Pregnant after a Loss

I Hate This

Limbo sucks arse. For ten days I've basically been in the mindset that I'm not pg. Not even that I'm pg but the baby isn't growing, just flat out not pg. I still avoid my pg nonos, but that's it. I'm so mad I can't at least enjoy the time I have with this LO. It's like I'm ignoring that this little baby inside me exists. It sucks and I hate it.  

I'm tired of being mad when I get symptoms. I don't seem them as hopeful, I see them as annoying. Every time I feel m/s or constipated I literally get mad at my body and ask why it's flucking with me and giving me these symptoms if there's no baby growing in there.

I wish it could be different, but I think losing 5 babies has turned my heart, or at least the wall around it, to stone. Oh yea, and I actually walk around thinking and saying to DH that we've lost 6 babies already. My heart isn't even giving this baby a chance, and that sucks hard core.  

Screw you universe.  

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Mama to 5 angel babies, 1 rainbow baby, and 2 more angel babies. 
My beautiful Ella/ToT arrived 10/10/12. 
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Re: I Hate This

  • Hugs. I'm so sorry. :(
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    JOP Wedding during R&R 1/23/09, traditional wedding in Ireland 4/17/10BFP#1 3/3/10, EDD 11/9/10, DS born 10/30/10BFP#2 9/8/12, EDD 5/22/13, MM/C 10/15/12 }Baby Felix{BFP#3 11/15/12, EDD 7/25/13, DD born 7/25/13BFP#4 9/4/14, EDD 5/15/15
  • delinodelino
    5000 Comments 100 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
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    I'm so sorry Mork. I wish I could give you a definitive answer. Limbo is a place like no other that i would wish on no one. Giant :::hugs::: love.
    3 ectopic pregnancies (EDD's 1/30/12-tube removed, 6/2/12-methotrexate and 10/2/12-methotrexate)
    IVF and Natural FET resulted in BFN's and a hole in our wallets
    Natural BFP #4 on 9/7/12 gave us our miracle on 5/18/13
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  • I know how you feel, afaid to get your hopes up in case they get dashed on the shores of reality. But hang in there lady! It's not over until its over! I know you've had losses but THIS pregnancy is not those ones, it's a new one and it might just work out.

    huge squishy hugs
    **Warning: Losses and living child mentioned**
    BFP#1 1/31/12, EDD 10/6/12 Harrison Gray born sleeping @ 18w6d. You changed our lives little guy.
    BFP#2 EDD 10/29/13, C/P 2/25/13, Bye little Ish, we barely got to know you.
    BFP#3 EDD 12/21/13, Baby Boots born 11/23/13 My rainbow baby!
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  • HUGS! Big, huge, squishy HUGS!


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    BFP #1 12/7/2011 EDD 8/21/2012 Delivered at 15 weeks
    "I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be." 
    BFP#2 10/19/2012 EDD 6/30/2013 Delivered safely two days early

    Great big huge congratulations to my love, maddielynn321, for a bean with a heartbeat!
    Grow, little alien baby, grow!

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  • I'm so sorry you're having a rough time with this pregnancy.  Limbo is so scary.  I hope you get out of limbo soon, and everything is okay with the LO.  ((HUGS))
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  • *HUGS* I'm so sorry hunny :( there are no words.
    BFP#1 9/28/2012 - EDD 6/3/2013 - MMC discovered 11/21/2012 @ 12w2d - D&C 11/24/2012
    BFP#2 4/4/2013 - Born at 37w3d on 11/26/13 via emergency c-section
    Loving our beautiful rainbow baby boy Archer!
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  • This is so heartbreaking to read.  Huge ((hugs)) mork.

    I hope this limbo period passes quickly for you.  I'll keep you in my T&P for some good news this time.

    TTC since June 2011
    BFP #1 11/18/11 - m/c 12/24/11 blighted ovum - EDD 08/01/12
    BFP #2 08/04/12 - m/c 08/29/12 no answers - EDD 04/17/13
    BFP #3 10/01/12 - m/c 10/30/12 uniparental disomy - EDD 06/04/13
    BFP #4 04/12/13 - EDD 12/22/13  It's a GIRL!
    compound heterozygous MTHFR   -   All AL Welcome

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  • I'm so sorry hon. Sending you huge ((hugs)). I hate how unfair this all is.
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    Started TTC June 2010
    BFP #1
    07/04/10. EDD 03/14/11. Missed m/c 08/09/10. D&C 09/27/10. }Casey & Jaimie{
    BFP #2 01/14/11. EDD 09/25/11. Missed m/c 02/18/11. D&C 02/24/11. }Dustin{
    TTA for 18 months and then TTC for 12 months
    BFP #3 08/18/13. EDD 04/30/14. Missed m/c 09/25/13. D&C 09/26/13. }Daylin{
    TTA for 7 months
    Jan-Mar 2014 - RPL, SHG, karotyping: all results normal
    TTC Again May 2014
    Progesterone & baby aspirin combo for 5 cycles
    - All BFN's
    SA with DNA fragmentation = Perfect results

