2nd Trimester

Host My Own Baby Shower .. ?

I've always wanted to plan my own shower . I am now 22 weeks and am anxious to start planning . This is my first , Hubby's second . He had a bad first experience and keeps saying he's just going to buy everything on the registry . My mother wants to host . She has wonderful intentions but she worries too much and swears she needs to spend $5000 !! To me that's ridiculous ! I feel I can have a celebration w $500 . Also , I feel I am a great planner and I like having things my way (: . The idea of being "surprised" is nice , but not when I know there's a surprise , I hate that . As the saying goes , if you want something done right , do it yourself ! Any opinions ? I would love an open discussion ! Thanks !

BTW : I'm having a boy , and I don't want the traditional blues , I prefer yellow and orange .  

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Re: Host My Own Baby Shower .. ?

  • I would never host my own baby shower. MIL and SIL are hosting and planning mine. They have asked my opinion on things, but I trust them with planning it. But to me, hosting your own shower looks gift grabby. 
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  • Oh man...I'm sorry but you're going to get eaten alive for posting this here Indifferent Hosting your own shower doesn't go over well here.
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  • If your mom wants to plan one, let her and tell her you would like to help with the planning. She probably knows you well enough to know you would prefer that. Please don't put your name on the invites- that would be tacky.
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  • imagekacikaygirl224:
    I would never host my own baby shower. MIL and SIL are hosting and planning mine. They have asked my opinion on things, but I trust them with planning it. But to me, hosting your own shower looks gift grabby. 

    Thanks for replying so quick (: . I completely understand why it looks gift grabby . Which is why I'm on the fence . I'm not sure why I'm scared to let my mom do it . I just feel something will go wrong , and if I do it myself I know it will be how I want . I have a really big family and would just love to celebrate with them , as I am the "baby of the family " . My fiance really wants to just buy everything himself , I keep telling him to hold on . Also we're moving in July ( our lease is up ) , so it feels everything will be happening at once .

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  • imagepeacelovegreen:
    . Also , I feel I am a great planner and I like having things my way (: . The idea of being "surprised" is nice , but not when I know there's a surprise , I hate that . As the saying goes , if you want something done right , do it yourself ! Any opinions ? I would love an open discussion ! Thanks !

    Wow, you're a peach. 

    No, you don't throw your own shower.  Period.

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  • imagecatycate:
    If your mom wants to plan one, let her and tell her you would like to help with the planning. She probably knows you well enough to know you would prefer that. Please don't put your name on the invites- that would be tacky.

    I actually thought about helping her w smaller details just so things can be to my liking . Thanks for the good tip , I actually didn't think of whose name to put on the invite , I guess I figured I would probably have : " Baby is inviting you to celebrate his arrival " , something corny like that (: , but I definitely will not be putting my name . Thanks .

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  • imagealijeff2313:
    Oh man...I'm sorry but you're going to get eaten alive for posting this here Indifferent Hosting your own shower doesn't go over well here.

    LOL . This topic usually doesn't go over well anywhere . I'm a first-timer just looking for honest opinions and ideas .  

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  • Definitely don't throw your own shower... a shower is a gift to you and your partner.  So, if you don't trust your family to do it right, you can say no thanks and just not have one.  NEVER is it appropriate to throw your own.  EVER.

    If you're really concerned about it not being "up to your standards", you can throw a "Meet the Baby" party after the baby's arrived. That's not for gifts, just a get together --- and that one you can throw yourself, and make it as perfect as you want.

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  • Its incredibly tacky and rude to host your own gift giving event. If your mom wants to host then let her. You sound like you are a huge control freak. Let it go and let someone else celebrate you. 

    Hey, you asked for "any opinions".  Don't host your own. Stop acting like a preggozilla and a diva. Unclench.

    A shower should be a gift, and an honor. NOT something you throw because you feel entitled to one. Get over yourself.  


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  • imagealexandra1818:

    Definitely don't throw your own shower... a shower is a gift to you and your partner.  So, if you don't trust your family to do it right, you can say no thanks and just not have one.  NEVER is it appropriate to throw your own.  EVER.

    If you're really concerned about it not being "up to your standards", you can throw a "Meet the Baby" party after the baby's arrived. That's not for gifts, just a get together --- and that one you can throw yourself, and make it as perfect as you want.

