Definitely don't throw your own shower... a shower is a gift to you and your partner. So, if you don't trust your family to do it right, you can say no thanks and just not have one. NEVER is it appropriate to throw your own. EVER.
If you're really concerned about it not being "up to your standards", you can throw a "Meet the Baby" party after the baby's arrived. That's not for gifts, just a get together --- and that one you can throw yourself, and make it as perfect as you want.
That's the thing , I really am not trying to come off as a brat . I've hosted two other showers and feel I just know what I am doing . I don't think my mother has ever hosted one , esp w how much she thinks she needs to spend to please me
Gee, I wonder where you mom got the idea that you're high strung.
I'm still confused why some are assuming I'm gift-grabby If I've clearly stated I just want our family to come together . My family is the type to shower w tons of gifts anyway , so a registry is almost mandatory in my family . But Fiance still wants to just buy everything so we don't seem that way .
Definitely don't throw your own shower... a shower is a gift to you and your partner. So, if you don't trust your family to do it right, you can say no thanks and just not have one. NEVER is it appropriate to throw your own. EVER.
If you're really concerned about it not being "up to your standards", you can throw a "Meet the Baby" party after the baby's arrived. That's not for gifts, just a get together --- and that one you can throw yourself, and make it as perfect as you want.
That's the thing , I really am not trying to come off as a brat . I've hosted two other showers and feel I just know what I am doing . I don't think my mother has ever hosted one , esp w how much she thinks she needs to spend to please me
Gee, I wonder where you mom got the idea that you're high strung.
Hm , obviously you just don't know me and assuming things .. The reason my mother thinks that is because the type of celebrations my family throw are usually suit & tie over the top , just for a simple toddler's birthday . She thought I'm like that too , but if you continued reading the sentence you would know I am simple and don't want something extravagant .
People might perceive you as rude by throwing a shower for yourself. Most of the ladies on here are just trying to help. We have all been through this before- most of us.
I understand you want it to be perfect - I am the same way, but a shower is a gift to you and the baby. If you are that concerned then maybe give your mom some ideas of what you want or like.
Wow. Did not expect all that, I am sort of planning my own baby shower and I don't see anything wrong with it.
Generally, people who don't know that they are behaving rudely don't have a problem continuing to do rude, tacky things. Just be aware that it is rude and tacky. People may not tell you to your face, but I can guaruntee its happening behind your back.
ninanorwalt:
I brought it up to my mother in law and sister in law...
Again, those that are used to doing tacky, rude, inconsiderate things usually do them over and over. Its rude, tacky and inconsiderate to "bring it up" to others. If someone wants to host a shower they will offer. That is my whole point about tacky, rude people. They usually continue to do tacky rude things and see no problem with it.
ninanorwalt:
There is nothing wrong with planning your own shower. Last I checked we were living in 2013.
Living in 2013 is not an excuse to be rude or tacky. In fact, 2013 means you shouldn't throw etiquette out the window either. Etiquette exists to be considerate of others. That's the point. Its not to be stuffy or restrictive. The whole POINT is so that you take the people you are inviting to celebrate with you into consideration. That is why hosting your own gift giving event (like a shower) is frowned upon. You are basically telling people to give you stuff this way. A shower, by definition again, is a gift giving event. Its not to celebrate baby (that is that what meet the baby is for) but to celebrate the mom and her entrance into motherhood. No amount of redefining the social practice will make it acceptable to throw your own shower.
I'm still confused why some are assuming I'm gift-grabby If I've clearly stated I just want our family to come together . My family is the type to shower w tons of gifts anyway , so a registry is almost mandatory in my family . But Fiance still wants to just buy everything so we don't seem that way .
Sweetpea, I'll try again using small words.
From an etiquette standpoint, it is never okay to throw your own shower. End of story. Your mom being sick or financially irresponsible or any other nonsense you tell us does not make your case an exception to this black-and-white rule.
Do you understand what a baby shower is? It's to "shower" the MTB with presents. If you don't like this concept or don't want gifts, then have a meet the baby party. We're giving you an option for what you want. Just don't call it a baby shower. Doing so COMES OFF as, or APPEARS as, or to most people WILL SEEM like you're being tacky, gift-grabby and a brat.
Do you understand now?
Mrs.Muq, I'm starting to get the impression that the OP is willfully ignorant and chooses to remain so on this concept. Its not hard unless you choose to look the other way and believe otherwise. There are a host of people in this thread that choose to plug their ears and say, "la la la, I'm going to do what I want!"
People might perceive you as rude by throwing a shower for yourself. Most of the ladies on here are just trying to help. We have all been through this before- most of us.
I understand you want it to be perfect - I am the same way, but a shower is a gift to you and the baby. If you are that concerned then maybe give your mom some ideas of what you want or like.
Thank you . I'm glad you can understand . That is exactly what I mentioned I will be doing , just giving my mom some ideas .
I have to chime in here. I completely understand everyone's comments about hosting their own shower and the negativity surrounding it. It does look or seem a little tacky. However, I also understand that everyone's situation is different.
