 = normal CD3, FSH 8.9; 7DPO progesterone 1.7
Three Clomid cycles, all BFN, Off to an RE for me...
FSH=8.7 E2=30 AMH=1.8 HSG clear, SA=great
Inj. IUI #1 12/9/11 BFN, Inj. IUI #2 1/6/12 BFN
Inj. IUI #3 1/30/12 BFP!, HCG doubled through 6w, 7w u/s mm/c twins
Factor V Leiden, Hetero, symptomatic
Op Hysteroscopy 5/12, removed scar tissue and uterine septum
Doing Cryo-DE IVF 
Beautiful hatching 5-blast transfered 8/30
BFP 9/7/12 EDD May 19, 2013
A/S on 12/21/12, Petra's having a baby, it's the end of the world!
Pebbles arrived safe and sound 4/13. Placenta accreta found.
Op hysteroscopy 2/7, reopen ute/remove adhesions from accreta
Found severe Ashermans. Fuuuuuuu... Repeat Op Hyst in March.
Op Hyst ver 3.0 looks good so far, find out if it worked in June.
Finally got the damn IUD out. Waiting to stop bleeding.
SIS shows rippled funky shaped ute, but given clearance to begin sFET calendar.
Here goes everything...
sFET#2 BFP, ended in m/c.
Waiting for the next Op Hysteroscopy to find out what next.
Scratch that, retained tissue. 3rd Cytotec round.
Another damn Op Hyst. Found and removed retained tissue.
Pathology returned fine, no molar. Cleared for final attempt after next cycle.

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"Petra, you are an obese 40+ year old. Stop jumping through these hoops. Just adopt already. There is no shame in that." -Deethebee
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Re: Petra and Pebbles (XP)

  • Take care of yourself and Pebbles. It sounds like a stressful time but that the staff at the hospital is helping. Sending good thoughts to you all.  {{hugs}}
    BFP #1 - Missed M/C, D&C 3.21.11

    BFP #2 - Sylvie V. Q. born and died on 10.28.11 at 21w. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

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  • DCWJesDCWJes
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    Oh no! I hope you are able to get her weight under control! I hope that Mr Petra gets so rest. ::hugs::
    I have short term memory loss. Do not take it personally if I do not remember you right away.
    No longer trying to conceive at all.
    BFP #1 12/1/02 DD born 7/25/03 
    BFP #2 7/23/10 EDD 3/30/11 m/c 8/17/10 We will always miss you Angelique Marie! 
     BFP #3 4.13.11 EDD 12.18.11 m/c 5/13/11 d&c 5/18/11 We will always miss you Sprout Ryker! 
     Lucky Lee (furbaby) born 1.29.12 
     Midnight Marie (furbaby) born 7.4.12 passed for unknown reasons 9.19.12 Missing my jumping bean. 
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  • Lurking and praying for you Petra. Praying for strength for each family member.

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    TTC since 2.12 
    BFP 11.14.12 (MC 12.2.12) EDD 7.24.13 
    Dx: Unexplained IF 12.13, Endometriosis 1.14
    IUI#1+Clomid 1.3.14 Missed Ectopic identified 1.28.14 (EDD 9.26.14) Lap. Surgery
    IUI#2.0+Letrozole Cancelled 1.28.14. IUI#2.1+Letrozole Cancelled 4.22.14
    IVF 6 eggs Retrieved 5 Fertilized 7.22.14 1 Blastocyst Transfer 7.27.14 
    BFP 8.5.14 Due 4.15 Feeling hopeful.
      All Welcome