    Diagnostic cycle monitoring = Polycystic ovaries leading to premature egg release
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    Jan 2015 - Medicated cycle with timed intercourse
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  • Massive ((((HUGS)))).
    TTC #1 since January 2011
    BFP#1 April 12, 2011, EDD December 24, 2011, strong heart beat at 7w3d, d&c at 10w6d
    BFP#2 Oct 24, 2011, natural miscarriage, EDD unknown
    After RPL testing my losses and subsequent infertility are considered unexplained.
    Cycle #22: Femara, TI, and progesterone = BFP!! 
    BFP#3 Dec 21, 2012. Beta #1 @14dpo = 134, progesterone 67.8. Beta #2 @ 17dpo = 664! Team green, EDD 9/1/13, healthy baby boy born 9/12/13!
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    Congratulations to the fabulous KGS2003! Her sweet boys are here! Grow boys grow!!!
  • Hugs. Im sorry for your limbo.




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  • I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this.  Your reaction is totally reasonable.  It's so hard to be so vulnerable, especially while in limbo.  Much love and hugs.
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  • Lurking...

    Hugs, Mork.  I'm keeping my FX that Cub surprises you like ToT did.

    BFP#2 2.5.11 (EDD 10.15.11) DS born 9.28.11

    BFP#4 8.27.13 (EDD 5.6.14) DD born 4.23.14

     

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  • ((hugs)) from a fellow limbo mom....this is seriously torture and not fair.

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    8/14- Surpise IF dx...low AMH (.24)- moving on to IVF

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  •  I am so sorry

    (((HUGS))) love...  just huge (((HUGS)))

     

    can you ask to go in earlier? I just wonder if its worth trying. 

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    IVF #4 - March 2013 - BFP! --- EDD 12-19-13
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  • I am so sorry :(

    TTC #1 since 7/2011
    ME: 35  DH: 36
    SA-12/28/11-normal
    HSG-1/16/12-possible blocked left tube
    BFP#1---CP 7/9/12
    Hysteroscopy-8/9/12-blocked left tube for sure, proceeding with IUI#1
    IUI#1 (Gonal-F + trigger)=BFP#2 m/c @ 19w1d D&E 1/23/13
    IUI #2 (Gonal F + trigger)=BFP#3 EDD 1/6/14 TWINS!!!
    Identical girls born 11/17/13
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  • Aww, Mork. Sad I'm so sorry. Huge (((hugs))) 


    TTC since August 2011
    BFP#1 3/16/12 EDD 11/21/12 Delivered 6/1/12 at 15 weeks 2 days
    "If there ever comes a day when we can't be together... Keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever." ~ Winnie the Pooh

    BFP#2 4/14/13 EDD 12/24/13 Please be our rainbow after the storm!
    Beta#1 @ 15dpo 274, P4 16.9 Beta#2 @ 18dpo 940!! Doubling time of 40 hours!! u/s @ 6w2d showed a beautiful HB of 120! u/s @ 10w1d HB 174!! Grow, LO Grow!! Found out 7/22 we are TEAM BLUE!!
    Zaiden Harper was born 12/22/13 at 1:46 am. 9lbs 8oz and 22in
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  • I just want you to know that this is exactly how I feel as well. It's such a defeating, hopeless, empty place to be and I am so sorry. I am also in limbo right now (although I say limbo, to me it seems more like delaying the inevitable). Big hugs to you.
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    BFP # 1 - 12/19/09 EDD 08/27/10 - D&C 1/26/10 @ 9w5d

    BFP # 2 - 06/05/10 EDD 02/17/11, DS1 born on 2/14/11

    BFP # 3 - 04/10/13 EDD 12/21/13 - D&C 05/15/13 @ 8w4d

    BFP # 4 - 07/27/13 EDD 04/08/14 - CP 07/29/13

     

    BFP # 5 - 09/14/13 EDD 05/28/14, DS2 born on 5/22/14 

  • huge (((hugs))).  I'm so sorry you are stuck in this place and that your losses have turned your heart this way, but I think it's normal for us to try to protect our hearts.  I hope that Cub pulls through and that you can get answers soon.
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    TTC #1 Since April 2011
    BFP #1: 5/12/11, EDD 1/13/12, missed M/C confirmed 6/15/11. We miss you Elijah.

