Stay at Home Moms

weekends-who gets up?

Hello

I don't usually come to this board but I'm getting so angry with my DH.  I'm a SAHM with an 8 month old.  My DS is usually up before my DH gets up for work. I am always the one who gets up with DS during the week days even though DH could technically help out.  The weekends is always an argument about who gets up. Sometimes we take turns, I get up saturday mornings with DS and he gets up sunday mornings. DH got up yesterday because I was upset that he wasn't getting up so we were both up and this morning I'm up and he is still sleeping. I don't feel like DH spends enough time with DS and I don't feel like I get much of a break even when DH is around.  He wants a second child eventually which I think would cause even more arguments.  What does everyone else do about DH getting up for work and the weekends?  Thank you.

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Re: weekends-who gets up?

  • I always got up - week days and weekends.  I cannot say it was always ideal or that I didn't complain about it sometimes though.  The main reason I always got up with them was because I cannot sleep through my kids making any sort of noise so I was up no matter what any way.  If I had a rough night and needed more sleep I sometimes went to bed a little early and had DH put the kids to bed, so we tried to make it work.

    If it is not working out then you need to have a talk with DH.  It eventually gets better.  My kids are 16 months and 3 and we no longer have wake up issues in our home.  The kids are basically on our wake up schedule now- in fact DD sleeps in some days.  Good luck!

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  • Once they aren't newborns nursing round the clock, DH gets up with both of them Saturday AMs. By 3 or 4 months old, I'd nurse them and then he'd take them downstairs. Once they started eating solids and he could feed them breakfast it was a lot easier. Most Saturdays I sleep until close to 9, it's awesome. 

    We both are usually up earlier on Sundays b/c we have church at 9.

    Workdays DH is up and out of the house before we are awake - so I don't even have the option of him helping in the AM.  


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    E 9.08, V 8.11, J 4.14
  • I physically cannot sleep in - I wake up early every morning, weekday or weekend. Most days I am up before the kids.  I always let H sleep in just because he can

    When they were babies, he was always up and involved in overnight wake-ups even when I was nursing. 

    Everyone's responses about what works for them are going to be different.  The point is, it needs to work for both you and your H, and it clearly is not.  I definitely wouldn't entertain the idea of another until you work something out that is good for both of you.  GL! 

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    DS 3.12.08
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    DD 8.01.13
  • DH does on weekdays and weekends; he gets up around 6 anyways to get ready for work, watch the news, etc

    On week days he wakens DS1 up around 7.15, I get up around 7.30 have breakfast with them and kiss them good bye; they're out around 8am. I leave everything ready for DS the night before. DD2 wakes up around 7.45-8.15

    On weekends we are both up before the kids; if they wake up before us it's usually DH the one that gets up; anyhow, if they wake up during the night I usually get up with them

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  • My husband gets up with DS1, our early riser, every morning when he's home. I usually get up when DS2 wakes up, but will occasionally ask for another 30 min of sleep. Sometimes he'll ask if he can sleep in one morning instead if he's exhausted, but he's a total morning person and I am not, by any means.

    It's not a fairness or keeping score issue here, just what works for our family.
    holz

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  • I think in your case taking turns is the only way to keep it fair

    I get up first and always have. Even when i worked. I am a morning person and prefer to be up anyway.
    CJ :-)
  • I get up weekends and week days. I cannot sleep past 7-ish and if my kids are up before that, I can't sleep through their noise anyways. Even on the days I work (3 full days), I get the kids ready and DH sleeps until the last second, gets himself up and out. It just works for us. I am a morning person, he is not. He does bedtime 90% of the time and I go to bed several hours before him. He has PTSD and one of it's bigger effects is an inability to fall asleep so once he is asleep, I tend to let him. If we need something done or are going somewhere on the weekends, I just wake him and he is fine with that. If they wake during the night (which, sadly, DD2 does at least twice a week), DH deals with her 99% of the time.

     

    DD1 7/10/08  DD2 8/11/10  DS 7/2/13

  • image cjcouple:
    I think in your case taking turns is the only way to keep it fair I get up first and always have. Even when i worked. I am a morning person and prefer to be up anyway.
    Yep. 

     

    OP why are you mad? If he let you sleep I. Yesterday seems only fair he sleeps in today. 

