One & Done: Only child

Annoying Comments from a Coworker

I have this coworker that has 5 kids under the age of 7.  She makes comments and tells me all the time "you can't just have one".  Um, ya I can!!  She said today "well at least with 5 kids there will be someone to take care of me when I am old, unlike you".  My response "I don't expect my child to take care of me.  When we retire we plan on downsizing to something smaller, traveling and having enough $ to take care of ourselves".

 I am just sick of her annoying comments!!!  Anyone else have someone like this???? 

Re: Annoying Comments from a Coworker

  • Just print off this article/response for her.  I think it sums up a lot of what I feel when people can't mind their own business about my desire to make my own decisions about my own family. 
  • I also might ask her how she's going to take care of five college tuition bills if I were feeling extra snarky...because that is going to be an issue in like ten years instead of your like 50 years. 
  • Great article!!  Thank you!
  • That is a great article. When my mom was dying, my sister and I argued nonstop We actually didnt talk for four months in the year following my mom's death. Having a sibling to help with taking care of us later in life is a silly reason. Just because you share a uterus with another human being, does not mean you automatically get along. Another thing to consider is that my dh, an only, doesn't have student loans. He only took out a minimal amount.
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  • No problem.  Glad you enjoyed it too.  I wish I could be as brutally honest in person as the writer is in print.
  • I think this concept of having kids in order to have someone to take care of you is one of the most selfish reasons to have kids.  It never crossed my mind that it would fall to DS to take care of me.  Now- granted, it could happen.  But I plan on doing everything in my power to make sure this responsibility doesn't fall to him.  It's not fair to him. 

    Whether I have 1 kid or 10, this would still be my approach.  I recently watched my step-mom take care of her terminally ill sister for 2 years and the past 3- 6 months, her life was almost entirely turned over to her sister.  OMG - never, ever, ever would I want that for my child.  

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
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  • Love the article!  I've had a few intrusive people in my life voice their opinions about us being OAD.  I don't know why people need to insist that their way is the only right way.
    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

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  • eyenigheyenigh
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    LOL. She'll NEED someone to take care of her because she'll be broke after 5 kids. I'll have my retirement and savings to take care of me!
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  • salt78salt78
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    I read "5 kids under the age of 7" and started to feel panicky.

    I intend to take care of myself when I'm old. I didn't have a child so that I had someone to rely on in my old age. 

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  • Ugh. This is so annoying. Why can't people understand that everyone has a different situation? How would she like it if you started bad mouthing her for having too many?

    Thanks for the article, Ferris. It will be my reward for getting checks out today at work.

  • salt78salt78
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    I was just reading through the comments on that article and came across this response:

    "When people ask me "is she your only child?" I look them right in the eye & reply with a straight face,
    "No, she is a triplet and we only travel with 1 child at a time."
    I walk away with a HUGE smile on my face and leave the person that asked the dumb question in completely puzzled state. :)"

    HA!! I may have to steal that for the next time someone gets all up in my business. 

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  • image salt78:

    I was just reading through the comments on that article and came across this response:

    "When people ask me "is she your only child?" I look them right in the eye & reply with a straight face,
    "No, she is a triplet and we only travel with 1 child at a time."
    I walk away with a HUGE smile on my face and leave the person that asked the dumb question in completely puzzled state. :)"

    HA!! I may have to steal that for the next time someone gets all up in my business. 

    Awesome.  I had not read through the comments.  

  • MAtoNCMAtoNC
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    The thing that gets me EVERY TIME is the fact that people even bring up something so personal. I have started being very honest about it, and I don't care if it makes people uncomfortable. If someone (an acquaintance or coworker, at that!) decides they want to wade into those waters, than it isn't my fault if they feel bad when I tell them that I wanted a second child, but won't be blessed to have another.I used to let them off the hook easy with some harmless little comment like "oh, we always wanted one child" or "he's too little for me to start thinking about that..."

    Now, instead I just smile and say "We wanted a second child, but we found out that it isn't in the cards for us."--that usually stops them in their tracks. Good. I don't feel guilty if it makes them feel bad. I'm sick of being the only one to be emotionally uncomfortable every time someone brings it up, thank-you-very-much. 

    If they press even further (which only a few have) with things like "Did you try IVF? Fertility drugs?"--I say something like: "Assisted reproduction is a very personal choice, and it isn't for everyone. Besides, I don't have a problem getting pregnant. We had two pregnancy losses after DS."

    Then they really shut up. Serves them right. People have to learn that how many children one has (or none at all) is a very personal decision--and for some people the decision was made for them. People need to stop bringing up other people's family planning as part of casual conversation! 

    /rant. 