    LAP/hysteroscopy 8/28/12 to remove uterine septum and stage 3 endo
    10/2/12 Medicated Cycle #1: Femara + Ovidrel + TI = BFP!!!
    BFP#2: 10/25/12, EDD 7/9/13, Born 7/18/13! It's a girl!
    And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. -Romans 8:28
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  • I'm so sorry Mork. The universe really sucks sometimes
    Married My Love on 6/18/2006
    BFP#1 10/1/2011. Our perfect little girl, Her heart stopped @ 12w1d. D&E 11/23/11
    BFP#2 3/13/12 Weird CP/Possible EP @ 6w0d
    BFP#3 5/28/12 CP @ 5w0d
    BFP/WTF#4 10/26/12 CP
    BFP#5 12/10/12 EDD 8/23/2013
    <3 Baby Boy Born 8/22/13 <3
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  • morkmork
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
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     I am so sorry

    (((HUGS))) love...  just huge (((HUGS)))

     

    can you ask to go in earlier? I just wonder if its worth trying. 

     

    I actually had the option of going in this week, but chose to wait for Monday. Our reasoning was that we really need to know if this kid's heart is going to start beating. By the measurements last time, consistant growth would put us at 6w4d on Monday, and we should see a heartbeat. So we'll know, one way or another. It felt like a better choice than searching for growth this week but knowing we were still in limbo for another week waiting on the heartbeat. In a way, I think we were just trying to avoid multiple more bad u/s.  

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    Mama to 5 angel babies, 1 rainbow baby, and 2 more angel babies. 
    My beautiful Ella/ToT arrived 10/10/12. 
  • KDS1987KDS1987
    500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
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    I am so sorry you are going through this. Limbo sucks. We had to deal with that for a little over a week after we found out Baby B's heart rate had slowed way down and wasn't growing properly. It was miserable and I would never wish it upon anyone. ((Hugs))
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    BFP #1 11/5/11 EDD 7/22/12 MC 11/14/11
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  • LSzwayaLSzwaya
    5000 Comments 250 Answers Sixth Anniversary 100 Love Its
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    Big hugs, Mork. I am sorry you're in limbo. It is way harder than just knowing for sure. Hang in there!!
    MC 4/09 at 6w2d 
    Rainbow Jude 
    born: 12/31/09
    Pre-E Induction at 36w4d
    11 Day NICU stay due to GBS infection

    TTC#2 10/2010
    M/C: 4/09/11 5w
    CP: 12/26/2011 
    CP: 1/28/2012 
    MMC: 4/16/2012 at 11w2d 
    Ectopic: 6/25/2012 MTX 07/03/12
    CP 11/24/2012 
    Rainbow Violet 
    born: 9/11/13

    All ALers welcome! 
  • I'm so, so sorry you're going through this. (((hugs)))
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  • I'm so sorry Mork, Sending you love, hugs, and TP
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  • Just ((((HUGS))).  It all just sucks and I'm sorry :(
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    Lilypie - (JzKZ) Lilypie - (DgGJ)

  • I'm so sorry that you are in limbo! Its such a horrible place to be... I had two losses... With this pregnancy I started spotting at 5 weeks and bleeding at 6 weeks... An ultrasound at 7 weeks didnt detect a heartbeat and it looked as if there hadnt been any growth... My OB wanted me to get a d/c... but I decided to wait and do a follow up at 9 weeks... The two weeks leading up to my follow up were horrible. I still avoided the pregnancy nonos... but I was sure I had lost a third baby... But at the follow up, there was a healthy 9 week baby with a strong heartbeat...

    I'm sorry you are going through this, but I am praying that you have a good outcome and haven't lost your baby.

    MMC 01/26/12

    MC 12/25/12

    BFP 03/5/13, EDD 11/12/13. HB 175 at 9w2d. It's a girl!

    <3 Madeline Lorraine <3 -  Born 11/12/13 @9/10pm, 7lb50z

    DX with EA/TEF Type C & Tracheomalaysia

    TTC#2!

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  • Limbo is the worst... I'm sorry.
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    BFP 1 - March 26, 2012, MMC discovered May 21, 2012
    BFP 2 - October 30, 2013, Rainbow Baby Boy born July 14, 2014
    TTC no sooner than November 2014
  • LovenizLoveniz
    250 Answers 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary
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    Hugs. I'm so sorry you're in limbo. 
    TTC #1 Since Oct 2011
    BFP #1 4/29/12 m/c 5/18/12 at 6w2d
    BFP #2 8/28/12 EDD 5/10/13 MC 9/22/12 at 6w4d
    BFP #3 12/31/12 EDD 9/12/13

    Me Dx: DOR   DH: all tests normal
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  • ((BIG HUGS)) I'm so sorry you're in limbo

    .......................................................................................................
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    3 Losses; 2 twin pregnancies 21 weeks & 7 weeks, CP.
    2 D&Cs, 2 SISs. 1 MRI, 1 Hysteroscopy.
    DX: Incompetent Cervix, Uterine Septum, Asherman Syndrome & Hetero MTHFR.

    What I've felt, What I've known, Never shined through in what I've shown. Never be. Never see. Won't see what might have been - Metallica

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  • That's hard and sucks!!! But try to be nice to your self. I think I would feel the same way. ((Hugs))

     

    and if it makes you feel not alone, I don't think this baby I'm growing is going to come home either.  

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