    That's the thing , I really am not trying to come off as a brat . I've hosted two other showers and feel I just know what I am doing . I don't think my mother has ever hosted one , esp w how much she thinks she needs to spend to please me . I love the idea of having someone host it , I just don't like the idea of having that "pressure" on them . But I also did think about hosting a Meet the Baby in my new home , my SIL did that for my nephew . ( There were gifts , but it wasn't expected I guess ) I really am not doing it for the gifts , I just have so much family in different states and know they would all love to come see me to celebrate , but of course they will be asking about the registry .

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  • Hm , I feel I must've worded something wrong if I'm being perceived like this .. Of course it't not about the colors , I want my family to be comfortable so location and food is also important . Like I previously mentioned , I love the idea of having my mother host it , but she worries too much , and I feel this will be too much pressure on her . I repeat , I am definitely not doing it for the gifts , as my fiance is itching to buy everything today . I have a really big family and just want them near me to celebrate . Maybe someone understands where I'm coming from . Thanks for the opinions .
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  • imagepeacelovegreen:

    That's the thing , I really am not trying to come off as a brat . I've hosted two other showers and feel I just know what I am doing . I don't think my mother has ever hosted one , esp w how much she thinks she needs to spend to please me . I love the idea of having someone host it , I just don't like the idea of having that "pressure" on them . 

    Please, you aren't trying to sound like a brat, but you are totally sounding like a control-freak diva. If your mom didn't want "the pressure" to host the event then she wouldn't have offered to throw it for you as a gift. I really think its lame how you are trying to pass your need to control this event off as some sort of consideration for any pressure that would exist for the host. Its not that hard to get some balloons and cake together to open gifts. Please don't insult our intelligence. That's annoying.  


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  • I'm about to get eaten alive then to, I say throw your own shower if you want and as with ANY shower gifts are NOT expected but appreciated. So don't throw a traditional shower, throw a bbq coed style to celebrate the baby
  • imagepeacelovegreen:
    Hm , I feel I must've worded something wrong if I'm being perceived like this .. Of course it't not about the colors , I want my family to be comfortable so location and food is also important . Like I previously mentioned , I love the idea of having my mother host it , but she worries too much , and I feel this will be too much pressure on her . I repeat , I am definitely not doing it for the gifts , as my fiance is itching to buy everything today . I have a really big family and just want them near me to celebrate . Maybe someone understands where I'm coming from . Thanks for the opinions .

    Dude, a shower is supposed to be about "showering the new mom". That's the whole point. If you want to host a party for your family/friends then do a meet the baby party. However, you already mentioned the registry so you must understand that its a gift giving event. That is why its rude to host your own. If you really want "family near you to celebrate" then let your mom host the shower as she is able and quit your biitchin'.

    You could solve all of this by hosting a meet the baby party once baby is here and forgoing a shower all together. That way you will have everything you need and can decorate as you like. Problem solved. That is not the function of a shower. The function of a shower is to get gifts.  


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  • imagealijeff2313:
    Oh man...

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  • imagepanicMom:
    I'm about to get eaten alive then to, I say throw your own shower if you want and as with ANY shower gifts are NOT expected but appreciated. So don't throw a traditional shower, throw a bbq coed style to celebrate the baby

    WOW THE FIRST TO UNDERSTAND ! A bbq is EXACTLY what I want . It will be in end of July / beginning of August .  

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  • imagepanicMom:
    I'm about to get eaten alive then to, I say throw your own shower if you want and as with ANY shower gifts are NOT expected but appreciated. So don't throw a traditional shower, throw a bbq coed style to celebrate the baby

    That is not a shower, are you daft? That is a meet the baby without gifts (because the baby would be there to celebrate, right?) and you have all you need. Showers are to celebrate the mom and give her gifts to help with the new baby. Seriously, this is the easiest concept in the world.  


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  • imagepeacelovegreen:

    imagepanicMom:
    I'm about to get eaten alive then to, I say throw your own shower if you want and as with ANY shower gifts are NOT expected but appreciated. So don't throw a traditional shower, throw a bbq coed style to celebrate the baby

    WOW THE FIRST TO UNDERSTAND ! A bbq is EXACTLY what I want . It will be in end of July / beginning of August .  

    Dude, we aren't stupid. We understand what you want. You want to host your own gift giving event. A shower isn't a celebration of baby. Its a celebration of the mother. Please get it through your head. Celebrating the BABY happens with a meet the baby when the kid is out of the oven. There is a HUGE difference. The purpose of a shower is to give the mother stuff to help with baby. JFC.  


