I love you, and update on me
My dear and beautiful friends,
I'm so sorry I've been MIA for the past few weeks. I have missed you all terribly. I do plan on coming back to post regularly soon, but I'm not quite there yet. Still, I wanted to give you an update and get my TTCAL-group-hug fix. 
Since our most recent loss, DH and I have had a very hard time coming to terms with the fact that we will very likely not have biological children. Personally, I am having a really hard time accepting the fact that, even if we do decide to pursue other parenting options, I may never experience pregnancy beyond 6-7 weeks or give birth. We are both really struggling with our grief/depression, separately and as it affects our marriage.
Our IF and RPL experience has been a struggle for us since we started to suspect we could not conceive on our own. The first and subsequent MCs made it that much harder. Yet, I believe we had been delaying quite a bit of our grief by constantly planning the next step: the next doctor appointment, the next injection, the next insemination, the next med change... Five IUIs and six losses later, the reality is setting in and we are not handling it well.
I have been seeing a therapist since the fall, and DH will start going this Saturday. I started Zoloft today, too. I know we need to find a way to move past this and find joy again, and we're doing what we can to work on that. But it's really, really hard to visualize a time in the future when we will be happy.
I have lurked a bit here and there, but I honestly haven't been on TB much at all...it is just so overwhelming for me right now. I feel awful about it everyday, because I love so many of you and know you all need support too...I just don't have it in me right now. Please know I think of you all often and truly miss the time I have spent here and the love and support I've been so fortunate to be able to share in.
I will be back. And I will try to pop into chat once in a while in the meantime. Mostly because I need more titties in my life ( . Y . ) 
Alright, not mostly. But partly. In the meantime, I see that km_md has stepped up and taken on the Book Club, which I apologize for neglecting. (km - you rock and I lurve you!)
I love you ladies more than words and cannot tell you how much it has meant to me that so many of you have checked in. I hope you are all doing well. And I hope to be back here raising helll with you very soon.
Love, hugs, kisses, and titties.
And beer. Lots of beer.
TTC since March 2010 ~ Dx Unexplained IF September 2011
2011: IUI + Clomid = CP#1
2012: 3 more IUIs + Clomid = 3 more CPs. One on-our-own pg, also CP
2013: BTB IUI + Lupron/Follistim/Prometrium/PIO = CP #6
IF testing, RPL testing, Autoimmune testing = all normal
So lost.
Re: I love you, and update on me
I have missed you so much, love.
Thank you for the update. I am truly sorry for how hard things are right now, but I can only imagine the toll all of this has taken on you, DH, and your relationship. I
"As long as I live you will live. As long as I live you will be loved."
BFP#1 3/31/12 EDD 12/1/12,No HB 6/6/12 (14 weeks 4 days), D&C 6/11/12 (15 weeks 2 days)*Arabella Ann*
BFP#2 5/21/14 EDD 1/27/15 *GROW BABY GROW*
Hi Red - I'm glad to see you and know you're okay. I'm so very sorry for all that you and yh have been through.
I can only imagine how difficult it must be to work through your current situation. I hope that you and yh can find the support you ne
BFP #1 08/05/12. EDD 4/15/13 m/c 08/27/12
BFP #2 06/05/13. EDD 2/16/2014 (Team Blue). Baby Wombat born 2/20/2014 7lb. 11oz and 20 in.
BFP #2 February 2009 | m/c March 2009 | 4 weeks 3 days
BFP #7 10/15 | DS born 6/4/16 @ 36 weeks
BFP #8 9/28/17 AHHH!!! | EDD 6/6/18
All are welcome!
A million hugs. You've got so much on your plate right now. Take all the space you need and know you've got ears here if you need them.
:::mobile hugs:::
BFP#2 2.5.11 (EDD 10.15.11) DS born 9.28.11
BFP#4 8.27.13 (EDD 5.6.14) DD born 4.23.14
My Recipe Blog
~All AL'ers welcome~
Thank you for the update red ((((hugs)))). You have been missed. You and YH have had to endure so much and to come to terms with so many sh!tty things. We love you and miss you and will be waiting hear for you when you are ready.