     

    Married 4/12/08 DS born 11/17/2009 via c-section at 39 weeks. 11/12/2011 BFP #2!! m/c 7w5d. 2/28/2012 BFP #3 Beta #1-12dpo = 18; Beta #2-16dpo = 185; Beta #3-18dpo = 505. EDD 11/10/2012. Ectopic discovered at 5w4d. D&C followed by methotrexate.
  • image EastCoastBride:
    Love the article!  I've had a few intrusive people in my life voice their opinions about us being OAD.  I don't know why people need to insist that their way is the only right way.

    Because they are insecure in their own decision and are trying to validate themselves.

    BFP #1 9/23/09. Missed MC 10w3d D&C 11/3/09.

    BFP #2 4/13/10. Bridget born 12/28/10


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  • missymomissymo
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    I can only imagine that your coworker gets a fair share of comments regarding her reproductive choices.  5 under 7??? Whoa. 

    Maybe you should say something like, "Hey, I'm sure you don't appreciate people telling you that you must have a screw loose for having 5 under 7, so please understand that I'm not looking for an opinion either."  

    She sounds like someone I would avoid like the plague.   


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  • meo34meo34
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    Great article!  I am with MAtoNC on responses now as well.  Especially since my son is seven.  Usually I laugh it off or evade but unlike when we were first in the position of one and done I don't hesitate to lay it out there, yeah we wanted to have another but can't.  I agree with making someone feel bad if they pry!  Especially after enduring nosey questions when we were struggling to concieve.  I cringe now whenever I reproductive questions.  So inappropriate!
  • blue33blue33
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    image MAtoNC:

    The thing that gets me EVERY TIME is the fact that people even bring up something so personal. I have started being very honest about it, and I don't care if it makes people uncomfortable. If someone (an acquaintance or coworker, at that!) decides they want to wade into those waters, than it isn't my fault if they feel bad when I tell them that I wanted a second child, but won't be blessed to have another.I used to let them off the hook easy with some harmless little comment like "oh, we always wanted one child" or "he's too little for me to start thinking about that..."

    Now, instead I just smile and say "We wanted a second child, but we found out that it isn't in the cards for us."--that usually stops them in their tracks. Good. I don't feel guilty if it makes them feel bad. I'm sick of being the only one to be emotionally uncomfortable every time someone brings it up, thank-you-very-much. 

    If they press even further (which only a few have) with things like "Did you try IVF? Fertility drugs?"--I say something like: "Assisted reproduction is a very personal choice, and it isn't for everyone. Besides, I don't have a problem getting pregnant. We had two pregnancy losses after DS."

    Then they really shut up. Serves them right. People have to learn that how many children one has (or none at all) is a very personal decision--and for some people the decision was made for them. People need to stop bringing up other people's family planning as part of casual conversation! 

    /rant. 

    That is awesome of you to say all of that, but you shouldn't have to go into your medical history to justify your choice to only have one child. I have a medical condition which complicates pregnancy as well, but I just look them squarely in the eyes and say NO, he is it. What gets me is that people who know what we went through, months in the hospital, several preterm labor scares, etc. still say, "well, he was your first, the second pregnancy may be totally different."  So, you want me to get pregnant, and hope that I don't have complications again? uhm, no thank you. I will go with the doctors and specialist who told me that this will be an ongoing issue and that I can't maintain a pregnancy without surgical intervention, ever. We are just getting over financial issues caused by our first pregnancy, and DS is 2, and I feel that not preparing for his future at the expense of having another is unfair.

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  • image Sonadora:

    image EastCoastBride:
    Love the article!  I've had a few intrusive people in my life voice their opinions about us being OAD.  I don't know why people need to insist that their way is the only right way.

    Because they are insecure in their own decision and are trying to validate themselves.

    Absolutely agree.  

    If it were me, I'd take great pleasure in responding to those comments with something like, "This year all three of us are travelling to Europe to take in some sights.  So what are your travel plans looking like?  Oh, you guys aren't going anywhere?  Too expensive?  Travelling as a family of seven is a logistical nightmare?  Yeah, that sucks."

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  • Ms.JadeMs.Jade
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    Great article. You know, I think we need to welcome opportunities to share this point of view with people. It's annoying, yes. But this makes me want to put on my marketing hat and come up with talking points for all of us when ignorant people corner us with these sorts of statements. 
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  • J+MSJ+MS
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    People are always asking us when we are going to have more and I'd really not go into detail that "hey my emergency csection sucked asss and my toddler is a maniac right now". Just leave my uterus alone.
    "Seriously, mommy forum people are some crazy ass bitches." New Year New You
  • I hate it when people get all snotty with comments like that!  A.) it's not necessarily her responsibility to take care of me or MH when we get old, and I'd feel that way no matter how many kids I had.  B.) there's no guarantee that any kid would want that kind of responsibility to begin with.  She needs a hearty helping of MHOB.

    And now I need to go read that article! 

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  • Just read the article, and I love it!
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