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  • I'm going to disagree with the ladies on here. I really dont understand the big deal about throwing one yourself. (And do I really believe not a single woman on here had a hand in planning her own? No) 

    DH and I are going to host our own get together for this baby. I decided it would be more of a cook-out / shower type of event. I can't stand stupid baby showers where you guess how many skittles are in the bottle and other silly games. We also have no intention of telling people where we are registered. I personally dont see the point in having a registry at all - to me thats just saying I expect other people to buy me things. The only reason I have one at all is for my own mother and in-laws to get a sense of what we like. I know my mom will buy things, I can't stop the woman haha.

    As for our event, I dont expect people to bring anything if they dont want to. Nor do I want only women at the party as I dont even have a lot of female friends. However, after going through years of Infertility I don't know if I'll ever get another chance at being pregnant. So why not do it myself and celebrate having a baby? I'm not asking for money or gifts, just a coming together of our friends to celebrate us having a child.  

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  • Wow , I didn't think I needed to add my mother is sick and not financially stable , for people to be somewhat understanding of which "pressure" I am talking about . To me this is not about balloons cake decorations and gifts . Once again , not sure how it's so easy for most people to read a paragraph and make an assumption of one person's life style to determine they are a brat . Never had anyone call me that . Actually very caring of others situations , and humble enough to know IT IS NOT ABOUT THE GIFTS . Yes , it is a Baby Shower , to shower w love not just gifts .
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  • My mom and dad hosted one of my showers, and I helped plan that one.  I had alot of fun.  Tell your mom that's what you want to do, to have fun with the little details, etc.  I loved doing it, was much more fun than being surprised. :)  Good luck!
  • I have a ton of friends, co workers and extended family that want to attend a shower and ask about it often but have had nobody offer to throw me one, so my fiance and I plan to throw our own. And to PP NO I'm not "daft" I'm in a situation different then others. This woman asked a question, I answered for MYSELF. I post on this forum because some women are here to HELP other women. Sadly some are here to judge, ridicule and condem.
  • imageHinessn:

    I'm going to disagree with the ladies on here. I really dont understand the big deal about throwing one yourself. (And do I really believe not a single woman on here had a hand in planning her own? No) I didn't. I was told when to show up. That's it. Truthfully. 

    DH and I are going to host our own get together for this baby. I decided it would be more of a cook-out / shower type of event. That's not really a shower...the definition is to shower the mom with gifts to help with baby...

    I personally dont see the point in having a registry at all - to me thats just saying I expect other people to buy me things. The only reason I have one at all is for my own mother and in-laws to get a sense of what we like. The purpose of a registry is suggestion and completion coupon to buy things later. People always have a choice of what to buy seeing as how its, you know, their money.

    As for our event, I dont expect people to bring anything if they dont want to. Nor do I want only women at the party as I dont even have a lot of female friends. However, after going through years of Infertility I don't know if I'll ever get another chance at being pregnant. So why not do it myself and celebrate having a baby? I'm not asking for money or gifts, just a coming together of our friends to celebrate us having a child.  Again, what you are doing is not a shower in the traditional sense. The purpose of a shower is not to celebrate baby anyway. Its to celebrate mom and help her out. I seriously don't understand how this is such a hard concept to comprehend. 


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  • imageHinessn:

    I'm going to disagree with the ladies on here. I really dont understand the big deal about throwing one yourself. (And do I really believe not a single woman on here had a hand in planning her own? No) 

    DH and I are going to host our own get together for this baby. I decided it would be more of a cook-out / shower type of event. I can't stand stupid baby showers where you guess how many skittles are in the bottle and other silly games. We also have no intention of telling people where we are registered. I personally dont see the point in having a registry at all - to me thats just saying I expect other people to buy me things. The only reason I have one at all is for my own mother and in-laws to get a sense of what we like. I know my mom will buy things, I can't stop the woman haha.

    As for our event, I dont expect people to bring anything if they dont want to. Nor do I want only women at the party as I dont even have a lot of female friends. However, after going through years of Infertility I don't know if I'll ever get another chance at being pregnant. So why not do it myself and celebrate having a baby? I'm not asking for money or gifts, just a coming together of our friends to celebrate us having a child.  

    We're very similar . Thank you for your input . I also only have a registry because my family is so big and they asked me to do it so they can have an idea of what we would like . We can count friends on one hand . Once again , my fiance is itching to just purchase everything on the list , because he is definitely not the gift grabby type . We like the baby shower idea to have both of our families together for the first time celebrating the baby . Of course a Meet the Baby is also appropriate for this ...... but that's technically a different topic . 