The day the Bump died - Jasper is wise
TTC #2 Since October 2011
RE testing results: DH- normal ME- DX:PCOS and One copy of MTHFR gene
IUI#1 Sept/Oct 2012-Follistim, Ovidrel, Metformin, Baby Asprin, Lovenox, Crinone, and Neevo Beta 10/24=BFN
No 2nd IUI but instead TI with Metformin, Baby Asprin, Neevo and Prometrium
BFP #4 5/4/13-EDD 1/19/14- grow little one, grow!
Beta #1@15DPO HCG-95, progesterone-25 Beta #4@24DPO HCG-2498, progesterone-30, 1st U/S 6mm,133BPM 2nd U/S 1.6cm, 167 BPM
Chart
~*~*~*~Everyone Welcome~*~*~*~
BFP #2: 8/31/12 EDD: 5/18/13 Chemical pregnancy: 9/4/12
BFP #3: 5/17/13 EDD: 1/24/14 Loss at 5 weeks: 5/29/13
Lots of testing, all clear with the exception of compound heterozygous for the MTHFR mutation.
Cycle 1: Femara, trigger shot, Bravelle added due to slow response = BFN
Cycle 2: Cancelled due to two cysts =(
Cycle 3: Femara, Bravelle, trigger shot and IUI = BFP then loss #3
Cycle 4: Femara, Follistim, trigger shot and IUI = BFP! EDD: 6/7/14
PGAL/PAL welcome
Oh my Red! You know how I feel about you. Nothing but never-ending love! Take all the time away from the board as you need but I'm not leaving your side.
Love love LOVE!
PS - I'll be back in July/August. Something
**siggy**
Red! *HUGS* love and miss you tons. The treehouse just isn't the same without you and your hat
(((Hugs)))
Thanks for the update. I am so sorry for all you are going through. We've missed you. If you feel up to it, keep us posted on how you and dh are doing.
I also feel like you made a post about job stuff, how is that going?
(
"It's, not, where you are, it's where you're going,
And it's, not, about the things you've done, it's what you're doing, now"
TTC Journey Began 8/12
BFP #1 11/9/12, MMC/D&C 12/21/12 @ 9w2d, EDD 7/24/13
SAs: 2%-3% Morph - RE Official Diagnosis Unexplained
BFN = IUI #1 (Clomid) | IUI #2 (Letrozole)
BFP #2 4/19/14 = IUI #3 (Letrozole)
Expecting Our Elf 12/27/14
~All Welcome~
9 IUIs = 9 BFNs
IVF October 2012: 22 eggs retrieved, 17 fertilized, 5 frozen
ET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Blighted ovum discovered at 7w5d; D&E
FET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Missed m/c discovered at 9w5d; D&E
Karyotyping: normal ~ RPL Testing: normal ~ Hysteroscopy: normal
FET #2: 1 blast transferred 10/25; BFP 10/31!
EDD 7/13/14 ~ Induced at 37w4d due to pre-eclampsia ~ Born on 6/28/14
*Everyone welcome*
TTC since March 2010 ~ Dx Unexplained IF September 2011
2011: IUI + Clomid = CP#1
2012: 3 more IUIs + Clomid = 3 more CPs. One on-our-own pg, also CP
2013: BTB IUI + Lupron/Follistim/Prometrium/PIO = CP #6
IF testing, RPL testing, Autoimmune testing = all normal
So lost.
DX: Septate Uterus. Septum resection 6/4/13
((((((((RED)))))))) (oYo)
I really do miss you and your titties around here.
Please, please, please do not apologize for anything. You need to do what is best for you. Sure we miss you and love you, but we understand that you have needs th
BFP#1 9/9/12 -- EDD 5/14/13 -- MMC 10/10/12 Miso 10/19/12
BFP #2 9/17/13 -- EDD 5/25/14-- CP confirmed 9/21/13
BFP #3 2/1/14 -- EDD 10/5/14 -- NMC 2/10/14
Dx: low progesterone & mild hypothyroidism
My Chart
~*~All AL Welcome~*~
Huge, huge hugs to you, Red. You've been on my mind so much.
