TTC After a Loss

I love you, and update on me

My dear and beautiful friends,

I'm so sorry I've been MIA for the past few weeks.  I have missed you all terribly.  I do plan on coming back to post regularly soon, but I'm not quite there yet.  Still, I wanted to give you an update and get my TTCAL-group-hug fix.

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Since our most recent loss, DH and I have had a very hard time coming to terms with the fact that we will very likely not have biological children.  Personally, I am having a really hard time accepting the fact that, even if we do decide to pursue other parenting options, I may never experience pregnancy beyond 6-7 weeks or give birth.  We are both really struggling with our grief/depression, separately and as it affects our marriage. 

Our IF and RPL experience has been a struggle for us since we started to suspect we could not conceive on our own.  The first and subsequent MCs made it that much harder.  Yet, I believe we had been delaying quite a bit of our grief by constantly planning the next step: the next doctor appointment, the next injection, the next insemination, the next med change...  Five IUIs and six losses later, the reality is setting in and we are not handling it well. 

I have been seeing a therapist since the fall, and DH will start going this Saturday.  I started Zoloft today, too.  I know we need to find a way to move past this and find joy again, and we're doing what we can to work on that.  But it's really, really hard to visualize a time in the future when we will be happy. 

I have lurked a bit here and there, but I honestly haven't been on TB much at all...it is just so overwhelming for me right now.  I feel awful about it everyday, because I love so many of you and know you all need support too...I just don't have it in me right now.  Please know I think of you all often and truly miss the time I have spent here and the love and support I've been so fortunate to be able to share in.

I will be back.  And I will try to pop into chat once in a while in the meantime.  Mostly because I need more titties in my life ( . Y . ) Stick out tongue  Alright, not mostly.  But partly.  In the meantime, I see that km_md has stepped up and taken on the Book Club, which I apologize for neglecting.  (km - you rock and I lurve you!)

I love you ladies more than words and cannot tell you how much it has meant to me that so many of you have checked in.  I hope you are all doing well.  And I hope to be back here raising helll with you very soon.

Love, hugs, kisses, and titties.

And beer.  Lots of beer.

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PAIF/SAIF, PGAL/PAL welcome.
TTC since March 2010 ~ Dx Unexplained IF September 2011
2011: IUI + Clomid = CP#1
2012: 3 more IUIs + Clomid = 3 more CPs. One on-our-own pg, also CP
2013: BTB IUI + Lupron/Follistim/Prometrium/PIO = CP #6
IF testing, RPL testing, Autoimmune testing = all normal
So lost.
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Re: I love you, and update on me

  • [[[[[[[[[[[Red]]]]]]]]]]]]

    I have missed you so much, love.

    Thank you for the update. I am truly sorry for how hard things are right now, but I can only imagine the toll all of this has taken on you, DH, and your relationship. I


    image

    "As long as I live you will live. As long as I live you will be loved."

    BFP#1 3/31/12 EDD 12/1/12,No HB 6/6/12 (14 weeks 4 days), D&C 6/11/12 (15 weeks 2 days)*Arabella Ann*

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

     

    BFP#2 5/21/14 EDD 1/27/15 *GROW BABY GROW*

     
     


     

  • Hi Red - I'm glad to see you and know you're okay. I'm so very sorry for all that you and yh have been through.

    I can only imagine how difficult it must be to work through your current situation. I hope that you and yh can find the support you ne

    image image
    BFP #1 08/05/12. EDD 4/15/13 m/c 08/27/12
    BFP #2 06/05/13. EDD 2/16/2014 (Team Blue). Baby Wombat born 2/20/2014 7lb. 11oz and 20 in.
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • Huge (((hugs))) Red!!!
    BFP #1 October 2008 | m/c Thanksgiving weekend | November 2008 | 7 weeks 2 days

    BFP #2 February 2009 | m/c March 2009 | 4 weeks 3 days
    Testing on mom and dad for possible reasons all came back normal.
    BFP #3 8/4/2009 | DD born 3/28/10 @ 38 weeks
    BFP #4 5/13/11 | m/c 6/15/11 | 8 weeks 6 days
    BFP #5 2/13/13 | CP 2/19/13 | 4 weeks 
    BFP #6 3/21/14 | Heard the HB on 4/16 | m/c 4/21/14 | 9 weeks
    Testing results all returned normal and baby was a GIRL.
    More testing on mom and dad for other issues all returned normal results.

