May 2012 Moms

One year later... are you going to do it again (if you haven't already lol)?

Morning Ladies!

Sooo DD will be one on Saturday and I feel like wow, a year ago...  wow.  So I have ZERO desire at this point and time to have a second child.  Selfish?  Yes.  I'm okay with that.  I am a super busy person (teacher/photographer, love to work hard and play hard) and I've gained and lost over 70lbs with pregnancy, ugh.  DH REALLY wants a second child (LOL he keeps saying, when the twins I get here... lol) but I'm not feeling it.  DH has a sister and thinks that an only child will be lonely.  I love my daughter more than i could have ever imagined, but I feel like if I can vest my time and energy into her and make one really awesome child, that is the best use of my time/energy/money.  We are both 31 so I figure we have a few years to decide.  But I'm super fine with one and done!

So I guess what I'm asking is, are there any other one and done's out there?  Joint decision?   Has anyone have trouble deciding what to do?  (Obv there are medical reasons behind some of these and I'm sorry to hear that)  I'm interested to see if there are other woman out there who feel the same way as I do???

TIA and have a great Monday! 

I can't even believe I am the mom to a two year old...
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Re: One year later... are you going to do it again (if you haven't already lol)?

  • ebl2ebl2
    Sixth Anniversary 250 Answers 500 Comments 250 Love Its
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    DH does not want another child. I'm on the fence but leaning towards yes, I do want another. DH is an only child and thinks it's fine, I have 2 siblings and I think she would be lonely. It already makes me a little sad when I see her playing by herself. 

    I would be way more inclined to having another one if I had a husband who helped out more. The reason why I'm on the fence is because even though I do want another one, I don't think I could have two babies by myself most of the time. The thought is overwhelming.

    Sometimes (when he's having a good day with DD) he says he'll want another one in a year or two. We shall see.  

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  • I am an only child.  DH is one of two and only wants one.

    You can be alone and not lonely.  I was rarely any lonelier than friends with siblings growing up. I loved being an only child and still love it as an adult only.  I wouldn't change a thing.

    We were between one and two children and after 2 losses, a rough pregnancy, a rough L&D, and crippling post partum anxiety we are 99% sure we are done.

    I figure, what better reason to keep it to just 1 than for "selfish" reasons?  I would never just pop out another child to "give DD a sibling" or some hogwash like that.  I would only have another because it is truly in my heart that my family is not complete.  I very much respect and admire those that are able to have multiples and have that longing desire for multiple children.  I am just not one of them.

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  •        We are definitely not decided yet but I think there's a good chance DS will be an only. We always talked about having 2 (definitely no more!) but right now I couldn't even imagine it. Neither of us are getting any younger and we really wouldn't be financially ready for another baby for a year or more, so I just don't know. I am perfectly fulfilled with DS and I don't want to rush for a second. That's not to say that I might not change my mind in a few years when he's older, but I don't see the need to rush, and even if our finances were better I think I'd feel the same. DH and I both have a lot of siblings so I do have some moments where I worry about having an only for this or that reason, but I know plenty of only children who have turned out just fine.
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  • We definitely want a second but my age (40) and our financial struggles might dictate otherwise. We will wait and see what happens over the next year with our money situation since we would have to move or build on to the house (it's a small two bedroom bungalow). Fingers crossed and job hunting Smile

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  • I am one and done. My husband is 40 and has 2 boys from a previous relationship and we have DD. financially we couldn't afford another one if we wanted to but we agreed before we got married that we would be one and done.

    i love the focus I can give her because she is an only most of the time but I admit part of the reason I am ok with it is that she does actually have siblings. 90% of the time she is an only but she will have her brothers.

    even if we were going to have another, and we definitely arent't, I would probably go for a big gap (5 or 6 years) so that each baby got as much of my time and energy as I could. 

     

  • Although it wasn't in the plan we are already doing it again! Only 16 more weeks until baby Reed joins our family. We have two boys, two girls, and a new one coming. If I could I would have 10. Obviously finances and all have to be considered.
    Personally I don't understand the one and done. We have friends who feel this way also. It is a personal decision I just couldn't be one and done. I feel like they have plenty form dh and I and they will also have their brothers and sisters for life.
    Nothing wrong with your decision just not for me
    Tara
  • zoeyyzoeyy
    Seventh Anniversary 250 Answers 2500 Comments 500 Love Its
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    We are ready for another. The only reason we are holding off is because of summer plans and I kind of want one more holiday season with just DD. Next January is probably when we will start. I always wanted about a 2 year age gap. Now the 3rd is up for debate. We both thought we wanted 3 but not so sure now.
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  • We both want a second child preferably as soon as we can as we'd like two close in age. Yes it will be harder at first, however ice they are a little older they will have each other to play with and then later in life, hopefully they will be there for each other. My friend is an only child and she was never lonely as a child, but she tells me as her patents get older she realizes that there is just her and she is a bit sad to not have a sibling, which convinced her to Jane 2. My dh and I both have siblings, I have a sister and he has 2, so that could contribute to our desires for 2 as well. Honestly I wonder if I'm still gung Ho for two because my lo is a pretty easy going baby.
  • DH and I are expecting DD #2 in September.  DDs #1 and #2 will be 17 months apart.  We weren't planning on getting pregnant but weren't preventing either.  It took a few days to get used to the idea but we are extremely excited now.  I think we will be done after 2 even though a small part of me wants to try for a boy.  But then DH reminded my that we could end up with 3 girls :)  We both come from families with 3 kids so we knew we wanted at least 2.  I'm really glad they will be close in age and I hope they are best friends :)
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  • I made DH promise me before we were married that we would have 2 kids. I went so far as to make him agree that we could adopt if we could only have one for some unforseen reason.