I am so sorry for the hell you've been through.... so sad that you're going through all that you are... but it sounds like you are working through it ... not past it... through it
dream 1 CAME TRUE 2.13.2010
<dream 2> 12.2011
2.10.12 : 4 weeks
6.17.12 : 10 weeks
10.10.12 : 4 weeks, 6 days
12.13.12 : 9 weeks, 1 day
4.6.13 : 4 weeks, 4 days
10.27.13 : 5 weeks, 6 days
4.2.14 (IVF #1) : 4 weeks, 1 day
6.19.14 : IVF #2 Negative
</dream 2>
resolve.org
lyrics
***All always welcome!!***
dream 1 CAME TRUE 2.13.2010
<dream 2> 12.2011
2.10.12 : 4 weeks
6.17.12 : 10 weeks
10.10.12 : 4 weeks, 6 days
12.13.12 : 9 weeks, 1 day
4.6.13 : 4 weeks, 4 days
10.27.13 : 5 weeks, 6 days
4.2.14 (IVF #1) : 4 weeks, 1 day
6.19.14 : IVF #2 Negative
</dream 2>
resolve.org
lyrics
***All always welcome!!***
dream 1 CAME TRUE 2.13.2010
<dream 2> 12.2011
2.10.12 : 4 weeks
6.17.12 : 10 weeks
10.10.12 : 4 weeks, 6 days
12.13.12 : 9 weeks, 1 day
4.6.13 : 4 weeks, 4 days
10.27.13 : 5 weeks, 6 days
4.2.14 (IVF #1) : 4 weeks, 1 day
6.19.14 : IVF #2 Negative
</dream 2>
resolve.org
lyrics
***All always welcome!!***
. .
Honey, nothing can ruin your tits,
I love you more than words can say. My heart is just ripped in half that you have to go through this pain.
::::motorboats and squishy hugs ::::
BFP#1 10/1/2011. Our perfect little girl, Her heart stopped @ 12w1d. D&E 11/23/11
BFP#2 3/13/12 Weird CP/Possible EP @ 6w0d
BFP#3 5/28/12 CP @ 5w0d
BFP/WTF#4 10/26/12 CP
BFP#5 12/10/12 EDD 8/23/2013
July TTCAL Siggy Challenge - Favorite Children's Book
Surprise BFP 5/15/12, EDD 1/29/13, mm/c @ 8wks, discovered at 11wks, D&C 7/11/12
AF finally arrived on Christmas after 167 days of waiting.
TTA until January 2014
PGAL/PAL always welcome
sig
oh, hi love! I'm sad for your update, but happy that you're taking steps to improve your relationship/self/etc. That's a tough move to make, but a good one.
my boobs and I miss you
BFP#1 - 11/27/09 EDD 8/5/10, DS1 arrived 7/24/10 via emergency c-section.
BFP#2 - 6/18/12 EDD 2/23/13, sweet baby girl born sleeping on 10/4/12 at 19 weeks, 3 days.
BFP #3 - 1/18/13 EDD 10/1/13, natural mc on 2/2/13 at 5 weeks, 4 days.
BFP #4 - 8/29/13 EDD 5/12/14, our sweet rainbow, DS2 born 4/29/14 via c-section
My Ovulation Chart
BFP #1 3.16.12. mmc 5.7.12 at 11 weeks ~Avery Cameron~
BFP #2 12.12.12. mmc 1.22.13 at 10 weeks ~Theodore Michael~
D&C #2 Chromosome analysis results: Translocation Trisomy 14
My RPL Testing: Homozygous MTHFR, normal karyotype
DH's karyotype results: Robertsonian Translocation 13:14
BFP #3 9.10.13 mc at 4 weeks~Our little May Flower~
BFP #4 10.13.13- Our Rainbow Baby, a little girl, arrived June 25, 2014!
((((Hugs))))
I sent you more hugs on an above thread calling you out for a PM. Totally didn't see this update when I replied on that thread.
<-------this girl is an idiot sometimes <img src="https://community.thebump.com/cs/emoticons/emo
BFP#4 3/17/14 - rainbow Baby BOY arrived 11/10/14 !!
DX: Uterine Septum - Resection 9/5/13 || MTHFR Hetero A1298C || My Chart
TTC Since 8/2011
BFP #1 5/13/12 * EDD 1/24/13 * MC at 7 wks 4 days on 6/11/12
BFP #2 5/13/13 * Current EDD 1/23/14
Baby N born 2/8/14