    "Dear Lord, I would have loved to have held my babies on my lap & tell them about you, but since I didn't get the chance, would you please hold them on your lap & tell them about me?"
    All are welcome!
  • Hey, Red!!  I've missed you around here, and totally understand your need for a break. 

    I'm so sorry you are facing all of this right now.  My heart aches for you.  Just know that we are all hear for you no matter what. 

        image

    BFP #1 4-10-2012, EDD 12-19-2012, ectopic discovered 5-01-12 at 6w6d
    BFP #2 3-22-2013, EDD 11-28-13, natural mc 4-09-13 at 6w4d
    BFP #3 6-10-2013, EDD 2-19-2014, DD born 2-12-14

    Lilypie - (m3ND)

      

     

     

     

  • Oh Red, I'm so glad to see your face (and titties) around here, but I'm so sorry for all you are going through. I wish I had wise words, but I don't. Just TONS of (((HUGS))). I do hope you will re-join us soon, we've missed your a** around here lady! So m
    BFP#1 8/3/12~EDD 4/1/13~Natural M/C 9/1/12-9w6d 
    BFP#2 5/30/13~EDD 2/3/14~Confirmed CP 5/31/13
    7/12/13 Hysteroscopy & Lap Lysis of Adhesions
    1st Cycle on Clomid Aug '13: BFP#3 8/24/13~EDD 5/3/14
    Hoping Third Time's a Charm!!- IT'S A GIRL!!!! 
    KAYLIE MARIE IS HERE! BORN 5/4/14

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic 
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 

    Lilypie - (nUwf)

    image 
    All AL-ers welcome in my posts! <3
  • sig

     

     

     

    ((((((((((Red))))))))))

    You have been very missed. I am sorry that things are so hard right now. I hope seeing the therapist helps you both and the Zoloft, too. I also hope you guys can find some p



    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers 

    BFP #1 12/7/2011 EDD 8/21/2012 Delivered at 15 weeks
    "I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be." 
    BFP#2 10/19/2012 EDD 6/30/2013 Delivered safely two days early

    Great big huge congratulations to my love, maddielynn321, for a bean with a heartbeat!
    Grow, little alien baby, grow!

    Everyone is welcome in my posts.

  • RED!!!! I've missed you. I was just asking about you the other day! I wish I had answers but all I have are hugs and boobs. I'll keep sending positive thoughts your way. 

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    imageimageimage
    TTC since 2.12 
    BFP 11.14.12 (MC 12.2.12) EDD 7.24.13 
    Dx: Unexplained IF 12.13, Endometriosis 1.14
    IUI#1+Clomid 1.3.14 Missed Ectopic identified 1.28.14 (EDD 9.26.14) Lap. Surgery
    IUI#2.0+Letrozole Cancelled 1.28.14. IUI#2.1+Letrozole Cancelled 4.22.14
    IVF 6 eggs Retrieved 5 Fertilized 7.22.14 1 Blastocyst Transfer 7.27.14 
    BFP 8.5.14 Due 4.15 Feeling hopeful.
      All Welcome

  • Red!

    A million hugs. You've got so much on your plate right now. Take all the space you need and know you've got ears here if you need them.

    :::mobile hugs:::

    BFP#2 2.5.11 (EDD 10.15.11) DS born 9.28.11

    BFP#4 8.27.13 (EDD 5.6.14) DD born 4.23.14

     

    Lilypie - (2llN)

    Lilypie - (2L9u)

     

      My Recipe Blog
    ~All AL'ers welcome~

  • I've been thinking of you a lot, Red, so this update is both wonderful and heartbreaking to read. There is so much you and your DH are processing, and, FWIW, I think you're doing a phenomenal job of working through your grief both together and separate


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    BFP #1 (natural): 12/15/11; missed m/c and D&C at 7-8w
    BFP #2 (Menopur + Ovidrel + IUI#2): 11/20/12; hb@6w2d, no hb@7w6d; D&C
    BFP #3 (Menopur + Ovidrel + IUI#3): 6/7/13; Baby Button born via c/s 2/8/14
    Praying for Jenn0021's future rainbow--I love you, friend!
    ~~All welcome in my posts!~~
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  • Glad to see you, Red! I'm so sorry that you're going through this, but it sounds like you're taking good care of yourself. I do miss seeing your posts around here!

    ((HUGS)) Another round for the group (of hugs and beer!)