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  • imageHinessn:

    I'm going to disagree with the ladies on here. I really dont understand the big deal about throwing one yourself. (And do I really believe not a single woman on here had a hand in planning her own? No) 

    My (X)MIL and (X)SIL threw my shower for DS. Other than asking me for the names/addresses of the family from my side I had ZERO involvment in the shower.

    OP, you're young, aren't you?

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  • Eh, who the heck cares. If you really want to then do it. If people are offended that YOU threw a shower.... then they don't need to come. It sounds like others want to (your Mom) but you don't trust them? Maybe co shower.... have your Mom as the RSVP person, put her in charge of picking stuff up and helping decorate.... but you plan. I see nothing wrong with that. People need to grow up, throw it if you want to
  • imagepanicMom:
    I post on this forum because some women are here toHELP other women. Sadly some are here to judge, ridicule and condem.

    You've got to be kidding me, right? I have seen your posts and responded almost every single time in a nice, kind, and compassionate way. Now you want to say that "some" are just here to ridicule and shiit? Well you can FRO then. You, personally, have gotten tons of support here. Just because we don't sugar coat for the OP about hosting her own gift giving event (which a shower is by definition no matter what people want to invent as their own personal definition of the word/event) doesn't mean we are fundamentally bad people.

    She asked for "any opinions" and she got them. The majority of responders have said, "no don't do it. Its tacky.". If she is in the minority then that says something. Get a clue.   


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  • imageHinessn:

    I'm going to disagree with the ladies on here. I really dont understand the big deal about throwing one yourself. (And do I really believe not a single woman on here had a hand in planning her own? No) 

    I'm having 3 showers.  Want to know the extent of me planning them?  Supplying the guest list, and answering questions about the color of my nursery and what flavor of cake I like. 

    That's it. 

    ETA: and I didn't even do all of that for each shower.

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  • imagechicsahm:
    Eh, who the heck cares. If you really want to then do it. If people are offended that YOU threw a shower.... then they don't need to come. It sounds like others want to (your Mom) but you don't trust them? Maybe co shower.... have your Mom as the RSVP person, put her in charge of picking stuff up and helping decorate.... but you plan. I see nothing wrong with that. People need to grow up, throw it if you want to

    LOL "do what you want" (basically sounding like a hissy fit) with no regards for etiquette or your guests (buy me stuff!) and the ones telling her not to do it are the ones that need to "grow up". When I read this response all I see in bold, caps is, "if you want it nooooooow, then do it. Who cares if its rude. Its YOUR baby. YOUR party. God!" STOMP STOMP STOMP. 

    Sounds like bratty, diva, preggozilla behavior. Gross.  


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  • imagepeacelovegreen:
    Wow , I didn't think I needed to add my mother is sick and not financially stable , for people to be somewhat understanding of which "pressure" I am talking about . To me this is not about balloons cake decorations and gifts . Once again , not sure how it's so easy for most people to read a paragraph and make an assumption of one person's life style to determine they are a brat . Never had anyone call me that . Actually very caring of others situations , and humble enough to know IT IS NOT ABOUT THE GIFTS . Yes , it is a Baby Shower , to shower w love not just gifts .

    No wonder you're worried your mom feels so much pressure to spend $5000 to make you happy.  Listen to yourself!

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  • imageMrsMuq:

    imagepeacelovegreen:
    Wow , I didn't think I needed to add my mother is sick and not financially stable , for people to be somewhat understanding of which "pressure" I am talking about . To me this is not about balloons cake decorations and gifts . Once again , not sure how it's so easy for most people to read a paragraph and make an assumption of one person's life style to determine they are a brat . Never had anyone call me that . Actually very caring of others situations , and humble enough to know IT IS NOT ABOUT THE GIFTS . Yes , it is a Baby Shower , to shower w love not just gifts .

    YOU DON'T KNOW MY LYFE!!! Hmm

    We can only make inferences based on what you post.

    There is never a time or place where hosting your own baby shower (or bridal shower) events which are meant to "shower" the guest of honor, that would be you, with gifts, is okay.

    Do you get it? It is not good or okay to throw yourself a shower. It is tacky and rude and gift-grabby.

    If your mom is incapable of throwing you a shower, even if she offered, then I guess you don't get a shower.

    Stop being so dense and listen to what everyone here is telling you. You're wrong. If you want a party to celebrate the baby, have a meet the baby party after the baby arrives. Then it won't be gift-centric (as you claim your FI wants to buy everything himself anyway) and your family can be present to "shower you with love, not just gifts."