    We each have one sibling. DH is close to his sister, but I can honestly say my brother is my best friend. I can't imagine not giving my child the opportunity to have that kind of relationship. Obviously, I know plenty of siblings that are not close, or genuinely don't like each other so there are no gauarntees, but I absolutely feel that I need to provide both my children the chance to have a brother or sister.

    If everything in life went exactly as I want then we would have our second when DD is between 3-4, but due to my age and how difficult it was to get pregnant with DD (who is 1 at the end of May) we have agreed to start trying this fall. So they could be just under 2.5yrs apart, or we might hit my desired window if it takes longer.

    I personally know onlies that were happy as kids, and are happy as adults. I know onlies that longed for a sibling as a kid, but are happy being an only as an adult, and I know some that really still wish they had a sibling as an adult.  So, without a crystal ball it's hard to know how your child will feel in a few years and later as an adult.

    The most important thing is that you and your DH feel that one is the number at which your family is complete, that you are being the best parents to one child versus 2 or more. For us, we are truly thrilled with DD, but we both know in our heart our family is still missing at least one more little personality.

  • Originally we had planned on trying again when DD turns 1 (which is this Thursday...eek), but about 3 weeks ago we found out that we are moving to England at the end of the summer. So with everything going on we are going to wait until our lives settle down a bit. Not to mention, lately I've been kind of on the fence about wanting another one, and I'm not sure if it's just all the craziness going on now or what. So we shall see... 
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  • I think we always wanted more then one, but we don't have any real plans.  As each new milestone comes and goes I feel like we get more confident in our parenting. I almost selfishly want another kiddo just so I can feel that confidence from the start.  The first 8 weeks at our house were so life altering and challenging.  
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  • As soon as my Masters is done and we have some work related things straightened out, we will have another.  I want the option of a third.



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  • If it's up to me we're one and done.  DH says he only wants one now, but wants to wait til next summer in case he changes his mind.  There are so many reasons why I only want one I can't list them all.  I will say I had a much older half brother (who didn't live with us and was married when I was 9) and a brother 17 months younger than me.  All my brother and I did was fight for 17 years, so I really don't buy into the sibling love/playing together argument.  Now that we're adults we live really far apart and we're cordial when we see each other but if we're in the same place for too long we fight eventually.  My husband has one brother who's 2 years younger than him and they grew up in a rainbows and sunshine environment.  He never remembers them fighting, but his brother now is a complete loser. He is stuck in the same life he's had since 18 (pushing grocery carts, living at home rent free, no girlfriend). The two of them only talk on holidays. So again, I really don't feel like just because you have a sibling you're making the first child's life better. 

    The other thing people say to me a lot is "what if this child doesn't take care of you when you get old". I also think that's a stupid reason to have a child. No one knows the future. You could have 5 kids and none want to take care of you or you could have 1 that loves you and wants to help you.  Or you could get hit by a bus before you get old.  You really have to have more kids because YOU want them...or an accident!

  • I'd like Ds to have a sibling but I really don't think we will have another. Dh really, really wants more kids. It is probably selfish of me but I have had a very difficult time coping with the changes in my body post pregnancy. I was always very thin and pretty toned and now Although I weigh even less than I did pre pregnancy everything is just...squishy and loose. Also my skin broke out very badly 2 weeks after giving birth and I was left with scarring and discoloration that are finally starting to fade a little. I don't want to go through all that again. Selfish, maybe, but good for my emotional well being....as lame as that sounds.
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  • Before I had one I KNEW I'd have two or three! But for health and marital reasons I'm pretty sure we are one and done. We are both young so we have time to figure it out but I have no desire for another. My LO is amazing don't get me wrong! But I think it's better we stick with one and done.
  • We were not preventing, and the first time I ovulated post baby "boom" I am pregnant again. THIS will be our last child. I will be 2 and done. I am very excited to see an end.

    My BFP chart

    BFP #1 5/19/11 Ectopic pregnancy right tube found 6/4/11,tx methotrexate
    BFP #2  DS born 5/16/12

    BFP#3 EDD 12/15/13, born 12/10/13! Boy!
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  • Points to ticker.  Yup.  Doing it again.
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  • Dh is done and happy with 2.  He originally only wanted 1 but I come from a big family and I just couldn't do that.  I'm on the fence about #3.

     I want to have another however, I am a SAHM and DH works a lot so I can't really imagine 3 little ones running around (I'm already outnumbered as it is, not to mention you caught me on a no way am I doing that again day). One SIL is trying for #2 in Aug and my other SIL is trying this month.  I think I'm going to wait it out a while and see if I get baby fever if and when they have their babies.  If I get it DH and I will talk however if I don't I'm good.  

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