My sister and I are both pregnant and have the same friends. We decided to both host a joint shower for each other and our closest friends - no family. We sent the invites out, and the shower will be held at my house. Our friends are helping with food & games - so it's a joint effort on every ones part. I never pictured myself "hosting" a shower - but it just worked out this way.
My sister and I are both pregnant and have the same friends. We decided to both host a joint shower for each other and our closest friends - no family.
This situation is entirely different than what the OP wants to do. In this case you are hosting for each other, so its fine.
I'm still confused why some are assuming I'm gift-grabby If I've clearly stated I just want our family to come together . My family is the type to shower w tons of gifts anyway , so a registry is almost mandatory in my family . But Fiance still wants to just buy everything so we don't seem that way .
Sweetpea, I'll try again using small words.
From an etiquette standpoint, it is never okay to throw your own shower. End of story. Your mom being sick or financially irresponsible or any other nonsense you tell us does not make your case an exception to this black-and-white rule.
Do you understand what a baby shower is? It's to "shower" the MTB with presents. If you don't like this concept or don't want gifts, then have a meet the baby party. We're giving you an option for what you want. Just don't call it a baby shower. Doing so COMES OFF as, or APPEARS as, or to most people WILL SEEM like you're being tacky, gift-grabby and a brat.
Do you understand now?
Thank you for your advice . I completely understand the etiquette and concept behind a Baby Shower . I guess I'm just the type that wants to have a "Meet the Baby in the Oven" , possibly because my family is so big we don't see each other for years . Seriously not doing it for the gifts , and I KNOW my family will understand this ..
That is exactly what I mentioned I will be doing , just giving my mom some ideas .
Actually, that is not at all what you said originally. Sorry, that's BS. Way to rewrite history in your own thread. You didn't say anything of the sort. In fact, let me refresh your memory because you seem to want to lie about this now:
peacelovegreen:
I've always wanted to plan my own shower . I am now 22 weeks and am anxious to start planning . Also , I feel I am a great planner and I like having things my way (: . As the saying goes , if you want something done right , do it yourself !
You changed your mind half way through the thread and said you would "allow your mom to host and give her ideas.". However, that is NOT what you said originally from the beginning. Please don't lie. I despise liars.
My sister and I are both pregnant and have the same friends. We decided to both host a joint shower for each other and our closest friends - no family.
This situation is entirely different than what the OP wants to do. In this case you are hosting for each other, so its fine.
That is exactly what I mentioned I will be doing , just giving my mom some ideas .
Actually, that is not at all what you said originally. Sorry, that's BS. Way to rewrite history in your own thread. You didn't say anything of the sort. In fact, let me refresh your memory because you seem to want to lie about this now:
peacelovegreen:
I've always wanted to plan my own shower . I am now 22 weeks and am anxious to start planning . Also , I feel I am a great planner and I like having things my way (: . As the saying goes , if you want something done right , do it yourself !
You changed your mind half way through the thread and said you would "allow your mom to host and give her ideas.". However, that is NOT what you said originally from the beginning. Please don't lie. I despise liars.
Now it's time for me to be rude . You must just love being a rude witch .. I clearly stated this was an open discussion to HELP me make a decision .. WTF is wrong w you ? Why are you so miserable ? Do you not have anything constructive to do besides try to pick on someone you will never meet ? That's called internet thugging lol . No need to try to make me seem like anything , esp a liar you dumb *** . I've been nothing but nice this whole time . Please go somewhere lol .
Well I think I've made my decision . I don't feel the need to continue replying , as I got great ideas . For those that knew I was talking about them , I think you're really funny and bored . I'm sure there's other posts to troll . I've learned everyone's family and situations are completely different . I do appreciate all the advice . Luckily I'm not the type to get angry over some words on the internet lol . Can't we all just get along ? Is this how you would treat a friend asking for advice no matter how much you disagreed w their opinion ? Hmm .. If a post was making me this angry I wouldn't keep replying , I would go do something more positive . Thank you all , enjoy your day !
Thank you for your advice . I completely understand the etiquette and concept behind a Baby Shower . I guess I'm just the type that wants to have a "Meet the Baby in the Oven" , possibly because my family is so big we don't see each other for years . Seriously not doing it for the gifts , and I KNOW my family will understand this ..
Omg you are hopeless.
You just think you should be a Special Snowflake Exception to the general etiquette rule, right? My family lives across the country and we see each other MAYBE once a year. That is still no excuse to host a "meet the baby in the oven" (/headdesk aka Shower) party. This is why folks are getting frustrated with you (now). No amount of fancy word play or renaming what you want to do will make it acceptable. You seem to be mentally incapable of understanding this because your responses get more and more insufferable. Seriously, you say you get it, but its obvious by the way you respond that you don't. Holy crap.
I march to the beat of my own drum, but you have now probably realized that that doesn't go over well on public forums at times, especially if it bucks tradition or has a type A/control freak overtone. There is a fine line between doing what is right for you and maintaining some level of etiquette. I don't think I would call it a shower, as that typically involves friends and family showering the mommy to be with attention and help for her child. Maybe you could have a "gender reveal party" or even just a family and friends barbecue. I wouldn't mention a registry personally because it seems like you are soliciting for gifts. Trust me, if people want to give you something, they do it without urging and they can find the registry with Google on their own. Otherwise, I think you should sit back and enjoy the ride and let your mom plan it.
