Breastfeeding

Unsupportive Husband

Every time I turn around, my husband is encouraging me to quit BF. Our daughter has some weight gain issues from being very ill a few times. Her pedi encouraged me to keep going because she may not like the taste of formula, and given that she's feeling yucky, a change is not the best idea, not to mention the antibodies she is getting. She also isn't taking bottles well, so it seems that she just doesn't much feel like eating. I pumped 3 times today and got 21 oz, so there is no supply issue, but I had trouble letting down at bedtime so I gave her a bottle because she was screaming. Then when I went to pump, he said my stuff was already in the dishwasher and I should just let it go. I said I had to pump, and he's all this is such a waste of your time. She doesn't even want your milk. Just give formula. She is sick all the time anyway, so it is worthless. Our parents are also unsupportive. I just need someone to tell me to keep going! I don't want to quit, and I'm super proud of making it 6 months!

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Re: Unsupportive Husband

  • I'm sorry your husband is being a jerk. You are doing great. I'd tell him since he doesn't have to do the work to ebf then he can just drop it because its not up for debate.


  • Ugh I'm sorry. I would be so mad. Even if LO has been sick, there's a chance it would have been worse, especially if you hadn't been providing breastmilk. Keep up the great work!
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  • Girl, tell him to shut up.  Your doing good.  You are doing whats best for you and your lo.  Keep doing what your doing.  It will all pay off in the long run.
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  • Kudos to you for putting up with it thus long! I had a friend in a similar situation . I was her only support and she quit after a few weeks: maybe you could present him with the financials of the situation. Breast milk=0 formula=30 per can.
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  • If it's not your breast milk that is making her sick*; then it is your antibodies in the breast milk that are going to help her get better. Stick to your guns honey!!

     

    *I am basing this on the assumption that lactose-intolerance and/or your diet have already been ruled out as factors behind LO's illness(es).

    "What are you having?" "Well the radiologist says its a healthy little human baby. I'm a little disappointed, because I really wanted a puppy." LOL
  • Thanks, ladies. It doesn't excuse him, but I was being a jerk first, and I know he said those things to hurt me back.

    My friends would be supportive if I weren't embarrassed to tell them how he is acting.

    I think when he normally suggests formula it is because he thinks I'm stressed about BF. He has never said those other things before.

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  • image RVASC811:
    Every time I turn around, my husband is encouraging me to quit BF. Our daughter has some weight gain issues from being very ill a few times. Her pedi encouraged me to keep going because she may not like the taste of formula, and given that she's feeling yucky, a change is not the best idea, not to mention the antibodies she is getting. She also isn't taking bottles well, so it seems that she just doesn't much feel like eating. I pumped 3 times today and got 21 oz, so there is no supply issue, but I had trouble letting down at bedtime so I gave her a bottle because she was screaming. Then when I went to pump, he said my stuff was already in the dishwasher and I should just let it go. I said I had to pump, and he's all this is such a waste of your time. She doesn't even want your milk. Just give formula. She is sick all the time anyway, so it is worthless. Our parents are also unsupportive. I just need someone to tell me to keep going! I don't want to quit, and I'm super proud of making it 6 months!

     

    WOOOOOW. Did I read this right? Your doctor told you to keep BFing AND youve had a sick baby and we all know that breastmilk is best choice for those of us that have a choice.Not only a doctor is telling you to keep on but breastmilk can prevent and help fight sickness yet your husband keeps obsessing about you stopping? Is he selfish? Does he have some weird problem with your having leaky milk filled breasts that he has to share now and aren't quite the same? I can not fathom why a man would be so set on his wife not breastfeeding considering all the benefits of breast milk!!!!

  • image Courtimilk:
    If it's not your breast milk that is making her sick; then it is your antibodies in the breast milk that are going to help her get better. Stick to your guns honey!!nbsp;I am basing this on the assumption that lactoseintolerance and/or your diet have already been ruled out as factors behind LO's illnesses.


    Yes, she had hand foot mouth, and I'm pretty sure this 1.5 month cold and bronchiolitis is RSV. But it has not turned into an ear infection in all that time. I totally credit BF for that!

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  • image Shopaholic30:

    image RVASC811:
    Every time I turn around, my husband is encouraging me to quit BF. Our daughter has some weight gain issues from being very ill a few times. Her pedi encouraged me to keep going because she may not like the taste of formula, and given that she's feeling yucky, a change is not the best idea, not to mention the antibodies she is getting. She also isn't taking bottles well, so it seems that she just doesn't much feel like eating. I pumped 3 times today and got 21 oz, so there is no supply issue, but I had trouble letting down at bedtime so I gave her a bottle because she was screaming. Then when I went to pump, he said my stuff was already in the dishwasher and I should just let it go. I said I had to pump, and he's all this is such a waste of your time. She doesn't even want your milk. Just give formula. She is sick all the time anyway, so it is worthless. Our parents are also unsupportive. I just need someone to tell me to keep going! I don't want to quit, and I'm super proud of making it 6 months!