    God thank you. Thank you. The stupid in this post is really hurting my brain.

    But but...its YOUR baby, and YOUR DAY! OMGerd can't you see that we should alll have a shower the way we waaaaaaaant it. Why can't you understand that OP and those that are thinking just like her MUST have things their WAY. Gosh!


     


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  • I'm really confused how some of you are getting so hostile over a simple question and replying negatively to every single person that has an opposite opinion than you .. this is comical . Must've woke up on the wrong side of the bed and itching to let frustrations out ..  Thank you everyone for your answers . I feel I understand everyone's views ( I'm a Gemini ) . I decided I am going to let my mother do it as she really wants to , I'm her only girl . I will supply a guest list , and for the most part she knows what I like for colors and food and cake . I will just check in w her to make sure she's handling it and not in over her head . Thanks again . Any other advice or ideas ?
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  • Wow. Did not expect all that, I am sort of planning my own baby shower and I don't see anything wrong with it. I brought it up to my mother in law and sister in law that i was gonna kind of start it but i would love their help if they'd like and they didn't have a problem and are more than happy, we are meeting up about it next week. I have shown them what I have done and they love it and they have given me great ideas as well. My sister and I usually plan all little parties and are crafty and love to do it! So I made my invites and am making the little paper crafts for games and decorating. I just moved away from home (military) and we are living in my husband's hometown. If I were back home, my sister's would be doing this for me and I would probably be helping because I enjoy to help with party planning, which seems to be the case with you. There is nothing wrong with planning your own shower. Last I checked we were living in 2013.
  • imageKdgTeacher:

    imagepeacelovegreen:
    Wow , I didn't think I needed to add my mother is sick and not financially stable , for people to be somewhat understanding of which "pressure" I am talking about . To me this is not about balloons cake decorations and gifts . Once again , not sure how it's so easy for most people to read a paragraph and make an assumption of one person's life style to determine they are a brat . Never had anyone call me that . Actually very caring of others situations , and humble enough to know IT IS NOT ABOUT THE GIFTS . Yes , it is a Baby Shower , to shower w love not just gifts .

    No wonder you're worried your mom feels so much pressure to spend $5000 to make you happy.  Listen to yourself!

    Hm , obviously you just don't know me and assuming things .. The reason my mother thinks that is because the type of celebrations my family throw are usually suit & tie over the top , just for a simple toddler's birthday . She thought I'm like that too , but if you continued reading the sentence you would know I am simple and don't want something extravagant .

     

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  • imageninanorwalt:
    Wow. Did not expect all that, I am sort of planning my own baby shower and I don't see anything wrong with it. I brought it up to my mother in law and sister in law that i was gonna kind of start it but i would love their help if they'd like and they didn't have a problem and are more than happy, we are meeting up about it next week. I have shown them what I have done and they love it and they have given me great ideas as well. My sister and I usually plan all little parties and are crafty and love to do it! So I made my invites and am making the little paper crafts for games and decorating. I just moved away from home (military) and we are living in my husband's hometown. If I were back home, my sister's would be doing this for me and I would probably be helping because I enjoy to help with party planning, which seems to be the case with you. There is nothing wrong with planning your own shower. Last I checked we were living in 2013.

    Yes , I too am very big on party planning . I am usually the go-to person among my friends and family when it comes to organizing and decorating . I also wanted to make my own invites thank-yous decorations and favors .  

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  • IMO hosting your own shower is beyond tacky.  It's supposed to be something that's done for you, not you just saying "Hey, buy me stuff!".
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  • imagepeacelovegreen:
    I decided I am going to let my mother do it as she really wants to , I'm her only girl . I will supply a guest list , and for the most part she knows what I like for colors and food and cake . I will just check in w her to make sure she's handling it and not in over her head . Thanks again . Any other advice or ideas ?


    Ideas? Yes. 

    No one is cranky. We just don't understand the crazy amount of stupid, entitled and self-involvement that comes with wanting to host your own event. I guess its good we don't get those things because generally those things are way worse than "waking up on the wrong side of the bed" or someshit. Just because the answers are blunt and to the point doesn't mean the person who is expressing them is a bad person or hormonal (I know that's coming). You just came off as incredibly controlling and preggozilla. Own it. I will own that I am blunt and can appear biitchy. That doesn't mean that what I say has no merit. You didn't want to come off sounding like a brat, but you did. That sucks. Oh well. You seem to be open to reason so that's a good thing. 


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