My mom is holding my shower but has requested input with some of the more "fun" aspects like games, food selection, et cetera. I feel guilty because I know she is busy with work, but I am taking a moment to breathe and think that if she couldn't and didn't want to do it, she wouldn't. My friends are scattered around the world now, so it would be impossible for my best friend in Denmark to try to logistically plan a shower for me. I planned the crap out of my wedding, so I have mostly gotten my type A personality planning requirements satisfied at this point in time.
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Thank you for your advice . I completely understand the etiquette and concept behind a Baby Shower . I guess I'm just the type that wants to have a "Meet the Baby in the Oven" , possibly because my family is so big we don't see each other for years . Seriously not doing it for the gifts , and I KNOW my family will understand this ..
Omg you are hopeless.
You just think you should be a Special Snowflake Exception to the general etiquette rule, right? My family lives across the country and we see each other MAYBE once a year. That is still no excuse to host a "meet the baby in the oven" (/headdesk aka Shower) party. This is why folks are getting frustrated with you (now). No amount of fancy word play or renaming what you want to do will make it acceptable. You seem to be mentally incapable of understanding this because your responses get more and more insufferable. Seriously, you say you get it, but its obvious by the way you respond that you don't. Holy crap.
I'm really confused why you're trying so hard to "help" me lol . Everyone's family , situation , life is completely different . Thank you for all of your advice . I hope the sun comes out today for you .
Now it's time for me to be rude . You must just love being a rude witch .. I clearly stated this was an open discussion to HELP me make a decision .. WTF is wrong w you ? Why are you so miserable ? Do you not have anything constructive to do besides try to pick on someone you will never meet ? That's called internet thugging lol . No need to try to make me seem like anything , esp a liar you dumb *** . I've been nothing but nice this whole time . Please go somewhere lol .
Um, you tried to pass off your response up there as something you said you would be doing the entire time. That is not accurate and it looks like you are trying to lie. Sorry, it looks shady. I'm not miserable. I'm great! I just don't like self-involved, entitled princesses or people that insist on behaving like them.
You seem to think you are a special snowflake that is beyond the rules of etiquette. It seems to me you weren't asking for opinions to make your decisions but to validate what you wanted to do. When you didn't get what you wanted to tried to lie. Sorry, that is what is happening here. You don't like getting called on your BS so you want to resort to name calling. I bet it makes you feel better, but it doesn't make you seem any better. In fact, it makes you seem kind of crazycakes AND immature to boot. Good for you. Do you feel better, now?
I'm not picking on you. You clearly stated that you wanted "any opinions" and then proceeded to continue acting like a dense brat when you didn't get the responses from the majority of us to stroke your ego. How does that make me a witch?
I'm LOL that you are "starting to be rude here" the whole post is a rude idea and tacky. So you "started being rude" the minute the idea entered your pea sized brain to host your own shower and then try to get validation from a public message board. Now you are throwing a snit and acting like I'm the problem here? Yeah, good luck with that.
That is exactly what I mentioned I will be doing , just giving my mom some ideas .
Actually, that is not at all what you said originally. Sorry, that's BS. Way to rewrite history in your own thread. You didn't say anything of the sort. In fact, let me refresh your memory because you seem to want to lie about this now:
peacelovegreen:
I've always wanted to plan my own shower . I am now 22 weeks and am anxious to start planning . Also , I feel I am a great planner and I like having things my way (: . As the saying goes , if you want something done right , do it yourself !
You changed your mind half way through the thread and said you would "allow your mom to host and give her ideas.". However, that is NOT what you said originally from the beginning. Please don't lie. I despise liars.
Now it's time for me to be rude . You must just love being a rude witch .. I clearly stated this was an open discussion to HELP me make a decision .. WTF is wrong w you ? Why are you so miserable ? Do you not have anything constructive to do besides try to pick on someone you will never meet ? That's called internet thugging lol . No need to try to make me seem like anything , esp a liar you dumb *** . I've been nothing but nice this whole time . Please go somewhere lol .
I just want to point out that I do not think anyone is being rude to you. People are giving their opinion and it may not be what you wanted to hear.
A baby shower is not like throwing a birthday party for yourself. Everyone on here is trying to be nice and tell you that hosting your own shower will look bad on you. They are trying to save you from embarrassment. There is no reason to be nasty if you do not agree.
I march to the beat of my own drum, but you have now probably realized that that doesn't go over well on public forums at times, especially if it bucks tradition or has a type A/control freak overtone. There is a fine line between doing what is right for you and maintaining some level of etiquette. I don't think I would call it a shower, as that typically involves friends and family showering the mommy to be with attention and help for her child. Maybe you could have a "gender reveal party" or even just a family and friends barbecue. I wouldn't mention a registry personally because it seems like you are soliciting for gifts. Trust me, if people want to give you something, they do it without urging and they can find the registry with Google on their own. Otherwise, I think you should sit back and enjoy the ride and let your mom plan it.
