Babies: 3 - 6 Months

husband already asking about making baby #2

Son just turned 4 months and my husband is already asking about when to go with baby #2. he wants them 15 months apart, I on the other hand at the moment don't feel ready, I had a hard labor that ended in C-section so im not ready for that again, I would also like baby #1 to be able to understand things better. Anyone out there with 2 kids that can give advice? or people with just 1 what are your plans for age difference for a second child?

Re: husband already asking about making baby #2

  • CellisCellis
    250 Answers Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments Combo Breaker
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    I'm curious what mom's with two kids think. DH is like yours and ready whenever for baby #2. He wants them to be closer in age like he is with his brother, but I just don't know if I can handle two under two. I'm curious to know if it's better to have them closer in age or to space them out more. 
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  • If it were up to my DH, we never would have even started birth control after DD was born! I have PCOS and had to use Clomid to conceive this time, plus I'm breastfeeding, so it wasn't too far out of the realm of possibility to not use birth control and just see what happens. But once I had her, I knew that if I somehow got pregnant right away I'd go insane, with a newborn and a barely 1-year-old. Like you, I'd prefer DD to be a bit older (maybe even potty trained?) so that she's more independent and doesn't need constant supervision or care when we have another baby. 

    We will stop birth control no later than when DD is 1 year old. Because of my previous trouble conceiving, we may even stop earlier than that. I'm anticipating that we will need help getting pregnant again. 

    PCOS with long, irregular cycles
    First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013 
    BFP #2 in January 2014, DS born September 2014

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  • I can't imagine two that close, though I know many do it. If you are healing from a second csection you won't be able to be as active in taking care of dd1 at first, so DH will have to be very helpful there. I also like that my DD1 is a huge help, running to get me diapers, clothes, toys. Also dd was a horrendous sleeper and didn't sttn until 15 months, so I wanted time to sleep for a bit. It was nice to get her potty trained and only have one in diapers. Im sure it would be fine and probably good in ways but a little more space, 2.5 yrs, was perfect for us.
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  • IdaniIdani
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    I feel that my kids age difference is perfect. (about 3 years) My toddler was potty trained, we had a lot of fun times with just him, he was starting pre-school, he was old enough to be a "helper" etc.  Also emotionally and physically I felt I was able to recover enough.  I also had an unplanned C-section with my first and it took a good year to truly recover.  I was able to feel good about myself personally again before getting pregnant again and I think that helped me with the second.  Pregnancy is so emotional and exhausting anyhow I wanted to be as prepared as possible with a toddler.


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  • image kleigh926:
    If it were up to my DH, we never would have even started birth control after DD was born! I have PCOS and had to use Clomid to conceive this time, plus I'm breastfeeding, so it wasn't too far out of the realm of possibility to not use birth control and just see what happens. But once I had her, I knew that if I somehow got pregnant right away I'd go insane, with a newborn and a barely 1yearold. Like you, I'd prefer DD to be a bit older maybe even potty trained? so that she's more independent and doesn't need constant supervision or care when we have another baby.nbsp;We will stop birth control no later than when DD is 1 year old. Because of my previous trouble conceiving, we may even stop earlier than that. I'm anticipating that we will need help getting pregnant again.nbsp;

    I also have PCOS, but clomid did not work, nothing did. Diet change and vitamins is what worked.
    That being said, DS is six years older than dd, I also went off bc when he was one. It took me that long to get preg again. But he was a pretty high strung toddler, I know I wouldn't have been able to handle another then. I like the difference. He's in kindergarten so I get all day with just dd. He LOVES her and completely understood why I was sick, why we couldn't do x while I was pregnant. He also understands when I can't get to him or do something for/with him with dd being so little. He isn't jealous, he's helpful.....
    Basically I love the age gap, its a bit difficult to go from a child to baby again, but I still wouldn't change it.


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  • We are going to try for two under two. It is what we both want and what we feel is right for us. DH grew up with 4 other siblings, all spaced around 1.5 years apart. I have 2 siblings and we are all three years apart.
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  • No personal experience, but I am friends with a couple that had their kids exactly a year apart. They have the same birthday! DS was a few weeks early though. They are happy and love their kids, but wish they hadn't had them so close together. Both are working on their master's degrees in addition to working full time. They are lucky enough to have grandparents willing to babysit during evenings when they have class. They say it is a lot of work especially since DD is a very strong willed toddler. Also, she was not able to understand, she is very rambunctious and would always try to be rough with the baby so they pretty much just had to keep them separated at first.
  • My DH started talking about wanting as close to a two year gap as possible before DS was born. Since DS was born we've decided to start TTC next April. I'm really excited about it!
  • DH and I are in agreement that we want to wait at least 7 years before we have another. It's totally outside the norm in comparison to everyone else here, but it's what we want. We love DS and can not imagine him not being here, but he wasn't exactly planned. If we  had been more careful we wouldn't have started our little family for a few years yet anyway
    2013-01-22 15.31.11




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  • We're planning to start TTC number 2 when DD is over 2 years old. I would like her to be closer to 3 before we have another baby around... But after that we'll probably only do a year or two between kids if we have more. I don't want to be elderly by the time they're all out of the house lol!
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  • I think 2-3 years is good spacing,  We now have 3 kids and it was sooo nice having the first one in kindergarten when the third was born.  #1 and #2 are almost 3.5 years apart and #2 and #3 are 2.5 years apart.
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  • About 2--3 years is nice, I think, in general. Closer than 2 years is harder on the parents and can be hard on the mom physically if you don't leave enough time in between pregnancies. I think I'd vote 18 months minimum, for me, but there are pluses and minuses to EVERY spacing so you have to think about what works for you.

