Trouble TTC

How do I explain it? Got a little long.

First I want to say, I am not sure if this needs some sort of warning or not. I am about to talk about my uber-fertile SIL and some things my brother says to me about it.

About three or four months ago my brother mentioned that SIL was thinking about donating eggs. She would get paid a butt load of money for it and all that jazz. He knows what I am going through, I think. At the time it stung, but I brushed it off and moved on.

Last weekend I needed to get away from home and just relax, so I drove over to visit my brother and sister and to squish my sweet niece. Well, the fact that SIL went in for testing to see if she was a candidate for egg donation came we were talking a little about my IF. He started bragging about how the docs were so amazed by her follicles and how she is going to be able to donate up to six times in her life because she is just that fertile. I felt like I was being kicked in the gut. I didn't know what to say or how to react so I just sat there in shock. We had just talked about where I am in the diagnosis process and then he thinks it's appropriate to mention how amazingly fertile SIL is. Then he said that if I wanted a baby that looked like his beautiful daughter SIL would just give me an egg. Because we know that my eggs are the problem? I just sat there. 

Since I got home I have just been dwelling on this. I feel like it was so incredibly insensitive to bring up to me at all, but especially during the conversation of my lack of fertility. I want to say something, but I don't know what or how to say it. I am not mad that she is fertile and I don't want it to come across that way. I just want him to understand what is and isn't appropriate to talk to me about. What would you say? Would  you bring it up now or wait until the next time he says something? 

 TTC#1 Since April 2011 
BFP#1 5.23.12 C/P 4w4d 
BFP #2 10.1.13
EDD June 10, 2014

Re: How do I explain it? Got a little long.

  • If it will bother you if it comes up again, I would mention it.  You could bring it up in a non-confrontational way... hey brother, I wanted to talk about something.  When I visited last weekend and you were talking about SIL being a donor, I kn

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    TTC since Sept 2011, Unexplained IF
    Oct 12 - Jan 14: 3 clomid/TI cycles, 2 hysteroscopies, 2 IUIs, 1 BFP (MMC @ 12w), 2 more IUIs
    Feb 14: Gonal-f + IUI #5 = BFP! (EDD 11/4/14)
    Baby boy arrived 11/13/14!

  • image rox825:
    If it will bother you if it comes up again, I would mention it.  You could bring it up in a non-confrontational w
  • image brandykid:

    image rox825:<


    New to the 3T board? *~*~*~*Click HERE first!*~*~*~*

    Losing the fight against my ovaries  37 38 months and counting

    Me: PCOS secondary to Hashimoto's (thyroid), endometrial hyperplasia, and a blocked tube

     DH-low motility and poor morphology

    My long and convoluted 7 month testing history can be found HERE

    Short story: if you've been trying for over a year, go straight to an RE. Don't waste time with an OB

     Treatment History 

    Medicated Cycle #1 (8/2013) 100mg Clomid , Stair-step to 150mg Clomid+ TI=  No Response
    Medicated Cycle #2, 3, 4 (9/13 10/13 11/13) 5mg Femara + TI + Ovidrel= BFN/No Response
    IUI #1 (1/14) 5mg Femara (CD3-CD7) + Follistim (50/100/150/200/250IU) = Over responded
    IUI #2 (3/14) 27 days of Follistim 50/75/100/150/200 (5 follies) + Lurpon+ IUI (12.5m motile) = BFN
    IVF #1 (11/14) Antagonist protocol - cancelled due to over response followed by a failed coast (plummeting e2's)
    IVF #2 (1/15) Estrogen Priming Protocol... not so common for PCOS'ers but I trust my doc on this one. 