My mom is holding my shower but has requested input with some of the more "fun" aspects like games, food selection, et cetera. I feel guilty because I know she is busy with work, but I am taking a moment to breathe and think that if she couldn't and didn't want to do it, she wouldn't. My friends are scattered around the world now, so it would be impossible for my best friend in Denmark to try to logistically plan a shower for me. I planned the crap out of my wedding, so I have mostly gotten my type A personality planning requirements satisfied at this point in time.
Thank you for your reply . A bbq family gathering at my mom's house is what I'm leaning towards . I agree w most of you , that if she couldn't do it , she wouldn't of offered and I now understand that and feel comfortable letting her try to do it . I'm just very helpful and wouldn't want her to stress .
I'm really confused why you're trying so hard to "help" me lol . Everyone's family , situation , life is completely different . Thank you for all of your advice . I hope the sun comes out today for you .
No matter how "different" a situation is for a family doesn't make it different enough to violate etiquette. Sorry.
You seem to want to go ahead and do what you want. The sun is shining for me and it does every morning. This is all entertainment over my morning coffee.
Let me clear up there was only one person being rude . I accept all opinions even those saying I shouldn't do it . Of course , this is what I asked for , just no need to be harsh and try to pick apart every word I type . That's being miserable .. If you wanna talk on the phone we can lol . Like I stated this is an open discussion and love reading others opinions to HELP myself make a decision . If I changed my mind due to advice then I think you can stop replying w such hostility . Thank you all for your help I have been taking them into consideration .
I'm just very helpful and wouldn't want her to stress .
Is that what you want to call it now? My my you are quite adept at rewriting history and spinning things to suit your own needs. What a peach! Why not own that you wanted to be a control freak and preggozilla with this? You are just determined to spin this as some sort of good deed towards your invalid mother who you don't want to stress? That is kind of lame.
Let me clear up there was only one person being rude . I accept all opinions even those saying I shouldn't do it . Of course , this is what I asked for , just no need to be harsh and try to pick apart every word I type . That's being miserable .. If you wanna talk on the phone we can lol . Like I stated this is an open discussion and love reading others opinions to HELP myself make a decision . If I changed my mind due to advice then I think you can stop replying w such hostility . Thank you all for your help I have been taking them into consideration .
Actually, you were being QUITE rude by calling me names and throwing a hissy fit. You seem incapable of owning any wrongs. That is not attractive. How miserable is it that you are trying to validate something that is wrong and when you don't get your way you throw a fit like a toddler? Its an "open discussion" apparently as long as you get smoke blown up your skirt. Otherwise folks that aren't telling you what you want to hear are "trolls" and "miserable". Yeah, how does that work?
You made your decision when you first started this thread. You just wanted people to agree with you. Please please stop lying and stop trying to insult the entire board's intelligence by making it seem like you wanted people to help you make your decision. That is a bold faced lie. Seriously, you are making yourself look worse by the minute.
I'm really confused why you're trying so hard to "help" me lol . Everyone's family , situation , life is completely different . Thank you for all of your advice . I hope the sun comes out today for you .
No matter how "different" a situation is for a family doesn't make it different enough to violate etiquette. Sorry.
You seem to want to go ahead and do what you want. The sun is shining for me and it does every morning. This is all entertainment over my morning coffee.
Ok so lets pretend this discussion was only between us .. You gave me advice , it helped me come to my decision that I will let my mom host as I feel more comfortable w that idea now , and now that makes me a liar for understanding where your coming from and letting you know that I will not be a "special snowflake" and host it myself . Not sure why I even reply to you as you seem to be the ignorant one .
Let me clear up there was only one person being rude . I accept all opinions even those saying I shouldn't do it . Of course , this is what I asked for , just no need to be harsh and try to pick apart every word I type . That's being miserable .. If you wanna talk on the phone we can lol . Like I stated this is an open discussion and love reading others opinions to HELP myself make a decision . If I changed my mind due to advice then I think you can stop replying w such hostility . Thank you all for your help I have been taking them into consideration .
Actually, you were being QUITE rude by calling me names and throwing a hissy fit. You seem incapable of owning any wrongs. That is not attractive. How miserable is it that you are trying to validate something that is wrong and when you don't get your way you throw a fit like a toddler? Its an "open discussion" apparently as long as you get smoke blown up your skirt. Otherwise folks that aren't telling you what you want to hear are "trolls" and "miserable". Yeah, how does that work?
You made your decision when you first started this thread. You just wanted people to agree with you. Please please stop lying and stop trying to insult the entire board's intelligence by making it seem like you wanted people to help you make your decision. That is a bold faced lie. Seriously, you are making yourself look worse by the minute.