  • Oh my! You have all been through a lot in the last couple days. Good news that you got the weight loss to stop. Hope it continues to improve from there and you are all cleared to go home soon!
    TTC #1 since 6/08. Cycle #6 - BFP 12/22/08, EDD 9/3/09, DD 8/14/09 at 37w1d
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    TTC #2 since 6/11
    me=36 - low AMH, DH=38
    BFP #2 - 8/31/11, EDD 5/10/12, M/C 9/23/11
    BFP #3 - 3/4/12, EDD 11/14/12, CP 3/11/12
    BFP #4 - 5/9/12, EDD 1/19/13, CP 5/11/12
    BFP #5 - 8/22/12, EDD 5/5/13, CP 8/24/12
    IVF#1 - January 2013 - EPP/Antagonist - 7R, 3M, 2F, 3dt of 2 8-cell embies
    BFP #6 - 2/3/13, EDD 10/15/13, DS 9/18/13 at 36w1d
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  • You are going through so much Petra, and my heart breaks for you! I admire your strength through all this and I am so proud of you and baby Pebbles for pulling through. I know in my heart that both of you can get through this, and I'll be thinking of you until we finally get the update that Pebbles is gaining weight and 110% better.
    Suprise BFP: 8/17/11 (previous relationship)
    Natural m/c: 10/17/11
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    Me (Katie)
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    DH (Adam
    Married 10/11/12
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    TTC #1 since 3/12
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  • You are one strong woman and it seems like Pebbles gets that from you. Praying for you both!
    4 IVF, 2 FET
    January 13, 2012- m/c 1
    September 12, 2012- m/c 2

    MTHFR (2 copies C677T, +ANA)

    Gluten free, dairy free, acupuncture
    1/13/13- BFP #3-
    1/14- 32 Progesterone 20
    1/16- 100 Progesterone 23
    1/22- 2054!! Progesterone 18.7 (On supplements since 1/16)

    PLEASE be our sticky rainbow baby.. You have no idea how much you are loved already!!

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    You gotta keep your head up. You can let your hair down. Only rainbows after rain, the sun will always come again!
  • Praying for you, DH and that LO get stronger and y'all get to be home soon!!

    DS1 born 2/26/07 ~*~ DS2 born 10/18/10 ~*~ M/C 8/5/12 ~*~ DS3 born 6/21/13

    ~*~Surpise BFP #4 due in May 2015!!~*~


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  • What a whirlwind you've had this week. Thank you for the update in both you and sweet Pebbles. Thinking of you and your DH as you adjust and praying your little girl continues to gain, grow strong, and you all get a little sleep.

    ~October PAL Siggy Challenge: Funny Pet Costumes~

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    DS born 3/12/09.

    BFP #2 - 5/9/11. EDD 1/7/12. MMC 6/6/11. BFP #3 - 1/24/12. EDD 10/6/12. MC 2/14/12.

    BFP #4 - 8/30/12. EDD 5/11/13. Our rainbow arrived a month early - 4/11/13. 

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    For this child I prayed; and the LORD hath given me my petition which I asked of him. 1 Samuel 1:27

  • What an exhaustingly busy few days you've had, Petra. Sending you and Pebbles so many thoughts through this!
  • jhs121jhs121
    250 Answers 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its
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    I admire yours and DH's strength and perseverence,  It sounds like it's paying off.  And you've infused Pebbles with it too!  Hoping and praying for the best.  Home bound soon.

                        We can't wait to meet you, our baby surfer GIRL!!!

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  • Wow, what an ordeal! I'm glad Pebbles is doing ok. I hope things start to get easier soon!
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    BFP#1 1/31/12, EDD 10/6/12  Harrison Gray born sleeping @ 18w6d on 5/11/12. You changed our lives little guy.
    BFP#2 EDD 10/29/13, C/P 2/25/13, Bye little Ish, we barely got to know you.
    BFP#3 EDD 12/21/13, Baby Boots born 11/23/13 My rainbow baby!

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    October PAL siggy challenge: Funny Pet Costumes
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  • Sending prayers your way for all three of you.  Can't wait for the discharge update!  (((Hugs)))



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    9/13/12 BFP 9/25/12 M/C at 6.5 weeks