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  • PP has a great suggestion on how to approach it with your brother.  I'm sorry that your brother was horribly insensitive and that you had to go through that.  
    CafeMom Tickers
    TTC since July 2011
    BFP #1: 2/15/12-Ectopic/Mtx at 6 wks

    BFP #2: 10/12/12-m/c at 5 wks. 
    BFP #3: 8/27/13
    Me: MTHFR, Low AMH (1.1), High NK cells and Antiphospholipid Antibodies.
    DH:MFI-Low morph (1%), DNA fragmentation: Excellent!
    5 rounds of clomid, 3 IUIs, and multiple non-medicated cycles- BFFN                                                      
    IVF with ICSI in August 2013 brought us our babies.  ER-9R, 7M, 4F w/ICSI  ET of 2-Grade 2 blasts. 
    + HPT at 6dp5dt. #1 (8dp5dt)- 105    #2 (13dp5dt)- 510  #3 (15dp5dt)- 960  #4 (17dp5dt)- 1889
    Dx shortened cervix, PTL, and preeclampsia during pregnancy.  Lots of medications and 13 weeks of bedrest, babies were born healthy at 34w4d!

  • I'm sorry your brother was so insensitive.  The PP gave a great suggestion that I need to remember so I can use it too.  

    *********Siggy Warning/Loss Mentioned*********

    DH: 34 Me: 35 Married: 09-05-08 
    Off BC: Feb 2009  Started TTC #1: Oct 2011 Started BBT: July 2012 

          Me: Blood work good, HSG all clear. Synthroid for TTC
    DH: Dx. MFI- Varicocele Surgery (count/motility better, morph low and small heads)

    Cycle # 25 -  TI cycle, Trigger, Crinone = BFN
     Cycle # 26 -  50mg Clomid, TI, Trigger, Estrace =BFN
    Cycle #37 -  2.5mg Femara, IUI, 1.5 million post wash, Trigger, Crinone = BFN
                      Cycle #39 -  IVF#1 - Long Lupron Protocol-Gonal F-Menopur-Cetrotide=10R,7M,5F Transferred 2 fair/poor.
    Beta 10/2 - BFP - EDD 6/11/14, MMC at 8w1d. D&C on 11/5/14

                                                       ~All are welcome~


  • I'm not sure how I would handle that either, but I'm so sorry you had to sit through that!!! Why on earth would two people think that that would be OK to discuss with you at all, let alone right after discussing your IF.

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    Married October 2009. Me 29 H 28.
    After 1 year of infertility, our little miracle was conceived via our 3rd IUI on May 5, 2013.
    Holland Sophia was born Jan 24, 2014.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • image rox825:
    If it will bother you if it comes up again, I would mention it. nbsp;You could bring it up in a nonconfrontational way... h
     TTC#1 Since April 2011 
    BFP#1 5.23.12 C/P 4w4d 
    BFP #2 10.1.13
    EDD June 10, 2014
  • oh girl...I totally understand. I'm so sorry :( Wish I had words of advice, but just want to offer HUGS!

    TTC #1 since 7/2011
    ME: 35  DH: 36
    HSG-1/16/12-possible blocked left tube
    BFP#1---CP 7/9/12
    Hysteroscopy-8/9/12-blocked left tube for sure, proceeding with IUI#1
    IUI#1 (Gonal-F + trigger)=BFP#2 m/c @ 19w1d D&E 1/23/13
    IUI #2 (Gonal F + trigger)=BFP#3 EDD 1/6/14 TWINS!!!
    Identical girls born 11/17/13
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • Sometimes I do not think that people in our intermediate families truly understand what could hurt when they speak of certain things. I am truly sorry that you had to sit through that. I probably would have started to cry and then walked out of the house.
  • image NariaDreaming:
    image brandyk
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    Age: Me 26, DH 27, Married Oct. 10, 2009 ,TTC since March 2012
    Problem: Irregular menstruation, unexplained
    Nov&Dec-Provera because of no period after 35+ days
    First RE appt 1/10/2013
    Tests: TSH (normal), Prolactin (normal), SA (abnormal)
    Hysteroscopy (normal) and PCOS labs (negative/normal) 1/15/2013
    2/1/13- HPT BFP but Beta Hcg was negative
    Plan: Femara + Trigger + IUI in April if no real BFP before then Bloggy Blog!
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