It's kind of funny to me you're the only one going in-depth w your helpful advice . Also the only one to think I am a liar for talking out a problem and coming to a solution . Not sure how you solve your problems , but I like to ask for advice . Now that I was told its completely weird to host yourself , I shall let my mom host , not a problem for me . But for you , I guess it is a problem , no one wins w you huh ? Glad I'm not a coffee addict , wouldn't wanna be cranky over simple advice .
now that makes me a liar for understanding where your coming from and letting you know that I will not be a "special snowflake" and host it myself . Not sure why I even reply to you as you seem to be the ignorant one .
Oh my goodness. I can't believe I have to explain this to you. Please please don't claim I am the ignorant one when the basic rules of communication seem to evade you. No you are not a liar for changing your mind. That is human nature. Change your mind and bless the universe that you've changed your mind. However, don't try to make it seem like this was one huge misunderstanding from the start and that is what you want to do (a small bbq etc.) from the very beginning. That is NOT what you wanted to do from the beginning and you said so yourself.
You are behaving like a liar for trying to pass off what you are deciding to do NOW as what you originally intended to do in the first place. You were responding to the other poster as if that is what your intent was from the very beginning. That makes it seem like you are trying to lie about this entire thread. Is that clear enough for you? I really cannot believe I had to explain that.
Aside from all the above obvious answers, don't forget that sometimes the unexpected generosity and thoughtfulness donated by others is what makes it so special. I'm sure your Mom might have been dreaming of hosting your baby shower for years...and you'll get your turn eventually too. Just enjoy the concept of a shower and let the details go. Shold you think you have the energy for high planning after delivery, have a meet the baby party to fulfill your own plans later.
Well I think I've made my decision . I don't feel the need to continue replying , as I got great ideas . For those that knew I was talking about them , I think you're really funny and bored . I'm sure there's other posts to troll . I've learned everyone's family and situations are completely different . I do appreciate all the advice . Luckily I'm not the type to get angry over some words on the internet lol . Can't we all just get along ? Is this how you would treat a friend asking for advice no matter how much you disagreed w their opinion ? Hmm .. If a post was making me this angry I wouldn't keep replying , I would go do something more positive . Thank you all , enjoy your day !
OMG. You posted on an internet forum. We were all nice, maybe blunt, but nice to your question "should I host my own baby shower?" We told you no and the reasons backing up our opinions.
Apparently we didn't give you the validation you were craving, so you backpedaled and starting making bullsh!t excuses as to why you were the exception to the rule, and we called foul on your BS.
If you want someone to validate your dumbass idea, call your best friend. Don't post it on a public internet forum and expect everyone to kiss your feet.
I was actually very appreciative of your first couple of posts , but now you must be misunderstanding me . I appreciate you were being nice and very honest , that's the type of person I am . But when I stated one person was being rude , I didn't mean you . I hope to clear that up . I also was not expecting anything besides honest opinions . I also thought by giving more of an explanation to my thoughts , most would be more understanding instead of more brutal . Enjoy your day .
Also the only one to think I am a liar for talking out a problem and coming to a solution . Not sure how you solve your problems , but I like to ask for advice . Now that I was told its completely weird to host yourself , I shall let my mom host , not a problem for me . But for you , I guess it is a problem , no one wins w you huh ? Glad I'm not a coffee addict , wouldn't wanna be cranky over simple advice .
1.) I really doubt I'm the only one that caught that you were trying to lie about your intent through out this entire thread. I just called you on it first.
2.) You didn't ask for "advice" you asked for opinions. You got advice and opinions. You seem to solve problems by twisting them into things that are more palatable for you and situations where you are never wrong. How is that working for you?
3.) Its not a problem for me that you are changing your mind. Its a problem to me that you got butthurt about being called on your princess behavior. Also, you got nasty in this thread and still refuse to own it. Its like it never happened for you. What does that say about you?
now that makes me a liar for understanding where your coming from and letting you know that I will not be a "special snowflake" and host it myself . Not sure why I even reply to you as you seem to be the ignorant one .
Oh my goodness. I can't believe I have to explain this to you. Please please don't claim I am the ignorant one when the basic rules of communication seem to evade you. No you are not a liar for changing your mind. That is human nature. Change your mind and bless the universe that you've changed your mind. However, don't try to make it seem like this was one huge misunderstanding from the start and that is what you want to do (a small bbq etc.) from the very beginning. That is NOT what you wanted to do from the beginning and you said so yourself.
You are behaving like a liar for trying to pass off what you are deciding to do NOW as what you originally intended to do in the first place. You were responding to the other poster as if that is what your intent was from the very beginning. That makes it seem like you are trying to lie about this entire thread. Is that clear enough for you? I really cannot believe I had to explain that.
Thank you for understanding that people change their minds . But unfortunately you didn't know that I already had a huge conversation w my mom about 2 weeks ago and HER idea was a bbq at her house . Now that someone else mentioned it , it confirms that idea for me . Again , I didn't think I needed to put every single detail of my life just to get simple opinions . But once again , this will be trying to justify my lies again lol .
Aside from all the above obvious answers, don't forget that sometimes the unexpected generosity and thoughtfulness donated by others is what makes it so special. I'm sure your Mom might have been dreaming of hosting your baby shower for years...and you'll get your turn eventually too. Just enjoy the concept of a shower and let the details go. Shold you think you have the energy for high planning after delivery, have a meet the baby party to fulfill your own plans later.