     ***All AL'ers Welcome***

  • Missa_gMissa_g
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    Congrats my friend! I am no stranger to the immense lack of time that occurs when recovering and pumping. It is so so tough. It's sounds like Pebbles is doing well overall. Please know that even though you are giving bottles now it IS entirely possible to bring her back to the breast in a few weeks when she is stronger if that is something you desire. We saw plenty of NICU moms do it. But it's also entirely okay to exclusively pump or exclusively formula feed. You are doing a fantastic job! I hope both of your recoveries goes smoothly and you're both home quickly.
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
    Married 9/22/07, began TTC 8/10
    Diagnosed with DOR, LP defect, mild endometriosis and cysts
    BFP #1 EDD 9/10/11, natural miscarriage at 6w
    BFP #2 Medicated cycle, twin boys born 4/4/12 at 29w4d
    BFP #3 EDD 8/8/14, D&C for missed miscarriage at 8w, baby boy with triploidy
    BFP #4 June 2014 CP
  • Oh wow that sounds exhausting *HUGS* good luck momma. T&P that everything continues to improve for you guys.
    BFP#1 9/28/2012 - EDD 6/3/2013 - MMC discovered 11/21/2012 @ 12w2d - D&C 11/24/2012
    BFP#2 4/4/2013 - Born at 37w3d on 11/26/13 via emergency c-section
    Loving our beautiful rainbow baby boy Archer!
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    ~*All AL Welcome*~
  • I know you can do it, my good friend! I know especially miss Pebbles can! I believe in all three of you more than you know!
    image Hi there, I'm Susan. image

    TTC Since 2008. 4 losses: 12w5d, 6w6d, 6w3d, 5w3d

    Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder, PCOS, and Adult ADD. Feel free to PM me about it.


    "A wizard is never late, Frodo Baggins. Nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to" Gandalf the Grey, Lord of the Rings

    Vincent Julian born on March 27th, 2013 DX with Down Syndrome


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  • So sorry to hear that your first days have been so tough, but it's good to hear that the hospital is doing everything they can for you. I hope things get easier quickly!
    BFP #1 - Mango - 6/11/12, EDD 2/22/12 Natural MC 7/15/12
    BFP #2 - Nacho - 10/14/12, EDD 6/20/13, MMC 8 weeks, D&C 11/16/12
    All testing shows both H and I are perfectly normal. Baby Nacho had triploidy. 
    Back to normal business December 2012
    BFP #3 - Froggy - 1/15/13, EDD 9/27/13 TEAM GREEN
    It's a girl! Alice - Born 9/20/13, 8lbs 2oz

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  • Thanks for the update Petra. I'm so happy that Pebbles arrived safely but I'm sorry to hear about the stress of the last few days. I hope that things pick up soon and you are able to head home. Thinking of you always.
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    Started TTC June 2010
    BFP #1
    07/04/10. EDD 03/14/11. Missed m/c 08/09/10. D&C 09/27/10. }Casey & Jaimie{
    BFP #2 01/14/11. EDD 09/25/11. Missed m/c 02/18/11. D&C 02/24/11. }Dustin{
    TTA for 18 months and then TTC for 12 months
    BFP #3 08/18/13. EDD 04/30/14. Missed m/c 09/25/13. D&C 09/26/13. }Daylin{
    TTA for 7 months
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    TTC Again May 2014
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    Diagnostic cycle monitoring = Polycystic ovaries leading to premature egg release
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    Jan 2015 - Medicated cycle with timed intercourse
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  • EKGibsEKGibs
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    I'm keeping you & sweet pebbles in my T's & P's! ((((HUGS))))
    TTC since 4/28/07
    Diagnosed w/ endometriosis 12/2010 Laproscopic surgery & 6 months of Lupron
    BFP 12/17/2011,EDD 8/23/12,ectopic discovered 12/29/11 at 6 weeks recieved methotrexate
    Dec '12 HSG & ultrasound showed abnormalities & more endo. Laproscopic surgery in January '13 showed significant damage & scar tissue from Endo. IVF is our best shot to concieve our rainbow.

    June '13 Decided to go the adoption route!

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  • Oh, Petra and Pebbles. You're going through so much, but it sounds like you're making strides in the right direction. I'm praying for both of you (and Mr. Petra) that you're able to go home this evening. I'm glad the nursing/hospital staff have been so diligent and helpful. {{Hugs}} and T&Ps coming your way!!!

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    LO#1 - EDD 08/10/2012 - MM/C 6w 01/09/2012 - D&C 01/13/2012
    LO#2 - EDD 12/15/2012 - MM/C 9w3d 04/26/2012 - D&C 04/27/2012
    RPL - All Results Normal; HSG and Pelvic U/S - Normal
    LO#3 - BFP 8/20/12 - EDD 05/2/2013 - A/S results perfect - It's a girl!
    Our rainbow, Julia Ruth, was born on 05/11/2013 via unplanned c-section.