     


    WOOOOOW. Did I read this right? Your doctor told you to keep BFing AND youve had a sick baby and we all know that breastmilk is best choice for those of us that have a choice.Not only a doctor is telling you to keep on but breastmilk can prevent and help fight sickness yet your husband keeps obsessing about you stopping? Is he selfish? Does he have some weird problem with your having leaky milk filled breasts that he has to share now and aren't quite the same? I can not fathom why a man would be so set on his wife not breastfeeding considering all the benefits of breast milk!!!!



    I think he really believes it would be easier for me.

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  • image BettyCo:
    I'm sorry your husband is being a jerk. You are doing great. I'd tell him since he doesn't have to do the work to ebf then he can just drop it because its not up for debate.


    I think this might be the best we can do for communication about this!

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  • Kick him in the nuts. Seriously. You're doing a great job, I'm sure. There is absolutely no reason for you to quit if you aren't ready.  I'm guessing you had trouble letting down because of the screaming, right?  Sit back, close your eyes, calm your mind (yes, it might be hard, I know) and picture the milk letting down like ocean waves.  DD would get crazy sometimes if the milk didn't let down fast enough and this trick worked for me. I hope you have some luck with it, too.
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  • You're doing great, sweetie! 6 months is really good for BFing.

    I'm sorry you're lacking in the support area at home.

    It sounds like you and your pedi are confident in your decision to continue BFing, so I wouldn't worry there.

    Aside from sitting your husband down and explaining why BFing is important to you and the health of your child, if I were you, I would consider joining La Leche League or a nursing support group, just so you have a viable sounding board for any of your concerns.

    GL!

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  • Deep breaths and talk to him about it tomorrow when you're both in a better state of mind.  I know my husband gets frustrated and feels helpless when LO is upset and I have to remind him sometimes that he can't take it out on me.  Men like to fix things, and there isn't always a "fix" with babies! 

    This conversation is so much more productive when it isn't done in the heat of the moment.  Hopefully this was just his frustration talking and is not how he truly feels. 

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  • image MrsMuq:

    You're doing great, sweetie! 6 months is really good for BFing.

    I'm sorry you're lacking in the support area at home.

    It sounds like you and your pedi are confident in your decision to continue BFing, so I wouldn't worry there.

    Aside from sitting your husband down and explaining why BFing is important to you and the health of your child, if I were you, I would consider joining La Leche League or a nursing support group, just so you have a viable sounding board for any of your concerns.

    GL!

    All of this!  

    Tell your husband to stfu.  However, he might be saying it to relieve you of the stress...in which case he just needs to have things explained to him that this is what you really want to do and its best for your baby and that you need his support, 100%. 

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  • Hugs! You are doing a great job and I would tell him to F off!  Does he know what's in formula?  Does he know what a huge pain in the bum formula is not to mention the expense?  Why are they so unsupportive?  My DH made comments about me quitting and it made even more committed!  Have you read the Womanly art of breastfeeding?  It's a great book and def motivated me thru my low points on this adventure.  I now drive him crazy about how awesome and beneficial BM is and am super proud of my leaky boobs!  I hope you can keep it up and try to get him to be supportive but if not at least ask him to keep his comments to himself.  

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  • Ouch. I was only able to BF for about 3 months and then only with supplementing. I have to say that the words he said to you "She doesn't even want your milk" and "She's always sick anyway" have to be some of the most hurtful I could imagine. 

    I don't think I could move past it without a discussion and apology. 

  • image francophile619:
    Kudos to you for putting up with it thus long! I had a friend in a similar situation . I was her only support and she quit after a few weeks: maybe you could present him with the financials of the situation. Breast milk=0 formula=30 per can.

     

    SERIOUSLY!  Busting out anything about saving money should be enough to get him to be quiet (that's how I got DH to agree to cloth diapering). 

    As a married woman, though, I would perhaps ask him why he feels so strongly about you not breastfeeding anymore and have that conversation with him.  Perhaps it's something as simple as he doesn't like seeing you frustrated?

    And while you're at it, you should tell him that your baby will have a greater chance of diabetes, ear infections, blood pressure issues, and a lower IQ if you formula breastfeed.  And baby being sick has nothing to do with you breastfeeding!  I have two SIL with infants.  One breastfeeds and her LO got a cold, and the other formula feeds and her LO is sick every other week.

     Best of luck, dear!  This is going to sound like a plug, but your local La Leche League would be an excellent resource for support, tips, and help!

    To boil it down, my advice is to sit down and have a one-on-one with your husband and help him to understand why BF is so important for you and for the welfare of your baby.  Make sure it's a conversation. Keep up the good work! :)

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  • You are doing a great job. 

    In my experience, my DH is hardwired to want to fix problems. So if he saw me stressed out about BFing his brain went to "are you sure you want to do this? you don't have to. How can we fix this? Would not BFing be easier for you?" 

    That was him the first couple of weeks. When I told him "Look, I'm doing this. I want to do this. It's hard but I'm not asking for you to fix anything" he got it and never mentioned stopping again.  


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