Thank you for your input . I know she has been dreaming of hosting for me as I am her only girl . When we talked about it she was a little upset of me wanting to host myself . I just thought I would get some ideas here .
OMG. You posted on an internet forum. We were all nice, maybe blunt, but nice to your question "should I host my own baby shower?" We told you no and the reasons backing up our opinions.
Apparently we didn't give you the validation you were craving, so you backpedaled and starting making bullsh!t excuses as to why you were the exception to the rule, and we called foul on your BS.
If you want someone to validate your dumbass idea, call your best friend. Don't post it on a public internet forum and expect everyone to kiss your feet.
peacelovegreen: I appreciate you were being nice and very honest , that's the type of person I am . But when I stated one person was being rude , I didn't mean you . I hope to clear that up . I also was not expecting anything besides honest opinions .
1.) You don't appreciate it otherwise you wouldn't have taken all the time to argue about it.
2.) There is more than one person being rude in this thread. Again, your sheer inability to own your own failings is astounding. My answers were up front and now that you want to be ornery and annoying I'll own that I will be rude to you. You seem to think you are the exception to the rules and the rest of us must be miserable because we can't see how awesome you are.
3.) Your responses don't make you seem nice and honest. I'm sorry. They make you seem controlling, and diva-ish. You also seem to love bending the truth and misrepresenting yourself over and over. How is that honest? Its not.
Thank you for understanding that people change their minds . But unfortunately you didn't know that I already had a huge conversation w my mom about 2 weeks ago and HER idea was a bbq at her house . Now that someone else mentioned it , it confirms that idea for me . Again , I didn't think I needed to put every single detail of my life just to get simple opinions . But once again , this will be trying to justify my lies again lol .
It's kind of funny to me you're the only one going in-depth w your helpful advice . Also the only one to think I am a liar for talking out a problem and coming to a solution . Not sure how you solve your problems , but I like to ask for advice . Now that I was told its completely weird to host yourself , I shall let my mom host , not a problem for me . But for you , I guess it is a problem , no one wins w you huh ? Glad I'm not a coffee addict , wouldn't wanna be cranky over simple advice .
Sorry, but she's not the only one. We just understand that you're not listening to her voice of reason, so don't feel the point to fight you.
It did sound like you have changed what your original thought was so you wouldn't look so greedy/selfish/gift-grabby, and are lying about it... instead of changing your mind about it.
I guess you all don't know what rude is . My SIL disagreed w my idea of wanting to host and did not say any of these harsh words . Nor did I go back and forth w her . She told me her opinion and I took some advice . Also , I'm not sure why you all would think I just want people to agree w me , I'm not sure who you know that behaves like that , but I don't associate w that type . I'm a very open person . I guess next time I'll list out all my ideas and just ask for someone to pick one lol . Because apparently changing your mind , or going w someone else's idea whether you had it in mind or not , is considered lying . Thank you all . No need to reply as this is completely off topic now . I thought this would be a simple yes or no 15min discussion . Not a call you names for having an opinion and continuing to try to belittle you for changing your mind . Enjoy your day !
Re: Host My Own Baby Shower .. ?
Gee, I wonder where you mom got the idea that you're high strung.
40/112
Hm , obviously you just don't know me and assuming things .. The reason my mother thinks that is because the type of celebrations my family throw are usually suit & tie over the top , just for a simple toddler's birthday . She thought I'm like that too , but if you continued reading the sentence you would know I am simple and don't want something extravagant .
People might perceive you as rude by throwing a shower for yourself. Most of the ladies on here are just trying to help. We have all been through this before- most of us.
I understand you want it to be perfect - I am the same way, but a shower is a gift to you and the baby. If you are that concerned then maybe give your mom some ideas of what you want or like.
Generally, people who don't know that they are behaving rudely don't have a problem continuing to do rude, tacky things. Just be aware that it is rude and tacky. People may not tell you to your face, but I can guaruntee its happening behind your back.
Again, those that are used to doing tacky, rude, inconsiderate things usually do them over and over. Its rude, tacky and inconsiderate to "bring it up" to others. If someone wants to host a shower they will offer. That is my whole point about tacky, rude people. They usually continue to do tacky rude things and see no problem with it.
Living in 2013 is not an excuse to be rude or tacky. In fact, 2013 means you shouldn't throw etiquette out the window either. Etiquette exists to be considerate of others. That's the point. Its not to be stuffy or restrictive. The whole POINT is so that you take the people you are inviting to celebrate with you into consideration. That is why hosting your own gift giving event (like a shower) is frowned upon. You are basically telling people to give you stuff this way. A shower, by definition again, is a gift giving event. Its not to celebrate baby (that is that what meet the baby is for) but to celebrate the mom and her entrance into motherhood. No amount of redefining the social practice will make it acceptable to throw your own shower.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Mrs.Muq, I'm starting to get the impression that the OP is willfully ignorant and chooses to remain so on this concept. Its not hard unless you choose to look the other way and believe otherwise. There are a host of people in this thread that choose to plug their ears and say, "la la la, I'm going to do what I want!"