    Mom to Emma 9/4/06 and Jackson 11/24/08 M/C Dec 11 and M/C twins feb 2012. BFP Thanksgiving! EDD Aug 4, 2013 M/C at 5 weeks.
  • My husband travels most week days, but on the weekends we take turns. I don't always sleep in, but sometimes I just lay in bed and read for 30 min. or so until I get up. We don't really discuss who gets up when; it just happens to be fairly even.

  • Thankfully when the kids are up we both get up.  Neither of us can sleep in anymore.  However if DS for some reason gets up super early I'll let him hangout in our bed.  Nobody sleeps but it's nice to just lay in bed.  During the week it's the same.

    In your situation I'd suggest to DH that he get up one day and you the other since you both like to sleep in.  And, during the week you should get up with your DS.  You can take a nap later if you're tired.

     

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  • DH always gets up with DS even during the week.  DS is an early riser and usually up by 6am,  Dh has to get up by then to get ready for work so he takes care of him in the morning so I can sleep until 7am. I don't sleep well in general so sleeping in is just a way for me to catch up on a little more sleep.  Dh doesn't need that and feels rested when he gets up. 
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  • Once they don't need me to nurse in the am, DH gets up with the kids and starts breakfast. I don't really sleep in long though, maybe another half hour. It does give me a chance to shower and get moving without rushing around. We've never tried taking turns with kid responsibilities, that isn't something that would work for us. To be fair, my girls don't get up until 7:30 or 8, so we're not up too early anyway.

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  • We each get up one of the days.  I don't usually fall back to sleep (I have to wake dh up when I hear the kids, he'd sleep right through it), but I still enjoy one morning a week to lay in bed, read, take a longer shower, etc. before coming downstairs.
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  • I get up, but it's because I want to. DH will do it if I ask him, but for the most part I prefer to get up and let DH sleep. The morning is when DS is cuddly and I love that first hour he's up.
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  • I could of wrote this post myself!  I always get up during the week, but on the weekend my DH trys to help.....,  I have calmly explained that I need help to stay positive and when my DH helps out, I thank him.

     

  • During the week H gets up at 4am for work and I get up at 7am with the kids. I let H sleep in on weekends for obvious reasons.
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  • DH is on baby-duty over the weekend. Our daughter STTN consistently, but on the off chance she does wake up, he tends to her. I am typically up before she wakes (I was up at 6:45 this morning and she woke up at 7), so DH is still sleeping. If I am still sleeping, then it's up to him to keep her occupied until breakfast.
  • I am not good at sleeping (insomnia, etc.), so DH usually got up/gets up with kids. I am eternally grateful for him doing that! Anymore, though, DH, DS2 and I usually get up together bc DH has to leave for work by 8.

    Your DH does sound jerky. Have you tried talking to him during a neutral time about how he needs step up? Especially if he wants more kids.

    DS1 - Feb 2008

    DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)

  • I get up. DS wakes up pretty early and DH  has work in the mornings so he needs to be fully rested.
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  • image nosoup4u:
    I am not good at sleeping insomnia, etc., so DH usually got up/gets up with kids. I am eternally grateful for him doing that! Anymore, though, DH, DS2 and I usually get up together bc DH has to leave for work by 8. Your DH does sound jerky. Have you tried talking to him during a neutral time about how he needs step up? Especially if he wants more kids.

    How is he jerky? Didn't she say they were taking turns?
    Mom to Big Sister (2008) , and boy/girl twins (2010) Life is busy!
  • DH gets up both days. He really doesn't see DS during the week though so it's their special time. They often go out for breakfast or donuts just the two of them. During the week it's all me with DS from wake up to bedtime so we both enjoy having it this way. I get a break in the morning and they get some quality time. 

     


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  • First, I don't think what anyone does will really help you.  It's all about doing what works for your family.  IMO it's perfectly reasonable to expect to at the very least trade off days, so I think you should sit down with your H and have a discussion.  Just pick a day and stick to that day.  If your H doesn't want to do it because he's been getting up all week for work (as if you haven't been getting up all week with a kid, but whatever ;) ) then let him sleep in on Saturday and you get up  and then you sleep in on Sunday.  And each of you should be respectful to the other and no complain when it's your day or cause a problem.  Let the other sleep! 