    <img src="h


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    DD born 2.5.14!
    TTC since 2.2012. Three Early Losses (7.25.12 | 12.17.12 | 2.14.13). 
    TTC the final as of 11.2014.
    My Ovulation Chart



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    BFP #1 4-10-2012, EDD 12-19-2012, ectopic discovered 5-01-12 at 6w6d
    BFP #2 3-22-2013, EDD 11-28-13, natural mc 4-09-13 at 6w4d
    BFP #3 6-10-2013, EDD 2-19-2014, DD born 2-12-14

    Lilypie - (m3ND)

      

     

     

     

  • Thank you for the update red ((((hugs)))).  You have been missed.  You and YH have had to endure so much and to come to terms with so many sh!tty things.  We love you and miss you and will be waiting hear for you when you are ready.

    TTCAL October Siggy Challenge: Unfortunate Sticker Placement
    "Butt Closure" for when anal is not okay
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    Zachary Donald born 9/22/2012 at 20 weeks. You will forever be in our heart.
    imageimageimageimage
    A miracle is what seems impossible but happens anyways
    BFP#1 06/08/2012 EDD 02/07/2013, born 09/22/2012 PTL due to placental abruption
    BFP#2 12/21/2012 EDD 08/27/2013, CP@4w6d
    BFP#3 01/21/2013 EDD 10/02/2013, M/C 02/26/2013

    my chart
    ***PgAL/PAL Always Welcome***


  • Huge hugs hun! Thanks for the update! I certainly hope therapy will help you and DH and your relationship. I am so sorry that you are going through this. More big squishy hugs!
    Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Fourth Birthday tickers
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers Daisypath Friendship tickers
    TTC #2 Since October 2011
    RE testing results: DH- normal ME- DX:PCOS and One copy of MTHFR gene
    IUI#1 Sept/Oct 2012-Follistim, Ovidrel, Metformin, Baby Asprin, Lovenox, Crinone, and Neevo Beta 10/24=BFN
    No 2nd IUI but instead TI with Metformin, Baby Asprin, Neevo and Prometrium
    BFP #4 5/4/13-EDD 1/19/14- grow little one, grow!
    Beta #1@15DPO HCG-95, progesterone-25 Beta #4@24DPO HCG-2498, progesterone-30, 1st U/S 6mm,133BPM 2nd U/S 1.6cm, 167 BPM
    Chart
    Lilypie Maternity tickers Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    ~*~*~*~Everyone Welcome~*~*~*~
  • Red!  Thank you for the update love, you are hugely missed around here.  You have had so much to deal with lately that needing the break to focus on you and dh is so understandable.  ((((((((hugs))))))))
    _____________________________
    TTC #3 since Aug 2009
    2 ds 2004 and 2009
    8 angels, including one heteroectopic pregnancy
    lost right tube

    clotting/RPL panel results normal, genetic testing results normal
    CD2 BW results FSH 5 LH 7 dx: PCOS Dec 2013

    1500mg metformin started Dec 2013        
    TTCAL siggy challenge: Unfortunate Sticker Placement
    image


    imageimageimage
    My Chart
    My Blog


    ~*~All are welcome~*~

  • Red!!!! Love you and miss you lady. My heart hurts for all that you are going through right now and I'm glad you are taking care of yourself hon. Big huge [[[[hugs]]]] to you.
    BFP #1:  8/10/11 EDD: 4/9/12 Natural miscarriage @ 7 weeks: 8/20/11
    BFP #2: 8/31/12 EDD: 5/18/13 Chemical pregnancy: 9/4/12
    BFP #3:  5/17/13  EDD: 1/24/14 Loss at 5 weeks: 5/29/13

    image  imageimage

    Lots of testing, all clear with the exception of compound heterozygous for the MTHFR mutation. 

    Cycle 1: Femara, trigger shot, Bravelle added due to slow response = BFN
    Cycle 2: Cancelled due to two cysts =(
    Cycle 3: Femara, Bravelle, trigger shot and IUI = BFP then loss #3
    Cycle 4: Femara, Follistim, trigger shot and IUI = BFP!  EDD: 6/7/14

    image

    PGAL/PAL welcome
  • Oh my Red! You know how I feel about you. Nothing but never-ending love! Take all the time away from the board as you need but I'm not leaving your side.

    Love love LOVE!