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Thank you . I'm glad you can understand . That is exactly what I mentioned I will be doing , just giving my mom some ideas .
I have to chime in here. I completely understand everyone's comments about hosting their own shower and the negativity surrounding it. It does look or seem a little tacky. However, I also understand that everyone's situation is different.
My sister and I are both pregnant and have the same friends. We decided to both host a joint shower for each other and our closest friends - no family. We sent the invites out, and the shower will be held at my house. Our friends are helping with food & games - so it's a joint effort on every ones part. I never pictured myself "hosting" a shower - but it just worked out this way.
To each their own I guess!
This situation is entirely different than what the OP wants to do. In this case you are hosting for each other, so its fine.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Thank you for your advice . I completely understand the etiquette and concept behind a Baby Shower . I guess I'm just the type that wants to have a "Meet the Baby in the Oven" , possibly because my family is so big we don't see each other for years . Seriously not doing it for the gifts , and I KNOW my family will understand this ..
Actually, that is not at all what you said originally. Sorry, that's BS. Way to rewrite history in your own thread. You didn't say anything of the sort. In fact, let me refresh your memory because you seem to want to lie about this now:
You changed your mind half way through the thread and said you would "allow your mom to host and give her ideas.". However, that is NOT what you said originally from the beginning. Please don't lie. I despise liars.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Well thank you
Now it's time for me to be rude . You must just love being a rude witch .. I clearly stated this was an open discussion to HELP me make a decision .. WTF is wrong w you ? Why are you so miserable ? Do you not have anything constructive to do besides try to pick on someone you will never meet ? That's called internet thugging lol . No need to try to make me seem like anything , esp a liar you dumb *** . I've been nothing but nice this whole time . Please go somewhere lol .
Omg you are hopeless.
You just think you should be a Special Snowflake Exception to the general etiquette rule, right? My family lives across the country and we see each other MAYBE once a year. That is still no excuse to host a "meet the baby in the oven" (/headdesk aka Shower) party. This is why folks are getting frustrated with you (now). No amount of fancy word play or renaming what you want to do will make it acceptable. You seem to be mentally incapable of understanding this because your responses get more and more insufferable. Seriously, you say you get it, but its obvious by the way you respond that you don't. Holy crap.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
I march to the beat of my own drum, but you have now probably realized that that doesn't go over well on public forums at times, especially if it bucks tradition or has a type A/control freak overtone. There is a fine line between doing what is right for you and maintaining some level of etiquette. I don't think I would call it a shower, as that typically involves friends and family showering the mommy to be with attention and help for her child. Maybe you could have a "gender reveal party" or even just a family and friends barbecue. I wouldn't mention a registry personally because it seems like you are soliciting for gifts. Trust me, if people want to give you something, they do it without urging and they can find the registry with Google on their own. Otherwise, I think you should sit back and enjoy the ride and let your mom plan it.
My mom is holding my shower but has requested input with some of the more "fun" aspects like games, food selection, et cetera. I feel guilty because I know she is busy with work, but I am taking a moment to breathe and think that if she couldn't and didn't want to do it, she wouldn't. My friends are scattered around the world now, so it would be impossible for my best friend in Denmark to try to logistically plan a shower for me. I planned the crap out of my wedding, so I have mostly gotten my type A personality planning requirements satisfied at this point in time.
I'm really confused why you're trying so hard to "help" me lol . Everyone's family , situation , life is completely different . Thank you for all of your advice . I hope the sun comes out today for you .
Um, you tried to pass off your response up there as something you said you would be doing the entire time. That is not accurate and it looks like you are trying to lie. Sorry, it looks shady. I'm not miserable. I'm great! I just don't like self-involved, entitled princesses or people that insist on behaving like them.
You seem to think you are a special snowflake that is beyond the rules of etiquette. It seems to me you weren't asking for opinions to make your decisions but to validate what you wanted to do. When you didn't get what you wanted to tried to lie. Sorry, that is what is happening here. You don't like getting called on your BS so you want to resort to name calling. I bet it makes you feel better, but it doesn't make you seem any better. In fact, it makes you seem kind of crazycakes AND immature to boot. Good for you. Do you feel better, now?
I'm not picking on you. You clearly stated that you wanted "any opinions" and then proceeded to continue acting like a dense brat when you didn't get the responses from the majority of us to stroke your ego. How does that make me a witch?
I'm LOL that you are "starting to be rude here" the whole post is a rude idea and tacky. So you "started being rude" the minute the idea entered your pea sized brain to host your own shower and then try to get validation from a public message board. Now you are throwing a snit and acting like I'm the problem here? Yeah, good luck with that.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
I just want to point out that I do not think anyone is being rude to you. People are giving their opinion and it may not be what you wanted to hear.
A baby shower is not like throwing a birthday party for yourself. Everyone on here is trying to be nice and tell you that hosting your own shower will look bad on you. They are trying to save you from embarrassment. There is no reason to be nasty if you do not agree.Thank you for your reply . A bbq family gathering at my mom's house is what I'm leaning towards . I agree w most of you , that if she couldn't do it , she wouldn't of offered and I now understand that and feel comfortable letting her try to do it . I'm just very helpful and wouldn't want her to stress .