    As for us, on the weekends MH typically "gets up" with DS, but really I'm right behind.  I don't really stay in bed and sleep.  It's just more about he pops out of bed first to get DS and then I'm right behind.  Now that we have two kids I'm usually tending to the baby and he takes the toddler.  But we're all out of bed about the same time.  

    This is definitely something you two need to work out and come to a compromise on.  

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  • image I Heart The 80s:
    image nosoup4u:
    I am not good at sleeping insomnia, etc., so DH usually got up/gets up with kids. I am eternally grateful for him doing that! Anymore, though, DH, DS2 and I usually get up together bc DH has to leave for work by 8. Your DH does sound jerky. Have you tried talking to him during a neutral time about how he needs step up? Especially if he wants more kids.
    How is he jerky? Didn't she say they were taking turns?

    I could be wrong, but I get the impression that they don't really have a specific arrangement worked out and her H only gets up when she makes a stink about it, which kind of negates the point of the other parent getting up so you can have some peace!

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  • 90% it is me (100% when nursing was the only nutrition he was taking). But my husband works swing shift and it has only been recently that when he works the graveyard, he will get the baby when little man wakes up. I usually wake up but play opossum until after the diaper change and breakfast is served. Also little man sleeps until 830 or later so i am lucky
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  • I usually get up. I cannot sleep in if my life depended on it. That said, I'm always up before ds. He usually wakes around 7 am, and I'm up at 6. On weekends, I let DH and ds sleep in while I tend to the dogs and the cat, make breakfast, etc

    I don't have to worry about MOTN wakings so much, ds sleeps in our bed so I don't have to get up to tend to him.
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  • We rotate if I actually want to sleep in, but I usually don't.
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  • image I Heart The 80s:
    image nosoup4u:
    Your DH does sound jerky. Have you tried talking to him during a neutral time about how he needs step up? Especially if he wants more kids.
    How is he jerky? Didn't she say they were taking turns?

    Right here in the OP: 

    image smileybabyboy:
    My DS is usually up before my DH gets up for work. I am always the one who gets up with DS during the week days even though DH could technically help out.  The weekends is always an argument about who gets up. Sometimes we take turns, I get up saturday mornings with DS and he gets up sunday mornings. DH got up yesterday because I was upset that he wasn't getting up so we were both up and this morning I'm up and he is still sleeping. I don't feel like DH spends enough time with DS and I don't feel like I get much of a break even when DH is around.  He wants a second child eventually which I think would cause even more arguments.
    DS1 - Feb 2008

    DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)

  • I get up with the kids on the weekend, I'm very much a morning person.  I get DH up after I feed the kids breakfast and clean up, around 8:30-9 a.m.  If I need to go somewhere early on the weekend, like I had a hair appointment yesterday at 10 and needed him up so I could get ready, I got him up at 8. 
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  • image nosoup4u:

    image I Heart The 80s:
    image nosoup4u:
    Your DH does sound jerky. Have you tried talking to him during a neutral time about how he needs step up? Especially if he wants more kids.
    How is he jerky? Didn't she say they were taking turns?

    Right here in the OP: 

    image smileybabyboy:
    My DS is usually up before my DH gets up for work. I am always the one who gets up with DS during the week days even though DH could technically help out.  The weekends is always an argument about who gets up. Sometimes we take turns, I get up saturday mornings with DS and he gets up sunday mornings. DH got up yesterday because I was upset that he wasn't getting up so we were both up and this morning I'm up and he is still sleeping. I don't feel like DH spends enough time with DS and I don't feel like I get much of a break even when DH is around.  He wants a second child eventually which I think would cause even more arguments.

    Just based on the way it's worded though, my gut reaction is that she expects him to get up on weekends but they've never really discussed it and agreed on a plan. 


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  • image QueSyrah:

    Just based on the way it's worded though, my gut reaction is that she expects him to get up on weekends but they've never really discussed it and agreed on a plan. 

    Ha, my gut reaction was that he's probably jerky. The folly of the written word. I think if she's bothered by it and it's an argument about him getting up on the weekends/spending time with the baby = jerky on his part. But yes, she should talk to him about it.

    DS1 - Feb 2008

    DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)

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