    We spaced ours each about 2 years apart and it worked out really well for us so far. Our first two are super close and play together all the time, and the toddler was able to understand a little bit about the baby being born. We didn't have any major jealousy issues either time, which was great.

    My brothers and I are each 4 years apart. We're really close, but I always wished we were closer in age. My parents said that after a while it seemed like every stage was dragged out too long for them. Just when one kid finished high school (or whatever), another was starting. 

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  • The current recommendation is that women space their babies out by at least 18 months because it gives their bodies a chance to fully heal from pregnancy and delivery.  So there's that.

    I just wanted to say that I had 4 friends who were all pregnant at the same time as I was with my first and they all got pregnant pretty soon after they had their first.  I was really happy I waited and enjoyed DD for 2+ years before bringing home another LO.  It was so fun too because DD really understood it and was excited about having a little brother.  She told me soon after we brought him home, "I'm glad N is here."  Something she wouldn't not have been able to express to me had she been younger.  Plus as of this week she is out of diapers, yay!  I really like the 2-3 year separation, we are planning to try to do the same for our third.   

  • laura1laura1
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    It is all what you are used to.  My first 2 are 15.5 months apart and I loved that spacing.  DS was still a baby when DD was born, and after only a few days, he barely remembered what it was like being alone.  He doesn't remember a time without her at all, and they are truly best friends.  It is really adorable to watch them play together and have conversations.  They also learn so much from each other - they always want to do what the other is doing, and since they are so close in age they learn a lot together (using big kid toothpaste, potty training, etc).  Of course they fight, and at times I want to pull my hair out, but for us, 15 months was great spacing!  That said, DS was a difficult baby, but DD#1 was an angel (she is making up for that now as a pre-schooler!).  She would hang out in her bouncy seat, sleep when she felt like it, rarely cried, and was all around just the easiest baby - perfect for 2u2.  

    Now DS was almost 4 and DD#1 was 2.5 when DD#2 was born.  It is different having older kids with a baby.  They are able to help me get diapers, new outfits for her, etc.  We did have some behavioral issues right around when she was born, but overall they adjusted really well.  They both LOVE the baby.  I find it harder to have the baby on a routine/schedule with older kids because they have activities/pre-school, etc so we are always going somewhere.  

    Good luck!! 

    ETA:  My sister is 11 months older than I am, so we knew we wanted kids close in age - we always got along well, and it was great having a sibling close in age - a built in friend! 

    TTC#1 = Success on Cycle#19 with Clomid/trigger/b2b IUIs; beta#1 (15dpiui) 200, #2 (18dpiui) 433, #3 (22dpiui) 2356; TTC#2 = Surprise BFP 9/2009; TTC#3 = m/c at 6 wks, 10/29/11; BFP#2 4/1/2012... Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Our plan was to have our kids 2.5 to 3 years apart!  However we got the big surprise when our first born was 5 months old that we were expecting #2.  Let's just say "protection" doesn't work 100% of the time and we are proof to that!  God had other plans!  Now we will have our first two kids within 14 months of each other!  Super close yes, and busy, but some day it will be fun to have them so close.  We don't really have any other choice.  We're excited to see the siblings relationship.  It also gives our first born a chance to never know what it's like to be an only child.  She won't know any different!  That may be a good thing!!  Good luck!  We can't wait to find out what #2 will be!
  • Our kids are almost ten, seven, and four months. While its nice that the big kids are pretty well independent, I don't want such a big gap between LO and our next baby. I'd like to start trying when he's around 3, I think. I like the age gap between SD and DS1. But, before he was born we said no more. Then we said one more, but not until LO starts school. Now it's three years... So, it may end up being earlier. Or more than one. Lol.
     

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  • Ours are 27 months apart, and I almost felt like we hit the spot when it is toughest (IMO).  A little earlier (like #1 being somewhere 12-18 months when #2 is born), and I feel like they are sleeping well and they are not having your terrible twos behavior.  A little older (like 3+), and they are potty trained and hopefully more independent).  

    This is the age range we wanted, but boy is it tough right now.  Hopefully it will get easier soon! 

          DS1: Quinn - 10.22.10 and DS2: Cole - 01.18.13

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  • I don't have experience, but my mother had 3 under 3.  I would like  LOs closer together.  I had siblings closer and we never fought, but my last bro was almost 4 years younger and it was like cats and dogs.
  • What you said is exactly what I've been thinking. I don't want them so closer but yup far and its hard to chasing a 3 year old
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