No matter how "different" a situation is for a family doesn't make it different enough to violate etiquette. Sorry.
You seem to want to go ahead and do what you want. The sun is shining for me and it does every morning. This is all entertainment over my morning coffee.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Is that what you want to call it now? My my you are quite adept at rewriting history and spinning things to suit your own needs. What a peach! Why not own that you wanted to be a control freak and preggozilla with this? You are just determined to spin this as some sort of good deed towards your invalid mother who you don't want to stress? That is kind of lame.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Actually, you were being QUITE rude by calling me names and throwing a hissy fit. You seem incapable of owning any wrongs. That is not attractive. How miserable is it that you are trying to validate something that is wrong and when you don't get your way you throw a fit like a toddler? Its an "open discussion" apparently as long as you get smoke blown up your skirt. Otherwise folks that aren't telling you what you want to hear are "trolls" and "miserable". Yeah, how does that work?
You made your decision when you first started this thread. You just wanted people to agree with you. Please please stop lying and stop trying to insult the entire board's intelligence by making it seem like you wanted people to help you make your decision. That is a bold faced lie. Seriously, you are making yourself look worse by the minute.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Ok so lets pretend this discussion was only between us .. You gave me advice , it helped me come to my decision that I will let my mom host as I feel more comfortable w that idea now , and now that makes me a liar for understanding where your coming from and letting you know that I will not be a "special snowflake" and host it myself . Not sure why I even reply to you as you seem to be the ignorant one .
It's kind of funny to me you're the only one going in-depth w your helpful advice . Also the only one to think I am a liar for talking out a problem and coming to a solution . Not sure how you solve your problems , but I like to ask for advice . Now that I was told its completely weird to host yourself , I shall let my mom host , not a problem for me . But for you , I guess it is a problem , no one wins w you huh ? Glad I'm not a coffee addict , wouldn't wanna be cranky over simple advice .
Oh my goodness. I can't believe I have to explain this to you. Please please don't claim I am the ignorant one when the basic rules of communication seem to evade you. No you are not a liar for changing your mind. That is human nature. Change your mind and bless the universe that you've changed your mind. However, don't try to make it seem like this was one huge misunderstanding from the start and that is what you want to do (a small bbq etc.) from the very beginning. That is NOT what you wanted to do from the beginning and you said so yourself.
You are behaving like a liar for trying to pass off what you are deciding to do NOW as what you originally intended to do in the first place. You were responding to the other poster as if that is what your intent was from the very beginning. That makes it seem like you are trying to lie about this entire thread. Is that clear enough for you? I really cannot believe I had to explain that.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Caitlin 4.17.11 Madeline 10.20.13
I was actually very appreciative of your first couple of posts , but now you must be misunderstanding me . I appreciate you were being nice and very honest , that's the type of person I am . But when I stated one person was being rude , I didn't mean you . I hope to clear that up . I also was not expecting anything besides honest opinions . I also thought by giving more of an explanation to my thoughts , most would be more understanding instead of more brutal . Enjoy your day .
1.) I really doubt I'm the only one that caught that you were trying to lie about your intent through out this entire thread. I just called you on it first.
2.) You didn't ask for "advice" you asked for opinions. You got advice and opinions. You seem to solve problems by twisting them into things that are more palatable for you and situations where you are never wrong. How is that working for you?
3.) Its not a problem for me that you are changing your mind. Its a problem to me that you got butthurt about being called on your princess behavior. Also, you got nasty in this thread and still refuse to own it. Its like it never happened for you. What does that say about you?
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Thank you for understanding that people change their minds . But unfortunately you didn't know that I already had a huge conversation w my mom about 2 weeks ago and HER idea was a bbq at her house . Now that someone else mentioned it , it confirms that idea for me . Again , I didn't think I needed to put every single detail of my life just to get simple opinions . But once again , this will be trying to justify my lies again lol .
Thank you for your input . I know she has been dreaming of hosting for me as I am her only girl . When we talked about it she was a little upset of me wanting to host myself . I just thought I would get some ideas here .
1.) You don't appreciate it otherwise you wouldn't have taken all the time to argue about it.
2.) There is more than one person being rude in this thread. Again, your sheer inability to own your own failings is astounding. My answers were up front and now that you want to be ornery and annoying I'll own that I will be rude to you. You seem to think you are the exception to the rules and the rest of us must be miserable because we can't see how awesome you are.
3.) Your responses don't make you seem nice and honest. I'm sorry. They make you seem controlling, and diva-ish. You also seem to love bending the truth and misrepresenting yourself over and over. How is that honest? Its not.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
How convenient.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Sorry, but she's not the only one. We just understand that you're not listening to her voice of reason, so don't feel the point to fight you.
It did sound like you have changed what your original thought was so you wouldn't look so greedy/selfish/gift-grabby, and are lying about it... instead of changing your mind about it.
This.