     

     

    PS - I'll be back in July/August. Something

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    ~*~Everyone is welcome~*~
    imageImage and video hosting by TinyPic image 
  • **siggy**

     

     

     

    Red! *HUGS* love and miss you tons. The treehouse just isn't the same without you and your hat :) 

    BFP#1 9/28/2012 - EDD 6/3/2013 - MMC discovered 11/21/2012 @ 12w2d - D&C 11/24/2012
    BFP#2 4/4/2013 - Born at 37w3d on 11/26/13 via emergency c-section
    Loving our beautiful rainbow baby boy Archer!
    image

    ~*All AL Welcome*~
  • (((Hugs)))

    Thanks for the update. I am so sorry for all you are going through. We've missed you. If you feel up to it, keep us posted on how you and dh are doing.

    I also feel like you made a post about job stuff, how is that going?

    (

    "It's, not, where you are, it's where you're going,
    And it's, not, about the things you've done, it's what you're doing, now"

    TTC Journey Began 8/12
    BFP #1 11/9/12, MMC/D&C 12/21/12 @ 9w2d, EDD 7/24/13
    SAs: 2%-3% Morph - RE Official Diagnosis
    Unexplained
     BFN = IUI #1 (Clomid) | IUI #2 (Letrozole) 
    BFP #2 4/19/14 = IUI #3 (Letrozole)
    Expecting Our Elf 12/27/14
    ~All Welcome~

  • Lots of hugs, Red.  I think a lot of us have missed you, but understand you need time and space.  I appreciate the update!  I'm so, so sorry you're going through this, but I'm glad to hear you're getting help and support you need.  I h
    Married my wife 8/2007 ~ TTC #1 since 7/2011
    9 IUIs = 9 BFNs
    IVF October 2012: 22 eggs retrieved, 17 fertilized, 5 frozen
    ET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Blighted ovum discovered at 7w5d; D&E
    FET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Missed m/c discovered at 9w5d; D&E
    Karyotyping: normal ~ RPL Testing: normal ~ Hysteroscopy: normal
    FET #2: 1 blast transferred 10/25; BFP 10/31!
    EDD 7/13/14 ~ Induced at 37w5d due to pre-eclampsia ~ Born on 6/28/14
    *Everyone welcome*

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I knew this already, but you all never cease to amaze me with your awesomeness.  Thank you so much for the love and hugs.  <3
    PAIF/SAIF, PGAL/PAL welcome.
    TTC since March 2010 ~ Dx Unexplained IF September 2011
    2011: IUI + Clomid = CP#1
    2012: 3 more IUIs + Clomid = 3 more CPs. One on-our-own pg, also CP
    2013: BTB IUI + Lupron/Follistim/Prometrium/PIO = CP #6
    IF testing, RPL testing, Autoimmune testing = all normal
    So lost.
    image image
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  • We have missed you Red!!! Thank you for keeping us updated on all that is going on for you and your DH right now. I'm sending you many big hugs right now!
    PCOS & ute crew member
    BFP #1: 10/24/2012  EDD 7/3/13, missed m/c @ 9 weeks, D&E 
    DX: Septate Uterus. Septum resection 6/4/13
    BFP #2: 12/20/2013  EDD 9/1/14, missed m/c @ 7weeks, D&E
    BFP #3: 5/26/2014 EDD 2/7/15, missed m/c @ 9 weeks, D&E- DX Trisomy22
    RPL, Karyotyping, and SHG: All Normal
    BFP #4: 9/6/14 EDD 5/16/15 Praying for our RAINBOW!
    image
    **All AL Welcome**

  • km_mdkm_md
    5000 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its Fifth Anniversary
    member

    ((((((((RED)))))))) (oYo)

    I really do miss you and your titties around here.

    Please, please, please do not apologize for anything. You need to do what is best for you. Sure we miss you and love you, but we understand that you have needs th

    Married my own Prince at Walt Disney World Resort on September 9th, 2010 
    BFP#1 - 25/Aug/12 - EDD 2/May/13 - M/C - 08/Sept/12 - 6w2d - Never in my arms, forever in my heart <3
    BFP#2 - 13/May/13 - EDD 25/Jan/14 - Evelyn born January 27th 2014 

    My Blog

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    <3 All AL Always Welcome <3
    Congratulations to all of my TTCAL Treehouse friends on their BFPs and Rainbow Babies!!
  • Sig
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    So glad to see an update Red. I just want to send you lots and lots of hugs [[[]]] and a few titty bumps, for good measure... Oh shiit, I can't do them because I'm mobile. Will you accept my robot titty bumps? [ . Y . ]
  • ((Hugs)) and lots of them. Hoping you get to a better place sooner rather than later.
    TTC Our Rainbow Since May 2011

    BFP#1 9/9/12 -- EDD 5/14/13 -- MMC 10/10/12 Miso 10/19/12

    BFP #2 9/17/13 -- EDD 5/25/14-- CP confirmed 9/21/13
     BFP #3
    2/1/14 -- EDD 10/5/14 -- NMC 2/10/14

    Dx: Hetero MTHFR & low Progesterone

    My Chart

    4e41feae2813d8779361f4b4a13b4b (1)imageimage

    image

    ~*~All AL Welcome~*~


  • Huge, huge hugs to you, Red.  You've been on my mind so much.