    ~~~~~~ TTCAL, PgAL, and PAL welcome! ~~~~~~

  • delinodelino
    5000 Comments 100 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
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    Big huge hugs. I'm glad to hear she's doing better and on her road to getting bigger and stronger. I know this isn't how you wanted it all, but I know you and mr Petra are doing an amazing job. Hope you all get to go home real soon!
    3 ectopic pregnancies (EDD's 1/30/12-tube removed, 6/2/12-methotrexate and 10/2/12-methotrexate)
    IVF and Natural FET resulted in BFN's and a hole in our wallets
    Natural BFP #4 on 9/7/12 gave us our miracle on 5/18/13
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  • Big {{hugs}} to you all!
    Mr. & Mrs. B, Est. 10.23.2009
    BFP #1: 8/31/12 ~ m/c: 9/06/12
    BFP #2: 2/28/13 ~ EDD: 11/10/13 ~ DS Born: 10/23/13

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    *All Welcome*
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  • ramy3ramy3
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 250 Answers 500 Love Its
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    T&Ps that everything improves and you all get to go home soon!
    The RAMY Sex Determination Theory
    Congratulations! It's a unicorn.
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    JOP Wedding during R&R 1/23/09, traditional wedding in Ireland 4/17/10BFP#1 3/3/10, EDD 11/9/10, DS born 10/30/10BFP#2 9/8/12, EDD 5/22/13, MM/C 10/15/12 }Baby Felix{BFP#3 11/15/12, EDD 7/25/13, DD born 7/25/13BFP#4 9/4/14, EDD 5/15/15
  • Oh lady you just can't catch a break!! I hope things start looking up quickly and that you're able to just sit and enjoy that sweet baby girl. You've got so many people rooting for you here and we're not stopping until she safely home with you ad Mr. P!

    BIG HUGS my friend.
  • Lots of prayers for you and baby pebbles. Hang in there mama. Hugs!!!
    BabyFruit Ticker Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • Sending you good and your family good thoughts. I hope you get to go home soon!
    May PAL Siggy Challenge - Mom Humor
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    TTC Since June 2009 
    BFP #1 - 1/15/12, EDD 9/21/12, Missed M/C - 2/10/12 - I miss you Sapphire!

    BFP #2 - 7/1/12 - Met my lucky charm Alexandra on 3-16-13!!!


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    AL always welcome! 

  • Congratulations on your little one!!!
    Married My Love on 6/18/2006
    BFP#1 10/1/2011. Our perfect little girl, Her heart stopped @ 12w1d. D&E 11/23/11
    BFP#2 3/13/12 Weird CP/Possible EP @ 6w0d
    BFP#3 5/28/12 CP @ 5w0d
    BFP/WTF#4 10/26/12 CP
    BFP#5 12/10/12 EDD 8/23/2013
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  • Thanks for the update. I'm sorry you're off to a rough start, but I'm glad you have your beautiful pebbles :)
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    BFP 1 - March 26, 2012, MMC discovered May 21, 2012
    BFP 2 - October 30, 2013, Rainbow Baby Boy born July 14, 2014
    TTC no sooner than November 2014
  • kread8kread8
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fifth Anniversary Name Dropper
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    Congratulations on your LO!  I'm sorry the first few days have been so chellenging, I hope things start improving ASAP and you, Mr. Petra and Pebbles can get home soon!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    M/C 7/8/12

    Perfect baby boy born 7/8/13

    BFP 8/20/14 EDD 4/27/15

     

  • Oh Petra. I'll keep all three of you close to my heart. What an exhausting time for you. Thank you for taking a moment to update all of us.

    BFP#1: 05/07/12, MC 05/13/12. BFP#2: 07/23/12, CP 07/28/12.
    8dpo progesterone = 5.8. Pom juice + progesterone = BFP#3: 10/15/12, EDD 6/27/13.
    Betas: 10dpo=29,14dpo=217, 24dpo=11835. HB at 5w4d=81bpm, 7w6d=154bpm!
    Great NT scan at 11w4d, HB=160bpm. A/S at 19w6d: We're team blue!
    Perfect baby boy born via unmedicated delivery on 6/10/13 at 37w4d.

  • Thank you SO much for the update! Fingers crossed for you, the Mr, and Pebbles. You're in my thoughts!
    ~Living in India since 2010. Obligatory blog. ~

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