    I am so sorry for the hell you've been through.... so sad that you're going through all that you are... but it sounds like you are working through it ... not past it... through it

    dream 1 CAME TRUE 2.13.2010


     <dream 2> 12.2011


     2.10.12 : 4 weeks


    6.17.12 : 10 weeks


    10.10.12 : 4 weeks, 6 days


    12.13.12 : 9 weeks, 1 day


    4.6.13 : 4 weeks, 4 days


    10.27.13 : 5 weeks, 6 days


    4.2.14 (IVF #1) : 4 weeks, 1 day


    6.19.14 : IVF #2 Negative


     </dream 2>


     resolve.org


    AMA, Diminished Ovarian Reserve, heterozygous MTHFR


    "all it was was a fairytale and devotion to a dream"

    lyrics

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    ***All always welcome!!***

  • image mightymousy:

    **siggy**

     

     

     

    Red! *HUGS* love and miss you tons. The treehouse just isn

    dream 1 CAME TRUE 2.13.2010


     <dream 2> 12.2011


     2.10.12 : 4 weeks


    6.17.12 : 10 weeks


    10.10.12 : 4 weeks, 6 days


    12.13.12 : 9 weeks, 1 day


    4.6.13 : 4 weeks, 4 days


    10.27.13 : 5 weeks, 6 days


    4.2.14 (IVF #1) : 4 weeks, 1 day


    6.19.14 : IVF #2 Negative


     </dream 2>


     resolve.org


    AMA, Diminished Ovarian Reserve, heterozygous MTHFR


    "all it was was a fairytale and devotion to a dream"

    lyrics

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    ***All always welcome!!***

  • image mightymousy:

    **siggy**

     

     

     

    Red! *HUGS* love and miss you tons. The treehouse just isn

    dream 1 CAME TRUE 2.13.2010


     <dream 2> 12.2011


     2.10.12 : 4 weeks


    6.17.12 : 10 weeks


    10.10.12 : 4 weeks, 6 days


    12.13.12 : 9 weeks, 1 day


    4.6.13 : 4 weeks, 4 days


    10.27.13 : 5 weeks, 6 days


    4.2.14 (IVF #1) : 4 weeks, 1 day


    6.19.14 : IVF #2 Negative


     </dream 2>


     resolve.org


    AMA, Diminished Ovarian Reserve, heterozygous MTHFR


    "all it was was a fairytale and devotion to a dream"

    lyrics

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    ***All always welcome!!***

  • Lots of love lady. You already know about my obsessive feelings for you.

    . .
    MC 4/09 at 6w2d 
    Rainbow Jude 
    born: 12/31/09
    Pre-E Induction at 36w4d
    11 Day NICU stay due to GBS infection

    TTC#2 10/2010
    M/C: 4/09/11 5w
    CP: 12/26/2011 
    CP: 1/28/2012 
    MMC: 4/16/2012 at 11w2d 
    Ectopic: 6/25/2012 MTX 07/03/12
    CP 11/24/2012 
    Rainbow Violet 
    born: 9/11/13

    All ALers welcome! 
  • Leave it to mobile to ruin my tiits.
    MC 4/09 at 6w2d 
    Rainbow Jude 
    born: 12/31/09
    Pre-E Induction at 36w4d
    11 Day NICU stay due to GBS infection

    TTC#2 10/2010
    M/C: 4/09/11 5w
    CP: 12/26/2011 
    CP: 1/28/2012 
    MMC: 4/16/2012 at 11w2d 
    Ectopic: 6/25/2012 MTX 07/03/12
    CP 11/24/2012 
    Rainbow Violet 
    born: 9/11/13

    All ALers welcome! 
  • image LSzwaya:
    Leave it to mobile to ruin my tiits.

    Honey, nothing can ruin your tits, 

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    ~*~Everyone is welcome~*~
    imageImage and video hosting by TinyPic image 
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